The Story of Jenny and Joe

by jfclover

Chapter 1

As early autumn dusk gave way to the heavy darkness of night, I glanced up once more from the back of my pinto to the second-story window of the Miller’s two-story house.  I think the moon shone brighter down here in the Arizona Territory than it did back home in Nevada.

I stared up at that window more often than I should have, seeing the uneven light, which barely trickled through the white lace curtains of her bedroom window.  I waited most every night to catch a glimpse of her silhouette. Soon she would be there, pulling the curtain to the side and looking out to the yard below.

There was talk, talk leading all of us to believe she was forced to return to her stepfather’s home after her husband had unexpectedly filed for divorce.  I don’t think I’d ever known anyone who was divorced before, and I guess I was just as curious as every other ranch hand working on Miller‘s ranch.

The Miller’s longtime cook and housekeeper, Ora Mae, was a one-of-a-kind old colored woman, who had taken a liking to me for some reason, although I wasn’t exactly sure why.  She was a talkative woman and sometimes she tended to speak out of turn about the family she worked for, whispering things to me in passing, which she chose not to tell the other young men working on the ranch.

I was hired just a couple of weeks ago, apparently the same day the woman I waited to see every night in the window had arrived back home.  According to Ora Mae, that was a sign from the Almighty above.  I asked her why she thought that. ”It just is, boy.  You take my word.”  And that was all she said before lifting her heavy skirts and marching off back to the main house.

So that’s why she tells me things she doesn’t tell anyone else, because we arrived on the same day, and in her way of thinking, it must be a sign.  She thinks she has this all figured out.

“She can’t have no more babies,” she whispered to me one day, after bringing out lunch for me and the two other men I was working with.  “That’s why he kick her out.”

I don’t know why she felt the need to tell me these things.  Out of the blue, she would whisper in my ear; things she wanted me to know.  It made me uneasy sometimes, knowing things about a woman I hadn’t even met or had even seen except through a curtained window.

Who throws their wife out because she can’t have children?  Who does something like that?  There had to be more to the story, and I was sure Ora Mae would get around to telling me one day, whether the old woman should or not.  She’d see me out in the yard some evenings when her work was done and she’d call me over and tell me more pieces of the story.  I got the feeling she‘d raised this woman since she was a baby like Hop Sing had pretty much done with me.

“I finds my Jenny lyin’ right here at my kitchen door early one mornin’,” she said to me one night as we stood together outside the main house.  “She done sleep here all night long after he kick her out.  Right here was my little Jenny, come back home to Ora Mae.”

I smiled at the old woman but I still didn’t know why she was telling me all of this.  What did she want from me?  What did she expect me to do?  “Is she all right now?”

“The doctor been here and gone, tell her she has to rest, she be good as new, but I knows she ain’t never gonna be good as new.  That man hurt her, hurt her bad.  He beat my Jenny.  He the reason she can’t have no more babies.”

I understood more than I needed to know about Jenny Miller, but I still didn’t know why the old woman picked me to tell her story to. There was nothing I could do for her.  I was just a hired hand; hired to round up wild mustangs and gentle them for a contract Mr. Miller had secured with the army.  Then I’d probably be moving on to the next job at the next ranch where I could find work.  I didn’t know if I’d be here long enough to even see more than her silhouette in the window.

Ora Mae was also fairly vocal about how much the woman’s stepfather despised her and how Jenny had upset the household and disgraced the family by coming back to live at home.  Lester Miller wasn’t about to let her stay any longer than need be.  Once she was well enough to move on, she could find somewhere else to live and the farther away from him the better.

I asked Ora Mae about this woman’s mother and why she hadn‘t stood up for her daughter.  “Poor woman,” she said, shaking her head back and forth.  She didn’t offer up much of an answer other than the woman wasn’t well and she took to her bed most of the time.  I knew that must be hard on everyone in the house to have someone laid up and sick like that.

Ora Mae fussed over her family, well mainly Jenny, and us ranch hands just like Hop Sing fussed over my family.  She made me feel like I wasn’t that far away from home, but I didn’t have time to dwell on thoughts of home.  I had a job to do.

I was hired on at Miller’s ranch to break and train horses for the army. Lester Miller was hesitant to hire me at first; thought I looked too young to be much good at anything.  That’s before I found out that was his general attitude about most everyone he met.  He was a negative, distrustful man and not easy to get along with.  He was a powerful man and almost as big as my brother, Hoss, so I did what I was told and pretty much kept out of his way.  When the work was done here, I’d be moving on anyway.

I’d made a deal with him that first day.  I’d work for a week without pay and if he wasn’t satisfied with the job I was doing, he owed me nothing, and he could send me on my way.  He shook my hand and accepted my offer.  He quickly found out I wasn’t just a wet-behind-the-ears kid.  I knew exactly what I was doing.

Since I was a little boy, I felt I had to show the world what I was capable of.  I wasn’t the biggest or the toughest man on a ranch, but I knew my good points, and I was very good with horses.  Some of the men didn’t agree with my noticeably different way of doing things.

I didn’t use spurs and I didn’t use whips, and that’s all these men knew. “How else you gonna break ‘em, boy?” They’d asked, daring me to do it my way.  They didn’t like the new man coming in with different ideas on how to break a horse.

“I’ve got my ways.”  They had to see to believe, so I didn’t hesitate to show them, before they ruined another perfectly good horse.

I preferred to gentle a horse not break him and I didn‘t want to break the animal’s spirit.  I just wanted to ease the wildness out of them, and there was a big difference.  They all thought I was some kind of nut in the beginning, but I’d learned the Paiute ways of dealing with a wild mustang when I was a kid, when I was still Little Joe Cartwright.

Now I was Joe Carter. I would make it on my own without any ties to my family, without the special privileges that came with being the son of Ben Cartwright.  All of Nevada knew Ben Cartwright or had at least heard the name.  I wanted to make a name for myself and prove I was the best horse trainer in the business.

“`

I got along pretty well with the rest of the men, even though most of them thought my way with a horse was different than theirs; they were still a friendly bunch.  But it’s a lonely existence, traveling from one place to another.  The only female person I ever saw was Ora Mae, and she was old enough to be my grandmother, although the woman in the upstairs window finally had a name.  Her name was Jenny.

I wasn’t the only one who looked up to see the dark silhouette in the upstairs room.  Jenny had become quite the focal point for all the hired hands on the ranch.  I’d overheard talk from some of the other men; all anxious to see the divorcée.  “What an easy mark she would be now.  It wouldn’t be long before she’d come down from that perch in her daddy’s window looking for a little action; a quick roll in the hay.”

After Ora Mae had told me her name was Jenny, I started feeling protective of her in some odd way.  I’d never even met her, just a shape in a window.  I guess it was the things the old woman had told me that made me feel sad, especially when I‘d see her standing there night after night all alone.

The world can be a lonely place, as I was quickly finding out.  I’d always had my family beside me, whether I thought I needed them or not, they had always been there.  I missed them at times now; usually in the evenings when we’d all be together after a long day‘s work, but tonight I had other things to think about.  I needed to make one final check of the area.

Cochise and I rode slowly around the yard of the ranch house, listening for any signs of the wolf that had killed a couple of Miller’s young calves this past week.  I had my new string of ponies corralled and the gate shut tight, but a gate wouldn’t keep the wolves away.

Soon I would finish my rounds and climb into bed.  Just before falling asleep was the worst part of being away from home.  But I‘d chosen this life. I’d told my father I needed to go away for a while; I needed to make it on my own without the Cartwright name to back me up.

I felt restless these past few months.  Nothing seemed right anymore.  I couldn’t explain it to Pa or my brothers because I didn’t understand it myself.  Last spring I stood before a firing squad; against a wall with a line of men and their rifles ready to end my life.  Many things had scared me at times during my twenty-some years, but nothing like this.  I wasn’t ready for my life to end.

I was presumed to be an army deserter until, in those final moments, the truth was revealed.  But it scared me; scared me more than I wanted to admit.  One day you’re here and the next day, by no fault of your own, you’re dead and buried.  My family wouldn’t even know what had happened to me; there would be no record of my death.  Only one person, the sergeant, believed me when I repeated more than once that I was Joe Cartwright and not that guy, Borden, the real deserter.

Months later, by my own choosing this time, I rid myself of the name Joe Cartwright.  I was Joe Carter.  It seemed ironic now.  If I died tonight, there would still be no record of my death; no way for my family to know.

I left the Ponderosa three months ago.  I tried my best to explain to Pa and my brothers why I needed to leave, but no one understood.  I needed a change.  I needed time away from my family to see who the real Joe Cartwright was.

My father should’ve been the one to understand.  He’d done the same thing at a much younger age than I, but he didn’t understand. He didn‘t get it at all, and I saw signs of grief in his eyes, more than I‘d ever seen before. I tried to explain it wasn’t forever; it was just until I could sort things out.  It wasn‘t him, it was me.  It was something I had to do.

I think my brother, Adam, had some idea of what I was feeling, but Hoss couldn’t grasp the idea of me leaving at all.  Hoss is my best friend and always will be even if we’re not together under the same roof. He tried for days to talk me out of leaving, and I wish I could have explained to him in a way he could have understood the reasons I had to go.  Since I hadn’t figured out why myself, my explanation fell short, and I felt like a jerk leaving him behind.

Pa and I had long talks before I left, and I hadn’t done any better trying to convince him it was the right thing for me to do.  “It’ll only be for a few weeks or a few months,” I said.

I stared into his tear-filled eyes, and I almost caved and stayed. I was breaking his heart.  He’d always planned on each of his three sons growing to manhood, taking a wife, and living somewhere on the Ponderosa.  “That still may happen,” I’d told him.  “This isn’t forever.  I just need some time away from the ranch and away from the Cartwright name.”  But in his heart, I don’t think he believed I would ever return.

Leaving my name behind upset my father.  It upset him more than anything to think I’d give up my rightful name.  “Was I ashamed of the name Cartwright?” Pa asked me.

“Not at all.”  I just needed to be Joe nobody for a while, a drifter, a cattle pusher, a bartender, a stagecoach driver, maybe a horse breaker.  Whatever it took to put food on the table and a roof over my head at night, I would learn to do.  I was a capable young man, and I needed to prove to myself I was alive and well and could make my way off the ranch.

It was late, time to stable Cooch for the night.  I glanced up at her window, but she was gone.  I was anxious to meet the mystery woman who the old black woman had told me so much about.  The light in the window faded out, and I would wait until another night to get a glimpse of her again.

“`

The two men I worked with, Jack and Sam, left with me early the next morning on a mission to try and find another ten to fifteen more mustangs to bring back to the ranch.  We had a few mounts ready to go but needed more to fill the contract before the end of the month.

Like I’d done so often on the Ponderosa, these beautiful horses would be trained and sold to the army.  I hated the thought of them going off to war against some tribe of Indians or even worse taken back east for the Union or the Cause, but that was the nature of the business, and I had no say in the matter.  I was just a hired hand who needed the work.

Lester Miller wanted top dollar for his mounts, which meant no marks or varying signs of abuse.  I would teach Jack and Sam if they were willing to learn how I could gentle a horse without ever thinking of leaving a mark. There was no need for that kind of mistreatment of these beautiful animals.

I had seen the cruelty; the whipping, the hobbling, even the heavy weight for the animal to endure on his back.  I’d teach them different methods.  My favorite was the water method I’d used more often than not, on the more unruly, most headstrong animals.

I had to prove to Miller I could gentle the orneriest ones he had.  He, along with all the other men, stood together somewhat amused and laughing with each other when I’d led the first big gelding into a nearby pond and mounted the animal. I let him fight the water rather than me, so he’d wear himself out quickly without using pain or torture.  We both came out soaking wet, but we had an understanding of one another.

After leaving the water, the horse was exhausted, but he would still prance about with me on his back.  This part wore me out more than the horse.  I was as tired as he was, but I couldn’t let the animal detect my nervousness. I was mounted bareback outside of any corral, knowing he could take off at any time and leave me kissing dirt, but that never happened.  He respected me and I respected him, and from that day on, he was ready to live among us humans.

As Jack and Sam and I rode back towards the ranch with fourteen of the finest mustangs I‘d ever seen, my thoughts were on Jenny. I’d been gone for nearly a week, and I hoped she was feeling better and would soon be able to leave her room and venture outside. The mystery of her lonely existence made me want to meet her and see for myself if she was real and not just a shadow in the window.

Les Miller was pleased with the new string we’d brought in, and we had our work cut out for us if they were to be ready for Captain Marker when he and his men came for them at the end of the month. I was starting to get Jack and Sam thinking my ways weren‘t half bad although it was tough for them to admit. They’d seen how my way worked, and they were starting to come around.  It made me think that maybe I was making my mark.  Maybe Joe Carter would make a name for himself after all.

The waiting was over. Dust swirled behind her black cotton skirt as Jenny made her way across the yard and towards the corral.  She held a grey woolen shawl tightly around her shoulders as the wind caught hold of her long blonde hair, which she fought to keep back off her face.

I felt uneasy as she walked toward the three of us, as if these past few weeks I‘d been doing something wrong by looking up at her window.  This was silly.  I didn’t even know this woman.  It’s just that she’d been on my mind for so long and I’d built her up to be some kind of princess, alone in a tower in some far-off land, like the fairytales my mama had read me when I was a boy.

I tried to look laid-back and relaxed, as did Jack and Sam, with our arms resting casually across the top rail of the corral.  We had been studying this new group of mustangs, separating the calmer ones from the ones that would take more work.

Right now though, my mind wasn’t on any animal in the corral, it was only on Jenny.  She stood across the corral from the three of us, and I think Jack and Sam were having the same problem I was.  Our eyes were glued to this mystery woman, and none of us would get anything accomplished with our selection process.

I wondered if she was looking at any one of us.  I suddenly felt inadequate. Usually, I was lucky with the ladies, but this one had me mystified and feeling like a boy.  She’d been a married woman.  I guess I figured she was older and wiser and knew about things that I didn’t.

The breeze kicked up again, and I watched her adjust her shawl.  It was late September, and the early morning air was getting colder every day.  She looked up and saw me staring, and I ducked my head like an embarrassed schoolboy.  This wasn’t like me at all.

She looked to be a little older than I’d originally thought she might be.  Her face was pale after being cooped up in the house for so long, but from what I could tell from this distance, she still looked like a beautiful woman.  I wanted to walk up to her and say something profound, but I wasn’t a profound kind of guy; that was my father, not me.

I noticed Ora Mae marching across the yard toward us.  She was carrying our breakfast and heading toward the bunkhouse.  Jack and Sam up and left me, not wanting to miss a meal.  I stood there alone. I glanced the length of the corral at Jenny and found her looking across at me.  Neither of us looked away.  I felt silly just standing there so I started walking around the corral.

“Hello,” I said.  She gave me a quick smile before turning back to look at the horses, prancing in circles around the corral.  I rested my arms on the top railing and watched along with her.

“They’re beautiful.”

“Yes, ma’am, they sure are.”  Keeping her eyes straight forward, I followed her lead.  I noticed her watching a palomino, strutting her stuff, head held high like she owned the place.  A beautiful young mare.

“I used to have a palomino,” she said, rather sadly.

“This one’s a beauty.  It would be my pleasure to cut her from the rest of the stock for you, ma’am.”  I was hesitant to let her know I already knew her name.  “My name’s Joe Car—Carter,” I said, nearly blowing my cover.  I found I was nervous and concerned she’d seen me staring at her window all this time.

“Jenny Simmons,” she answered, and even started to smile.  “Now you don’t have to call me ma’am, Joe Carter.  You don’t want me to feel as old as Ora Mae.”

“No ma’am—I mean Miss—Miss Jenny.”

“Just Jenny will do.”

I’m not sure exactly why, but I reached out to shake her hand.  At first, she seemed to hesitate, but then she extended her hand, and I touched her for the first time.  Her hand was small and soft in mine.  “Glad to meet you, Jenny Simmons.”  I looked straight into her eyes, but she felt the need to look away.

She turned back toward the corral fence. “My stepfather wouldn’t want me to have the mare.  He’ll need it for his contract.”

“The army‘s only contracted for thirty new mounts.  We brought in a couple of extras.  I’m sure he would be glad to give you the palomino as long as we ready the others first.”

She shook her head.  “You don’t understand, Mr. Carter.  The sooner I’m gone from here, the happier he’ll be.”

“Just Joe, ma‘am.”

“Just Jenny, remember?”

The two of us chuckled at the silliness between us.

“`

The boys and I made real good progress.  We had the entire string broke to harness, some already to saddle, but they all needed more work if they were going to be ready for the army in just a couple more weeks.

I thought about Cochise.  He had been with the Paiutes before I ever saw him and he was the smartest horse I’d ever known   He still had a touch of wildness in him, and I knew he always would.  I worked every night after supper with the palomino while Jack and Sam gambled away their paychecks inside the bunkhouse.  I saw the same thing in the mare that I saw in Cooch.  She would be the perfect mount for Jenny.  She had a unique personality, which separated her from the rest, but I wanted her to be as gentle as a lamb before Jenny put her foot in the stirrup.

Les Miller was pleased with my work so far.  I still hadn’t mentioned cutting the palomino from the rest of the string.  I would wait until my job was finished and the ponies were all set and ready for the army.  I couldn’t see why he’d have any objection since he would already have his quota of thirty, ready and waiting, for the army contract.

Jenny had come outside every day and then again in the evenings to watch the mare’s progress.  She only had eyes for the golden beauty.  Standing outside the corral, she watched as the mare responded to my commands more and more every day.

Jenny looked much healthier than the first time I‘d seen her.  The gray around her eyes was gone and some of the color had come back in her cheeks.  A more youthful appearance now transcended, along with an easy smile, lighting up and softening every perfectly formed feature of her face.

I acknowledged her, touching my fingers to my hat, and the palomino and I walked over next to where she was standing.  She reached her hand out so the mare could pick up her scent.  The horse’s head bounced up and down in front of Jenny.  “I think she likes you.”

She smiled, but she didn’t speak.  I intended to make sure she was the one who ended up with this horse and not the army, but I had a strange feeling she didn’t believe me.  I would convince Mr. Miller of that or pay for the horse myself if need be.  Jenny and this mare belonged together.

The chestnut with a white blaze would be the last one today.  He had given all three of us fits and was the only gelding we‘d failed to control.  If I were going to keep the palomino for Jenny, I had to have this one ready to go.

Jack offered to ride him, and I threw up my hand.  “I’ll give him a go,” I said. “You‘ve done enough for today.”

“You‘re crazy, you know,” Sam chuckled. “He’s tried his best to kill us all.”

Sam was right, but I had no choice.  “Saddle him up, boys.”

It was late in the day and we were all bone tired.  I was the head of this operation and I wasn’t going to take the chance of Sam or Jack getting hurt.  We’d already had one of our stallions go lame and that left only one over and above our thirty.  The horse had to be ridden and it had to be today.

I told myself to concentrate and forget Jenny or anyone else was there.  I needed every bit of my concentration on this single mount if I was going to ride this beast without getting myself killed as Sam had predicted.

I studied the stallion while the boys saddled him up.  I eased myself down off the top railing and into the corral.  I held out my hand; palm up and waited.  I didn’t move.  I waited for him.  He trotted nervously around the perimeter of the corral, kicking his back legs straight up in the air trying to rid himself of the annoying saddle. He didn’t want me in there with him, but we had done this before and I prayed he had some memory of me, of my scent.

He ran the perimeter of the corral, snorting and blowing his displeasure.  He kicked and bucked, but I kept my stance.  Finally, he tired of this game.  He slowly walked toward me, but he kept right on going.  It was a game we’d played before, and like before, he finally came close enough to sniff my hand.  His nostrils flared as he took in my scent.  I kept my eyes down so as not to scare him away. When I thought he was ready, I vaulted into the saddle.

He started like any other mount; trying to show me who was boss, but he quickly calmed this time and started to walk slowly around the corral, so I gave him a little more rein.  I wondered if we had finally come to some sort of an understanding because he let me ride him twice around the edge of the corral.  It had finally sunk in that thick head of his that I wasn’t the enemy.  He had learned he could trust me.

Sam and Jack were looking on, and I felt proud of myself. I continued to ride around the corral.  We moved together as one.  One more lap and we’d call it a night.

The sudden roar of guns firing spooked the young stallion.  I barely saw the three riders who burst into the yard, when he reared up on his back legs and came down with a jolt.  I tightened the reins before his back legs left the ground and pressed my thighs tightly, but I’d been overconfident, and that was my undoing.

His back rounded like a hilltop and all four hooves left the ground. The reins were jerked from my hand, and I flew straight up in the air.  The ground came up to meet me; I landed hard. Boots ran toward me; dust circled my face.  I tried to push myself up.

Chapter 2

The doctor had come and gone.  Doctor James, the only physician from the nearby town of Prescott, had been summoned out to the Miller’s, and with the help of Ora Mae, he had put young Joe Carter back together as best as he knew how.  Before he headed back to town, the doctor had left instructions on the young man’s care, and a week’s supply of painkillers with the old, black woman, assuring her he’d check back within a couple of days.

The old woman had yet to leave Joe’s side.  She liked the boy more than most of the wranglers and ranch hands that had come and gone on the ranch.  She’d cleaned up the room, discarding the bloody sheets and towels after the doctor had left, then pulled up a chair where she would remain for the rest of the night.

Rex Abbott, Miller’s foreman, along with two other ranch hands had come riding like wild men into the yard, whoopin’ and hollerin’, and shooting off their guns.  They were letting everyone know they had killed the wolf that had been an annoyance for the past month, killing young calves on Miller’s, and numerous neighboring ranches.

Ora Mae didn’t spare the time, giving the three ranch hands the tongue-lashing they deserved.  Instead, she’d led the way to an upstairs bedroom, followed by Jack and Sam, carrying the unconscious Joe Carter up the flight of stairs in the main house.

She sat diligently, placing one cool cloth after another on the boy’s forehead until the doctor arrived.  Joe had passed out in the corral and hadn’t come to before the surgery.  The doctor was hesitant to give him anything for pain or even put him under as he worked to set the boy’s shattered collarbone.

It was almost four hours before the doctor arrived at the Miller’s. Ora Mae had cut Joe’s shirt off and cleaned up the cuts and scrapes as best as she could.  He cried out softly as she lifted his shoulder to remove the final pieces of clothing, but he never became fully awake.

Doctor James spent three long hours, wiring Joe’s shoulder back together. He hadn‘t left the house until after midnight. Removing small pieces of bone that had chipped away, and would cause serious infection if left behind was a slow and tedious job.  It had been a delicate process and a great deal of blood loss for the young man, as the doctor tunneled his way through muscle and ligament, searching for tiny fragments.

“I’ve done everything I can for now,” he said to Les Miller, who waited off to the side.  “The young man will be lucky to make it through the night.” Ora Mae thought differently, and she would make damn sure this young man made it through the night.

Jenny hovered quietly in the hallway.  It wouldn’t be proper for her to be in the same room with a half-naked man she barely knew.  She also knew Les would have something curt to say if she set foot inside the room.  She overheard what the doctor had said, and she felt herself to blame.  This young man, whom she’d only just met but had been so kind to her, was rushing to get the chestnut ready for the contract so he could pull the palomino out of the string for her.

There were no other empty bedrooms in the house, so Ora Mae had the two young ranch hands bring Joe to the only room in which Les wouldn’t complain.  This had been Jenny’s bedroom as a child and was her room again for the time being. Her father had built the house with his own two hands, and he had built the room just for her.  But it was a guest room now, and she was nothing but a temporary guest in this house until she was well enough to leave.

Miller had seen her down in the yard by the corral, watching the men with the new mustangs.  If she had recovered enough to go outside and walk around the yard all day, she was well enough to leave and take her shame with her.  He was done with her, and he was done with this young horse breaker.  Neither one of them was worth anything to him now.

Jenny stood quietly at the bedroom door during the long and tedious operation. Joe had regained consciousness at one point when he suddenly jerked, sending the doctor’s instrument crashing to the floor.  She watched him frantically grab and tear at the sheets until his knuckles turned white. His body involuntarily arched high off the bed, trying desperately to free himself from the pain.  Jenny’s eyes filled with tears as Joe cried out more than once for his pa. Miller stood back and watched with no expression at all when Sam and Jack were asked to hold the boy firmly to the bed so the doctor could continue his work.

Jenny stood paralyzed.  Tears slipped down her face as she listened to the frantic screams and desperate cries for a father who wasn‘t there.  Her heart ached for this young man, but what could she do to help?

Joe became silent once again, and Jenny assumed the worst.  She stood in the doorway but could see the doctor was still working.  At least, for now, Joe Carter was still alive.

Jenny knew pain.She’d left home, at the urging of Les Miller, her stepfather, to marry a man she barely knew.  She was glad to leave a man who never wanted her around, only to end up with a husband that turned out to be even worse.

Miller had been deeper in debt than he could have gotten himself out of without giving up the ranch and all that went with it.  Without Jenny’s knowledge, he had made her part of the bargain; part of the payment to Cal Simmons for legal fees, and money he’d borrowed, for his love of costly women and over-extended gambling debts.

Cal Simmons was older than her by almost twelve years.  He was a domineering man and he married Jenny to service him and his home, and more than anything, to bear him a son to carry on the Simmons‘ name.  She was expected to accompany him to parties and benefits and be nothing more than the beautiful young jewel on his arm.

When they were first introduced, he was taken by her classic beauty and elegant grace, and he knew she was the only woman he desired to bear his children, much like his prized mare, which he kept corralled, waiting for a suitable stallion.  So, when Miller had suggested Jenny, and the fact that he could persuade her to become his wife, Cal Simmons was more than delighted at the prospect.

When the baby boy died in childbirth and the doctor told Cal it would be the last child Jenny would ever conceive, he had no more use for her.  He arranged for a quick divorce, through a willing judge, and Jenny was out of his life forever. Without a penny to her name, she had nothing but a small valise and a hired man to drive her away from her husband and back to her stepfather’s home.

Jenny had noticed Joe as soon as she was well enough to be allowed out of bed. Every evening, she found herself standing next to the window looking down at the yard below.  From her perch on the second floor of the house, she could watch the young man on the pinto.  She could make out his broad shoulders and slim hips, and the way he carried himself with such confidence.

She watched him closely when he and the other two men had brought in the new string of mustangs.  He was a leader of men, not a follower, and the rest of the hired hands appeared more than happy to listen and follow his lead with no visible sign of complaint.

She’d smiled to herself when he did his swing mount onto the saddle of his black and white pinto.  Did he know she was watching?  Was he showing off just for her?  All men had something to show, something to prove, and maybe that was his way of getting her attention, showing her what a stud he thought he was.  Why else would he bother?  Memories of her husband always interrupted any enjoyment she might have gotten, watching this handsome cowboy and his show-off ways.

She had no use for any man now, and marriage to another was the last thing on her mind.  That she knew for sure.  But without any money and nowhere to go, she wasn’t sure what she would do.  Her stepfather wasn’t going to allow her to stay much longer.  Cal didn’t mind telling her how he’d come to marry her; in fact, she thought he rather enjoyed hurting her that way.  But now she knew what part Les Miller had played in finalizing the deal.  Would her stepfather consider it again?  She was smarter this time and was sadly aware of the possibility.

There was something different about this young man named Joe, lying in her bed, struggling to stay alive.  He seemed friendly enough but so did Cal in the beginning.  When a baby didn’t come soon after they were married, she started noticing the change in her husband.  When she finally did get pregnant, then suffered a miscarriage, he became abusive, mentally and physically.

“Her duty, her duty,” he kept reminding her.  Wanting and needing a son had consumed his every thought.  There was no love, no kindness or understanding. Between the verbal abuse and the physical abuse, she knew what she‘d become.  She was nothing but a broodmare to him, and when the second baby was born dead; her marriage to Cal was over.

The doctor said the baby was stillborn, and Jenny saw the look in her husband‘s eyes.  She expected to see sadness, but it wasn‘t sadness at all; it was madness.  She could still remember the pain he’d inflicted on her that night.  She ran her hand over her cheek, amazed even now that he hadn’t broken any bones.

Cal knew how to inflict pain without causing long-term physical damage. He’d managed to crack ribs a time or two but never break them.  He’d leave her with countless cuts and bruises but no permanent scarring.  She had often remained in the house for weeks at a time so no one would see the black eye, the swollen jaw, or the way she’d had to carry herself to avoid the constant pain.

Again, she looked across the room at Joe.  Was he feeling the same pain she had felt?  Is that why he’d left his own home?  To become a drifter with no permanent ties?  He had a father but what kind of man was he?  She really didn’t know and she told herself frankly, she really didn’t care.  He was a man and in her eyes, all men were all alike.  A pretty face and a sweet disposition never explained what went on behind closed doors.

She couldn’t watch any more.  The doctor said if the young man happened to make it through the night; he would be out of commission for quite some time.  She wasn’t going to hang around and see the reaction on her stepfather’s face.  He would never continue paying wages to a drifter, a man he cared nothing about, while he was laid up in bed recuperating.  It would only be days before Les would send Joe packing and she would make sure she was ready to leave with him.

If she played her cards right, Joe could easily be her ticket out of that house and away from her stepfather. Miller would get rid of him now that he couldn’t work.  He was of no use to him just like she was of no use to her husband.  If she could convince Joe to take her along with him, she would do anything he asked, just to get away.  Then she would find a way to make it on her own, without him or any other man, who felt he had the power to continue to ruin her life.

Without being noticed, Jenny slipped out of the doorway, although she would return later after her stepfather retired for the night. Ora Mae was most capable, but it would be a long night, and she would come back to relieve the older woman at some point.  She would gladly sit up until morning with the one person who’d befriended her in this world of cruel and violent men.

Soon after the doctor left, Jenny heard her stepfather’s bedroom door shut. He’d moved to the spare bedroom, away from her mother even before she‘d married Cal.  A single lamp, the wick turned low, had been left on in the kitchen for Ora Mae should she need to come downstairs during the night.

She sat patiently, waiting in Ora Mae’s tiny room next door to the kitchen—waiting for the house to quiet, and now it was time to slip out and relieve the older woman.  She walked quietly up the stairs and into the bedroom where the young man slept.

Ora Mae’s head was resting in her hand, her arm propped on the arm of the chair, and she was sound asleep next to Joe’s bed.  Jenny tiptoed across the room and knelt next to the old woman.  Ora Mae jerked awake, and Jenny quickly put her finger to her lips, trying her best not to frighten the woman.

“I’ll watch over him for a while.  You go get some sleep.”

“Thank you, my sweet girl.  He’s a special one all right.  You take good care of him now, and I’ll be back ‘fore the rest of the house wake up.”  Jenny nodded and smiled at the old woman as she watched her quietly tiptoe her heavy frame across the room, then pulled the door closed behind her.

Jenny removed the warm cloth and felt Joe’s forehead.  He was hot to the touch.  After rinsing it in the bowl of cool water, she gently replaced the cloth, but he started to stir.  She heard a low guttural moan, and she stepped back, afraid she had awakened him.  Without making any movement or sound, she watched him closely until he seemed to settle back into a restful sleep.

The lamp was turned low, but she could see enough of him to see the slight rise and fall of his chest, as he struggled to breathe. Sitting down in the chair next to the bed, her eyes remained fixed on the young man.  What a beautiful man he was.  His face and chest glistened with fevered heat from the fire burning within his body.

His shoulder and part of his chest were wrapped in white cotton bandages. The doctor would be back again tomorrow or the next day to see if Joe made it through the night.  As long as he kept breathing he was alive, and at this point in her life, she was ashamed to say she needed this man.

Joe had been kind to her and had offered to gentle the palomino for her, even though she’d told him it was no use.  She knew what he‘d want in return.  Ora Mae tended to talk out of turn and had probably already mentioned to him she was a divorced woman.  How could she say no to his advances if he was kind enough to take her along with him?

As sure of himself as he seemed to be, she could almost bet that confidence carried over into the bedroom.   She’d watched him day after day with the new mustangs, and how his gentle nature got him farther than anyone else she’d ever seen working horses on the ranch.  Would that make him a gentle lover or would he act like Cal, mounting her like some kind of animal and then turning away, like he was disgusted or ashamed, when he finished his business?

She remembered how Cal had thrown her across the bed and ripped at her clothes, demanding that she give him a son.  The tears finally came.  She had held them back for so long.  She hadn’t shed a tear when he’d kicked her out of their home and told her he never wanted to see her despicable face ever again.

He’d filed for divorce.  She was worthless to him.  She was worthless to any man now for that matter.  He’d packed the bag himself, making sure she didn‘t take anything with her that wasn‘t hers to take.  He’d pulled the wedding ring from her finger and called her a worthless, hideous whore. That was the end of her marriage to Cal after five long years of hell.

Someone was crying.I tried to think but my thoughts were all jumbled up.  Was I dreaming?  I tried to remember where I was and why I would hear someone crying.  A woman?  Am I the one who made her cry?  What had I done?  I tried to open my eyes and see who she was, but my eyelids were so heavy I couldn’t force them to open.  My mouth and my tongue were like cotton. I needed a drink.

I listened. The crying had stopped; there were no sounds at all.  I guess I’d been dreaming after all, but I needed a drink.  I reached for my canteen although I wasn’t sure where I’d left it.  Unexpectedly, there was something cool pressing against my lips.  I was grateful; someone finally brought me a drink.

Trying once again to open my eyes, but it was no use.  I wanted to drown myself in that water, but someone was playing a cruel joke on me and took the water away.  I tried to lift my arm and reach for it myself when someone pushed me back down.  I didn’t think this was funny.  This was no time to play games.

As I reached again for the canteen, fire shot through my shoulder like a branding iron pulled from the coals.  I couldn‘t control my breathing.  I started to shake.  Someone pressed down on me, and  I felt the fire burning.  I had to get away before I was burned alive.

“No!” I cried and tried to move away.

“Shhh, it’s okay.  Just lie still.”

I heard a woman’s voice.  Why was she doing this to me?  What in God’s name had I done to make her do this?  “God no!”

Words wouldn’t come, and I still fought to open my eyes.  “Oh God.”  There it was again!  “Fire!’  If I could sit up, maybe I could breathe.  I couldn’t breathe lying down.  But I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t get away.  I felt something cold on my lips then I tasted the poison.  Why?  But the fire continued.  Why?  Oh God, why?

She was rubbing my good arm.  What was she going to do next?  I didn’t think I could live through fire on both arms.  I wanted to cry out, but I couldn‘t find my voice.  I wanted to tell her to stop.  I couldn’t open my eyes.  I couldn’t talk and I knew I couldn’t get away.  I didn’t think I could stand it if she set my other arm on fire.

“`

“You’re cooler this morning,” a voice said.  “You had a rough time of it last night.”

I woke to find Jenny Simmons standing next to me and I wondered what she meant by that.  I watched her closely as she poured a fresh glass of water and brought it to my lips. She held my head up off the pillow.  She looked beautiful in the early morning light, streaming in brightly through the bedroom window. Her long blonde hair was flowing loose around her shoulders and her eyes were the bluest I’d ever seen, but why was she here next to me and why was I in this bed?

Looking down at my bandages, and feeling the painful throbbing in my shoulder, I remembered now, some of what happened.  I suddenly felt self-conscious being only half dressed in front of a woman I barely even knew.  I glanced around the room, and that’s when I saw my pants draped over the back of a chair and my boots nearby on the floor.  My face grew hot. It was probably red.

Realizing my discomfort, she leaned over me, pulling the blanket up higher over my chest.  My hand felt around under the covers and was thankful to know I still had my long johns on.

The bedroom door opened and Ora Mae walked in carrying a tray.  She came to stand next to Jenny, setting the tray on the table.  “How’s our young man doin’ this mornin’?” she asked, with a smile on her face.

“He had a rough night but his fever is down now.”

“Fine, that’s just fine.  I guess he fooled the doctor then. This boy’s on the mend.  I knows he gonna make it.  I knows it all the time.”

Ora Mae wasted no time picking up the bowl and spoon from the tray and sat down on the edge of my bed.  Her big white eyes against her coal-black skin looked right into mine.  “I wants you to eat every bit of this now, boy.  We womenfolk’s gonna stay right here with you till you’s up and ‘round.”

“I better go,” Jenny said.

“Open up now.”  I tried to watch Jenny walk across the room, but Ora Mae was persistent and was bumping my bottom lip with her spoon.

Chapter 3

Both women kept up the same routine for the next three days until Joe’s fever broke, and he was able to hold his own.  With his fever now gone, he refused the medicine they‘d each tried to give him.  Both women knew he still had to be in pain, but he was adamant; said it made his head fuzzy and it made him feel distant and out of control.

Jenny had overheard her stepfather, Les, inform Joe his services wouldn’t be needed anymore.  Jack and Sam could handle the rest of the job themselves.  Jenny wasn’t surprised; she already knew this would be the case.  It was just like Miller to dismiss a hired hand like that.  Her stepfather said he could stay until he could ride, but he shouldn’t be expected to pay the young man any further wages if he wasn’t able to do the work.

Needing to talk to Joe while no one else was around, Jenny waited until Miller had left the house, riding into Prescott, and she headed back upstairs. She needed to tell him her plan and see if he would be willing to take her with him.  It didn’t matter which direction he headed just so it was away from a place she wasn’t wanted.  She tapped on the bedroom door.

“Come in.”

Jenny opened the door slowly, peeking her head through the small opening. Joe was sitting up in bed, still bare-chested, but what other choice did he have?  The doctor had been back once to check his progress but wasn‘t quite ready to take the stitches out yet.  He strapped Joe up though, securing his left arm tightly to his chest to restrict all movement. He smiled at her as she awkwardly walked into the room shutting the door behind her.

“How are you feeling this morning?”

“Pretty good.”

What a great way to start the day. Jenny came up next to the bed but she didn‘t say anything else.  She seemed to have trouble looking at me and she acted a bit nervous.  It was easy to tell she had something on her mind the way she fidgeted with the edge of my blanket and bit nervously at her bottom lip, so I smiled at her, trying to reassure her that I wasn’t exactly a threat in the condition I was in.

“I wanted to talk to you privately.”  Her whispered voice made me curious.

“Sure, what’s up?”

She glanced around the room as if checking to make sure no one was within hearing distance and when she seemed convinced, she still had trouble getting started.  She reached for my hand, and I felt a little nervous myself.  Why was she having trouble talking to me?  How intimidating could I possibly be when I was tied up like a mummy?

“Go ahead.”

She looked down and I thought maybe she was going to cry.  I remembered someone crying once before in this room, and I wondered if it had been her.  It was the first night I was here although everything about that time was cluttered and fuzzy in my mind.  When she finally looked up, I noticed she had tears in her eyes.

“I heard what my stepfather told you.”

“Yeah, guess I’m outta here.”

“Where will you go?”

Thinking for a minute before answering her, I wasn’t quite ready to go home.  “I’m not sure.”  It wasn’t a great answer but I didn’t know.  I hadn’t made a name for myself yet and that was the plan all along.  I didn’t have much money so I’d need a job soon.

It seemed I hadn’t given her an answer she wanted to hear and I wasn‘t sure if she was just making conversation or what.  To her I was just a horse breaker, a drifter, a no-good; someone who moved around from ranch to ranch with no permanent address so why did she care where I went from here?

I was quite a long way from home.  Maybe I’d work my way north towards the Ponderosa.  I’m sure I could find something along the way.  Most drifters would be heading south this time of year so I might have a better chance if I rode in the opposite direction.  There were plenty of ranches in Arizona where I could remain Joe Carter for a while longer, in case anyone I ran into had heard of Ben Cartwright and his three sons.

“North.  I’ll be making my way north.  I guess I’ll be well enough to leave tomorrow.  I don’t think your father wants me to hang around any longer than that.”

“He’s not my father.”

“Yes, ma’am.  I meant stepfather.  I’m sorry if I said—”

“It’s okay, Joe.  I loved my father.  Les Miller doesn’t come close to my real father.”  Jenny still held my hand and I felt her grip tighter before she spoke again.  “I have a favor to ask.”

“Anything.”

She looked me right in the eye.  “Take me with you tomorrow.  I promise I won’t be any bother.  I have to leave before—I have to get away from here.”

She probably saw the confusion written across my face.  I’d barely be able to sit a saddle.  How could I say no when I looked into those sad, blue eyes?  I didn’t have a choice.  “I’d be happy to.  Does your family know you’re leaving?”

“NO!  And they can’t know, Joe.”  She looked back at the door like someone might step into the room and overhear our conversation.  “I’ll be ready before sun up.  The palomino is ready to ride isn’t she?”

“Well, yeah, she’s ready, but I never got the chance to talk to Miller about you taking her so ain’t that kind of like horse stealing?”

“My stepfather has thirty horses for the army.  That’s what you said he needed.  And the palomino was an extra.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Do you want to ride double on your horse?”

“No, but—”

“Well, it’s all set then.  I’ll be waiting inside the barn before sun up.”

Jenny leaned over and brushed her lips across my cheek and I felt her long blonde hair fall across my chest.  I shivered at her gentle touch. There was no turning back now; she had me.  I just prayed I wouldn’t be strung up to the nearest tree for the death-sentence crime of horse stealin’.

I kept my eyes glued to Jenny as she walked across the room and out through the bedroom door.  She didn’t say where she wanted me to take her.  I presumed to Prescott.  That was the closest town. Maybe she had friends there that would take her in.  I would head out from there; move north and find suitable work.

I figured I needed to get out of this bed and move around some before I tried to ride tomorrow.  Prescott was more than a couple of hours away and I didn’t think I could ride hard yet so it could easily end up an all-day affair.

I managed to get my pants and boots on but my shirt was missing although it wouldn‘t have fit anyway all bandaged up like I was.  I needed to get out of this room; preferably outside.  I wanted to check on Cooch and the Palomino and make sure they were both ready to ride.  I needed to find Jack, and seeing how he was about Adam’s size, maybe he had a spare shirt I could use.  I didn’t want to ride through the mountains of Arizona half-naked.

I pulled the lace curtain aside and looked out the bedroom window, finding Jack and Sam standing together, down by the corral.  No one else was around, so I headed downstairs and moved slowly across the front yard.  By the time I reached the corral, Sam had already mounted the palomino and was riding the mare inside the fencing of the corral.  I rested my foot on the bottom rail and hung my good arm over the top.  Jack headed over with a friendly greeting and then stayed next to me.

“A little chilly to be out here without a shirt ain’t it?”

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that.”  That could wait.  Right now, I wanted to know why Sam was riding the palomino.

“Palomino’s looking good,” I said to Jack.

“Yeah.  Miller thinks he can get a good price for this one, and for once, I have to agree with him.”

Should I tell Jenny or talk to Miller?  I didn’t have enough cash to buy the horse from him outright, and now that he‘d noticed her, how was I going to take her out of there?  I’d be strung up before days’ end.

I walked out of the bunkhouse, fully dressed thanks to Jack, to see Les Miller ride up quickly into the yard.  He left his horse saddled and marched himself up the front steps and into the house. Something was up.  I looked at Jack and all he could do was shrug his shoulders.  I had planned to tell the old man I was leaving in the morning.  I figured he’d be happy he wouldn’t have to feed or house me anymore.

I slipped in through the kitchen door, thinking Ora Mae, and her knack for everything that happened on the ranch, would know what was up with Miller.  She looked up from the stove when I came in.  She rolled her eyes and tipped her head in the direction of the parlor.

“Sit down, hon. I seen you coming towards the house, and I’s just fixing you up of cup a coffee.”

I sat down.  It felt good since I was still a little off balance with my arm strapped up to my chest.  The doc had said another two weeks before my shoulder would be set enough to let my arm hang free.  I figured he knew what he was talking about so here I sat; the one-armed, soon-to-be horse thief.

Ora Mae poured us both a cup of coffee.  She closed the kitchen door before she sat down at the small kitchen table alongside me.  I stirred some cream into my coffee and waited for her to start talking.  She didn’t disappoint.

“He gots hisself money troubles again.  He owe everybody he know.  He always stomps ’round like that when he got money trouble.  He gonna get plenty a money for them horses you broke.  You and them other boys made him a pile a money.”

“So what’s he all upset about then?”

“I ain’t rightly sure.  I hear things ‘round here,” she said, before taking a sip of her coffee.  “You go on ‘bout your business, Ora May find out.”

“Can you keep a secret?”  I asked.  I hoped I was doing the right thing.  I didn’t want any harm to come to Jenny and I knew how much Ora Mae loved her.  The old woman looked at me like nothing I said would surprise her.

“Jenny is leaving with me tomorrow.  She wants to take one of the horses I‘ve been working with.”

Ora Mae sat there without speaking and I saw worry lines in her face grow dark.  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Oh boy,” she finally said.  “The Mister ain’t gonna like that one bit.  The horse I mean.”  She stood, picked up the coffee pot, and refilled our cups.

“Doesn’t he care at all about Jenny?”  I said after she sat back down.  “Does he care more about those damn horses than his daughter?  I’m sorry, I shouldn‘t have said that.” I dropped my head and I thought about what my pa would say.  “My father taught me better than to speak like that in front of a lady or anyone else for that matter.”

She reached over and patted my good hand.  I smiled at her and then looked away.  All of a sudden I felt homesick.  I missed Pa and my brothers.  Pa would know how to handle a man like Miller.  I didn’t have a clue.

Jenny was counting on me and I wasn’t about to let her down, but it was the horse situation.  She was insisting on taking the palomino and I knew she didn’t have another horse of her own.  I just didn’t know how to handle this one on my own.  I wished Pa or one of my brothers was here to tell me if I was being foolhardy or if I was obliged to keep my promise to a lady.

“Get on with you, now.”  She snatched my cup and saucer away quickly and shooed me out the door.

I walked outside, strolled casually around to the front of the house, and let myself in.  Les Miller was pacing back and forth in the parlor.  He stopped when he saw me.  “What do you want?”

“I just came to tell you I’ll be leaving in the morning.  I’ll stay in the bunkhouse tonight if that’s okay.”  I could tell he was preoccupied and didn’t want to deal with the likes of me.  “Is there anything I can do for you before I leave, sir?”  I thought I’d lay on the charm and see if he’d say anything.

“No.  It’s that damn Captain Marker.”

“Sir?”

“He says he can only pay half price for that string of horses.  Half price!”  He started pacing again.  I didn’t know if he cared who was in the room or not. I think he would have ranted in front of anyone willing to listen.

“Maybe you can find another buyer, sir.”

“Money’s tight, boy.  No one around here needs horses.”

“They’re a mighty fine string, sir.”

He looked at me like I was a ten-year-old kid like I didn’t have a brain in my head.  I was just a drifter, a horse breaker.  What would I know?  Well, I knew a lot.  I knew we could always use them on the Ponderosa, but there was no way I could pay for them or drive them that far by myself.  It was out of the question.

“I’ll be going then.”  Before he had a chance to say more, I left the room, but my mind was reeling, thinking of Jenny and the palomino. I’d wanted to tell him Jenny needed a way to leave although the words didn’t come.  I hoped he would understand why we had to take the new mare.

I didn’t see Jenny for the rest of the day.  I wanted to talk to her.  I wanted to explain the situation and what a risk it would be if we took the horse.  Then it hit me.  We could borrow her to get to Prescott then leave her at the livery, buy a new mount, and pay someone to return her to Miller.  That’s it!  I figured that would work.

I felt better now.  I had a plan.  I wasn’t running off half-cocked as some would say.  I remember Adam accusing me once of acting like Sir Galahad and getting myself in trouble.  Well, maybe I was trying to rescue a lady in distress, but I’d thought it through this time and I had a plan.  A good plan.

“`

I slept longer than I’d meant to. Mornings were not my best time.  I swung my legs over the edge of the bunk, trying to be quiet, but being tied up like a mummy didn’t make life easy.  I started dressing myself, then stood up a little too quickly, and had to steady myself against the wall when I felt dizzy and faint.  I hoped it would pass, as we had a trip to make and it had to be today.

Jenny was probably already waiting in the barn, saddled and ready to go, while I’d laid here getting my beauty sleep.  I looked out the window; thankful to see the sun was flame-red and still low across the horizon.  I grabbed my small valise and slipped out of the bunkhouse without making a sound.

The cold morning wind hit me straight on and I wished I had a jacket that fit across this ton of bandages the doc deemed necessary.  I was wearing Jack’s shirt but the wind cut right through the thin, worn fabric.  Taking a deep breath, I ducked my head against the annoyance of the wind and made my way to the barn.

I had written a note to Jack and left it by his bunk.  I explained what I was doing and that the palomino would be returned.  I asked him to wait as long as possible to tell anyone at the ranch.  We needed to get as far away as we could before Miller or his idiot foreman came looking for us.

I didn’t even know if Jenny could ride, a little breakdown in my plan.  I hadn’t seen her ride the whole time I’d been at the ranch, even though I knew she’d come back not fully well after leaving her husband.  I sure hoped she was capable on a horse, as I wasn’t going to be much help.

The barn door creaked when I opened it, and there stood Jenny, both horses saddled and ready to go.  She ran up to me when she saw me and flung her arms around my neck.  “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”  I was shocked but I tried not to flinch when she hit my shoulder though my reaction was involuntary and brought tears to my eyes. She realized what she’d done and took a step back.

“Oh, Joe, I’m sorry. I—I wasn’t thinking.” We both almost fell in a heap on the barn floor when I dropped my bag and grabbed my aching shoulder.  I gulped quick, short breaths and was soon able to stay the pain.

I leaned down to kiss her, just a quick peck on the cheek, letting her know I would live, but she backed away from me.  I didn’t quite understand.  I was getting mixed signals here.  “We better get started,” I said, not knowing what else I could say.  She didn’t say anything only nodded her head in agreement.

I held out my good arm to help her mount up, feeling my shoulder scream out again and knowing I needed to be more careful from here on out.  I picked up both sets of reins and led both horses outside, closing the doors behind us.  I walked the two ponies around to the side of the barn, then I awkwardly mounted and we were off.  Off on a little adventure that could get me hung if things didn’t go as I’d planned.

When we got far enough away from the ranch, Jenny took off like a bolt of lightning.  I tried to catch up with her, but I was so awkward in the saddle; it was just too hard to ride with any amount of speed at all.  She finally slowed and waited until I joined her on top of a rise.  It was a beautiful spot, a wide-open space where it was easy to see for miles.  A large valley ahead was surrounded in all directions by mountains.

I pulled up next to her.  “I wondered if you could ride,” I said, laughingly.

“Since I was a baby.  My father used to set me in front of him in the saddle and we would go everywhere together around the ranch.”

She continued her story as we moved forward, thankfully at a moderate pace this time.  “My mother was always mad at him.  She told my father repeatedly that I wasn’t a boy, I was a girl, and I didn’t need to be acting like one of the ranch hands.  As it turned out I was an only child.  There would be no son to carry on the family name.  My father and I were great pals.  I was his little girl and also the son he’d never have.”

“You loved your father very much.”

“More than anything else in this world.”

I saw a quiet sadness come across her face as she thought of her father. “What happened to him?”  I asked, hoping it was the right thing to say.

“My father died when I was six years old.  He fell from his horse and no one knew why.  He was an excellent rider.  I’ve always wondered how something like this could have happened.  He never should have died like that—alone, all by himself with no one there with him when he passed.”

“I’m sorry; sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye.”  She smiled at me, a kind smile, an understanding smile.  She didn’t know I knew exactly how she felt.  But this wasn’t the time.  This was her time.  Her grief.  Not mine.

We rode along in silence, both reflecting on the ones we’d loved and lost.  I was thinking more and more about my family.  I missed them more now; even my oldest brother and his constant snide remarks and unyielding ways of running things, but the injury itself had stirred my emotions. Being alone, no one I cared about to see me through.  I wondered if I should take Jenny that far or if the time was right for me to head home.

I wasn’t proving anything.  What did I have to prove?  I could break horses anywhere.  I was good at what I did and I knew that.  So why did I care if strangers knew?  I’d be at a ranch for a month, break a few horses, and move on.  What kind of life was that?  Lonely, that’s what.  I was lonely,

I had definite feelings for Jenny.  I wanted to know her better even though I wasn’t in love with her or anything like that.  I wanted to help her through her sadness and show her that life isn’t just one cruel episode after another.

She loved her father very much.  After he died, her stepfather and then her husband entered her life.  Two unpleasant men who mistreated her and made her feel worthless.  If I could just show her some kindness. I wanted her to know there were still men out there like her father, men who would treat her like she, or any other woman, should be treated.

Over the next rise, we could see Prescott in the distance.  We would unload the palomino there and talk about what to do next.  We hadn’t stopped for breakfast; we were still too close to the ranch.  I wasn’t hungry and I don’t think Jenny was either, but we stopped for a few minutes and boiled a pot of coffee before we made our way into town.  When Jenny pulled out some cornbread Ora Mae had sent along, I shook my head no, and she slipped it back inside the cloth bag.

As I sat there with Jenny, I thought of Ora Mae.  I will miss her.  I think she will miss me a little too.  We had a lot of kitchen talks, just like Hop Sing and I used to, when I was a young boy and there was no one else in the house to talk to.

“Sit down,” she’d say, sliding a cup of hot coffee across the table.  Then she’d cut me a piece of pie and we’d sit together and talk.  “The Mister’s gone. He never know we have these talks.” She’d told me a great deal about Jenny. About her husband and how badly she’d been treated.  I think she saw me as Jenny’s knight in shining armor—someone who would take Jenny away from Les Miller and Cal Simmons and to a safer place.

Maybe that’s why Jenny and I were here together now.  Maybe it was all Ora Mae’s doing after all.  Maybe she’s the one who planted the seed in Jenny‘s head so we‘d somehow end up together.

I was finding it harder to breathe the longer we were out here in the cold morning air.  My chest was tight and I was freezing.  I didn’t want to let on, so as soon as we finished our coffee, I suggested we get moving again.

Finally, we were riding down the main street of Prescott, a small mining town in the middle of nowhere, but a pretty place with mountains all around.  “We need to get rid of your pony,” I said, as we approached the livery.

“What?  This is my horse.  What do you mean get rid of her?”

Oh boy.  I should have told her my plan.  I tried to explain that I wasn’t quite ready to die.  If she wanted, I would take her with me to the Ponderosa.  I would gladly find a new palomino for her, but this horse had to go back.

“No!  I won’t give her up.  Not now.  Not ever.  Do you understand me?”

This wasn’t going as planned, but I was in no mood to stand out here and argue. “Let’s stable the horses then.  We both need a bath and a hot meal.  We can talk about it later.”

I couldn’t stay in the saddle for another minute.  I knew she’d listen to reason, she had to, but we needed to be inside somewhere.  I could explain things better if I wasn‘t shivering out here in the cold.

“Joe, there’s nothing to talk about.  I‘ll find my own way if that‘s the way you‘re going to be.”  She started to walk away, then turned back to face me.  “Thank you for bringing me this far.”  She extended her hand as if to say goodbye.

I was burning with fever and I knew my face was flushed, but it had to be said before she walked away, causing more problems than I could deal with.  I didn’t have the strength or the energy to chase after an irate woman.

“Just wait a gall darned minute.”  Now I was mad.  I dismounted Cochise and grabbed hold of the reins of both mounts.  “Get down!  Now!”  She shot me a glare that I wouldn’t wish on anybody. “Gather your things.  We’re going to the hotel.”

I was spent.  If I didn’t sit down and get warm, I wasn’t going to be any use to Jenny or myself.  My shoulder ached and my head pounded.  I spotted the only hotel in town, on our left-hand side of the street.

Prescott was full of people; mostly miners waiting for their next twelve-hour shift.  I wanted to grab Jenny’s arm and haul her to the hotel, but I was still one-handed, and between the reins and holding my bag, let’s just say, I didn’t have many choices.  I hoped she would come with me and not cause a scene.  Luckily, this time she did.

She walked ahead of me, moving quicker than I could go, heading down Main Street like a mighty thoroughbred.  I was still freezing to death even though I was drenched in sweat.  If I could just make it as far as the hotel, I could flop down on a bed and forget my current troubles.

I caught up with her.  Maybe she was starting to feel foolish, and we walked up the front steps together.  I set my bag down so I could open the hotel door. The woman was trying my patience. We walked up to the front counter together.  The little clerk, with a pencil-thin mustache and a balding head, looked up at us and turned the register around for me to sign.

“Two rooms please,” I said.  I saw a hint of a smile cross her face.

“I’m sorry sir.  There’s a cattlemen’s convention in town.  I only have one small room available.”

I looked at Jenny and the smile quickly faded.  “Okay.  One room will be fine.”  She looked away from me.  It’s not like I had a choice here.  “We’ll need a bath sent up as soon as possible.”

“Yes sir, right away, sir.”

I picked up the key and my bag, and by the grace of God, she carried her own.  We proceeded up the stairs.  She sure wasn’t being much help, not to mention the attitude, which I could have lived a lifetime without.

I opened the door and looked around.  The man behind the counter was right. The room was small, not even room for a sofa, which I had imagined would be my bed for the night.  It looked like I was going to have to bed down on the floor.

I let her through the door first and watched as she set her bag on the bed, claiming her spot for the night.  Fine.  The corner of the room was fine with me.  Why would I need a good night’s sleep?  I’d probably be dead from fever or from hanging soon anyway.

She sat down on the bed and unlaced her boots.  She scooted back to the middle and crossed her legs, one over the other, Indian style.  She wouldn’t look up at me as she sat there rubbing her feet.  I realized how mad she really was.  Was she thinking of me as she did the other two men in her life?  I was taking away the only thing in this world that she loved.  Somehow, I had to make her understand.

I’d be the gentleman, and, at least, let her have the first bath, although I didn’t know how they’d even fit a tub in the room.  Then after she’d relaxed some and had a hot meal we would talk.

“You don’t look too good,” she said, looking up at me.

“I’m fine,” I said, without looking up.  Mad but fine.  Two could play this game.

She scooted off the side of the bed and placed her cool hand on my forehead.  “You’re burning up.”

“It’ll pass.”

“You need to rest, Joe.” She pulled down the blankets on the bed and took hold of my arm.

“I said I’m fine.”

She eased me down on the bed.  My legs dangled over the side and I didn’t have the strength to lift them.  She turned her back to me and held each leg one at a time between hers and, before I knew it, she had pulled off both of my boots and had lifted my legs onto the bed.  She straightened the blanket up over my shoulders and whispered something too softly for me to hear.

“I just need to lay here for a minute or—” My eyes closed before I could finish my sentence.

When I woke, Jenny was sitting on the bed next to me replacing a cloth on my head.  I felt a hundred times better than I had out there in the cold.  I had stopped shivering; I wasn’t so dang cold anymore.  “What time is it?

She shrugged her shoulders.  “You look much better now.  The rest did you good.”

“I feel better.”  I sat up and leaned against the headboard.  “I’m starving. You?”

“I don’t think anyone will want us in their establishment unless we each take a bath.”

“That bad, huh?”  She smiled at me but she was kind enough not to answer.

“You stay here.  I had to send them away before, but I’ll run down and ask them to bring the water now.”

“Yes, ma’am.”  She rolled her eyes as my use of words, slid off the bed, and was quickly out the door.

Only minutes later, we heard a knock.  Jenny opened the door wide so the young boy could fit the bathtub through the small opening. “Right back with the water, ma‘am,” he said.

“You can go first.”

“Thank you,” she replied.  Then the mood suddenly changed and she looked at me like Adam did when he got all serious and high-minded.  “Are you going to lay there and watch me, or do you plan to leave and sell my horse, while I sit naked and unable to run after you from the bath?”

“Why do you think I’d do either one?  What’s wrong with you?” This woman could drive a man to drink.  I never knew if she was fond of me or hated me.

She turned away from me and walked to the window.  I couldn’t see her face from my position on the bed, but I could tell she was crying.  Now I’d made her cry.  That wasn’t my plan at all, but dang, some of the things she said—

I crawled off the bed, stood behind her, and whispered, “I’m sorry.”  She turned around and looked at me with those big, blue eyes.

“I had no intention of selling your horse.  I was going to have Jack pick her up at the livery and take her back to the ranch, then buy you another for now, so Miller wouldn‘t come after us for stealing his horse.”

“I love that horse, Joe.  It’s the only thing I can call my own.”

What was I supposed to do?  My plan was shot all to hell.  “All right,” I said, knowing it was one of the dumbest decisions I could make.  “We’ll keep the horse.”

The look on her face said it all, then she wrapped her arms around my waist and I knew I should back away, run was more like it.  Her lips parted and I reacted like any man would.  I covered her lips with mine, but I knew this was wrong.  She was grateful, showing me gratitude for continuing with the plan I’d worked out, thinking it would save my hide.

Before the kiss deepened into something more, something we might both regret, I backed away quickly, knowing the time wasn’t right. Things were moving too fast and I felt guilty even before anything happened.  Luckily, I was saved by the gentle knock on the door.

The bath water was here.  I took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly as I crossed the room to open the door.  Three men stood with buckets of steaming hot water.  They came in and filled the tub, leaving two towels and a bar of soap.  I looked over at Jenny.  “I’ll be downstairs.”  I just opened the door when I heard her voice.

“Please stay.”

I knew I shouldn’t.  I knew right from wrong and this was wrong, but before I had time to think, time to turn and walk away, she slipped her dress from her shoulders, and I watched fall slowly till it made its way to the floor.  If I’d had any sense at all, I would have turned and walked away, but Jenny stood naked in front of me, and as fast as I could, I jumped back into the room and shut the gaping door.

She reached out and I took her hand in mine.  I led her straight to the tub, filled with steaming hot water, and watched her submerge herself head and all.  When she popped back up, her eyes met mine.

“I’d better go now,” I said, once again.  She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the tub.  I draped the towel over the edge of the tub and set the bar of soap on top.

“Joe?” She said, with her eyes still closed.

“I’m right here.”

“Please don’t go.”

I picked up the soap and knelt next to the tub.  I started running it across her neck and shoulders.  I was one-handed, and worst of all, trying to get my right hand to cooperate.  The bar slipped out of my hand, disappearing to the bottom of the tub and I wasn‘t about to go searching for it.  I leaned over and kissed her.  Her eyes suddenly opened and she crossed her arms over her chest and looked me straight in the eye.

“I’m sorry.  I can’t do this.  I need you to leave.”

“All right.  I’ll be downstairs.”

Chapter 4

I thought I knew women.I’d convinced my brother, Hoss, I did.  Now I realized I didn’t know a dang thing at all about the fairer sex.  I closed the door behind me and headed down to the lobby. The hotel restaurant was packed with convention people and not a single open table in sight.  I needed a beer, maybe a whiskey, so I left the hotel and stepped out onto the boardwalk.

The air was cool and the wind was blowing, and if I had any sense, I’d go buy a coat, but right now a beer sounded like a much better idea than dragging myself to a mercantile.  There looked to be more saloons in this town than people, and I needed some time alone, time to sit by myself, nurse a long, cold beer, and see if I could figure this woman out.

She wants me to stay; she wants me to go.  I’m at a complete loss. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.  I needed more than one beer if I thought I could ever figure this one out.  She can just sit in that tub all night for all I care.  I may just spend the whole night in the saloon.  It sure beats the floor of our hotel room with a woman I can‘t last five minutes with before I lose my mind.

I saw a saloon up ahead—The Gilded Lily.  Nothing ever looked better.  I walked through the batwing doors and stepped up to the bar.  “Beer,” I said.  “And keep ‘em comin’.”  The bartender obliged, so I left him a coin on the bar and set out to find a table.  I planned to stay a while, all night if the place allowed.

Remembering I was a wanted man, I found a table near the rear of the saloon, facing the entrance. I should keep my wits about me in case Miller and his henchmen walked in and hauled me down to the sheriff.  My head had quit pounding, but now it was spinning.  What did that woman want from me?

It only took me a minute to finish the first beer and I was ready for another.  A young woman dressed in a short, blue satin dress sashayed over to my table.  I held up my empty glass hoping she’d get the message.  I wasn’t in the mood to play games with a saloon girl.  I wondered if she was Lily.  No, I doubt it.

“What can I get for you, handsome?”

“Another beer please, ma’am.”

“Care to buy a lady a drink?”

Here we go.  I just wanted to be alone, but it just wasn’t in me to be rude.  “By all means.”

It didn’t take her long to come waltzing back, carrying a beer for me and whiskey for herself.  She sat down on the chair next to me and within a very short time; she let her hand rest on my leg.  Jenny had gotten me so worked up, so frustrated; I thought if I’d taken this young lady upstairs, we’d only be together for five minutes.  I was ready to shoot bullets—slam, bam, thank you ma’am—but not with her.

I removed her hand from my leg.  “Not tonight.”

“Something wrong, cowboy?”

“No,” I sighed, “there’s nothing wrong.”  She had to make a living, but she would have to find someone else to take upstairs because it wasn’t going to be me.

“My name’s Evangelina.  But you can call me Eva.” Here we go.  I got a talker.  Maybe I should have gone upstairs.

“That’s quite a name.”

“My father was a preacher.  He had a tent show and we traveled all around the country.”

“Where is he now?”

“I don’t know.  I ran away when I was fifteen.  He wanted me to be part of the show.  He was a healer.”

“A healer?”

“Yeah, at least he thought he was.  I never actually saw him heal nobody though.”

“Oh.”

“Another beer?”

“Sure and get yourself whatever.”  I pulled out a couple of coins and pressed them in her hand.  I felt better.  Jenny was probably dried and dressed, and I could probably go back to the hotel, but I was fine for now, sitting with Evangelina.

We sat and talked.  She was easy to talk to and didn’t confuse me like some people I knew.  We laughed and drank.  She soon realized I wasn’t going to go upstairs with her but if I kept buying drinks, the bartender was happy.  Somehow, I ended up telling her all about the Ponderosa, my brothers, my pa, and even my horse.  I told her I’d been traveling around for a while and it was time for me to head back home.

Jenny had never asked me anything about myself.  She didn’t care where I was from, where I had been if I had a family, nothing.  What kind of girl was she? Was she all consumed in herself and her problems?  I sure didn’t need someone like that in my life.  Maybe I should just move on in the morning. Leave her here to do whatever it is she wants to do and be done with her and her dang horse.

Eva handed me another beer and she’d sat back down next to me.  Life with her would be so peaceful, so simple, but Jenny was the one who filled my mind.  Even as Eva spoke, I thought of Jenny and I think it was quite easy to tell my mind was elsewhere.

I tried my best to pay attention, I really did, but I knew I should get back to Jenny and apologize for staying in the room even after she begged me to.  It was wrong of me, and I knew it was wrong all along.

“I’ve gotta go,” I said to Eva.  “You have a good life.  You deserve it.”  I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.  She was a pretty little thing.  I tucked a few paper notes in her hand and walked back to the hotel.

The door was unlocked and I opened it slowly.  With the lamp turned down low, I was barely able to see but I could tell Jenny was already tucked into bed.  I closed the door and crept across the tiny room.  I threw my hat on the table and sat down, pulled off my boots, and rested my head on the back of the chair.  No bath, no dinner, and a few too many beers.  I was beat.

I’d be glad when I had two hands again.  Being strapped up was getting old.  Jenny moved slightly in the bed.  It looked so warm and inviting that I was tempted to crawl under the covers and slip in next to her, but I wouldn’t dare.  I would stay in this chair all night rather than pull a dumb stunt like that.

“`

 It felt like the longest night of my life, trying to find a minute of comfort in an uncomfortable chair that was built for someone half my size.  I woke up suddenly, and through our tiny window, I could see it was morning.  I stretched out my legs and then pushed myself up, stretching once again.  My back was sore and my neck was stiff.  I moved my head side-to-side trying to get the blood flowing again then glanced at the bed.

Empty.  Gone.  Jenny had left sometime in the night and I never heard a thing.  Somehow, she’d slipped out without making a sound.  I looked around the room for her small valise. It was gone too.  I didn’t need this. I didn’t need an ungrateful woman turning my life upside-down.  I rubbed my hand across my eyes then reached down and pulled on my boots.  I threw my hat on my head and strapped on my holster, then picking up my bag, I headed out the door, knowing I couldn’t just let her run around the countryside by herself.  A woman, it didn’t matter how clever she thought she was, shouldn’t be out there alone.  Was she not aware of the dangers?

It was way too early in the day to have to deal with that woman, and the last thing I wanted was to sit a saddle, not knowing which way to turn.  I cursed myself now for buying a beer and not a new coat.  I didn’t have a meal at all yesterday or breakfast this morning.  I knew it would catch up with me before long and right now, I wasn’t feeling my best.

I didn’t have time to hang around and wait for the mercantile to open; I was too afraid for Jenny.  I didn’t know what Miller’s henchmen would do if they found her before I did.  A woman alone was a bad situation just waiting to happen.

The streets were empty.  I was one of only a few out and about this early. The cattlemen had probably gotten themselves all liquored up last night and didn’t schedule early meetings, and the miners were either sleeping or working.  The shops were still closed, and I hoped I could wake someone at the livery and not rile whoever was there too much at this godforsaken hour.

The door to the livery creaked loudly.  It was dark inside and I had to wait a minute for my eyes to adjust.  I saw Cooch in one of the stalls, but the palomino was gone.  How in the world would I track her?  I had no idea where she’d gone.

I saddled Cooch.  The poor horse was sound asleep.  I think he liked to sleep in as much as I did and he didn’t seem too happy with me this early in the day.  Not seeing anyone around, I left some cash on a bale of hay next to the stalls.  It was bad enough I was going down as a horse thief, but I certainly didn’t want to be accused of skipping out on my bill too.

I left town following the road heading north.  I had no clue what time Jenny had left or where the heck she thought she was going.  I hadn’t even stopped to fill my canteen with fresh water.  Surely I could find a stream somewhere on the way and if Jenny had any sense she would follow a stream, but that woman had no sense at all.

I was at a loss.  I couldn’t think straight anymore.  I knew she had no business out there alone, so Cochise and I picked up the pace.  I’d never be able to pick out her tracks, so I just had to hope I was going in the right direction.  I was getting farther away from Miller and I figured that was her plan too.

Maybe if I was Jenny, and someone wanted to take away my horse, the only thing in this world that mattered, I’d run away too.  Cooch and I had been together for years and years, and there was a difference.  She’d been with the palomino for a day.  The mare didn’t even have a name.  How could she be so attached?

I saw some movement up a ways; not sure if I was seeing or dreaming.  I gave Cooch a little nudge and he picked up the pace.  There, up ahead was Jenny, a top her palomino.  I pulled up alongside and we plodded along together.  She wouldn’t even acknowledge the fact that I‘d found her, and she insisted on keeping her head facing anywhere but in my direction.  Two could play this game.  We rode in silence for about a mile, although I was the first to crack.

“So you gonna tell me where you’re headed?”  She still wouldn’t look at me.  This woman was a nut job for sure.

“I’m thinking we might want to get off the main road.  And since you insist on riding that horse; a horse we stole from your stepfather, it might be wise if you listened to what I had to say.”  Ah ha! That got her attention.  She finally looked at me.

“Where do we go?”  We?  Now “we” were “we” again, but I did the gentlemanly thing and kept my mouth shut.

“We should head into the mountains for maybe a day or two at least, would be my guess.  We’re going to have to find a town soon.  We have no food.”

“Can’t you hunt us some dinner?”

“I can try.”  It probably never occurred to her I was left-handed even though it was obvious which leg supported my gun. Shooting game right-handed wasn’t going to happen.  I already knew that.

It was plain to see Jenny had been taken care of her whole life, at least as far as food and shelter were concerned.  We had one bedroll between us and no food, and certainly not enough water to get us very far.  The first order of business was to find a stream and fill our only canteen.

We rode on for another couple of hours before we found a narrow, but fast-running creek.  I dumped out the old, stale water, refilled my canteen with fresh, and then splashed the cool, refreshing water on my face.  Jenny looked exhausted, and after riding most of the day, we were both hungry. We were far enough off the road that I didn’t think anyone would find us, but they might hear a gunshot if I tried to hunt.

My note would confuse Jack when the palomino wasn’t stabled at the livery.  I hoped it would take them a while before they figured out what had happened and sent someone out looking.  We weren’t making great time and we needed to keep moving.

“We better go.”

Jenny may not have been quite ready, but she accepted the fact that we needed to move on.  She wanted to get as far from Miller and her soon-to-be ex-husband, as possible.  If she’d bothered to leave a note behind, explaining what she’d done, maybe Miller would understand the mare was her only means of transportation and let it go at that.

I didn’t have much cash, but I figured if we were careful, we could make it all the way home on the few dollars I had.  I could almost smell Hop Sing’s cooking although that did nothing for my empty belly.  We would eventually have to get back on the main road if we had any chance of finding supplies in some small town or settlement.  We’d have to wait one more day. Today, we would just keep heading north.  Tomorrow we could head west, back where I hoped the main road would be.

We rode along in silence for the next couple of hours.  I guessed Jenny was still mad at me.  I’m just not sure which infraction was to blame this time around. She was losing the battle to sit tall in the saddle, and I knew she couldn’t make it much farther; we would have to stop soon.  It was mid-October and a lot cooler here in the mountains than it would have been down below, and with only the one bedroll between us, it would be another long night and a chilly one too.

“Would you mind if we stopped for a while?” I didn’t want her to think she was the one slowing us down.  “My shoulder’s bothering me some.”

“I forgot you were hurt.”  Well, I’m not surprised.  She only thinks of herself.  Why should she care about me?  I’m just the guide, which she doesn’t think she needs anyway.

“Up ahead.  Looks like a good place to stop.”  I looked over at her.  She nodded and followed right alongside me.

Jenny and I dismounted.  The horses were as tired and as hungry as we were, so I found a small grassy area and tied them up there.  After grabbing my bedroll and canteen, I found a nice big cottonwood tree and handed Jenny my canteen while I spread out the blanket on a large tuft of grass.

“You gonna tell me what‘s bothering you?”  I was tired of her not talking to me.  This was going to be a long, uncomfortable trip if this silence continued the whole way home.

“I don’t know where to start, Joe.”

“How about the beginning?”

She looked at me and smiled then focused on a spot in the far-off distance.  Maybe she’d tell me and maybe she wouldn’t.  I sure couldn’t tell.  I couldn’t tell anything about this woman.

“I wanted to be with you, Joe, back there at the hotel. It’s just that—”

My mind was reeling now.  She’d told me to stay, then told me to leave. She’d tend to me when I was sick and then yell at me if she didn’t get her way.  I’d never had so much trouble reading a woman before.

“I wanted to thank you for—for being kind to me and helping me get away.”

“You don’t have to thank me like that, Jenny.”  I knew it.  I knew all along. She was just being grateful.

“I didn’t mean it quite like that.”  She finally turned to face me and then leaned on one hip.  “I said that all wrong.  After I’d asked you to stay, I was wrong to make you leave.  I—I got scared.  I thought you would be like my husband and I—I don’t know.  I don’t know anything anymore.”

“You miss being with him?”

“No!  He was an awful man.  He didn’t want a wife, he only wanted— I was a pretty face, which isn’t saying much around these parts when men outnumber women a hundred to one.  Cal Simmons always gets what he wants, Joe.  He plotted with my stepfather, I was part of a business deal, and before I knew it, we were married.

“He was only interested in having sons to carry on the Simmons’ name.  I was never a wife to him only breeding stock.  I had a son, but he died, and that’s when—”

I listened until I saw the first tear.  I held my hand out and she leaned in close to me.  She rested her head on my shoulder and tears were soon to come.  Seems it was the right time to get it out of her system.  I was trying to understand what she had been through these past few months or maybe even years.  Even though Ora Mae had filled me in on some of what had happened between Jenny and her husband, it seemed worse, coming from Jenny.

I held her close to me.  I wanted to let her know not every man was like her husband, or her stepfather for that matter.  Had these ungrateful human beings been the only men in her life?  No wonder she was having such a hard time.  I murmured to her in soft, gentle tones, like I would a skittish, wild mustang.  She would tell me more if she needed to, but for now, I just held her.

We managed to get through the rest of the day, riding another couple of hours before we stopped for the night.  I found a spot next to a creek where we could camp and be somewhat hidden, in case we had any unexpected visitors.  We were both hungry and our stomachs were growling, but neither of us said a word since water was all we had.

I wrapped Jenny in my bedroll and went down to the creek to see if I could grab a fish or two.  I didn’t have a hook and line, and I couldn’t whittle a spear so this was going to be quite the challenge. I was hoping she wasn’t watching me.   I looked like a fool trying to balance myself on rocks and grab a fish with one hand.

I saw a good-sized brown trout coming towards me.  If I were lucky, I might be able to snag him.  I reached into the water.  Dang, it was cold.  He slithered and scrambled, but I turned out the victor and found myself grinning from ear to ear.  Hoss couldn’t have done any better.  Boy, I missed my big brother, but it wouldn’t be long now. A few more days and I’d be home, home with my family where I should be.  Not out here, wherever here was.

With Jenny’s help, we got our fish cleaned and a stick down through his mouth to cook it over the fire, which after my dip in the creek, felt mighty good.  I could already feel the chill of night settling in; it was going to be long and cold.  I’d pulled the saddles off our mounts earlier and we used them for backrests as we stared at the fire and our roasting trout.

“Do you think it’s done yet?”

“Looks good to me.”

We used my canteen for a table and pulled our fish apart on top of it.  We each got a few bites then licked every last bit from our fingers.  That would have to do until sometime tomorrow.  Hopefully, we will find the road and some sort of town or at least a trading post by the end of the day.

It was dark now, and a slight breeze had come up.  I knew it would be cold soon.  These mountains weren’t as high as the Sierras at home, so I wasn’t worried about snow yet.  I had found us a spot surrounded on three sides by huge boulders but the wind was coming straight at us.

“We should probably try and get some sleep.”  My head ached again, and I was shivering.  I hoped Jenny wouldn’t notice.

“Thanks for dinner, Joe.”

“You’re most welcome, ma‘am.  I just hope we can find better cuisine tomorrow night.  If we do, I’ll wine and dine you until you can’t eat another bite.”

Jenny laughed, something I enjoyed hearing.  She scooted closer, sitting right next to me so we could share the blanket.  I felt the warmth immediately and we settled in for the night ahead. It wasn’t long before her head rested on my shoulder, and we were both fast asleep.

Chapter 5

We spent one more day,  slowly tracking our way through the mountains. We had meandered down through the foothills and into the high desert, which was stark in comparison to the lush, green trees and shrubs found higher up.  No place to hide; we were exposed, and I prayed it was safe enough to return to the main road.

I thought I could see a structure of some sort up ahead, far off on the horizon.  As we got closer, we rode on toward a small adobe building, hopefully, some sort of trading post with stores and such and not just a way station, holding a new team of horses for the stage.

The place looked old and deserted, with no man or beast in sight.  Jenny and I tied each of our mounts out front, walked up the two wooden steps, and found the front door open.

“Hola,” said the man behind the counter.

“Hola,” I said.  My Spanish wasn’t going to take us very far.  “Speak English?”

“Si.”

“Hotel?  Restaurant?”

“No.  Whiskey—jerky.  What you want?”  He smiled and waved his hand from one end of his market to the other.

“Gracias, amigo.”  I had exhausted my Spanish, and I turned to Jenny. “Come on; let’s see what we can find.”  Between the two of us, we each picked up what we thought we might need.  I guess the owner was toying with us some.  He had much more in stock than whiskey and jerky.

We set our supplies on the counter, and I reached into the jar, picked out two stick candies, and nodded for him to add them to our bill.  I handed one to Jenny and popped the other in my mouth.  We had a long way to go before we made camp and ate dinner.

We packed my saddlebags, and we were on our way once again.  Jenny hadn’t ever asked where I was taking her; she mounted up and was ready to ride in whichever direction I decided to go.  She’d been quiet again today, but I didn’t think she was mad at me this time; just quiet.

The horses began to tire.  We’d been climbing steadily all day, even though the ground looked flat, it was deceiving, unless you were riding in this direction for an extended period, it would not be noticed.  As soon as we found water again, we would stop for the night.  I felt like I’d been on a two-week cattle drive, tired, dirty, and grumpy.  I was ready for my own bed and some of Hop Sing’s good cooking although I didn’t complain to Jenny like I would have with my siblings.

I started thinking about the time I’d been gone and how I’d left Pa and my brothers shorthanded all summer long.  Pa counted on me for my share of the load.  I’d let them all down.  I’d just up and left.  For what?  To prove myself? To whom?  I hadn’t even written my family a letter the whole time I’d been gone.  What kind of son does that?

I’d only been thinking of myself.  I’d managed to live through the threat of a firing squad at Ft. Meade then walked away, still intact, after Pa and Hoss rode in just before I was to take my final breath, and did I thank them? No, I ran off when I should have been grateful, stayed home, and been part of a family that loved me.  Instead, I left, leaving my father wondering why, and brothers who’d want to skin me alive.

I could almost visualize my homecoming.  Adam would come up with something like, “The prodigal son returns,” which he does just to rile me, and then Hoss would pick me up off the ground and pull me into a bear hug. The thought of my father made me smile, but then it almost brought me to tears.  I’d hurt him by leaving.  I left on some dumb, stupid impulse, but he would welcome me back with open arms.

Jenny had reason to leave.  She was miserable and living with people who didn‘t love her.  She didn’t have the kind of family I did, and I understood that now.  I was the one who made everyone else miserable, not the other way around.

It certainly wasn’t my intention, but it was all starting to make sense.  I couldn’t wait till the day I stepped foot back on the Ponderosa, although I would have a bit of explaining to do when Jenny and I rode up, it wouldn’t be the first time I had to rationalize the presence of a girl.

“`

Jenny and I rode through dry, barren land, and we were back into the mountains again.  We had worked out a plan where we stayed in the mountains most of the time and rode down to the flatlands when we needed to restock our supplies.

Tomorrow night we would be on Ponderosa soil and I could barely contain myself, knowing I was this close to home.  Jenny and I made camp.  We worked well together and had a routine we’d developed whenever we stopped.  I would settle the horses for the night, giving them each a bag of oats and making sure they had plenty to drink, while Jenny would build a fire and get something started for supper.

We enjoyed each other and were growing more comfortable in each other’s company.  There were still long periods of silence, but since she had opened up the other night, telling me things about her situation with Cal she had continued to tell me a little more each day.

I never had the heart to tell her Ora Mae had told me most of the story already, but I think it was good for her to talk it out, get it out of her system anyway, just like I did sometimes at my mama’s grave. Jenny had it rough for a long time and the more she talked it through, the better she was starting to feel.

There was a brightness in her eyes now, which wasn’t there before.  She smiled and laughed, even when the going was rough and she was dead tired, there were no complaints, no mood swings, and cantankerous behavior as she’d shown at the beginning of the trip.  She was becoming a fun person to travel with.

I propped up the saddles close to the fire, and we sat together, eating our meal of jerky and beans that Jenny had warmed over the fire.  She looked exhausted and struggled to eat.  She’d been a trooper though.  She’d kept up with me the whole way without complaint.  I’d stopped frequently when it looked like she couldn’t make it another step, but I’d always used my shoulder as an excuse.  She was truly grateful for the time out of the saddle.

We leaned back together, draping the bedroll over our legs, and tore at the jerky.  She always laughed when she took a bite.  This was a new delicacy for her.  When she laughed her whole face lit up and I couldn’t help but laugh right along with her.

I decided I’d had it with this shoulder thing.  It didn’t hurt much now and I was so tired of being off balance in the saddle.  When we were done eating and I’d thrown out the last dregs of coffee, I asked Jenny if she’d help me get rid of the bindings.  The doc must have had a sense of humor, tying all the knots behind me where I couldn’t possibly reach.

I took off Jack’s shirt and Jenny worked on the knots until I was finally free.  I tried to move my arm in a circular motion, until pain seized my shoulder and I quickly turned away from Jenny, not wanting her to know just how badly it hurt.

“I think it’s too soon.”

I turned around to face her.  “It’s not that bad.  I just have to be careful for a few days.”  I was embarrassed, standing in front of her half-naked.  I reached for my saddlebag and one of my own shirts, which would fit now that the bandages were removed.

I stopped short when I heard a noise, a crack, a snap of a twig.  I pushed Jenny behind me and told her to be still.  I listened for another sound, then reached down for my gun, not quite sure if I was hearing things or not.

“Hold it right there, sonny boy.”

I straightened back up before I had the gun in my hand, but I kept my hand on Jenny’s arm, making sure she stayed behind me.  I recognized the men as they came into the light of our fire; the same three men who had raced into the yard that day, shooting off their guns after they’d killed the wolf.

“That’s them, Rex.  There’s the horse.”

Jenny was the first to speak.  “That’s my horse, Rex.  Don’t even think about touching her.”

“Sorry, ma’am.  Your father sent us to find the mare and bring her back.  He said good riddance to you and your friend here, but he wants the horse.  It’s his property and he wants it back.”

Jenny just about knocked me over, trying to get close to her prized possession.  It didn‘t seem to bother her that all three men had their guns drawn and pointed in our direction.

“This particular horse is over and above the thirty horses Miller contracted for the army.  He doesn’t need this one.”  I grabbed Jenny‘s arm and pulled her back beside me.  “How much does he want for her?”

“He don’t want nothing but the horse,” Rex said.

“I’ll pay you whatever you want.”

“Tie them up, Jed.”

 “Why? What for?” I yelled a little too loudly, seeing how I was the one at a disadvantage.  “I oughta hang you from the highest tree, boy.  You ain’t nothing but a horse thief, so just be thankful I’m letting you live.”

“Jed, get moving,” Rex repeated.

Jed pulled down the rope from his saddle, wrapping it several times around Jenny and me, tying us together against the nearest tree.  I kept myself calm until they untied Cochise.  “Don’t touch my horse.”

“Just how you gonna stop me, boy?”

I struggled with the ropes until I heard the hammer being cocked on Rex’s gun.  Jed pulled Cochise, and the palomino passed the two of us and handed the reins to the other man.  He came back and picked up my saddlebags and canteen.  “Ah, come on.  At least leave us the canteen.”

“The quicker you die, the better,” said Rex.  “Grab the kid’s holster and take their boots.”

“You won’t get away with this, you know.”  Jed’s fist came fast across my jaw.  Blood trickled from my mouth as my head jerked back, slamming against the tree. “You haven’t seen the last of me.”

Those words were a mistake.  Rex holstered his gun and came after me with a vengeance.  His fist came across my face, and my head bounced again off the trunk of the tree.  Before I could look up, the toe of his boot plowed into my ribs.  The last thing I remember was the kick to my shoulder.

“`

I heard my name being called, but I couldn’t open my eyes, and knowing if I did, I’d probably be sick.  My shoulder was injured again.  How had I been so stupid?  How did I think they weren’t going to eventually catch up and take that damn horse?

I leaned my head back against the tree and swallowed back the searing pain in my shoulder.  I couldn’t even begin to loosen the ropes.  It was up to Jenny now.  I was worthless, and most of all, I didn’t care.

They’d left us here to die, and right now, the thought of dying sounded like a glorious relief.  Jenny couldn’t see my face and I was grateful for that, but she kept talking, kept struggling with the ropes and every time she pulled, the rope tightened across my ribs.  I wanted to scream, to cry out, to tell her to stop, but I was past caring.  My shoulder was on fire, my ribs were on fire, and I just didn’t care.

I fell to the ground; the ropes were off.  Jenny lifted me. She rested my head on her lap. “Oh, Joe.”

“Mmmm”

I felt the palm of her hand, smoothing the dirt from my face.  I struggled to open my eyes, but the effort was just too great.  I hurt so bad I just wanted to sleep.  Sleep or die.  Then I remembered how close we were to home.

“Almost there.”

“Where?”

“Home.”

“Home?”

“Mmmm—”

“Your home?”

“Mmmm—”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Didn’t ask.” I was so tired.  I couldn’t say anymore.

“What do we do now?”

“Sleep.”

“`

I woke to find the morning sun shining on my face.  My head still rested on Jenny’s lap as she leaned back against the tree.  I tried to lift myself, but I was too stiff and sore to move.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Morning.”

“You look terrible.”

“Thanks.  I feel terrible.”

“I guess we’ll have to skip our morning cup of coffee.”

I started to laugh and quickly grabbed my ribs.  “Don’t—”

“I’m sorry, Joe, I didn’t mean to—”

“Just help me up.”

This was going to be a long day.  We were so close, but we would be walking.  Jenny got to her knees and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling me up with her.  I was on my feet, but barely. They’d left us both barefoot. I’d forgotten that part.  They didn’t even leave me a shirt.  I looked like some kind of street urchin.  I got my bearings and pointed in the direction we needed to go.

“On foot?”

I looked at her.  I didn’t want to sound rude, but what other choice did we have?  “You have a better idea?”

“No.”  She reached down, picked up the blanket, and draped it around my shoulders.  “Let’s go.”

“That’s my girl.”

“`

Not long after we started, our feet were sore and fading fast from walking on rocks and sticks, pine needles, and an occasional pinecone.  We were heading in the right direction, but it was going to take a heck of a lot longer than I first anticipated. With Jenny having to hold me up and convince me to put one foot in front of the other rather than lying down in the shade of a tree, waiting for a miracle to happen, we slowly moved forward.  We’d had to leave the saddles behind.  If we made it home, I could send one of my brothers for them later.  We followed the creek.  We had no other choice.

I looked up to the top of the ridge in front of us, knowing we would have to climb it next.  We were on Ponderosa land, but the house was still a long way off.  Jenny looked up too and then glanced at me.  I knew she was ready to collapse after having my arm around her shoulder all day.

“Let’s sit for a minute,” I said.  We found a flat boulder next to the creek, and we both sat down, sticking our feet in the cold running water.  It was a much-needed rest, although I knew the tough part would be starting once again.

“Tell me about your home, Joe.”

“I wouldn’t know where to start.  We’re on the ranch now.”

“We are?”

“Yeah.  It’s big.”

“Tell me about your family then.”

I looked down at the water as it ran over our feet.  The water was cold and numbing, taking the pain away.  I thought about my family. How could I explain how I felt about them to someone else?  We were a family, a family unlike Jenny’s.  We trust each other, and we fight for each other.  We love each other, but how to explain to someone who has the exact opposite?

“Well, there’s Pa and my two brothers, Adam, and Hoss.  I’m the youngest—”

I must have talked for an hour with no interruptions from Jenny.  I told her about good times and bad.  I told her about my ma, the one thing we had in common, and how much I still missed her.  I even told her about my sixteenth birthday when Pa had given me Cochise.  She listened closely.  She laughed and even shed some tears.  I looked up at the angle of the sun and decided I’d said enough.  We had wasted too much time sitting and talking.

“We need to get moving again.”

“I could sit here for the rest of my life with you, Joe.  You’ve done so much for me in such a short period.  I want you to know I’m grateful for everything.”  She looked away, and I saw her eyes well up again.  “But I will move on after you get home to your family.”

“There’s no need—”

“Yes, there is.  I need to find my own way.  Like you.”

“Like me?”

“Like you.  You know what you want.  You know where you belong.  I need to find that place; a place where I belong.”

“You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you need to.”  We were friends.  We would always be friends and that’s what friends do for each other.

“I will always remember you, Joe.”

“And I you, Jenny Simmons.  Oh, by the way, my name isn’t Joe Carter.”

“What?”

“It’s Joe Cartwright.  I’ll explain later.”

With Jenny’s help, I stood, shaky and still a bit woozy, from the creek bed.  We would make it home and we would worry about everything else after that.  I picked up our blanket and we started walking.  Every step was closer to home.  It wouldn’t be long now.

We slowly made it up and over the top of the ridge to see the vastness of the valley below.  I heard Jenny sigh at the thought of having to cross it on foot.  I smiled to myself seeing Ponderosa cattle grazing down below.  I was finally home.

“It’s not far now.”  Our feet weren’t going to take much more abuse and our stamina was all but gone, but the sight of the pasture and the cattle below gave me a feeling of warmth inside I couldn’t hide from Jenny.  I had renewed energy.  I would pick her up and carry her if I had to.  I was home.

As we headed down into the valley, some of my energy was wearing off on Jenny. I had quickened my pace, and she seemed eager to keep up with me.  Unexpectedly, she grabbed my arm, and I nearly tripped over my own feet.

“What?”

“Look.”  She pointed across the way.  Someone drove a buckboard with a separate rider alongside.  In my excitement, I grabbed Jenny and kissed her right smack on the lips.

“Those are my brothers, Jenny!”  I started waving the blanket over my head and yelling as loud as I could.

Adam was mounted on Sport.  He spotted us first, turned Sport, and came racing across the meadow.  I don’t know if I’d ever been so excited to see anyone in my whole life.  Hoss had turned the wagon our way and was following in Adam’s wake.

“We’re home.  We’re home.”

I was close to tears, watching my brothers, flying like gangbusters, across the uneven meadow.  It had been a difficult week.  I was tired and sore, but I knew I could relax, and everything would work out all right.  They were coming to take me home.

Adam pulled to a stop, directly in front of Jenny and me and jumped down from Sport, staring at me as if he‘d seen a ghost.  The man who was always in control was speechless.  He looked at me, then Jenny, then back at me.

“Welcome home,” he said, in that deep baritone voice I had missed hearing for so long.  He extended his hand.  I rubbed the palm of my hand up and down my pant leg, trying to rid some of the grime and caked-on dirt, then gladly shook my brother’s hand.  I was more surprised than ever when he pulled me into a bear hug.  That sure wasn’t the same brother I’d left behind.

“Hi, brother.  It’s good to be back.” He stared overly long at the two of us, a bewildered look on his face.  “I want you to meet Jenny Simmons.”  I pulled Jenny in front of me but kept my good hand on her arm.  “Jenny, this is my brother Adam.”

“Ma’am,” he said, touching his black hat.

“Nice to meet you, Adam.  Joe’s told me a lot about you and the rest of your family.”

“All good, I’m sure.”

“Of course.”

Hoss was sailing the wagon across the pasture, hitting every bump and rut in his path.  When he stopped, a large cloud of dust swirled up around us until everything was just this side of a blur.  I might not have been able to see a dang thing but my brother did.  He picked me up off the ground and swung me around like I weighed nothing at all.  Damn, I was glad to be home.

“You’re as skinny as ever, Little Joe!” Hoss said, his eyes taking me in from top to bottom.  After I caught my breath and tried not to let on he’d almost killed me in the process, I introduced Jenny.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”  Removing his hat, he turned an easy shade of red, like he always did in front of a lady.

“She’s going to be our house guest for a while.”  Hoss looked pleased at the prospect of having a lady in the house.

“Well, she’s more than welcome, ain’t she, Adam?”

“By all means.”   He hadn’t taken his eyes off me since he’d arrived, and I knew a hundred questions were gathering in his mind.  “What happened to your shoulder?” Adam asked, after seeing the brightly puffed scar.

“Fell off a horse.” Jenny gave me a funny look.  “Okay, I was breakin’ a stallion, and well—”

“Where’s Cochise?”  Hoss asked as he looked around, realizing he wasn’t with me.

“And where are your clothes?”

“It’s a long story, so if you’d be kind enough to give us a ride the rest of the way, I’ll tell you all about it as soon as we get home.”

Jenny looked mighty relieved at not having to walk the rest of the way.  The wagon was full of barbed wire and fence posts, but Hoss readily climbed up in the back and shoved it all to the side, making more than enough room for the two of us.

“We could sure use a drink.”

Adam hurried over to Sport and grabbed his canteen.  “Sorry, little brother. I wasn’t thinking.”  He handed the canteen to Jenny.  “How long you been on foot?”

I looked at Jenny.  “Just today.  We sort of got robbed last night.”

“Sort of?”  Adam looked somewhat confused.  “I’d say that was putting it mildly, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, well, I know who they are.  I’ll get it all back.”

“If you say so.”  Adam, always a step ahead of me, and after Jenny had a drink, he handed me the canteen, then held his hand, helping her up and into the back of the wagon, he then turned to me.  “You need some help?”

“I can manage, I think.”  Still carrying my bedroll, the only thing I had left from this miserable trip, I climbed in and sat next to Jenny, draping the worn blanket across the two of us.

The ride turned out to be almost as bad as walking would have been. I think Hoss hit every bump and deep gouged rut, banging Jenny and me from one side to the other, then turning and apologizing after every time he heard me cry out while Jenny tried her best to keep me steady.

His first act of apology was to hand us a cloth-covered package he pulled out from under the seat of the wagon.  Jenny pulled the wrapping away to find sandwiches, apples, and Hop Sing’s cookies.

“For us?”

“Sure, little buddy.”

“Thanks, Hoss.”

“It’s all right, Little Joe, I already ate my first lunch with Adam a while back.”

“Little Joe?” Jenny questioned, raising her eyebrows.

“It’s nothin’.  Here—eat something.”

I didn’t have to look at Jenny to know she was humored by the whole conversation with Hoss.  We hadn’t eaten this well for a week and Hoss’ extra lunch tasted mighty good.  I was excited for Jenny to taste Hop Sing’s good home cookin’ tonight after she commented with delight over the cookies.  He was just as good a cook or better than Ora Mae and my mouth watered just thinking about it.

Finally, Hoss pulled up in the front yard of the house.  “This is it. This will be your home for as long as you want.  My pa loves it when people come to stay with us, isn‘t that right brothers?”

I thought Pa would have heard Hoss and Adam coming back earlier than expected and be heading out the front door to find out why.  I jumped down from the back of the wagon, forgetting how badly my feet and everything else hurt, and I dragged Jenny along with me to the front door.

“Pa,” I yelled.  “Pa, I’m home.”  I looked around and listened.  “Wait here.  Pa,” I yelled again, as I walked toward the stairs.

I turned back around when I heard Adam come inside the house.  “Pa’s not here, Joe.”

I won’t say how disappointed I was when I heard those words. “Where is he?”

“He’s in town, but we can talk about that later.”  I didn’t like the tone of Adam’s voice.  Had something happened to Pa?  He would tell me right off, wouldn’t he?

“He’s all right, isn‘t he?”

“Yeah.  He’s fine, Joe.”  The way he said that wasn’t reassuring.  “I’m guessing the two of you would like a long soak in a hot tub.”

“You guessed right, brother.  That first, and then one of Hop Sing’s meals second.”

I saw Adam struggle with a reply.  “That’s a problem, Joe.  Hop Sing’s in San Francisco.  He just left this morning.”

“So you‘re the cook?”

“Hop Sing left us food for tonight but after that, yeah, I guess I am.”

This wasn’t quite the homecoming I’d envisioned, but it would have to do.  I was glad to see my brothers.  Pa would be home later and we could all sit together while Jenny and I told them of our little adventure.

“Let me show you to your room, and maybe Big Brother will start heating some water.

“That I can do, little brother.”

I took Jenny’s hand and I led her up the stairs.  Hop Sing always had this room ready for guests.  It was too girly for the rest of us. There were flowers on all of the quilts and ruffles on the pillows.  It was a perfect room for Jenny as long as she wanted to stay as our guest.

I pulled the tub out from the corner of the room and I showed her the towels that hung from the washstand.  “I think you’re going to have to wear some of my clothes until we can get to town tomorrow. Will that do?”

“That will do just fine.”  She crossed the room and leaned her head against my chest, wrapping her arms around me avoiding the shoulder this time.  “Thank you for everything, Joe.  I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“Ah shucks, ma’am.  You’re gonna give me a big head.”

She looked up at me and smiled.  “I’m serious, Joe.”  She ran her hand gently down my cheek where the bruises still showed.  “I’ll always have a place in my heart for you.  You’re my knight in shining armor.”

I knew what she meant.  I knew how grateful she was that fate had brought me to her and we‘d become close friends.  I leaned down and kissed her cheek.  “I’d better find those clothes.”

Chapter 6

Adam brought up the water while Hoss settled Sport and the team.  Jenny soaked in her tub and I soaked in mine but I wasn’t alone.  Both my brothers managed their way into my room and thought they’d like to have a chat while I sat, letting the warmth of the water soothe every inch of my aching body.

I gave Adam and Hoss a brief explanation of where I’d been and what I’d been doing for the last few months.  I told them that Jenny was no more to me than just a good friend and that she needed a place to stay.  I was vague on the details of her past, but I got more specific when it came to Rex and the rest of Miller’s men.

“—so not only did they take Cochise and the palomino they also took our boots, our saddlebags, my gun, and our only canteen.  They figured we’d die, tied to that tree, before anyone came upon us, setting us free.”

Hoss let out a long, loud breath as he shook his head back and forth.  “You sure know how to get in a peck of trouble, Little Joe.”

“Tell me you wouldn’t have done the same thing I did, big brother.”

“I don’t know about that, Joe. Horse stealing?  That’s a hanging offense, boy.”

“I know that.  It should have been her horse anyway.  I told you I—”

“I know what you told me but that mare was Miller’s property, not hers—not yours.”

I dropped my head.  The steam had long left my bath and I was ready for this little discussion to end.

I couldn’t look either brother in the eye.  “I didn’t know what else to do.”

My brothers looked at each other trying to decide what came next. Adam was the first to stand up.  I figured he’d motioned to Hoss it was time to leave.  “We’ll see you downstairs,” Adam said, before they left my room, shutting the door behind them.

“`

Dinner hit the spot.At least my brothers were good at heating food.  I leaned back in my chair and patted my stomach.  “I’m stuffed.”

“Well, you ate more than Hoss and I put together.”  Adam smiled.  I knew he’d never really say it, but I could tell he was happy I’d come home.

“Why were you two working so late?”  It was odd they were heading out so late in the day to start a fencing job.

“We was both in town this morning and we kind of got a late start,” Hoss said.

“Why is Pa so late getting back?  He’d have my hide if I was this late.”  That’s when I knew something was wrong.  My brothers couldn’t hide the looks on their faces.

“What?”

“Later.”

“Let’s talk about it now.” Adam glanced at Jenny.  She’d sat there quietly all during the meal, listening to us catch up and just be brothers.

“If you will excuse me, gentlemen, I’m exhausted.  I think I’d like to go to my room, that’s if you don’t mind.”

My brothers stood up.  The only thing on my mind was Pa, and I realized I was being rude.  Adam stepped away from the table.  “Is there anything you need?”

“I’m fine thank you.  I’m just tired.  It’s been a long few days.”

My oldest brother watched Jenny leave the table and head up the stairs. She was in her room by now—out of sight—and he hadn’t turned back around.  I didn’t have time for this.  I wanted to know about my father.

Hoss headed across the room and picked up the decanter of brandy then moved over to sit on the settee.  “Come on in here, little brother.”

I sat on the table across from Hoss, and Adam sat down in his chair. There was complete silence and an unsettled feeling crept over me.  My stomach was uneasy, and I wished now I hadn‘t eaten so much.  The air in the room felt stale and cold, even with the fire burning strong in the fireplace.  The longer this went on, the more anxious I became.

“Well?  Out with it. ”

Hoss looked at Adam, and Adam finally spoke.  “Pa’s sick, Joe.”

“Sick?  What do you mean sick?”

“Doc’s keeping him in his clinic for a few days, just until his breathing gets better.”

“His breathing?  Why can’t he breathe?”  I was starting to get mad at the slowness of the conversation.

“He got sick a few weeks ago and he hasn’t recovered yet. Doc’s retained him in his office in case anything should go wrong.”

“Go wrong?  Like what?”

“Pa’s had some trouble, Little Joe,” Hoss started.  “He done caught hisself a chill one night and he got real sick.  He kept getting worse and worse.  Paul told me and Adam it turned to pneumonia—said it was real hard on Pa because of his age.”  Hoss glanced up at Adam before he went on.  “We almost lost him a while back.  He started coughing up blood and he had trouble catching his breath.”

“We thought the worst was over until last week and Pa took a turn for the worse,” Adam said.  “It seems we were wrong to think the danger had passed.”

“The other night I thought Pa was having a heart attack or something, Hoss said, “but Paul said it was still the pneumonia, and it wasn‘t ready to let go.  Now with winter coming on, things ain’t looking so good.”

“I need to go see him.”  I shot up from the table and Adam stood up as I did, grabbing my arm.

“Not tonight, Joe.  Wait till tomorrow.”

“Why?  That’s my pa you’re talking about.”

“Joe just wait until tomorrow,” Adam repeated slowly.  I hated when he used that tone of voice, mister superior know-it-all.

My breathing was short and fast and my hands were knotted in fists.  I was tempted to push my way to the front door and tell Adam what I thought of him, but he spoke once again.

“Please.  Wait till tomorrow.”

My heart pounded in my chest.  I didn’t want to wait.  What if something happened to Pa tonight?  It had probably been my fault anyway.  I don’t know why Adam always thought he had to be the boss of me.  I hated it.  I looked at Hoss.  He nodded.  He agreed with Adam.  I hated that too.  They always thought they were right and I was wrong.

“Fine,” I said.  I didn’t want to be with either of my brothers right now.  I needed time alone.  “I’m going to bed then, but mind you, I’ll be up at the crack of dawn.”  I stopped at the base of the stairs and rested my hand on the post but I didn‘t turn around.  “How did Pa get sick?”

No one answered.  I closed my eyes and dropped my head.  I knew.  It had been my fault, something to do with me leaving.  If Pa died because of me.

I wanted to talk to someone other than Hoss or Adam.  I stood for a minute in front of Jenny’s door, but I decided not to burden her with my thoughts and my problems.  She had enough to think about already.

I came back to my room and flopped down on my bed.  It should have felt good to be in my own bed after such a long time away, but my mind was nowhere ready for sleep.  What had I done?  Had I caused Pa enough grief that he fell ill?

I stood up and opened my window.  The cool night breeze felt good on my face and I sat for a long time, looking out the window at nothing in particular.  I watched the horses move about in the corral.  I would have to pick one of them out tomorrow until I could get back to Miller’s and bring Cochise back home.

Eventually, both brothers came upstairs.  I heard their doors close behind them.  Things hadn’t gone as I’d planned.  Things were all wrong.  I needed to see Pa.  I needed to make sure he knew I was home and that I would never leave again.

I’d promised Jenny some new clothes tomorrow, but that would have to wait.  She’d understand.  I’d planned to head back to Miller’s in the next couple of days and bring Cochise home where he belonged, but that would have to wait too.  If I could just close my eyes if I could just stop thinking.  I walked back over to my bed but sleep wouldn’t come.

“`

Even though I didn’t sleep long, I‘d drifted off, but when I woke it was still dark, and falling back to sleep wasn’t going to happen.  I felt funny wearing my Sunday dress boots but it’s all I had.  I was better off than Jenny; she had no shoes at all.  I slipped quietly down the stairs, stepping over the squeaky one, and out the front door.

I walked past the corral and lit a lantern in the barn.   A little roan looked toward me when I walked in.  She’d have to do for the time being.  I saddled her up, and I was off to Virginia City.

It was just before sunrise.  That grey time of day, when neither the moon nor the sun was available to light up the way.  It was difficult to see the unevenness of the road, and God knows I didn’t want to kill myself, trying to hurry into town.

I hadn’t asked my brothers how long Pa had been at Doc’s or even how long Paul was planning on keeping him there.  I just wanted him home with me. I knew he would get well faster if he were back with his family and not hovering between life and death, alone and with no one in Paul’s clinic.

A million different thoughts ran through my mind.  I realized just how much I’d missed the familiar surroundings and the routine that came from being back on the Ponderosa.  I would bring my father home and things would be as they should be, the four of us working together, having fun together, and planning the future of the ranch together.

Before I even realized, I was standing in front of Paul‘s office, tying the roan up in front.  I hurried up the steps and knocked on the door.  It was too early for anyone to be stirring, but a light slowly brightened the front window, and then Paul opened the door to let me inside.

Paul stood stock still, staring like he’d seen a ghost.  A slow smile started across his face, then grabbed my arm and pulled me into his office, closing the door quietly behind us so as not to disturb anyone else who was sleeping.

“I came to see Pa.”  I’m sure that was obvious but the words came out anyway.

“Good to see you, young man.  Let’s see if your pa’s awake.”

I nervously followed the doc to the back room, my legs barely able to move forward, knowing I had been the reason Pa was in Doc’s care.  The shade was drawn and the room was dark so Paul leaned over, lit the lamp next to the bed, but kept the wick down low.  Tears filled my eyes, and I glanced up at the doc when I heard my father struggling for each breath.  He was sleeping, but in his condition, I don’t know how.  His face was pale and drawn and he looked so old and frail.  Paul wasn’t the one staring—not believing this time—it was me.

Paul slid a chair up next to the bed.  I glanced up quickly at him before I sat down, then back to Pa.  He came to stand next to me, smiled a tight-lipped smile, and nodded his head.  “You stay here, Joe.  I’ll go make us some coffee.”  He squeezed my shoulder gently before he left me in the room alone with my father.

I reached under the blanket for my father’s hand, which felt warm between my icy fingers.  I should have thought to warm before touching my father. His breathing changed suddenly and he started to cough.  His eyelids fluttered and started to open but closed again quickly.  He didn’t see me. He was caught in a different world, maybe a dream.  I rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb, a circular motion like he’d always done with me.  His eyelids fluttered again along with a loud hacking cough.

“It’s okay, Pa.  Go back to sleep.”

Slowly he turned his head so he could see me.  He blinked a few more times.  I smiled at him. “Pa—”

I filled a glass of water and brought it to his lips, then I raised his head off the pillow.  He took a small sip and nodded, letting me know he was done.  His cough settled some and I let his head rest back on the bed. His eyes were dark and glassy, but he tried his best to smile.

“You’re home.” 

“I’m home.”

He covered my hand with his and his eyes slowly closed.  A lone tear slipped down his cheek and dropped onto the linen pillow.  I sat back down in the chair and prayed for my father.

“`

I didn’t leave Pa’s bedside for the next two days.  My brothers, along with Jenny, came and went.  Adam made sure our guest was comfortable and had new clothes to wear, while Hoss kept up with the daily chores.  Paul had pulled me aside this morning and told me Pa had improved one hundred percent now that I had returned.  He would release him tomorrow and let him come home.  I smiled at the thought.  Even though Pa would have to take it easy for a while we would all be together as it should be.

My trip to Miller’s to find and bring home Cochise could wait until Pa was back to his normal routine and any thoughts of a relapse were ancient history.  I was back from my pursuit of a different life, but Jenny’s was just beginning.

I wasn’t blind.  I saw the way Adam looked at her.  Jenny wasn’t blind either and I’m sure she noticed she had my brother’s undivided attention whenever they were together.  I wondered if she was ready for her life to begin again, maybe with my brother.  I couldn’t think of a better person to help her find her way.

Pa slept so I stood up to stretch my legs.  My ribs were still sore and my feet would survive, but my shoulder needed tending.  Pa and I had short conversations between his bouts of coughing, controlling his breathing, and falling asleep on me.  It felt good to talk.  It had been too long.

I’d held Paul off as long as I could, but he wasn’t about to let me leave his clinic without checking out my shoulder.  I finally gave in, and while Pa slept, I stepped out of the room so the doc could have a look.

“Your shoulder is mending, Joe, but you need to rest it as much as possible.  Don’t try to use that arm.  It‘s not healed yet.  I should wrap it back to your chest—” He studied me for a minute.  “Now if you promise not—”

“I promise, Doc.  I’m gonna sit with Pa.  I won’t be using that arm at all.”

My shoulder gave me fits every time I tried to use it anyway, so I pretty much did as the doc had asked this time.  Miller’s henchman hadn’t helped the situation by kicking me with the toe of their boots.  It would have been healed up a lot better by now without their interference.  Paul asked about the bruising that looked more recent, and I had to explain the horse stealin’ and robbery.  He didn’t bother wrapping my ribs either.  He said they’d just been bruised or possibly cracked, but he didn’t believe anything had been broken.

“That beating set your healing time back some, Joe, but I’m hoping you’ll have full use of the arm.”   So far,  I’d made no progress at all.

“`

Pa was home,although still bedridden; he was getting stronger every day.  It had turned colder. Leaves fell from the trees and the days were getting shorter.  Hoss and Adam had gotten the ranch ready for winter. They’d done everything by themselves while I’d been away.  The hay had been stacked and covered to feed the livestock through the winter months.  Line shacks had been restocked and repaired.  The cattle had been brought down to lower pastures, to grasslands that would provide for a while. Everything that I should have been here helping them do was already done.  Even though I felt guilty about being gone as long as I had, my brothers never mentioned the heavy workload I’d left them with.  I knew it had been a double strain on both of them with Pa laid up like he was.

I’d pretty much let Adam and Hoss keep Jenny entertained while I sat day and night with my father.  I couldn’t bring myself to leave his side until he was well enough to get out of bed.  We were nearing Thanksgiving and it wouldn‘t be long before Christmas.

I was pleased that my brothers, especially Adam, had talked Jenny into staying through the holidays.  After the first of the year, she could work on a plan for the rest of her life, but for now, it was nice to have her with us.

I’m more content than I’ve ever been before.  Gone is that need to be away from my home or the family name like I did a few months ago.  As much pain and worry as my leaving caused everyone, I still think it was good for me to get away and try things on my own, but I‘m glad to be back where I will always belong.

The doc said Pa would be able to join us for Thanksgiving Dinner if he would stay in bed until then.  Hop Sing was back from seeing cousin number three or four or whoever it was, I never could keep it straight, and he was in his element with the holidays approaching.

I hadn’t left the house since I’d gone to town that morning to be with my father. Jenny had offered to stay with Pa last Saturday night, so the three of us brothers could go into town—get away—and have a couple of beers, but I didn’t want to leave Pa.  It had nothing to do with Jenny watching over him, it felt good to stay home and make sure he was on the mend. Adam and Hoss even offered to pay for a night out, but I turned them down. Maybe next time.

Pa was able to sit up in bed now.  I sat on the edge of his bed and we talked about a lot of things.  I think he finally understood why I needed to leave when I did.  He said he knew before I left that something was up.  He could tell how restless I had become after my ordeal at Ft. Meade.

I asked him to forgive me for leaving.  He placed his hand on my arm and told me there was nothing to forgive.  “You are a grown man, son,” he said.  “You’re old enough to make your own decisions.  You are no longer my little boy, but you will always be my son.  And if you live to be a hundred, I still have the right to worry.”

When I explained to him why I’d brought Jenny here and of our hardships along the way, I also brought up the name Les Miller, who I‘d worked for, gentling stock for the army, during the past few weeks.  Pa looked at me strangely.  “I know that name.”  He shook his head, trying to dredge up the memory, and then he hesitated before he went on.  “A long time ago.”

“What?  When?”  

“Well, you were just a little shaver when he left Virginia City if he’s one and the same. You wouldn’t remember him.  In fact, I don’t think your brothers would either.  It was a long time ago.”

“And—” I said, wanting him to continue.

“From what I remember he had married the widow McMullen, and it wasn’t long after they were married, there was a fire and she and her son by her first husband died in that fire.  There was nothing left of their home.  Home,” Pa laughed, “Mansion was more like it.  If I remember right, Miller wasn’t home when it happened.”  Pa looked at me kind of funny before he continued. “Roy would remember better than I do.  He’d been a temporary sheriff of an unsettled mining camp, and I think it was his first big case. There was something more about the fire, but I just don’t remember what all it involved.”

“You think Roy would remember?”

“Oh, I’m sure he would.  As I said, there was something else about that case, and I know Roy could give you all the details he‘s able to remember.”  Roy was always invited to Thanksgiving dinner and he always came.  I could wait till then to ask him what all he remembered about Lester Miller.

The days passed slowly and I still couldn’t bring myself to leave Pa’s side.  I knew running off had something to do with his illness but I was scared to ask him; scared of what he would tell me.  Deep down I knew he’d never tell me the truth.

Even with cooler weather, I opened Pa’s window and let in fresh air. The room had become stale and had the stench of a sick room, and I knew he was tired of staying in bed.  He’s kind of like me in that respect; we played so many games of chess and checkers I was ready to toss both sets out the window.  I’d even pulled out some of my old dime novels and read to Pa with an exaggerated voice, and we laughed together at the antics of ‘Desert Sam’ and ‘Doomsday Jack’.

Finally, the day had come.  I was allowed to get Pa out of bed and take him downstairs.  He’d been doing a lot better, and Paul thought it was time he got up and joined the living. He was still weak from so much inactivity, but the cough was practically gone, and Paul said his lungs were finally clear.

I had told my father so much about Jenny he was probably sick of hearing me ramble, trying to fill the long hours of each day.  Today he would finally meet the lady I’d talked about so much.  I had hardly seen her since the day we’d arrived.  After spending day and night together to get home, I realized I missed seeing her.  We had become great friends and we’d been through a lot together, so I was glad she was staying through Christmas.  It would be nice to have a woman keeping us all in line during the holidays.  Adam told me he often heard Jenny and Hop Sing, laughing.  Hop Sing wasn’t one to allow anyone in his kitchen, so he must be fond of her to let her in his sacred domain.

Pa was anxious to get moving.  After helping him dress, I made him hang onto my arm going down the stairs.  He wasn’t thrilled about that, but we both knew how weak he was and since there was no one in the house watching us, he did as I asked without too much complaint.  I got him settled in his chair next to a roaring fire and draped a blanket over his legs.

“Quit fussing and leave me be, Joseph.”

Pa liked to be in control.  I could tell how annoyed he was getting with me and I decided I’d better hurry up and get out of there before he blew his stack.  It didn’t matter if I fussed in his bedroom behind closed doors, but out here in the open was a completely different story.

“If you don’t need anything else, I’ll go see if Hoss and Adam need me to help them.”

“That’s a good idea, son.  I’ll be fine here.”

“Okay—so—um—I’ll be back in a while to check on you, okay?”

Pa nodded then turned his head away and toward the fireplace.  I was under the impression he was trying to get rid of me. I’d been with him these past couple of weeks more than he would have liked.  He hadn’t had a minute to himself, but he never said anything until now.  It was a good sign though, and I sensed he was getting back to his old self.  I backed away slowly, keeping my eyes on him, then headed outside to find my brothers.

Chapter 7

Ben sat alone for the first time in weeks.  Joseph was home.  He didn’t think the day would ever come.  He had been content to sit and just gaze at his son since he’d been released and allowed to come home, but things needed to get back to normal now.  Joseph must never know how he’d become ill. The boy would blame himself and it wasn’t his fault.  It was the fault of a foolish old man, who couldn’t live with the thought of losing his youngest son.

The fire cracked and sparked and heated the room to a comfortable level. Ben rested his head on the back of his chair and thought of what Joe had told him while they were alone in his bedroom.  He’d said he was here to stay, but did he mean it?  Had his time away from home made him want to experience other things outside the Ponderosa?  How long would it take him to become restless again?  All of his sons were grown men, and he had no right to tell them they had to stay; stay and be happy with the life he’d carved out.  After all, he’d left home as a young man to travel the world and never once looked back.

Joe had only done what he’d said he was going to do.  Leave for a few weeks or a few months, and then he would come home.  That’s exactly what he’d done although Ben had serious doubts that Joe would ever return. He’d let it consume his thoughts and turn his life upside down.

He thanked God for Joseph’s safe return and hoped the boy had gotten whatever was gnawing at him and making him unhappy out of his system.  He was also anxious to meet the woman Joe talked so much about.  Only his youngest would get himself tangled up in a situation like that.

“`

Wiping the remaining traces of flour from her hands, Jenny untied her apron and set it on the kitchen counter.  She and Hop Sing were planning a welcome-back dinner for Mr. Cartwright, and she had just finished icing the chocolate cake while Hop Sing prepared the rest of the meal.

“I’m going up to change my clothes, Hop Sing.”

“You learn very quick, Missy Jenny.  Hop Sing no let just anyone in kitchen.”

“Thank you, Hop Sing.  I‘ve enjoyed every minute.”

Jenny made her way across the great room and to the staircase when a deep voice stopped her in her tracks.  She rested her hand on the post at the foot of the stairs then turned to see Ben, sitting in his red leather chair, the chair no one else had sat in since she’d arrived.

“You must be Jenny.  We finally meet.”

She turned towards Joe’s father. “Yes, sir.  It’s nice to meet you.”

“That goes both ways.”  Ben leaned forward and sat up a little taller. “Do you have time to sit and talk for a minute?”

“Yes, sir, although I’m a bit of a mess.”  She tucked the few loose strands of hair back into the pins and made her way back across the room to sit on the end of the settee closest to Ben.  Trying not to fidget and let on how nervous she was, she finally looked up, noticing his dark piercing eyes directed straight at her.

“My son was right.”

“Sir?”

“You are a beautiful woman.”

Jenny ducked her head embarrassed at the compliment. “Thank you, Mr. Cartwright.”

Ben looked down at the blanket Joe had spread over his legs and removed it from his lap.  “My son thinks I’m an invalid.”  Jenny nearly chuckled out loud at the comment. “First off, I’d prefer it if you called me Ben.”

“Yes sir, Ben, sir.”

“Just Ben will do,” he said, with a smile.

“I’m sorry—Ben.”

“No need.”  He recognized her unease and tried to lighten the mood.  “I sent Joseph out to the barn with his brothers.  I don’t think he’s stepped foot outside this house since—”

“He was very worried about you, sir.  No one has seen much of him since we arrived.”

“Well, I hope my other sons haven’t ignored you like Joe has.”  Ben kept his eyes fixed on the young lady, trying to get some kind of feeling about her.

“Oh no, they’ve been very kind, even Hop Sing has let me in his kitchen.”

“That’s close to a miracle.”  She was a lovely girl and Ben was delighted to finally meet her, especially after listening to Joe go on and on.  “I’m glad you’re staying with us for a while, Jenny.  I’m just sorry I haven’t been much of a host.”

My brother and I walked inside the house together and with us came a blast of cold air.  I noticed Pa and Jenny sitting and talking, so I casually walked over to warm my hands by the fire, and, of course, eavesdrop on their conversation.

“Chilly out there,” I said, rubbing my hands together and then quickly glancing over my shoulder.  “I see you two finally met.”

Jenny stood up and I walked over to her.  I brushed traces of flour from her housecoat.  “I see Hop Sing’s been keeping you busy.”

“I was just heading upstairs to dress,” she said, knowing she was far from presentable.  “I’ll be back down shortly.  I’m leaving Hop Sing to finish tonight’s dinner.  I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone as happy as that man is when he slaves over a hot stove.”

“He does love his job, but if you hang around long enough you‘ll see how mad he can get if we aren‘t ready to eat when he calls us to supper.

“I’ll make sure I’m not the problem then. Right now, I’m in his good graces.”

I waited until she left the room and sat down on the warm spot on the settee left by Jenny. “How’re you feeling?”

“Fine, son.  Just fine.  She’s lovely, Joseph.”

“I knew you’d like her, Pa.  You sure you don’t mind her staying with us?”

“Not at all.  It will be nice to have a lady here through the holidays.”

I reached down and picked up the blanket that had fallen on the floor and started to put it across Pa’s legs, but he glared at me like he’d just caught me smoking in the barn or sneaking out my bedroom window when I was supposed to be sleeping.

“I take it you don’t want this?”  His eyes bore into mine.  I got the message.  “I’ll just fold it up and put it away then.”  I stepped away, slapping on a tight-lipped smile for Pa, as I folded the blanket and tucked it back in the drawer.

Chapter 8

We dressed in shirts and ties for Pa’s celebration dinner.  He thought we were all being foolish but went along with the festive, party-like atmosphere. Jenny walked down the staircase in a beautiful new green dress with cream color lace, which was barely visible next to her creamy white skin.  We all took a second look, but Adam was the one to meet her at the bottom of the stairs.  He held his hand out to her and guided her to the dining room table.  Was I seeing a little sparking going on there? I’m sure Pa and Hoss were thinking the same thing.

Jenny wasn’t my girl.  We were just friends.  I knew that, but I felt that little twinge of jealousy when Adam held her hand.  I tried to put it out of my mind but the feeling was there.  They smiled and flirted with each other and I couldn’t help but resent the fact that she was with him, not me.

“Get over it, Joe,” I told myself.  She and Adam would make a great couple, and I would get a sister-in-law I liked and not some high society bookworm type that my brother usually went for.

This was Pa’s night and we all took our seats around the table.  Pa poured us each a glass of wine and then held his glass up for a toast.  “To my son, Joseph, who has come back to us and made our family complete.  And to Jenny, the most lovely and charming guest we’ve had in a long while.”

“And to Pa,” I said, “who is on the mend.”

“Hear, hear,” Hoss and Adam said in unison.

Hop Sing was quick to set out a large platter of roast beef, potatoes, carrots, and green beans.  He then came through the doorway with a wooden cutting board with sliced bread.

“Missy Jenny make bread all by self.”  He glanced at his helper with pride.  I turned to Jenny and saw her blush.  “Must save room for chocolate cake,” Hop Sing continued.  “Missy also make for Mr. Ben party.”

“That won’t be a problem, Hop Sing,” Hoss piped in.  “You just get to carvin’ that there roast before I faint dead away.”  Hoss rubbed his hands together in anticipation while the rest of us shook our heads at my brother’s outlandish enthusiasm over a meal.

When we were certain Hoss was full, and the rest of us were about ready to burst at the seams, we all retired to the great room for a brandy.  I took Jenny’s hand this time and led her to the settee, then proceeded to sit down beside her.  Adam sat in his blue chair, Pa in his big chair, and Hoss sat across from us on the hearth.  I picked up the decanter of brandy and poured us all a drink.

“To family.”

“To family,” everyone chorused.  We lifted our glasses, then all sat back to relax and enjoy the rest of the evening together.

We talked about the ranch and the cold weather coming on.  Jenny reminded us she was used to a little warmer climate most of the year, occasional snow maybe, but she also commented on the beauty of the Ponderosa.  She went on to tell us that Adam had been kind enough to show her some of the more scenic spots on the ranch.  Again, I felt pushed aside. Why? This was stupid.  It was obvious she should be sitting next to Adam rather than me.

I needed to let it go.  Maybe if it wasn’t my brother it might be easier.  I kept telling myself Jenny and I were nothing but friends so why was I feeling this way?  I couldn’t sit and watch her and Adam eye each other when I was in the same room, but I seemed to be in the way, and in the process, I was making a fool of myself.

“Joe—Joseph?”

“What?”  Pa had caught me daydreaming.

“You were a million miles away.”

“Oh, sorry Pa.  I was just thinking about Cochise.  I have to go back, you know.”

“I know, son.”

“I’m kind of tired.  If you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go on up to bed.”

“Is your shoulder bothering you?” Pa asked.

“No—well—some.  Nite everyone.”

I felt awkward sitting next to Jenny.  I couldn’t think of another way around my idiot behavior but to say goodnight. Everyone said their goodnights to me and I headed upstairs.  Now that Pa was on the mend, I didn’t need to sit by his side anymore.  It was time to make plans to get Cochise, and hopefully, the Palomino back from Miller.  I would figure all that business out tomorrow.

The holidays were coming and Pa had already told me he didn’t want me to leave the ranch until spring.  With winter coming on, it wasn’t a good time to travel through the mountains, but there was no way I could wait months before leaving.  I didn’t know if Miller had sold the two horses and if he had, who had bought them?  I dreaded the thought of Cochise being sold to the Army.  That meant he could be anywhere, then again, it might be easier to find him than if he’d been sold to an individual.

I’d thought of writing a letter to Miller, but the man couldn’t wait to get Jenny and me off his property so I didn’t think he would give me an answer I’d be happy with.  There was a need to confront him face to face, but the thought of waiting till spring was unbearable. I couldn’t wait for Roy to come out for Thanksgiving dinner.  I needed to find out now about Miller and my horse.  Besides, I didn’t want to sit around and look at Jenny and Adam and the love that had blossomed between them.

“`

I tied my horse up in front of Roy’s office.The mare did have a name.  Hoss had trained her when she was just a young filly and named her Dixie.  Who names a horse Dixie?  I ain’t calling her that in public.  I’m just not the same person without Cochise.  He’s a part of me, same as my gun strapped down on my left side, or my home called the Ponderosa.  We’ve been together a lot of years, and it’s just not the same sitting a roan named Dixie.

Roy was perched behind his desk and looked up over the top of his wire-rimmed glasses when I walked in.  “Hey, Little Joe.  What brings you to town?”

“I had a couple of questions for you, Roy.”

Roy stood up from his chair. He carried an empty mug with him.  “Cup a coffee?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“How’s your Pa doing?”

“Good.  He came down for dinner last night.”

“That’s good to hear.  I was worried about him, finding him out there by your ma’s grave and all.  I brought him into Doc’s as fast as I could, but Paul wasn’t sure if he’d pull through or not.  He was pretty banged up.”

I knew it, but I didn’t want to let on.  I’d get the truth out of Hoss when I got home.  He never could hold anything back if someone asked him a direct question.

Roy poured two cups, handed me one, and sat back down with a fresh one for himself.  “What can I do for you, Little Joe?”

“Well, it’s about my horse.”

“Your horse?”

“It’s a long story.  Let me see if I can make it simple.”  I tried my best to explain how I had taken the palomino from Miller’s place and then both horses were taken from us.  “So you see, Roy, I knew these men, and they both work for Les Miller.”

“Lester Miller?”

“Yeah, Roy.  Pa told me you knew Miller twenty years ago when he lived in the area.  He said there was something else besides the house burning down and the two people who died that you might remember.”

Roy propped his elbows on his desk and rubbed the palms of his hands together.  “That was my first big case when I was placed here as a temporary sheriff.  I’ll tell you right now, I didn’t handle it the way I should’ve.  I didn’t know many people on this side of the mountain; only met your pa a few times before the fire.”

Roy leaned back in his chair and fingered his mustache before he spoke.  “I never figured out the cause of the fire.  Always wondered if Miller had something to do with it, but I couldn’t prove nothing I was told the widow had a great deal of jewelry in a leather case. It was never found.  I never knew if Miller run off with them jewels or not.  He stayed on at the hotel for a couple of days, had the funeral, then he was gone.  Never saw him again after that.”

“So you’re saying he only married the widow for her money and her jewels?”

“I don’t rightly know, Little Joe.  I couldn’t prove nothing.  But that don’t mean I didn’t have my suspicions.”

I wondered why he’d married Jenny’s mother.  They’d been together for a lot of years so he wasn’t just after her money.  If she’d had any at all, I’m sure he’d spent it by now, especially if he had to sell Cochise and the palomino just to make ends meet.

“So what do you think I should do about my horse?”

“Well, I could send a telegram to the sheriff in Prescott.  I don’t have any jurisdiction down there, but we could have the sheriff investigate.”

“Would you do that for me, Roy?”

“I’ll do it right now if you want.”

“Okay.  You write it out and I‘ll take it down and have it sent.” Now we were getting somewhere.  If Cooch was still on Miller’s ranch, Pa would have to let me go get him.  That’s all there was to it.

“`

I left Roy’s office and got the telegram sent then headed to the saloon and had Sam draw me a beer while I waited for the sheriff to stop by if he got a quick response.  It was still early morning and tables were plentiful although some of the old-timers had stopped by for a cup of Sam’s coffee.  I needed time to think anyway before I headed home and tried to convince Pa I had no choice but to head straight back to Miller’s and get my horse.  It wasn’t going to be an easy conversation but surely, it wouldn’t be too hard for him to understand, winter or not.

Then there was the statement Roy made about Pa when he said Pa was pretty banged up.  What does that have to do with getting [pneumonia? What am I missing here?  I motioned to Sam for another beer then noticed Sissy, a saloon girl I didn’t mind spending time with, had come down the stairs and Sam handed her my beer.  She brought it over and sat down next to me.

“You’re in here mighty early, Little Joe.  What’s up?”

“Nothing.  Just waiting for a telegram.  You’re up a mite early too, aren’t you?”

“Got the day shift now.  Not much money in the day shift.”

“No, I suppose not.  Buy you a drink?”

“I could use a cup of coffee.”

I reached into my pocket, pulled out some coins for my beer, and assumed her coffee was on the house.  Knowing she’d be right back, I figured I wasn’t going to get anything solved in my mind, but that was all right.  She was a sweet little gal and a welcomed distraction.

We sat and talked for close to an hour and there’d been no sign of Roy.  “I gotta get going.”  I kissed Sissy on the cheek and left her a dollar tip.  It could be the only tip she’d make working the day shift.

I headed outside to mount Dixie and ride home, but I caught a glimpse of Roy waving a piece of paper above his head and hollering my name so I crossed the street to meet him.

“Got a reply, Little Joe.”

“Good. What’s it say?”

“The sheriff in Prescott is named Will Conner,” he said still trying to catch his breath.  “I don’t know the man, but he said he’d take a ride out to Miller’s place today and ask some questions, see if he spotted the pinto.”

I held my hand out to the sheriff. “Perfect! Thanks, Roy.”  We shook hands and he clapped me on the back.

“Don’t you worry none.  We’ll get that horse back for you, son.”

“I sure hope so.  I need to get back home before Pa sends out a posse of his own.  I’ll check back with you tomorrow.”

Somehow, Dixie didn’t look so bad to me now, knowing things were at least moving forward with Cochise. There was still no way of finding out what happened with Miller twenty years ago but if things didn’t go as planned, there might be some leverage worth using. Nothing I could prove, but I’m a good talker and I was going to get Cooch back one way or another.

“`

I pulled Dixie up outside the barn then went in to stable her and saw that both my brothers’ horses were gone.  I looked up and caught a glimpse of Jenny coming out of the house.  I was glad someone was here to stay with Pa while I was in town.  I grabbed the currycomb and started brushing the little roan.

“Hi,” I said when she came inside the barn.

“Hi yourself, how’d it go?  Your father said you were trying to figure out how to get your horse back.”

“Yeah, Roy Coffee, our sheriff, sent a telegram to the sheriff in Prescott. He’s gonna go out and talk to your stepfather; see what he can find out.”

“If you think he’s just going to give you back the horse you’re kidding yourself, Joe. There‘s going to be a fight.  He‘ll change the brand or whatever else he can think of.  He‘ll do anything to keep you from proving it‘s your horse.  He‘s mean, Joe, and conniving.  Haven‘t you figured that out yet?”

“It’s not your worry, Jenny.  I’m going to Arizona and I will come back with my horse.  I’ll beat Miller at whatever game he wants to play.”

“He’ll kill you, Joe.  You can’t go back there.”

“What makes you say that?”

“He’s capable of anything.  He turned my mother against me.  He does things his way and no one else has a say.  He has the last word on everything.  End of conversation.  Don’t go there, Joe, I beg you.  Don’t go back there.”

I thought she was overreacting.  What could Miller do to me?  I stole his horse.  He stole my horse.  He has the palomino back and when I get Cochise back, we’re even.  I didn’t want her to fret over me so I changed the subject rather abruptly.

“Do you know where my brothers are?”

“They rode out right after you did; something about taking food out for the cattle.  Hay, I think.  Does that sound right?”

I smiled at her.  For a girl who was raised on a ranch before she got married, she sure didn’t know anything about ranching.  “That sounds about right to me.”

“Are you going back, Joe?”

She ignored my changing the subject.  “I don’t know yet.  I’ll wait to see what the sheriff has to say first.  It’s not the best time to travel. I‘m sure I’m gonna have trouble convincing my pa.”

I’d finished with Dixie and put the brush back on the shelf.  I turned around to look for Jenny and found she’d sat down on a bale of hay.  She sat with her eyes closed, leaning her head back against an upright between the stalls.  I wasn’t sure whether to disturb her or not.  I started to leave when she called out my name.

“Joe, do you have a minute?”

“I always have a minute for you.”  I walked over and sat down on the bale next to her.  “What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“Well,” I said, reaching for her hand.  “It can’t be that bad.”  She pulled her hand away and stood up. She walked away from me.  I sat there, waiting.  Someday, she’d tell me what was on her mind.

“I’m afraid I’ve led your brother on,” she said.

I was rather shocked at her statement, but I tried not to let it show.  Here I thought they were becoming a couple, not that I was crazy about the idea, but—

“Don’t get me wrong, Joe.  Both your brothers have treated me like a queen; taken me to town, bought me beautiful dresses or anything else I needed, but I think Adam thinks it’s more than just friendship, and I—I think maybe I gave him that impression.”

“Do you want me to say something to him?”

“NO!”  She whipped herself around and knelt in front of me.  “I’ll handle this.  I started it and I‘ll finish it.”

“Okay.  I’ll stay out of it, but don‘t wait too long.”  Maybe it was stupid on my part to think she could handle it without Adam getting hurt, but I said I would stay out of it and I would.  It was too late for me to ride out now and meet my brothers and help them with the herd, but I was anxious to get Hoss alone.  I knew he would tell me the truth about Pa. Hoss could never keep a secret.

“Come on, let’s go inside.  It’s cold out here.” I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and we headed back to the house.

“`

Jenny looked lovely.  Adam, as he’d done every night, stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her, and we all sat down together.  Hop Sing was in his glory since Jenny had come to stay.  For him, it was like having royalty at our table, and every evening became a special occasion.

Thanksgiving was this Thursday and Hop Sing had already started his preparations.  Sheriff Coffee would join us and so would Paul Martin and his wife.  We had just started dinner when there was a knock at the door. Hop Sing headed that way mumbling something in Chinese. I reached behind my chair and grabbed his arm.

“I‘ll get it.”

Roy stood at the door.  I greeted him and hurried him into the house and out of the cold.

“It’s Roy Coffee,” I hollered back to my family.

Pa got up from the table and came around the corner to join us.  He stood next to me and draped his arm around my shoulder for gentle support. Roy wouldn’t have ridden this far this late at night if something weren’t up.

“We just sat down to supper, Roy.  Will you join us?”  

Pa and I both knew the news had to be bad, but that was Pa, always polite and trying to defuse a bad situation.

“I got a telegram back from Prescott.”

By now, Hoss had joined us but Adam stayed with Jenny at the table.

“Howdy, Roy.”

“Hoss.”

Roy handed me the telegraph.

Roy Coffee, Virginia City, NV

Esther Miller dead (stop)

Accidental fall (stop)

Investigation seems unnecessary (stop)

Looking for daughter, Jennifer Ann Simmons (stop)

Last seen with Joe Carter (stop)

No sign of pinto (stop)

Sheriff Will Conner, Prescott, AZ

Pa and Hoss had both read along with me over my shoulder.  I looked up at Pa and then at the sheriff.  I had told the sheriff about my name change to Carter, but I’d never told Pa.

“That’s Jenny’s mother,” I whispered.  “She’ll have to be told.”

“Carter?” Pa said, in that low, drawn-out voice he sometimes uses when he already knows something but still wants an explanation.

“Um, yeah—that’s me, Pa.”

“I figured as much.” I smiled rather sheepishly and nodded at my father.  I don’t think he was pleased.

Pa took the telegram and after reading it again, he looked at Roy.  I had told Pa what Roy said about the jewelry case never being found after the fire and the lack of evidence to charge Les Miller for murder or theft.

“Do you think Jenny will want to go home now?” We all spoke in whispered tones, but I figured it wouldn‘t be long before Jenny and Adam would join us.

“I don’t know.  But doesn’t it seem strange to you that both of the widows Miller married are now dead, accident or not?  Seems like one too many accidents for one man.  And another thing, we don’t know the widow McMullen was the first widow he married do we?”

“Now Joe.  Don’t go jumping to conclusions.”

“Your Pa’s right, Little Joe.  I’m going to head back to town and send another telegram to Sheriff Conner.  I’ll tell him what went on here twenty years ago.”  He looked at me, and his head dropped.  “I’m sorry about Cochise, son.”

I nodded to Roy.  “Thanks, but I’ll find him.  I promise you that.”

Roy refused Pa’s offer to stay for dinner and when he left, we returned to the table to finish our meal.  For the next few minutes, we were forced to listen to Hop Sing rant about the sheriff interrupting family when food was hot on the table.  Something about having no sense, but then he flew off into Chinese and we picked up our forks and continued where we’d left off.

“So what did Roy have to say?” Adam asked.

I looked across the table at him and then at Jenny.  “He just said that he didn‘t see a pinto on the ranch.”

I wasn’t ready to talk to Jenny. After supper would be soon enough.  I sat there with my plate full of food and no appetite.  I dreaded telling her the news.  Even though she and her mother weren‘t close, again thanks to Miller, it was still her mother, and I knew she’d take it hard.

Everyone finished their supper but me.  Knives and forks clinked against everyone’s plate while I could only move the food around on mine.  It felt like everyone was staring at me but I didn’t want to look up and give anything away.  My stomach was in knots—there was no way I could eat now.

“Excuse me.”  I left the table, ignoring my father bidding me to stay, grabbed my jacket, and headed out the front door.

I didn’t go far.  I sat in the rocking chair on the front porch and wished I’d brought a bottle of whiskey with me.  I dreaded the thought of having to tell Jenny her mother was dead, and I didn’t know how I’d ever find Cochise.  I closed my eyes, laid my head against the back of the chair, and rocked.

God I missed my horse.  I sure as hell wasn’t going to ride a horse named Dixie for the rest of my life.  Jenny didn’t feel for Adam the same way he felt about her.  Everything was wrong.  I hadn’t been able to talk to Hoss about Pa.  My life was all wrong and I didn’t know which part frustrated me more.  Everything was so messed up.

The front door clicked and I let out a long, irritated breath, thinking maybe whoever it was would take the hint.  I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Couldn’t they figure that out when I left the table?  I wanted to be left alone.  Hoss crossed the front porch. He scraped a chair across the wooden planks.  When I heard him pouring drinks, I opened my eyes.  “Thanks, brother.”

“I thought this might be what you needed ‘bout now.”

“You can say that again.”

“I thought this might be what—”

“Cut that out,” I interrupted him before he could finish.  I knew what Hoss was trying to do, but it didn’t quite work this time.  “Everything’s wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“And I don’t know what to do.”

“About what?”

“About anything.”

“You’re gonna have to tell Jenny.”

“I know.  Did Pa tell you what happened here twenty years ago with Miller?”

“I kind of figured it out when you was goin’ on about all them widows.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“You gonna tell Jenny all that too?”

“I don’t know.  Should I?”

Hoss downed his drink and set his glass on the table.  “I think you have to.”

“Yeah.  Seems strange that both his wives would die accidentally, don’t you think?”

“Wonder if Jenny knew anything about the widow dying here?”

“I doubt it.”

Hoss poured us each another glass of Pa’s good brandy before he spoke again.  “You’re actin’ like this is all your fault, Little Joe.”

“Maybe it is.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, maybe if I hadn’t played Sir Galahad and brought Jenny with me her ma might still be alive.  And if I’d come home alone, I’d still have my horse. And if I didn’t bring Jenny here, she never would have—never mind.”  I stopped myself before I said anything about Jenny and Adam. “Maybe I just should’ve minded my own business.”  I reached for the bottle and poured myself another drink.

“You’re getting’ carried away, Joe.”

“And what about Pa?” I asked.

“Pa?”

“Nothing, Hoss.”

“What about Pa, Little Joe?”

“I’m tired.  I’m going to bed.”  I couldn’t talk to Hoss about Pa right now.  I was too mad at myself and everything else.

“Joe?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Yeah, you do.  What about Pa?”

I looked at my big brother.  He was the best man I knew.  He was out here to help me and all I’d done was push him away.  I missed him so much when I was gone and I never even told him any of that after I returned.  I missed everything about him.  He always knew what I was thinking; half the time before I even knew it myself, and when I was upset, I’d always blow him off with some snide remark.  It wasn’t fair to him.  He probably already knew what I wanted to ask him and was just waiting for the time to be right for me to bring it up.

“I wanna know how Pa got sick.”

“Oh,” he said, acting like he didn’t know what I was talking about.

“Well, Pa was out riding one night, and he—”

“Why was he out riding at night?”

“Well, he just was and—”

“If you’re not going to be straight with me then don’t even bother.”

Hoss took a deep breath and pinched his lips tight together. “Okay, little brother.  Here’s the whole story and I ain’t leaving nothing out.”

Just the way he said it, I knew it had something to do with me.  I’d probably feel worse after he told me but I had to know.  “Go on,” I said.

“It was the day before his and Mama’s anniversary and you know how Pa gets when there’s a special occasion.  You’d been gone a few months by then, and he was under the notion that you weren’t never coming back.”
“My ma?”

“Yeah, Joe, our ma.  We finished supper and like usual we all went to sit in the living room.  Pa lit his pipe like he always does and he had the Territorial Enterprise sitting on his lap, but he weren’t reading.  Ol’ Adam opened his book but he kept looking over the top of it at Pa then over at me.  We knew what he’s thinking about but neither of us said nothing.  There was just something strange about that night.  Pa had been quiet all day; he didn’t have nothing to say all during supper neither.

“It weren’t but another minute or so he got up and put on his coat and hat.  Adam and I looked at each other thinking it was kind of strange for him to be heading outside that late, so Adam asked him where he was going.

“Just outside for some air.”

“Me and Adam sat there a while longer, then we both got up and went to see what he was doing.  Pa weren’t nowhere in sight, so we made our way over to the barn and saw that Buck was gone.  We was hoping he was just going for a short ride and would be back soon.  I told Adam we’d give him an hour then we’d go looking.  ‘Man his age shouldn’t be riding alone at night,’ I said to Adam.”

“So did he come back?” I poured myself another drink and held the bottle up for Hoss.  He shook his head, and I sat the bottle down on the table.

“Well—no.  So, me and Adam rode out, and first off, we went up to Ma’s grave. Thought maybe that’s where he’d go, but he weren’t there.  We had a couple of lanterns with us, but we couldn’t find no tracks, and we didn’t know where else to start looking.  We finally decided to ride into town and have a look around, but he weren’t there neither.  We stopped in at Roy’s and he and a couple of boys rode out with us.”

Hoss stopped for a minute and I looked over at him.  “And?”

“It was Roy who found him.”

“By Ma’s grave?”

“Yeah, how’d you know that?”

“Roy told me that part this morning.”

“Well, Roy got him back to town and to Doc‘s.  Pa was beat up and bruised.  He was cut, had a couple of cracked ribs, and a dislocated shoulder.  He didn’t even open his eyes the whole time we was there.  Adam and I stayed the night with him and the next morning he finally woke up and told us what had happened.”

I cringed when I thought of Pa out there all alone in that condition. Just like I thought, I was the reason and I found myself shivering, but not from the cold.  I poured another glass of brandy without looking up at Hoss.  I drank it quickly before he said any more.

“He told us two guys had jumped him.  Said he’d left the house without his sidearm and couldn’t do nothing to stop them.  He went on to say they knew he was old man Cartwright and wanted all his money.  He had sixteen dollars on him, so they took that, but they beat him up pretty bad ‘fore they left.  We was just glad they didn’t kill him for not carrying more cash.”

It was hard to hear all that Hoss had said.  If only I’d been here.  I thought back to the week it would have happened. It was the same week I’d fallen from the Mustang.  I was out to prove myself to strangers instead of being home where I belonged.  Both of us suffered and for what?  “How’d Pa end up with pneumonia?”

“Roy didn’t find him till halfway through the night.   I should have picked up his tracks, but I didn’t.” Hoss lowered his head.  “We were right.  That’s where he was headed, but those guys got to him first. We must’ve rode right past him.”

“You’re not blaming yourself are you?”

“No, not really, but I don’t know how I could’ve missed them tracks. If we’d just found him sooner he might not have got so sick.  He was cold and bloody and wet.”

“Wet?”

“It started raining after he left the house.”

“Oh.”  I wasn’t surprised at Hoss’ explanation.  I knew my father well, but I never would’ve guessed he’d been held up. “I’m really tired, Hoss.  I think I’ll turn in.”

“Don’t you go fretting yourself over this, Joe, and don’t you go letting on to Pa I told you neither.  He made me and Adam promise we wouldn’t never say nothing to you about that night.”

I nodded to Hoss.  I wanted to take the bottle of brandy with me up to my room, but I knew Hoss wouldn’t let me and I’d never get past Pa.

“Nite, Hoss.” I patted my brother on the shoulder.  It was my only way of saying thanks to him for just being my brother.  I walked into the house and my father called to me as I crossed the room.  I tried to ignore him but you don’t ignore Pa.

“Joseph!” he said, a little more firmly the second time.  “Didn’t you hear me, son?”

“Yes sir.”  I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, but I didn’t turn around.  I heard Pa walking toward me, but I couldn‘t bring myself to look up at him.  I was so tired, tired of everything.  He put his hand on my shoulder and more than anything; I wanted to fall into his arms.

“Anything I can do?”

I’d missed him so much. I was to blame for all the problems he’d had and all he could do was ask if he could help me. I felt rotten; I had to get away from him before I blurted out that Hoss had just told me everything about that night, about the illness.

“I’m just tired, Pa.  I just want to go to bed.”

“All right, son, sleep well.”

“Nite.”

I climbed the stairs slowly and went into my room.  I flopped down on my bed and rested the back of my head on the palms of my hands. Another long, sleepless night, time to figure out my life.

I thought about Pa out there all alone in the night with none of us there to help him.  He could have died.  My brothers would never have been able to find me to tell me I’d sent my pa to an early grave.  I felt a sense of panic race through me as if that’s what had happened.  I couldn’t let the feeling go.  I could picture in my mind a second grave next to Mama’s with Pa’s name in big bold letters.

I rolled over on my side and curled up in a ball.  I was cold but I couldn’t move or grab for the quilt at the foot of my bed.  Death was all around me. Just the thought of Pa dying. I thought about Jenny.  I knew her mother’s death was no accident.  How was I going to tell her?

I heard a knock at my door.  Why? Why won’t they leave me alone?  There it came again.  I suppose Pa had to know what was bothering me.  “Come in.”  The door opened slightly and Jenny’s head peeked around the side.  I swung my legs over the edge and sat up.

“Hi.  Can I come in?”

I nodded.  She started to shut the door. “You better leave it open or my pa might get the wrong idea.”

I pulled out my desk chair and lit the lamp next to my bed but kept the flame low so she wouldn’t see the worry lines that showed on my face.  I was going to have to tell her.  I just didn‘t know how to start.  Jenny became unexpectedly shy, something we normally didn’t have to worry about.

“What’s on your mind?”  

“I’m not sure but I know something’s bothering you.  I thought you might need someone to talk to.”

There was no good place to start so I just blundered my way through the story.  “There’s been an accident, Jenny, and I—” I was having trouble getting it all out in one breath.  “It’s your ma.  She’s—” Her hand flew up to cover her mouth before I could finish.  “I’m sorry.”

Tears filled her eyes.  I knew she was waiting for more information, but I didn’t know what else to say.  I pulled the telegram from my pocket and handed it to her.  “I don’t know any more than this,” I mumbled the obvious.  “Roy Coffee is sending a wire, asking the sheriff down there to investigate.”  I was fumbling with my words while she read the small sheet of paper.  “Maybe we’ll find out more about the accident.”

Her hands were shaking.  When she looked up at me, tears were slipping down her face.  “I have to go back,” she said.

“I know.  We’ll go together.”

I pulled her up from the chair.  Her eyes met mine, but she soon collapsed against my chest, her hands slipped around my waist.  I held her close. Tears came, leaving dark stains on the front of my shirt.  Jenny and I had been through a lot these past few weeks. We had a history together which seemed to be nothing but one disaster after another.

She shivered in my arms and I gently rubbed the back of her neck and shoulders, hoping I could be of some comfort. When I looked up, Adam stood in the doorway. He glared for a long minute before he spoke. “Maybe you should close the door all the way next time,” he said.

“Adam?” I called.  “Wait, it’s not what—”

My brother was gone.  His bedroom door slammed shut. Jenny turned her head toward the door. “Oh God.  He thinks we were—”

“I suppose.  Come on.”  I took her hand in mine and led her to her room. “We’ll talk more in the morning.  You get some sleep.”

She nodded and placed her hand on my chest. “I’ve made a mess of things, haven‘t I?”

“Just get some sleep,” I said, trying to smile.  “We’ll figure things out tomorrow.”

I stopped in front of Adam’s bedroom door. Thinking it best if I explained things before he read more into the whole mess than there actually was, I lifted my hand to knock but I heard Pa and Hoss coming up the stairs.  I didn’t want to explain, and I slipped back into my room. Adam and I would talk tomorrow.

Chapter 9

Feeling like I’d just fallen to sleep, I opened my eyes to the bright morning light coming through my window.  I rolled out of bed, dressed, and headed down to breakfast.  Jenny’s door was still closed, but everyone else was awake.  My mood had changed from the night before, and I didn’t want to deal with Adam or his smart remarks. Without saying a word, I slipped into my chair at the breakfast table.

“Morning, son.”

“Morning, Pa.”

“You look tired this morning.”

I shrugged my shoulders. How could I rest when half my worry had been over my father?  I filled my plate with bacon and eggs then glanced up to see my oldest brother staring at me.  “What?”

I knew this would happen.  He’d glare at me, hound me, or go the other way and decide not to give me the time of day.  It was obvious to Pa and Hoss there was trouble brewing, but that was more common than not between Adam and me.  Nothing happened, there was nothing to explain and if Adam thought there was then that was his problem.  So, nothing was mentioned, and no questions asked.

“Adam, I want you and Hoss to finish with those strays this morning, and Joseph, you and I have some things to discuss so I want you to stay home.”

Hoss reached for the platter of eggs and served himself a second helping. “Better stock up if I have to be out all morning.”

“You two better get going.”  Pa seemed anxious to get things moving, but my poor brother, Hoss, wasn’t quite ready to leave his favorite place on earth.

“Let’s go, Hoss.”

“I’m coming.  Don’t rush me.”  Hoss wiped his hands and mouth and set his napkin on his empty plate.  “See you later, Pa.  Bye little brother.” Adam was already out the door and Hoss quickly followed.

Pa propped his elbows on the table.  “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“What’s going on between you and your brother?”

I shook my head.  “Nothing.”  Pa kept his eyes on me waiting for an explanation.  “Jenny came to my room last night.  She thought I was upset, and I told her what happened to her mother.  She was crying and I was trying to console her when Adam walked by my room and saw us together and, of course, he thought something entirely different was going on.”

“Was there?”

“NO!”  I said out of frustration. “We’re just friends, that’s all.  She was upset!”

“Okay, okay, no reason to shout.  Why didn’t you explain things to your brother?”

“I don’t know.  It’s just the way he looked at us, like—like I was doing something wrong.”

“I think Adam has feelings for Jenny.”

“I know he does,” I said.  “It’s just—”

“Just what?”

I let out a long breath.  I’d let it slip.  I looked up at Pa then studied my plate again.  “She told me she doesn’t have the same feelings for him.”

“I see.  So what does she plan to do about it?”

I shrugged my shoulders.  “She said she would deal with him on her own.”  I looked back at Pa.  “I told her I would stay out of it.”

“So you let your brother go on thinking something is going on between the two of you?”

“Did you tell him Jenny‘s ma is dead?”

“Yes.”

“Then it should’ve been obvious that I had my arms around her, Pa.”

“Matters of the heart are difficult, Joseph.  You of all people should know that.”

“Fine.  I‘ll talk to him.”

I waited for Pa to say I was doing the right thing, but he kept silent.  At least I didn’t have to do it right then.  Maybe Jenny would say something to him before I had to.

“I need to ride into town and see if Roy has any news about Miller.  You know I’m going to have to take Jenny back there don’t you, Pa?”

Pa let out a long loud sigh.  “I figured as much.  I want you to take the stage.  I don’t want you riding horseback this time of year.”

“Pa, that’ll take forever.”

“I am only thinking of yours and Jenny’s safety.  I would also like Adam to go with you.  There might be trouble, and he—“

“Adam?  Why?”

“Here me out, son.”  This was getting worse by the minute.  “If there are legal matters, which I‘m sure there will be, Adam is best qualified to handle any complications that might arise.  You know there‘s going to be trouble as soon as you step foot on Miller’s property.”

If I tried to argue with Pa, I’d lose, but the last thing I wanted was my big brother tagging along.  Pa already had his mind made up.  “Have you told Adam yet?”

“No.  I was waiting to hear what Roy found out first, and I thought it would be a nice gesture if you were the one to ask your brother to go along.”

“Fine.  I’m going to town then.  I’ll be back after I get some news.”  I went to put on my gun belt and Pa followed me to the front door.

“Remember he’s your brother, Joseph.  He’s not the enemy.”

I looked up at Pa.  I knew he was right but it didn‘t mean I had to like it.  “Yes sir.”

“`

Roy hadn’t heard a word, and I told him I’d walk down to the telegraph office and see if anything had come in.  He said he’d walk with me.  He seemed as curious about this whole thing as I was.  I told him Jenny and Adam and I were heading down to Prescott to check things out for ourselves.

“You all be careful down there, Little Joe.  I don’t trust that Miller fella one bit.”  I thought about what Jenny had said yesterday when we talked in the barn.  She was also trying to warn me about the man.  Maybe he was going to give us more trouble than we bargained for but that wouldn’t keep us from meeting with him and finding out the truth.

“Nothing this morning, sheriff,” Jeffrey said, but the telegrapher hollered at us as we started out the front door.  “Wait, it’s coming now.” We both waited patiently. I handed Jeffrey some coins and Roy and I headed outside.

Roy Coffee Virginia City, NV

Went to Miller’s yesterday (stop)

Planning to leave the area (stop)

Ranch for sale (stop)

Holding Miller for investigation (stop)

Will Conner Prescott, AZ.

Roy and I both looked at each other.  “He’s in quite a hurry to leave ain’t he, Little Joe.”

“He sure is.”  I tried to make quick plans in my head.  “Will you send another telegram, Roy?  Tell the sheriff we’ll leave Friday morning.  We’ll be coming by stage.  Pa wouldn’t let us leave until after the holiday anyway and that’s tomorrow.”

“I’ll send it right now.”

“Thanks, Roy.  See you tomorrow for dinner, right?”

“Wouldn’t dare miss Hop Sing’s Thanksgiving feast.”

“`

Pa and Jenny and I sat around the dining room table.  Hop Sing had brought us a fresh pot of coffee, and he’d sat out some leftover chocolate cake.  Although I dreaded talking to Jenny about all of this, I needed to get started.  I’d already shown Pa the telegram so he knew as much as I did.

“I need to talk to you about your ma, Jenny.”

“What about her?”

She sat across the table from me, which I guess she thought was proper in front of my father, after what I‘d said to her last night about leaving the door open. If there was a delicate way to do this, I didn’t know what it was so I just started.

“Did she have any jewelry that was worth anything, or any money of her own that Miller couldn‘t get his hands on unless she—”

“Unless she was dead?  Is that what you mean, Joe?”

I hated asking certain questions, but we needed as much information as possible before we met with Sheriff Conner.  I watched Jenny as her mind worked and she figured out what I was getting at.  I hated to be so blunt but I didn’t know any other way to put things.

“Yes, she had jewelry, lots of pieces.  Some, my father had given her, even some of her mothers and grandmothers.  She never would have sold any of it, and I know for a fact she never would have given it to my stepfather to turn around and sell.  It was family jewelry.  She kept everything for me and my daughter if I’d ever had a daughter.”

A change came over Jenny when she mentioned having a daughter.  It hadn’t been my place to tell Pa about Jenny’s husband and all she’d gone through, but it sort of came up during those two weeks he was bedridden. I’d told him everything, which included why I’d brought her to the Ponderosa from Arizona.

Jenny glanced at Pa and me and continued with her story. “Mama came from old money,” Mr. Cartwright.  “My grandparents came over from England and settled in New York State before my mother was born. Mama met my father twenty years later, and she and Papa moved west and settled near Prescott, Arizona, much to her parent’s dismay.

“Over time, they realized Mama and Papa were never going to return to New York.  My father loved Arizona.  It was his dream to start life somewhere fresh and new.  My grandparents were always going to come out and visit, and we planned to go back and visit, but that never happened. “Too much to do; never the right time to leave the ranch,” Papa would say.”

Jenny dropped her head but kept reminiscing about her folks. “My mother said her parents were very fond of my father although disappointed when they decided to move west.  My father’s family was well-to-do also, and they had big plans for him to study law and work in the city, but Papa’s dream was to come west and homestead.  He hated all that high-society business.

“Ma worried about my education, she being my only teacher.  There were no schools back then like there are now. So, after Papa died and she married Les, she sent me back east, back to live with my grandparents and finish my schooling.

“I didn’t want to go. I cried and cried.  I told her that Papa would never make me leave, but she said that she and Les had discussed it and thought it would benefit me in the long run.  Whether I came back to live with them or not when my schooling was finished would be my decision.”

I finally realized why she didn’t know what all went on around a ranch. She’d been sent away, and I had a feeling it was more Miller’s idea than her mother’s. Jenny had been studying her coffee cup but finally seemed to come out of her trance and looked up at me and Pa.

“I’m sorry.  I got a little carried away there.  What does my mother’s jewelry have to do with anything, Joe?”

I glanced at Pa first then I reached across the table and took hold of Jenny’s hand.  “Miller married a wealthy widow here in Virginia City about twenty years ago. She and her son died in what was considered an accidental fire.  She also had a large amount of jewelry which was never found.”

“But all of my mother’s belongings should be mine now that she‘d passed. I’m sure Mama would have wanted me to have all the pieces that have been in the family for so many years.”

“Miller put the ranch up for sale, Jenny.”

Her hand slipped away. She rose from her chair and crossed the room.  She stood silently with her hand propped against the fireplace.  Her back was to Pa and me and neither of us quite knew what to say so we said nothing at all.  She whirled around and looked straight at me.

“You think he killed her, don’t you?”

I stood up and crossed the room. I tried to think of the right thing to say.  “I don’t know but we need to find out.”  I wasn’t quite finished when she ran from the room and up the stairs. I looked back at Pa who was heading toward me.  “Think I should go up?”

His hand slid across my shoulder.  “Give her a little time, son.”

The front door opened and Hoss and Adam walked in.  Hoss was the first to speak when he saw the two of us.  “What’s wrong?”

I guess it showed.  I looked at Adam.  He still wouldn‘t acknowledge me.  He took off his jacket and hat and headed around the corner to the kitchen.  This was ridiculous and it annoyed the hell out of me so I left Pa standing there and followed my brother.

“What‘s eating you?”

He didn’t look up. He poured a cup of coffee.  “If you don’t know—”

“You’re right.  I don’t, so out with it.”

He turned to face me.  “She’s all yours, Joe,” he said before brushing past me.

I grabbed his arm and the China cup fell to the floor.  Adam glared at me before his right fist plowed into my jaw.  I flew back against Hop Sing’s chopping table and ended up sprawled on my back next to the shattered cup.

“You wanna fight me, Adam?”

Before I could stand up, Hoss stood between us giving me a hand up. “What’s the matter with you two?”

“Tell him, Adam.  Tell him what you think I did.”

Adam made a snorting noise and left the room.  The next thing I heard was the front door slamming shut.  “What the heck?” Hoss said.

“It’s nothing.  Big brother just thinks he knows everything and he doesn’t.”

Pa stood in the doorway.  I flew past him and headed upstairs to talk to Jenny.  I’d let her know we were leaving for Arizona on Friday.

“`

There’s nothing I hated more than sitting on a stagecoach but there we were, the three of us, Adam, Jenny, and me, and two other passengers heading west to San Francisco and then south through southern California, over to Phoenix, and back up north to Prescott. It was a long trip by stage but Pa had insisted.

Jenny sat between the two of us although none of us had much to say.  Pa hadn’t changed his mind about Adam coming along and wouldn’t back down from making me do the asking.  We still weren’t on friendly terms and I’m sure Adam knew it was Pa’s idea he come, not mine.

We had good weather so far.  It was about a two-week trip and we didn’t stop for the night that often.  The driver changed horses about every ten miles. We were able to stretch our legs and use the outhouse before we were herded back inside the coach and off we went.

This was the winter route, used to avoid as many mountain passes as possible.  When Jenny and I had returned to the Ponderosa not even a month ago, we came as the crow flies and made much better time.  But Pa had insisted we take the stage and that’s where we sat, shoulder to shoulder, bumping into each other down rutted roads.

The driver slowed the coach.  My stomach told me it was time to eat and my back and legs told me it was time to get out and stretch.  When he finally stopped in front of a broken-down way station; we all climbed out and headed inside for someone’s version of stage stew.

“We’ll stay here tonight folks.  Leave by six tomorrow morning,” the driver informed us.  “There’s two rooms for sleeping.  One for the women folk and one for the men.  There’s chow on the stove so help yourselves.”

I found myself laughing.  This had been the same speech the last time we‘d stopped for the night. Jenny seemed to find humor too but not my brother, Adam.  He wasn’t at all happy about having to come with the two of us.  We hadn’t worked things out and he was as cool as a frozen lake.  I figured I’d let him “stew” a while longer.

“Ladies first,” I said to Jenny when it was time to eat.  She was trying to ease the tension between the two of us so she dished up a plate of stew, which had meat this time, for Adam and then one for me before serving herself.  We all sat together and were surprised at how tasty our dinner was.  We’d brought leftovers from Thanksgiving with us for the first day but we were soon at the mercy of whoever the cook might be.

Adam and I both reached for the loaf of bread.  He tugged one end and I tugged the other.  Battle lines were drawn.  He glared at me and I glared at him.  Jenny must have found it amusing, sitting between the two of us and she burst out laughing.  Everyone in the dusty little way station turned to look at the two of us fighting over a piece of bread, which, I’m glad to say, finally broke the ice.  We looked at each other, and I started laughing hysterically while Adam shook his head and grinned at me.  What fools we’d been.  The amount of time we’d wasted, we’d never get back.

The rest of the trip went smoothly as far as riding a stagecoach goes.  Between banging into each other after hitting every bump and rut in the road, and having mail bags stacked at our feet, we managed to make it to Prescott in one piece.  We had changed coach and driver in Phoenix and spent our third night in ten days in a way station.  We dined on tamales that night, a nice change from try-to-guess-what’s-in-it stew.

We finally pulled into Prescott, unloaded our luggage, and headed for the only hotel in town.  I handed Adam my bag and asked him to get the three of us checked in while I went over to meet the sheriff.

A tall slender man with graying hair, somewhere around fifty years old, greeted me.  I introduced myself as Joe Cartwright, formerly Joe Carter when I worked for Miller.  A quick explanation of why I had changed my name and we were headed in the right direction.  I mentioned my brother had come with me, and I had brought Jenny Simmons, Miller’s stepdaughter, along to clear up some things and do whatever was necessary.

Sheriff Conner offered me a chair and a cup of coffee, which I gladly accepted.  He explained he’d had Les Miller locked up in one of his cells, but he was a free man now and staying out at the ranch waiting for us to arrive.

“I couldn’t hold him any longer without any proof of wrongdoing, Mr. Cartwright.  He hired himself an attorney and was advised not to sell the ranch or anything else until his stepdaughter arrived.”

“We got here as fast as we could, Sheriff.  It’s a long trip this time of year.”

“I understand, son, and I’m glad you’re here.  Now maybe we can get this whole mess cleared up.  Miller’s attorney’s name is Alfred Murdoch and his office is right here on Main Street.  He’ll be wanting to visit with Miss Simmons as soon as possible.”

I figured I might as well be blunt.  Roy had sent a wire explaining what went on with Miller in Virginia City twenty years ago.  “What about Miller?  Is there any evidence he killed his wife?”

“There was only one other person in the house that night.  An older woman; a maid named Ora Mae, but I’m afraid she didn’t see anything.”

“Is she still living out at the Miller‘s?”

“No, she’s staying at Miss Sylvie’s Boarding House.  Said something about wanting to see Miss Simmons one more time before she left town.”

“Thank you, sheriff.  We’re staying at the hotel.  We’ll all be back to see you before we head out to Miller’s ranch.”  I extended my hand to him.  He seemed like a good man but I was anxious to see how far he’d go to investigate.

Chapter 10

I sent Jenny and Adam to talk to the attorney, Murdoch, and let him know we were here while I went and talked with Ora Mae.  But first, I needed a bath and a meal, and I‘m sure they did too.  I left the sheriff’s office and headed to the hotel.  It would be nice to sleep in a bed tonight that had a feather or two left in the mattress.

It was four o’clock when I got back to the hotel. Adam had gotten Jenny a room of her own and he and I would share another; a suite with beds in two separate rooms.  I felt like we were living high on the hog after spending the past two weeks traveling and trying to sleep on that hard-as-a-rock seat on the stage.

Adam mentioned the hour and said there was nothing we could accomplish this late in the day so he’d sent a note to Mr. Murdoch asking for a meeting early tomorrow morning.  I’d wait and see Ora Mae tomorrow.  I knew she’d be happy to see Jenny and maybe even happy to see me.  We had become good friends during my time on Miller’s ranch, and I missed our kitchen talks.

The more I thought about her, I wondered if she could’ve possibly known the fate of Jenny’s ma.  Seemed to me she knew just about everything else that went on in that house.  I was anxious to talk to her.  Maybe she’d been too scared of Miller to speak up, but now that we were here to stand by her, I thought she’d tell us all she knew.  I was here to protect her if need be.  She could count on that.

The three of us sat down for dinner in the hotel dining room.  The food was good but the conversation was lacking.  It seemed Adam was brooding again, and I suspected it had to do with Jenny.  I didn’t think she’d talked to him yet and if she didn‘t hurry up and get it done, I would have to say something myself.  There was no friendly banter, in fact, no talking at all while we all sat and politely ate the food placed in front of us.  I wondered if I should fight my brother over a piece of bread again.  But, I decided against it.

Adam’s and my room was just across the hall from Jenny‘s.  Adam unlocked her door and handed her the key.  He turned the key in the lock to our room and went in before I had even had a chance to say goodnight to her.  “He’s still upset with me, isn’t he?” she said.

“Well, I think it’s probably over between the two of you, that’s if there was anything to begin with, but I still think you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel.”  I may have overstepped a bit, but the silence between my brother and me was driving me crazy.  I thought we would get a lot more accomplished if Adam and I were working together instead of keeping our distance.

“I know you’re right, Joe.  Things just happened so fast, I never had the chance to—” She looked down and started to turn into her room.

I tipped her chin up and looked into those brilliant blue eyes.  “I think he already knows.  Just set the record straight and we‘ll all be better for it.”

There was something different about her tonight, a vulnerability I hadn‘t seen for a long time.  I kept my eyes on hers, and my body started reacting in ways it shouldn’t.  Why now? This wasn’t right at all.  I held my hat casually in front of me.  I couldn’t let her see.  “Why don’t I send him over to your room and you two can talk it out.”  I needed to get away from her, and now.

“I don’t know.”

I reached for her hand but kept my hat firmly in place.  “Just get it over with,” I said.  “The three of us can’t go on like this.  We need to work as a team to get through this mess with Miller.  Don’t you see that?”

She kept her eyes on mine longer than necessary.  She looked so tired and alone, not quite up for the fight that was ahead. I wanted to be alone with her, but why these feelings now? This was ridiculous. Not now.  Back away, Joe.  Just back away and forget it.

“Okay,” she finally said.  “Send him over, but give me a few minutes, all right?”

“All right.”  I kissed her lightly on the cheek.  “Thanks.  It‘s all for the best.”

I let go of her hand and pushed the door open then pulled it closed. I let out a deep breath of relief.  I’d have to stand in the hallway for a minute before I went into my room and faced my brother.

“Hey, where’d you get that?” I asked when I finally felt comfortable walking into the room.

“From the restaurant.  There’s another glass,” he said, pushing the bottle of whiskey across the table toward me.

Cold as a cucumber.  I figured as much.  He hadn’t said two words to me the whole trip.  I sat down in a chair across from him and poured myself a drink.

“I was talking for a minute with Jenny.”

No comment.

“She would like to talk to you.”

“Why would she want to talk to me?”  He spoke more monotone than normal, but I pretended I didn’t detect the obvious sarcasm.  I think that really would have set him off.

“I don’t know,” I said casually.  “She just asked me to send you over to her room.”  I wondered if I was getting his hopes up.  “I think she just wants to talk.”

He let out a deep sigh and looked up at me.  “What’s going on, Joe?”

“I told you.  I don’t know.  She just wants to talk to you.”  I was frustrated with him.  I couldn’t tell him I already knew. There was nothing else I could say.  “Just go see what she wants. I’m going to bed.”

I didn’t know which room was mine.  Without a word, Adam pointed to the doorway.  “Thanks,” I said.  I left him sitting there and crossed the room, shutting the door behind me.  I pulled off my boots and listened for any movement in the outer room. Adam tended to walk across a room like a cat, making no sound at all.  Finally, I opened my door and peeked out.  He was gone.

Good, I could go to sleep now.  The bed looked inviting.  I slipped on my nightshirt and crawled between the sheets with the fluffy down quilt wrapped tightly around me.  I curled up like a baby. This was heaven, a full stomach, and a soft bed.  Life was good but quickly my thoughts betrayed me.

I thought how much better it would be if Jenny were with me; curled up next to me under the covers.  I could almost feel her warm body next to mine with my hand caressing every inch of her.  Even though it was out of the question, having her lying next to me made me smile, and before long, I was fast asleep.

I don’t know why I woke but I crawled out of my warm, cozy bed, opened my bedroom door, and looked out into the parlor.  There was a lamp turned low and I saw Adam bringing a glass to his lips. The room was cold and I walked over and put a couple of logs on the fire.  I stood there a minute until Adam looked up and motioned me to sit down.  I hated it when things were this awkward between us.  We always had disagreements but this was as bad as it got.

I sat down across from him and he held the half-empty whiskey bottle up. “No thanks,” I said.  “You’re still up.  What time is it?”

“Around two or three I guess.”  He sat there for a few minutes before he spoke again.  “You knew didn’t you?”

I hesitated for a minute then nodded at my brother.  “Yeah, I knew.”  I wished I‘d had the right words to say, something to take the edge off but I didn‘t.  “I’m sorry, Adam.”

He waved his hand in the air as if to say it was over and done with.  “I guess we should both get some sleep.  Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.”

“I guess we should.”  I studied my older brother.  He looked awful.  “You okay?”

“Yeah.  I think I’m the one that needs to apologize though. I was wrong about the two of you.”

I waved my hand in the air like he‘d done only moments ago.  All was forgotten.  We could be brothers again.

“Nite brother.”

“Goodnight, Joe.”

“`

Early the next morning there was a knock on the door.  A messenger handed me a note addressed to Adam Cartwright.  Adam was lying on the settee nursing a headache when I handed him the note.  It was from the attorney, Alfred Murdoch.  He would meet us at ten o’clock in his office.  That would give us time to eat breakfast and head out.  I crossed the hall and knocked on Jenny’s door.  There was no answer.  I knocked again.  Still no answer.  I tried the doorknob and found the door locked.

I ran down the stairs to the hotel lobby, stopped at the front desk, and asked the manager for another key.  He wouldn’t give me one outright but said he would go up with me and unlock the door since both rooms were registered in Adam‘s name.  I barely had time to say thanks before he headed back down to the lobby.

I called out to Jenny, but there was still no answer.  I walked across the room and opened the bedroom door.  The bed was made and her belongings were still there.  I was glad of that but where had she gone this early?  I closed the door behind me and went to tell Adam.

“I don’t know about you, but I need some breakfast first, then we can find her.”

 I nodded and we went downstairs to the hotel restaurant.  I didn’t think she would go to the lawyer’s office by herself or out to the ranch.  The only other person was Ora Mae, and that’s where I’d look first.

“Everything all right, boys?” the waitress asked.

“Delicious, ma’am.  I wondered if you could answer a question for me.”

“I’ll try.”

“Could you tell me where Miss Sylvie’s Boarding House is?”

“You’re the second person who’s asked that this morning.”  I glanced at Adam and we were sure we knew who that other person was.  “You go two blocks to the south,” she pointed, “and turn left.  Can’t miss it.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”  I turned to Adam.  “You buying?”

“Go on.  Just have her at Murdoch’s by 10:00.  I’m going back upstairs.”  I knew Adam wasn’t feeling too spry this morning. Hopefully, breakfast would perk him up some.

I practically ran down to the boarding house and knocked on the front door.  An older woman answered.  “What can I do for you, young man?”

“I would like to see Miss Ora Mae, ma’am.”

“She already has a visitor.”

“I know.  We’re together.  She just got here before I did.”

“You stay right here, and I’ll check with the ladies.  You stay right here now.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“What’s your name, son?”

“Just tell her Joe’s here to see her.”

She shut the door and left me standing in the cold.  I could hear her fussing as she walked away.  I waited patiently for her to come back and let me in.  When she finally did, she wouldn’t allow us all to go to Ora Mae’s room.  No male visitors in a woman’s room no matter what the circumstances were.  She made us sit in the parlor to talk.

Jenny was there as we figured she would be.  Ora Mae smiled at me and gave me a big bear hug.  “I’ve missed you,” I said.  She reached up and touched my face.  I couldn’t miss the tears glistening in her eyes.  “Come and sit down.”  I guided her to the settee, and Jenny sat down next to her.  I took the chair closest to the two of them.

“I was just explaining to Ora Mae that we were heading to see my stepfather’s lawyer.”

I looked at Ora Mae.  She hadn’t spoken yet, but I felt there was a story to tell.  “We can’t talk here.  We have to go meet with Murdoch now.  I looked up and saw Miss Sylvie standing outside the doorway.  Ora Mae saw her too, and I didn’t want her to give anything away.

“I’m gonna come back this afternoon and bring you to our hotel for a long visit, Auntie Ora,” I said loud enough for Miss Sylvie to hear.  “We have so much to catch up on.  I’ve sure missed your down-home cooking.”

Jenny and I started to leave.  I stopped next to Miss Sylvie while she was pretending to dust her bookshelves.  “Ora Mae’s my aunt on my mother‘s side.  I haven’t seen her for such a long time.  She’s such a wonderful lady.” I tipped my hat at Miss Sylvie, and Jenny and I headed out the door.  I knew that would keep her busy thinking for the rest of the day.

“What was that all about?” Jenny asked.

“Nothing.”

“Joseph,” she said, shaking her head.

“`

After quick introductions, the three of us were seated in front of the attorney’s desk.  He was a short little man with a shiny bald head and wire-rimmed glasses perched on the end of his nose, which he looked over the top of most of the time.  He offered Adam and me a drink, and we both declined.  I had to hide my expression at the look on my brother’s face.  He certainly wasn’t up for another drink this morning.

Murdoch pulled legal papers from his drawer and laid them on top of his desk.  He studied the papers for a few moments then he reached in his pocket for a handkerchief and dabbed his shiny pink forehead before he was ready to speak.  He finally looked up and directed himself toward Jenny.

“I was sorry to hear about your mother‘s unfortunate accident, Miss Simmons.  A terrible accident.  Terrible.”

“Exactly how did she die, Mr. Murdock?” Adam asked.

“Don‘t you know?”  He looked bewildered.  “Haven’t you been out to see your father?”

“Lester Miller is my stepfather, Mr. Murdoch, not my father.  My father’s dead.”

“I see.  Well, let’s see then.  It was an accident, you know.  My client found Mrs. Miller at the bottom of the staircase.  Her neck was broken from the fall she took.  The funeral was two days later.  A solemn affair,” he said, shaking his head as if recalling the event.  “Your stepfather was distraught and wanted to leave the area and get as far away from the grief and painful memories as he possibly could.  He wasn’t thinking straight.  He loved her so.”

I thought I might throw up, listening to this man ramble through this story of sadness and grief.  I wondered what Jenny was thinking. “So he stayed because the sheriff wouldn’t let him leave.  Isn’t that right, Mr. Murdoch?”

“As I said, young man, his thinking was blurred.  He was so distraught after his wife’s sudden death.”

“So distraught he wasn’t planning to tell his daughter her mother died?”

“Now you listen here,” Murdoch said angrily.

Adam cut in and stopped the next words I would’ve said to Murdoch.  “This isn’t getting us anywhere.  Let’s all calm down and talk this out.”

My brother was right, but I couldn’t sit and listen to this sickening story of a suffering, bereaved man any longer.  The man was a killer. Deep down I knew that and I think Jenny did too.  I reached for her hand.  I tried to calm myself and comfort her, not a simple task.

“If I may continue,” Murdoch said, looking directly at me.  “Mr. Miller has the ranch up for sale and is still planning on leaving the area.  I have some papers here—”

“Why is he so anxious to leave a working ranch; a profitable ranch?” I asked.

Adam gave me a sideways glance but he didn’t stop me this time.  I wasn’t gonna sit calmly and be fed a bunch of bull.

“I thought I explained that, son.”

“My name is Joseph Cartwright.  I’m not your son.”

“Okay, Mr. Cartwright.  The man is distraught.  He wants to make a new start, a new life.  You’ll have to speak with Mr. Miller if you need more information.” Murdoch looked back at the papers in his hand.  “Do you want me to continue?”

“Yes, please,” Adam said and challenged me to say another word.

Murdoch looked at the three of us but kept his eyes on me a bit longer. He finally read from the paper.  “When the property sells, the proceeds from the sale will go directly to Lester Miller.  There were no heirs; no children produced by Lester and Esther Miller, so he’s entitled to all proceeds from the sale.

“There are some personal belongings of Mrs. Miller’s that he has agreed you may have if you so wish,” Murdoch said, looking up at Jenny.

“What kind of personal belongings?”

“I’m not exactly sure.  But I would assume clothing, maybe some intimate belongings only suited for a woman.”

“I see,” I said.  “Nothing of real value then.”

“No, not to my knowledge.”

Jenny’s hand gripped tighter to mine.  She kept quiet about the jewelry.  We would talk to Ora Mae and the sheriff first.

“Is there anything else, Mr. Murdoch?” Adam asked.

“I think that’s all for now.  Will you be in town long?”

“As long as it takes,” Adam said and turned to Jenny and me.  “Let’s go.”

I helped Jenny up from her chair and we followed Adam out of the office. The air was cold but the sun on our faces seemed to help wash away the lies that had been told.  Les Miller and Jenny’s ma were anything but close and he was not a grieving sort of man.

I turned to Adam.  “I want to talk to Ora Mae before we see the sheriff.  She said she would come to the hotel and talk to us.”

“I’ll take Jenny back to the hotel, and you go and get her.”

“Okay.”  I tipped my hat to Jenny and headed back to Miss Sylvie’s.

“`

Ora Mae was scared. She kept her head down and she held tightly to my arm while we headed quickly down Main Street to the hotel. My eyes scanned up and down the boardwalk and into the alleys as the two of us made our way from the boarding house.  I was watching for Miller or maybe even Murdoch but I was clueless as to who else I should be looking out for.  I felt uneasy.  Ora Mae was easy to spot and an easy target.  We hurried as fast as she could go.

I took her up the back stairs so no one would chance to say something about me bringing a colored woman into the hotel.  I introduced her to Adam, and we all took a seat in the parlor.  Adam had a pot of fresh coffee sent up, and he poured us all a cup. Ora Mae knew why we needed her. She would’ve been the only witness to murder if that’s what it was.  As soon as we were done with introductions and small talk, it was time to get down to business.

“Is there anything you can tell us about the night Mrs. Miller died? Anything out of the ordinary or unusual?”  I didn’t want to come right out and say what we were all thinking.  I’d let her tell her side of the story.

She looked at Jenny and then back at me.  “I love Missy Esther very much.  She was always kind to me.  Things change when the Mister move into the house after Missy husband died.  He didn’t like me much from the start but Missy made him let me stay.  Jenny was just little then, but I’d been with the family since my baby girl’s firstborn.”

I looked over at Jenny who was smiling at the older woman. “Jenny was like my very own child.  I raise her from when she born till the day he make her go ‘way to that school.  Six long years I waited for her to come back home. Then we’s family again.

“It weren’t long before she marry Mr. Simmons.  He weren’t the right man for her but the Mister owed him money and the Mister knowed how to make things happen.  He made life so hard for Jenny, she want to leave to get away from him and his mean ways, and she fell right into Mr. Simmons’ arms.”

She looked at Jenny with tears glistening in her eyes.  “I’s sorry Miss Jenny.  I should’ve said something all them years ago but I’s afraid of the Mister.  He didn’t know I heard everything that went on in that house.  I always kept quiet but I ain’t keeping quiet no more.  I knowed what I seen that night.”

Jenny held Ora Mae’s hands in hers as the old woman told her story.  I saw her gently squeeze the woman’s hand before she spoke.  “Don’t you worry about any of that now.   It’s all in the past and it’s all over with.  Just tell us what happened to my mother.”

“It weren’t long after you left for that school that things change for the worse.  Missy took herself a separate bedroom from the Mister.  Sometimes he go to town and wouldn’t come back for days at a time.  Missy knew what he‘s doin’ but she never say nothing.  Them two was strangers in the same house.

“Missy was fine for a while living like that.  I think she’s afraid of the Mister just like me.  She was so happy when she knowed you was coming home.” Ora Mae’s face lit up when she remembered that time.  She gripped tighter to Jenny’s hand and they both had tears in their eyes.

“Missy and I cleaned the house till everything was shiny bright.  We danced around and sang the old slave songs I used to sing to Jenny.  We made sure everything perfect for when you come home.  That was the best time for Missy.”  But her eyes became dark again when she continued her story.

“After you marry Mr. Simmons, that’s when things change in the house. Missy took to her room most of the time.  After I serve the Mister in the dining room, I would take a tray upstairs.  She knowed about the reason you marry Simmons, but the Mister kept her quiet.  She was never herself after that.”

I thought I was anxious for her to get to that final night, but the way she told her story made us all sit forward in our chairs and listen, eager to know what went on in the Miller household.  Maybe because it was so different than my own; I wanted to hear it all.

I knew this had to be hard on Jenny.  I didn’t think she had any idea of what had happened to her mother and why she had become so distant and uninterested.  Ora Mae had paused for a minute so Adam picked up the pot and poured us all another cup of coffee. She continued.

“Jenny come back to the house after her marriage went bad and Missy couldn’t seem to figure out why Jenny was there.”  She looked directly at Jenny.  “I knowed it seemed like she didn’t care about you or didn’t want you ‘round but that weren’t so.  She’d changed and I knowed the Mister done something to make that happen.  Anything I said he’d deny.  Who’d take the word of an old black woman anyway?

“The Mister was outta money again.  I could always tell.  He got mean-tempered and yelled at everyone when the money run out.  I think it’s cuz he couldn’t go to town no more and pay for his women friends for—well you knows.”  She was probably blushing under that dark skin. Jenny was too.

“This is about when you show up looking for work,” she said, smiling up at me. I winked at her and she went on with her story.  “I liked you from the start.  Things was getting worse around the house and that’s when I thought of you, Mister Joe.  I thought if you could get my Jenny away from there, things would be all right.  I didn’t want the Mister trying to sell her off again, and he would’ve.  He owed everybody he knowed.”

Jenny looked at me and smiled, but I saw sadness in her eyes.  This man wasn’t fit to live, and if Adam and I could put him behind bars or have him hung for the things he’s done, I’d be a happy man.

“I’s so happy that morning the two of you left.  I seen you working them horses.  I seen how you treated them and I knew Jenny would be safe with you.  But the Mister was madder’n a hornet when he found you’d taken that horse of his.  He need the money he could make selling her.  He rant and rave ‘round here something fierce.  That’s when he send them two no-goods out to find you.

“When they rode back with them horses, the Mister very happy.  I knowed you’d be back.  I knowed you’d come back for your horse.  I didn’t want to leave Missy alone with that man.  I beg her to come with me but she weren’t right in the head no more.  She look right at me and she don’t know me.  After all the years we’s together, she don’t know me.”

Adam and I glanced at each other knowing something was wrong in that house and it had to do with Miller.  How were we going to prove any of this? The woman was already dead and buried.

“That night something woke me.  I didn’t light the lamp, but I walk through the kitchen and into the dining room.  It was dark but the moon was shining in.” Ora Mae looked at Jenny and then back down to her lap.  “That’s when Missy come tumbling down the stairs, and I could see the Mister standing at the top.  When he didn’t come down after her, I didn’t know what to do so I slip back into my room.  I was scared he might come after me.”

Tears filled her eyes when she looked up at Jenny.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell the sheriff when he come out here, Jenny.  I was so afraid of the Mister.”  The tears started down her cheeks.  Jenny pulled Ora Mae close and wrapped her arms tightly around her.

“Don’t you worry about anything. I’ll always take care of you.  You have nothing to worry about,” Jenny said, in a most convincing voice.

“But the Mister.  If he finds out I knows what happen that night he’ll—”

“No, he won’t,” I interrupted.  “I’ll see to it he never lays a hand on you.  I promise you that.”

Chapter 11

Adam and I left Jenny and Ora Mae in the hotel room and told them not to open the door for anyone or leave for any reason until we got back.  The two of us headed out to talk to the sheriff.  We didn’t want either of them to be seen out in the open any more than necessary.

We didn’t find Conner in his office but we caught a glimpse of him going in the Gilded Lily as we headed down Main Street.  I didn’t know about my brother but a beer sure sounded good to me after listening to Ora Mae’s story.  Adam spotted the sheriff sitting at one of the tables, and I stepped up to the bar to buy us all a beer.

Adam had already joined Conner by the time I got over to the table.  I set the beers in front of the three of us, and the sheriff nodded and touched the brim of his hat.  “We have something we need to discuss with you, sheriff,” Adam said.

“I‘m all ears, Mr. Cartwright.”

“I don’t want to be overheard.  We might want to wait until we get back to your office.”

The sheriff nodded.  “Got no plans at all after I finish this beer,” he said.

“That’s soon enough,” Adam replied.

We walked back to Conner’s office, and I wondered how many sets of eyes were on us.  I was sure Miller knew we were in town by now.  I didn’t trust that Murdoch fella either.  That man gave me the creeps.  I didn’t know where we’d find an attorney if we needed one on our side.  It sure wasn’t going to be Cal Simmons, Jenny’s ex-husband.  I found it odd that a town this small could support two attorneys.

“I only have coffee here in the office, boys,” Conner said after Adam and I had taken seats in front of his desk.  Adam waved him off.  We just wanted to get the story told and see where we went from there.

“—so that about sums it up, Sheriff.”  I let my brother tell most of the story but when he forgot something I was quick to jump in and add my two cents.  I wanted to make sure we didn’t leave anything out.  Conner sat back in his chair and listened until we were finished, then raised himself, propping his elbows on his desk.

“That’s quite a story, but the maid didn’t see Miller push his wife down the stairs did she?  I don’t know if we have enough to go on, boys.”

I was out of my chair and hollering at the sheriff before Adam could hold me back.  “What else do you need, sheriff?  You know the man drugged her till she didn’t know her own mind, and then he went and killed her just like he killed that widow in Virginia City twenty years ago!”

“That may be true but we have no proof.  It’s his word against the maid’s.  I just don’t know if we have anything that will hold up in a court of law.”

“But Ora Mae’s an eyewitness.”

“You said it was dark and she didn’t see Miller push his wife down the stairs.”  His voice was much calmer than mine made me realize how hysterical I sounded.

“So what do we do now, sheriff?” Adam asked, trying to ignore my outburst.

“I’m not sure.”  He scratched his head.  “We’re going to have to get Miller to admit to killing his wife, and that’s not going to be an easy task.”

“I’m sure I can make him talk.”

“Please, Joe, sit down and think for once before you open your big mouth,” Adam said, in that voice I hate.

“Your brother’s right.  We have to do this according to the law, and I’m not sure that’s what you have in mind.”

I glared at both men before I stomped out of the office, slamming the door behind me.  I hadn’t planned to kill the man, just convince him to come clean.  I’m not a murderer like Miller.  I’m not an idiot.  I should have headed back to the hotel, but I was mad as hell at their insinuations and the fact there was no way of proving the man was a killer.  The saloon looked more inviting than the hotel room so that’s where I went.

I sat inside The Gilded Lily nursing my beer.  I didn‘t want to think of how many drinks I‘d had while I sat alone listening to some yokel hitting the wrong keys on a tinny old piano.  I looked up to see my brother running into the saloon. He was out of breath.  Adam never ran anywhere.  I almost started laughing until I saw the look on his face.  He grabbed my arm and pulled me up unexpectedly from the chair.

“What the—”

“Come on,” he said, yanking me out of the saloon.  “How much have you had to drink?”

“Enough.”  Maybe a little too much because my feet weren’t cooperating and, I had to hang on to an upright outside the saloon.  Adam seemed uneasy and he had no patience for my over-indulgence.  He grabbed my arm and pulled me across the street.  I didn’t have much choice but to let him drag me with him.  I was in no condition to fight.

I came up gasping for air. I shook my hair from my eyes.  “What the hell?” My hands clutched the edge of the water trough, but before I could say another word, Adam pushed my head back under the water.

“That’s enough!”  I yelled, sputtering and gasping once again.  Down I went for a third time.  I came up breathing hard and madder’n hell.

“What’s wrong with you?”  I hollered at my overpowering brother.

“I need you sober.”

“Okay, I’m sober, I’m sober.”  He let go of me, and I sat down hard on the boardwalk and plunked my hat on my wet head.  I looked up at my brother.  I thought maybe he’d lost his mind.  “What’d you do that for?”

“Let’s go.  You need to get cleaned up.”  Adam hung on to my arm all the way to the hotel room.  He unlocked the door and shoved me inside.

“Quit pushin’ me!”  He didn’t say anything but he headed straight for my room.  He came out with a clean shirt and handed it to me.

“Get changed.  We’ve got trouble.”

“What do you mean?” I started fumbling with the buttons while Adam explained.

“They’re gone.”

“Gone?”  I tried my best to understand but my head was still a bit messed up.  Then it hit me.  I looked around the room. “Where are they?”

“I don’t know, but we need to find them.  Can you ride?”

“Sure.  I’m fine.”  I could have kicked myself for heading to the saloon instead of the hotel.  If only I’d come straight back here. “I got a real bad feeling, Adam.”

“I doubt they left on their own. I’ll rent two horses and meet you downstairs.”

“Okay.”  I prayed we wouldn’t be too late.  I promised both women I’d keep them safe and I’d failed miserably.  I poured fresh water into the bowl, rinsed my face, and ran my hands through my hair.  Slipping on my clean shirt, I buttoned it as fast as my fingers would work.  We couldn’t waste any more time getting out to Miller’s.  I knew what that man was capable of, and I didn’t want Jenny to be his next accident.

The sheriff was waiting with Adam when I came out of the hotel.  It was a long ride out to the ranch and I knew I was in trouble.  My head was pounding in time with the horse’s gait and I hoped I wouldn’t be sick. Realizing I was lagging, I could feel my face flush, and as many times as I swallowed I had no choice, I had to stop.

I pulled my mount to the side and relieved myself of my breakfast. I took a few deep breaths and rested my clammy face against the horse’s neck. I closed my eyes and waited for my stomach to settle. The sheriff said something to Adam but I couldn’t make out the words.  When I was able to open my eyes, Adam was next to me, holding out his canteen.

“Thanks.”   Between halted breaths, I rinsed my mouth and handed it back to him.  “Just give me a minute.” I leaned my head back on the horse.  It took me a few minutes before my breathing was under control. I lifted my head and to make things worse, it started snowing.  We needed to get moving and I was the one holding us up. “Let’s go.”

I had to get control of myself before we got there.  I was in no condition for a gunfight or anything else.  It took everything I had just to sit the horse and to keep my stomach from getting the better of me again.

We were closing in on the ranch and we didn’t know if Miller had men out watching for us or not.  The three of us rode up to the main house. We dismounted and tied our rented horses to the railing.  Adam and I followed the sheriff. Conner knocked twice but no one answered.  He turned the doorknob and swung the door open wide.

“Miller?” he called out.  Adam and I both drew our guns and followed the sheriff into the house.  I turned to look back outside.  I thought I saw movement through the open barn doors.

“I think someone’s in the barn.  I’ll check it out.”

“Be careful, Joe.  Don’t take any unnecessary chances.”  I winked at him and nodded quickly before I headed back out of the house.

I circled to the side of the barn and then crept along the front until I was at the doorway.  I listened.  I didn’t know if I heard people or animals and I wouldn’t know until I went inside.  I took off my hat and held it in front of the doorway. Nothing.  I walked inside.

I stood still and let my eyes adjust to the darkness.  Then I saw her.  Ora Mae.  She was standing on a bale of hay with a rope around her neck.  It hung from a beam above and was tied to a horse that Rex, Miller’s foreman, held tightly to the reins.  With any movement at all, the old woman would be hanged.

Rex, the same man that stole Cochise from me, held the bridle of the skittish little bay.  His other hand had a gun pointed straight at my gut.  He had a smile on his face as he pulled the horse a step forward, and Ora Mae strained to keep her footing on the bale.

“Gonna drop that gun, boy?”

I looked at Ora Mae and back to Rex.  I threw my gun to the ground.  “I’m not alone you know.”

“Neither am I.”

“Let the woman go.”  I didn’t have any leverage with this man but I blurted it out anyway.

“What’s she to you, boy?”

“She’s just an old woman.  Let her go.”

“She’s just an old darkie.”  Rex pulled the horse another step forward and laughed.  “You gonna stop me, boy?”

My heart pounded as I looked at Rex.  I’d only made things worse.  Her heels were off the bale now and she was struggling to keep her balance.

“Why?  What do you have to gain?  Let her go and you can string me up instead.”

“Nope.  See that rope?”  He dipped his head at a rope hanging on one of the stalls.  “Get it.”

I pulled the rope off the peg.  It was long and coiled like it had been taken off someone’s mount.  I held the rope. I was only a few feet from Rex.  If I dove for him, I was afraid the horse would bolt.  He knew it too.  I had no choice but to let this fool tie me up, and he wasted no time doing so.

“Either kill her or give her some slack,” I pleaded.  To my surprise, he backed the horse up and Ora Mae was able to stand flat-footed again.  “Where’s Jenny?”  At this point, I had nothing to lose.

“My guess is she’s with her father.”

“Her stepfather,” I corrected.  “Where are they?”

“Your brother will find her soon enough.  We’ve been waiting for you.  Too bad you brought the sheriff, though.  Now we gotta kill him too.”

“You’re not killing anyone, Rex.  My brother and the sheriff will stop all of you.”

“We’ll see.”  Rex took the horse’s reins and tied them to a stall.  Ora Mae wasn’t going anywhere and neither was I.  I didn’t know how long she’d been tied up like that but I knew she wouldn’t last much longer.

“You stay put, boy.  I’ll be back.”

Rex started laughing and walked out, leaving Ora Mae and me alone in the barn.  He left the doors wide open, I guess so he could see us from the house, but the blast of cold air blowing through those doors came right at both of us.  Ora Mae wore a thin cotton dress.  The front buttons had been ripped off to her waist, and it flapped in the wind.  I knew if she didn‘t die from hanging she would soon freeze to death. Outside the barn doors, the snow swirled in perfect little circles. It began to stick to the ground.

The old woman had closed her eyes.  “Ora Mae,” I yelled out at her.  Her eyes jerked open and she stood more erect.  “I’m gonna get you outta this.  You just hang on now?”

She ran her tongue over her dry, cracked lips and her eyes closed again.  I worked my ropes but Rex had done his job well.  “Adam and the sheriff will be out here soon.  They’ll get us outta here.”

“Don’t you worry ‘bout me none.  I’s just an old woman.  You just make sure my Jenny gets away from the Mister.”

“Don’t give up.  I promise I’ll—”

Her head hung down; it rested on her chest.  She scared me.  She was letting go.  “Ora Mae!”

Her head came up again; she tried to tell me something.  “The jewelry.  Make sure Jenny—”

“Ora Mae!  Keep talking to me.”  I stopped jerking at the ropes when I heard her mumbling something else.

“Kitchen door—Jenny …”

“What?”

A gust of wind blew through the barn, and I turned my head away when flecks of snow hit my face.  I was never going to get the damn ropes undone.  I leaned back against the stall and closed my eyes in frustration.  It was quiet except for the low roar of the wind.  It was too quiet.  I looked up.  I called out her name but there was no answer this time.  A gust blew her skirt halfway up her legs.  I called her name and again, there was nothing.

“`

I sat for hours.The snow was piling up outside, and the sky was growing dark.  Adam and Conner hadn’t come back out of the house so I knew something had happened to them.  I tried not to look at Ora Mae.  It was a gruesome sight.  When she passed, she’d spooked the horse with the sudden jerk of the rope.  The animal stood close to her, and the rope was slack, her body was half on and half off the bale of hay, and I might end up joining her soon. The temperature was dropping, and I figured I’d be frozen solid by morning.

I was sweating and freezing at the same time.  The drink had worn off, and I felt like hell.  My stomach was upset, but the headache was worse.  I tried not to look at Ora Mae.  I leaned back against the stall but I knew I shouldn’t fall asleep.  I’d learned that from my pa and Hoss a long time ago but it was getting harder and harder to stay awake.  Were my brother and Jenny still alive? I’d hear gunshots even with the wind howling like it was.  I’d messed up again by coming out to the barn. We’d all pay with our lives this time.

“`

“I see you’re still with us, boy.”I jerked awake to see Rex standing in front of me. I’d fallen asleep after all.  Was I supposed to answer him?  I didn’t.  I just sat like he wasn’t there.  “I thought maybe you was dead too.  Miller said I should bring you and the darkie in now, but she don’t look so good.”

I glared up at the idiot.  He bent down on one knee and pulled out a large hunting knife.  He scraped the point under my chin and along my neck until he drew blood.  When I flinched and jerked my head away, he laughed in my face.

“Hurt some, boy?”

He wiped both sides of the blade off on my pant leg and bent me forward to cut through the ropes that bound my hands to the post. I rubbed my raw wrists and he laughed again.

“Thought you was gonna save that old woman didn’t you?”

I hated the man.  He’d been a thorn in my side since he rode into the yard shooting off his gun.  He grabbed my arm and hauled me to my feet.  “No tricks, boy.”  I turned and glared at him.  He’d called me boy one too many times.  That would be the last time.  I may not be a big man, but I am a man, not a boy.

I jerked my elbow back and nailed him right in the gut.  He was caught off guard, and I grabbed his gun.  He held on tight.  I repeatedly slammed his hand against the post until the gun fell to the ground.  He nailed me hard across the chin, and I barely stayed on my feet, but I was boiling mad and it gave me the edge I needed.  I turned and hit him twice in the stomach then a left hook sent him sprawled on the barn floor.  I grabbed the gun and clicked the hammer. He stopped cold.

“See that rope?” I said, between uneven breaths.  “Get it.”

I’d let him enjoy the sights and sounds of the barn while I went to see what had happened inside the house.  I tied him and looked over at Ora Mae.  The woman held a special place in my heart, and I pulled the knife from Rex’s belt. I cut her down.  I reached for a horse blanket hanging over the stall and laid her on top.  It was the least I could do for now.

“You ain’t gonna leave me here with that old woman are you?”

“You wanna dig her grave now or later?”

He turned away from me.  “I’m gonna give you a break and shut the barn door so you don’t freeze to death.  That’s more than you did for me.  Have a nice night.”

I checked the rounds in his gun and slipped it into my holster then plowed through the snow, trying to stay in Rex‘s tracks.  Knowing I had to be careful, I walked around to the side and went in through the kitchen door.  I knew the layout of the house and could make it as far as the dining room without being seen.

I stood in the kitchen listening for voices.  I didn’t hear anything, but I didn‘t want to make the same mistake twice so I moved carefully into the dining room.  There were heavy velvet drapes on either side of the entryway I could hide behind, which is what I did.  I pulled Rex’s gun. I had it ready as I peered around the curtain, but no one was in sight.

I wondered if I could make it to the stairway.  Would they have put Adam and the sheriff and Jenny upstairs?  Out in the open, I had to be careful.  I crept silently to the stairs and started up.

When I made it to the top, I looked down the hallway, and all the bedroom doors were open.  I walked quietly to the first and looked in.  Jenny was tied to her bed and gagged.  I went to her and holstered my gun.

“Where is everyone?”  I whispered as I fought with the gag tied around her mouth.  When I got it loose, I started on the ropes around her wrists.

“Joe, look out!”

Chapter 12

Slowly, I opened my eyes.My head pounded.  I reached back and felt warm sticky blood at the base of my skull and down the back of my neck.  I’d found Jenny, and from my vantage point on the floor, I searched the room and soon laid my eyes on shiny black boots.  I looked up and stared at Miller’s fat, ugly face.

“You’re causing me a great deal of trouble, Carter, or whatever you call yourself these days.”

“What’s the plan, Miller? Gonna kill us all?”

The big man snorted. “I can’t have you running the countryside slandering my good name, can I?”

I was finally able to sit up.  I leaned back against the wall to avoid the dizziness and prayed that my stomach didn‘t betray me.  “Of course not,” I said, pretending all was well in my world.  “But let me ask you this.  How many women have you killed so far?  No wait … let me answer that for you.  Let’s see, there was the widow in Virginia City, and then there was Jenny’s mother and now Ora Mae.  How many more you gonna add to that list, Mr. Miller?”

“You’re a smart boy, Carter, a smart boy, but you won’t live long enough to tell any of those lies.”

“Where’s my brother?”

“He’s indisposed along with the sheriff.”

Were they tied up inside the house? Were Miller’s henchmen standing guard? Jenny was right in front of me, tied to a large, brass bed and staring with eyes that begged me to do something, anything, to free us, but I had no way of overpowering Miller, not with his gun pointing straight at my chest.

“The fire in Virginia City served me well.  How did you know about that?”

“My father told me.  He remembered your name.  He also remembered the jewelry that was never recovered.”

“Jewelry?  Ah, yes, the widow did have some nice pieces as I recall.”

“You should recall.  Where’d you sell them?

“That’s none of your concern now, is it?”  He leaned back on his heels. “Jenny’s mother had nice jewelry too.”

“Where do you plan to sell those pieces?  Same place you sold the others?”

His face turned dark, and he glared down at me.  “I was out of cash.  I told her I needed to sell a few pieces.  She denied knowing about any jewelry.  She lied to me. She lied!”

“So you killed her!”

“She lied to me.  We were going to lose the ranch.  We were broke.  I needed that jewelry and she wouldn’t tell me where it was!”

Veins stood out in his forehead. He began pacing the room.  I prayed for Jenny’s safety, but I had to get to the truth.  “That’s why you drugged her?”

He stopped abruptly and faced me.  He still had the gun in his hand.  “Who told you that?  Who knew about that?”  I stayed silent.  I was sure he’d figure it out and he couldn’t hurt her anymore anyway.  “The old woman told you, didn’t she?  Didn’t she?   Get up on the bed next to her.”

“You mean your daughter?”

“She’s not my daughter.  She’s no better than her tramp of a mother.  She’s a worthless excuse for a woman.  Couldn’t satisfy her husband so he threw her back at me.  He didn’t want her and neither did I.  Now get on that bed!”

He was as mad as he could be, and killing Jenny with every word that came out of his filthy mouth.  I hoped she knew what I was doing.  I had to catch him off guard or he’d burn this house to the ground with us in it.  I stood up slowly and moved closer to the bed, but he started ranting again.

“Did you try her out?” Miller said, glancing at Jenny.  “Was she any good?  Ain’t gotta worry about becoming a papa.  She can’t have no children.  Did she tell you that?  Did she promise you a good time if you took her away from here?  Did she?  Answer me, boy!”

“Oh she’s good all right, she’s real good.”  I was hoping Jenny would go along.  She had to know I was baiting him.  “I’m surprised you didn’t try her out yourself.  Why didn’t you have a go at her?  Something wrong with you?  Can’t handle the young ladies anymore?  Is that it?”

My head flew sideways when his fist plowed across my face, and I fell halfway across the bed but I got back on my feet.  I winked at Jenny before I turned back to face Miller.

“Did I hit a nerve?  Why’d you go to town when you could have had it for free right here at home with your young daughter?  That‘s what you like ain‘t it, young women?”

“What’s wrong with you, boy?  You want me to kill you right now?”

“Might as well.  You’re gonna burn down the house with us in it, aren’t you?  Isn‘t that the plan?  You‘ve done it once, why not do it again?”

“I swear.  You are the most irritating fool I’ve ever met.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“Get on that bed and tie your feet together.”  He threw a piece of rope at me and I did as I was told.

“You sure you want to do this?  You’re going to miss the pleasures of this lovely lady next to me.  She fulfills every man’s dreams and she‘s free.  Won‘t cost you a penny.”  I couldn’t believe he was still listening to me so I kept it up. “I can show you how it’s done if you’ve forgotten.  I wouldn’t mind getting it up once more before I die.”

“Shut up!  You got a big mouth, boy.  You don’t know anything about me.”

“So it is true.  You can’t get it up, can you?  You’re just an old man who can’t enjoy the pleasures of a woman anymore.  Is that really why you killed Jenny’s ma?  Did she laugh at you?  Did she want a real man?”

“NO!”

“I’m right, aren’t I?  You don’t have what it takes but I do.  That doesn’t sit well with you, does it, Miller?  I won’t embarrass you by telling you how many times a night I had your daughter.  I couldn’t get enough of her and she was ready and willing every time, just like she would have been for you.”

“Stop it!”

I had him riled but he still held the gun.  We knew he was after the jewels and pushed Jenny’s mother down the stairs.  We knew he’d killed the widow in Virginia City twenty years ago.  I just wish I knew how to get the gun.

He picked up a second piece of rope.  “Put your hands above your head and hurry up about it,” he said.  I did as I was told but when he bent over me, I pulled my legs up and kicked him clear across the room.

I jumped off the bed, and my whole body crashed to the floor.  The gun fell from his hand and I grabbed it. He lunged at me, and I got off a shot to his shoulder. He fell back on the carpet and curled into himself like a newborn baby. I grabbed at the ropes around my boots and tore them off. Someone would’ve heard the shot, and Jenny was still tied to the bed. I moved fast.

Within seconds, though, one of Miller’s henchmen came blazing into the room and I shot him straight in the chest.  He died before he hit the floor.  I didn’t know how many more men were in the house, and I kept my eyes on the door while I picked up the rope and tied Miller’s hands behind his back.  He wailed and balked when I yanked his arms.

I had to leave Jenny and search the rest of the house. “Stay here.”

I crept down the hall and found the sheriff first.  He was tied to another bed.  I pulled off the ropes and told him about the other three men.

“That’s all there were, Joe.”

I felt relief.  I ran out of the room and into the next bedroom.  There was Adam tied and gagged.  I undid the gag, and he started asking questions.

“Everything’s fine,” I said, as I undid the ropes around his wrists.  “I have to get back to Jenny.”

I left Adam to untie his own feet and hurried back to Jenny.  I untied her, and she reached up and grabbed me around the neck. Tears started down her face and she pulled me closer to her.

“My knight in shining armor.”

“It’s all over.”  I held her tight and stroked her hair.  She shook uncontrollably and couldn‘t stop crying, but she pulled back some when Adam and Will Conner walked into the room.  She calmed down enough to talk.

“I was so frightened.  How could you say all those things to him? Weren’t you afraid he’d pull the trigger?”

“He was going to kill us anyway.  I had nothing to lose by taunting him like that.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks, but she couldn’t let go.  With my thumb, I wiped the last bit of wetness from her face.

I looked up at Adam and the sheriff.  “There’s one tied up in the barn.  His name is Rex.  He’s probably pretty cold out there.”  I dropped my head and thought of who else was in the barn.  “Miss Ora Mae is dead.  He’s the one who killed her.  I had to leave her in the barn.  I promised Rex he could dig her grave.”

Conner walked across the room and picked Miller up off the floor. “He confessed to everything,” I said, “including setting the fire that killed the widow in Virginia City twenty years ago.”

“Thanks, Joe.  You’ve outdone yourself.  I’ll take care of these two with your brother’s help.  Will Conner glanced at Adam as he spoke.  “It’s too late to head back to town. We’re going to have to stay here tonight and see if we can make it back in the morning.”

Adam walked over to the window and pulled the curtain aside.  “It’s still snowing.  We may be here for a long time.”

“There should be a sleigh in the barn,” Jenny said. “At least there used to be if he hasn’t sold it yet.”

“I’ll check while I’m out there.” Adam turned back to me. I sat on the bed still holding Jenny.  “I’m proud of you, Joe.”

“Weren’t nothin’, brother.  All in a day’s work.”

“Yeah,” Adam replied, shaking his head.  He picked the dead man up leaving Jenny and me alone in the room.

I let out a long breath and looked at the lovely lady next to me.  “It’s over, Jenny.  Miller will spend the rest of his days in prison or hang.”  She didn’t say anything.  She just let me hold her. It was time to get her mind off her stepfather and all the terrible things he‘d done to her family.  “I’m kind of hungry.  Think there’s any food in the kitchen?”

“`

Jenny learned enough from Hop Sing to cook a decent meal.  There wasn’t much food in the house but she did a fine job.  Conner and Adam brought Rex into the house and carried the dead man out to the barn.  He, along with Ora Mae, was ready for burial.  They figured I’d had enough for one day, and they’d let me stay with Jenny while they took care of the rest.

Jenny sat in front of me at the small kitchen table where Ora Mae and I used to sit and talk.  She’d already cleaned the back of my head and she was wiping dried blood from my face.  Every part of me hurt, but she was gentle as she stroked the warm cloth across my face and neck where Rex had played with the point of his knife.  I studied her face.  She was a beautiful woman.

Setting the cloth back in the washbasin, she stood and checked the pot of stew she’d made for dinner.  “It should cook a while longer but I know everyone is hungry now.”  There was a quiver in her voice, and I stood and wrapped my arms around her waist.  She kept her eyes on the boiling pot and kept the wooden spoon moving in circles around its edge as I slipped her hair to the side and touched my lips to her neck.  Leaning back, she tilted her head to the side and allowed me to continue.  She’d let go of the spoon and moved her hands behind my legs and then pulled me tight against her.  I turned her around and covered her lips with mine.  Her tongue ran along my lips, and she kissed me with more passion than I could have hoped for.

This was love, not just friendship or gratitude.  I’d told myself since the very beginning that Jenny was grateful for everything I’d done, but maybe I’d been wrong. Maybe the silhouette behind the lace curtain—the woman who piqued my interest all those months ago—hadn’t just used me to escape a rotten situation. Maybe an attraction had developed over time. Maybe, maybe, maybe, but I was hopeful all the same.

I didn’t think we could get any closer, but I tried.  I ran my hand down her back and below her waist. I brought her hips closer to mine.  She could feel me against her soft belly, needing, wanting, and she didn’t back away.  I would’ve taken things further if the house weren’t full of people. I wanted to explore every part of her body, but the time wasn’t right.

She whispered my name, and I was on fire. Tilting her chin, I kissed her, but I had to break it off. I had to block the raw, raging hunger inside me and pull myself together. “Later,” I whispered.

We needed to collect ourselves. I straightened my shirt collar and she smoothed tiny wisps of hair back in place. I pulled out enough place settings, and Jenny set out a pot of stew and a plate of warm bread.  I called Adam and Will Conner, and they wasted no time finding seats at the dining room table.

“My compliments to the chef,” Adam said, raising his glass of wine, compliments of Miller‘s vast assortment of liquor.  Will and I lifted our glasses to the chef, and while Adam and Will ate their fill, Jenny and I barely touched our plates at all.

We were all exhausted, and when we’d finished our meal, the sheriff filled a couple of bowls and left the table. He would spoon-feed Miller and Rex. I had no sympathy for either one and couldn’t have cared less if they ate or not.

It was going to be easy dragging those two pieces of scum back to town for trial.  The snow was still falling and I didn’t know how long we’d all have to stay here to wait it out.  My only thoughts right now were of being with Jenny alone, but, unexpectedly, she began laughing out loud.  We all turned our heads.

“Is there something you‘d like to share?” Adam asked.

“I was just thinking of what Joe said to my stepfather to try and trip him up so he’d confess.”

“I didn’t mean any of it, Jenny, you know that, don’t you?” My voice sounded panicked and strained.

“You didn’t?”  She turned to me and pouted.

“What’s this all about, Joe?” Adam asked.

“Tell them, Joe,” she goaded.  My face flushed, and I was more than a bit embarrassed.
“Yeah, Joe, tell us,” Adam said, prolonging my agony.

“No, I don’t think I will.  It worked out though, didn’t it?”

“It worked out just fine, but Joe,” she teased.

I thought about what I could say in mixed company.  I knew I‘d said it all before in front of Jenny, but it felt different now and embarrassing in front of Adam and Will.

“I might have said something about him not being able to perform in the bedroom because he was old.”

“What?”  Adam shrieked.  “That’s how you caught him off guard?”

“Well—yeah—sort of.”  Conner and Adam burst out laughing while Jenny held a napkin over her mouth to conceal her amusement.

“That was sheer genius, son.  Bravo.”  Will held his wineglass up to toast me.

Adam looked at me in disbelief.  “What?”  I said.  “We got the bad guys, didn’t we?”

“Yes you did, Joe, and I’m proud to call you brother.  No matter how you did it, you got it done, and we’re all alive and sitting here tonight.”  I blushed again.  It wasn’t often I got praise from my older brother or a sheriff for that matter.

We were all glad to be alive and well and able to walk away from a near disaster and lifted our glasses for a toast, a toast to a long and happy life.

“`

I’d carried in firewood for the various fireplaces throughout the house.  The temperature outside was dropping, and we needed to keep the fires going strong just to keep the house moderately warm.  Jenny couldn’t keep from staring out the window at the snow piling up and drifting high up next to the house.  Feeding the horses had been Adam’s job, and he was bedding them down for the night.

I still struggled at times with my shoulder.  I’m not a patient person, and the ongoing pain and lack of strength wore me down.  I hadn’t said anything to anyone, but sometimes I said a few choice words at inappropriate times.  Adam knew me better than anyone else, and he’d chosen to ignore my choice of words.

With snow still falling, I didn’t know when we’d be able to head back home.  It took two weeks to get to Prescot by stage, and there was no way we’d make it home in time for Christmas.  The winter months were always a bad time to travel, but we had no choice; we had to come.  Now we were stuck in this snowbound house for the holidays.

Miller and Rex were tied up in Ora Mae’s old bedroom, so we didn’t have to look at them.  The sheriff had been kind enough to feed them dinner and let them relieve themselves before he put them away for the night. We wouldn’t have to see or hear from them again till tomorrow, and that was soon enough for me.

With all of the chores done, the four of us sat together in the parlor.  It was past time for bed, and we’d all put in a full day.  Jenny would sleep in her old bedroom and I told Adam and Will to take the other bedrooms.  I was the smallest man and could sleep on the sofa in the parlor.

Adam said I could sleep with him if I didn’t hog the whole bed like I did when I was a kid and was scared of monsters in the night, but I told him to go ahead and take the bed for himself.  I’d be fine down here in front of the fire.

The three of them headed up the stairs to their respective bedrooms.  Jenny stopped at the landing, turned back, and looked at me.  She touched her fingers to her lips and blew me a kiss.  I smiled in return and then she was gone.  Sitting on the sofa, I stared into the flames and tried to picture a life with Jenny.

I wanted to be with her but not in Arizona. My life was a world away in Nevada. Would she be willing to come back with me and give us a try?  There was nothing left for her here but this house.  We didn’t even think to ask if Miller had borrowed against the property.  He’d sold off his cattle, and he’d sold the horses to the army.  I assume he paid off some of his debts, but we didn’t know that either.

After getting my boots off, I propped my feet up on the table in front of me. Good thing Pa wasn’t here to see me pull this stunt in someone else’s house.  He’d haul me straight to the barn for a little session with his belt I‘m sure.  I picked up the blanket Adam had left for me and spread it over my feet and legs.  I leaned my head against the back of the sofa and thought about Jenny.  I wondered if she’d changed into a nightgown or if she’d sleep in nothing at all.  I preferred the second thought. I smiled.

My eyes were closed, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her.  I was tired and almost asleep when I thought I heard a floorboard creak.  It was probably just the wind outside; it hadn’t let up all day.  I wished I’d left the lamp turned low rather than putting it out altogether.  I was always a little unsettled when I wasn’t at home in my bed.

I heard it again.  Someone was walking around the room.  Had Rex or Miller gotten loose?  I’d found my gun earlier and had it sitting next to me on the side table.  I reached for it and held it out in front of me although I still had trouble steadying it with this dang shoulder being so weak.

When a hand touched my shoulder, I jumped from the sofa and turned around quickly.  I was breathing hard, but not as hard as Jenny when she saw me pointing my Colt straight at her chest.

“Oh God!   I thought you were Miller.”

“You scared me half to death.”

“What are you doing down here?”  My breathing wasn’t back to normal, but I thought of lowering my gun.

“I just wanted to be with you.”

“Oh, okay.  I—I just—” Things were fine now.  Just calm down, Joe.  I holstered my gun and walked around the sofa.  “I’m sorry.  I didn‘t mean to scare you.”

With my hand on the small of her back, I guided Jenny around to the sofa.  My blanket was in a heap on the floor, so I picked it up and spread it across our legs then eased my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close against my good shoulder.  I knew I should send her back to bed, but her hand was on my leg, a little too close for comfort and it wouldn’t be long before—

“You better go back upstairs.”

“If you don’t want me here I’ll leave.”  Her hand slowly crept up my leg; I couldn’t take much more.

“It’s not that I don’t want—” Her lips covered mine before I could finish.

She pushed me down on the sofa and lowered herself on top.  When gentle fingers reached for my hair, I rose and kissed her. We weren’t alone in the house and as much as I wanted her, we couldn’t.  Not in this place. 

“We can’t—not here.”  I didn’t want to hurt her.  That’s the last thing I wanted, but I knew better than to pretend all was right in the world if we went any farther.

“All right.”  She pushed herself up off me and rushed toward the stairs.

“Jenny, wait.”  I grabbed her arm and turned her around to face me. “That’s not what I meant to say.  I want you more than anything, but not here, not now with all these people in the house.”  She was upset, but I didn’t know what else to say. “The first chance we have to be alone, you won’t be able to keep me away.”

She leaned her head against my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist.  “I tried not to fall in love with you, Joe.  I tried.”

“Why?”  I needed to see her face.

She took my hand and led me back to the sofa.  We sat down together, but she did most of the talking.  “You’re just a young man. You have your whole life ahead of you.  I’m older; I’ve been married before.”

I don’t care about any of that.”

She pressed her fingers to my lips.  “Let me finish.”  I nodded my head and tried my best to sit and listen.

“I’m too old for you, Joe; much more suited for one of your brothers.  That’s why I pushed myself toward Adam, but my heart wasn’t in it; I wanted to be with you. When I first met you, I thought you were just a horse breaker, a drifter, a no-good like all the other men my stepfather had hired.  I didn’t want to fall in love with someone who was more content traveling around the countryside than settling down with the burden of a wife.  Besides, it was too soon.”

“Jenny, I—”

“Let me finish. The night after we’d left and stayed in the hotel, you don’t know how badly I wanted you to make love to me.  I knew you’d be gentle and kind, and that’s something I hadn’t found with Cal.  But then I got scared and worst of all, I didn’t want to hurt you.  That night in the hotel was a mistake, and I apologize for making a fool of you and of myself.”

“Jenny—” She stopped me again.

“I love you, Joe.  I’ve only felt this way about one other person my entire life and that was my father.  I was six years old when he died, and I had forgotten what it was like to love someone.  You’re my knight in shining armor, and I’m grateful for everything you’ve done, but that’s a whole different matter.  I don’t know what you feel for me, but I know I love you.”

The lump in my throat grew heavy.  It wasn’t just gratitude like I’d thought.  If she loved me as much as I loved her, we had nothing to lose and everything to gain, and we‘d make it work.  She leaned in closer.  I had tears in my eyes, but they were tears of happiness.

“I love you, Jenny Simmons. I fell in love with your silhouette in the window before I even met you.”  She looked away, and I turned her head back to face me.  The tears glistened in her eyes too.  “I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy, I promise you that.”

We leaned back on the sofa and I straightened the blanket over us.  We were content to just sit and watch the fire and hold each other.  We had the rest of our lives to make each other happy.

Chapter 13

The room was cold, and a hint of morning light came through the front windows.  Neither of us had moved all night. Jenny’s head still rested on my shoulder; she slept soundly.  I slipped off the sofa and stretched her out lengthwise then covered her with the blanket.

I put some kindling and a couple of logs on the fire and stirred the coals until it looked like the smaller pieces would catch.  I pulled on my boots and headed for the kitchen.  There was some coffee in a ceramic jar so I started a pot then glanced in at Miller and Rex. They were still sleeping.

Someone else was awake and I stepped out of the kitchen to see Adam coming down the stairs.  Seeing Jenny still asleep on the sofa, I couldn’t miss the look and the way he shook his head before he followed me into the kitchen.  I didn’t care what he thought, and I didn’t want to hear any of his comments about the two of us this morning.  What we did was our own business, not his.

“Making coffee?”

“Sure am.”

“Been outside yet?”

“Nope.”

“Guess I should check the stock.”

“Yeah, guess you should.”

“Guess I will then.”

I looked up at Adam.  I knew what he was thinking, and I decided to set him straight.  “We had a long talk last night.”

“I see.”

“We talked, Adam.”

“Okay,” he said, with that long, drawn-out voice he likes to use with me.

“Sounds like you don’t believe me.”

“Should I?”

I shook my head.  Why did he always have to be like that, and why did I always feel I had to defend myself?  He never would’ve said that to Hoss.  “Yes, you should.  Why wouldn’t you believe me?”

“I guess because I know you too well.”

“Believe whatever you want then.  Jenny and I are going to be married, and I sure as hell don’t need your approval.”

“Married? “  His eyebrows shot high on his forehead, and he was right back to that tone of voice that makes me want to shove him clear across the room. “That’s a rather big step isn’t it?”

“Yeah, Adam.  It’s a rather big step.  I love her and she loves me, and we’re going to be married.”

“Seems I’ve heard that before.”

“Don’t push me, brother.”

“Wouldn’t think of it.  I was just heading out to check the stock.”

“Good.  Don‘t hurry back.”

When Adam turned to leave he stopped after seeing Jenny standing in the doorway.  “Joe’s making coffee.”  Jenny nodded and moved to the side to let him pass.  “I hear congratulations are in order.”

“That’s up to Joe.”  I could hear the coldness in her voice aimed directly at my brother.

“Adam was just leaving.”

“Yes, I was.”  We stood together listening for the front door to close before either of us spoke.

“I heard everything, Joe.   Why is he against us getting married?  Is he jealous of you?”

I held her close and whispered in her ear.  “I would be if I was him.”

“I’m serious, Joe.  Is there going to be trouble?”

“No.  Don’t even think that way.  My whole family already loves you.”

“But not Adam.”

“Don’t worry about him.  That’s just his way.  It takes him longer to get used to things.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I am.”  I gripped her arms and looked at the beautiful woman with long blonde hair flowing gently across her shoulders.  “I love you, Jenny. That’s all you need to worry about.”

“Well then,” she said, in a lighter tone.  “I’d better get dressed before everyone in the house ends up here in the kitchen demanding to be fed.”

“Are you volunteering to make breakfast?”

“Can you at least make the coffee?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She turned to leave, and I kept on watching until she was up the stairs and out of sight.  I came back into the kitchen and looked out the window.  There was at least a foot of snow, but the sun was shining and the wind had stopped.  After seeing my brother’s tracks leading to the barn, I knew he wasn’t thrilled about doing the outside chores on such a bitter morning.

Sheriff Conner had found a sleigh out in the barn like Jenny had said it would be, but I still didn’t have a clue when we‘d be able to leave.  All six of us wouldn’t be able to leave together.  Some of us would have to stay behind and wait to be picked up later.

I’d stay with Jenny.  There was nothing for me in town but to make sure Miller and Rex were locked behind bars, and I figured Adam and Will could get the job done without me tagging along.  We couldn’t leave a woman out here all alone to fend for herself, and I was the most likely candidate to stay and protect her against the elements.  I liked that idea.  I hoped everyone else would see it my way.

By the time Adam got done in the barn, Will had come downstairs and had hauled our two prisoners to the outhouse and handcuffed them together back in the bedroom.  Both men griped about their rough treatment, but the sheriff paid them no mind.  He was a no-nonsense kind of guy and didn’t bother listening to their stupid comments; he just did his job.

Jenny dressed quickly and came back down to make us all breakfast, and we didn’t have to suffer through our cooking.  We sat around the dining room table and tried to come up with a plan.

“Why don’t you and Adam take those two to town, and then Adam can come back for Jenny and me.”

“I don’t know,” Will said in a halting voice.  I knew what he was thinking.  A young woman needed a chaperone with a young man in the house, but current circumstances didn’t offer all the social graces.

“It’s perfectly fine, sheriff.  I’ll be safe here with Joe,” Jenny said.  “There’s enough food for a couple of days so I would suggest you take my stepfather and his hired hand into town today and come back tomorrow for the two of us. Although, I’m not sure why we need to go to town when we have a perfectly good house to stay in.”

“I’ll tell you why,” Adam said.  ‘You’ll need to press charges against these two.”

“You mean I can’t sign something here and send it in with the sheriff?” Jenny replied.  I was enjoying this.  Jenny didn’t miss a beat.  “Adam, this is my home.  I can stay here as long as I wish.  I can also invite anyone I choose to stay here with me, and Joe is who I choose.”

“Well, I guess that settles it,” Conner said.  “Let’s get that sleigh out of the barn and get the team hitched up.  I’ll feel a lot better when I have those two locked behind bars.”

Adam looked at me.  He lost the battle and that never made my big brother happy.  “You coming to help?”

“Sure, I am, Adam.  Just like the sheriff said.  The sooner those two are locked up, the better we’ll all feel.”  I winked at Jenny before Adam and Will and I headed outside.

Dang, it was cold.  I wasn’t a morning person to begin with; besides, Jenny and I hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep last night. My idea of a good time would be crawling back under warm blankets in a soft bed, not loading prisoners.

Adam and I made our way across the yard to the barn. We waited for the sheriff to call the shots.  Will took the two rented horses and hitched them to the sleigh.  I think he was worried about his mount slipping and hurting himself with this amount of snow.

It was going to be a rough, slow trip into town, and I didn’t envy my brother having to go along with the sheriff and those two pieces of scum.  I sure got the slick end of the deal this time. Will was anxious to get started.  All they needed now were their prisoners and they would head out.  It would take them hours to make the trip at the pace they’d have to travel.

Jenny had pulled out extra blankets for everyone and she’d made sandwiches to take on their trip.  Adam filled two canteens from the pump in the kitchen and they were set to go.

I helped the sheriff get the two men settled in the back seat of the sleigh. With their wrists handcuffed, I had the pleasure of tying their ankles together.  As much as I hated to, I spread a quilt across their legs so they wouldn‘t freeze before they got to town. Adam came towards us and I stopped him before he climbed in.

“Be careful,” I said.  “Those two have nothing to lose so watch yourself.”

“I will.  Take good care of the future Mrs. Cartwright.”

“Darn right, I will.”

We shook hands and he climbed into the sleigh.  I stood till they were out of sight then stopped and picked up an arm full of firewood on my way to the house.  As much as I wanted to stay with Jenny, I felt bad about not helping my brother.  I was sure they’d do just fine without me, but I was worried.  If anything went wrong, they’d have more trouble than they‘d know what to do with.

By the time I got the wood into the firebox, Jenny had the table cleared and had started washing the dishes.  I picked up a towel to help dry, leaned in, and kissed her cheek before letting my lips slide just passed her ear.  She smiled up at me.

“We won’t get anything done if you keep that up, Mr. Cartwright.”

“Mr. Cartwright?  It’s Mr. Cartwright now?”

“I’m trying to get used to the sound of it.”  She didn’t look up, but I noticed she still washed the same plate.

“Why’s that Jenny Simmons?”  I could barely see her face, but I could tell her cheeks had reddened.  I reached for the plate in her hand and I set it down with the others.  It could dry on its own.

I had no flowers or box of chocolates, and I didn‘t have a ring to place on her finger, but I wanted to make this woman mine.  I turned her toward me and knelt on one knee.  I held her hands and looked up into those beautiful blue eyes.

“I love you, Jenny Simmons.  I’ve loved you since I first saw your silhouette through the bedroom window.  I couldn‘t wait for the day that you would come outside, and I could see you in person for the first time.  Even then, I wanted to protect you from the rest of the world.  I promise I’ll always protect you; I’ll always love you. Will you agree to be my wife?”

Tears came to Jenny’s eyes and she knelt in front of me on the hard kitchen floor.  Her chin quivered slightly before she spoke.  “I’d be honored, Joe Cartwright, and I will do everything I can to make you the happiest man in the world.”

I stood and pulled Jenny to her feet.  We tried to hold back the tears but each of us failed miserably.  I’d found the woman of my dreams.  She’d just said yes, and I’d never in my life been happier.

Chapter 14

No one else had been down the main road, and the sleigh plowed the first set of tracks in the new-fallen snow.  Travel was slow and tedious and the farther they got from the ranch the slower the pace became.  Adam and Will traded off handling the team, trying their best to keep the horses on a straight path.  The sun was bright and warm on their faces but the air was cold, and the four men in the sleigh were huddled protectively under the blankets.

“How much farther?”  Adam asked.

“I’m not sure.  Seems like we’ve been out here forever, doesn’t it.”  Will chucked the team, trying to get the horses to move a little faster, but these were riding horses; not pulling horses and this was a much heavier load than they were used to.  “I’m gonna guess we’re about halfway.  There should be a homestead up ahead if I’m right.  Young couple, new to the area.  Bought old man Owens’ place a couple of years back.”

“You mean that place right there?”  Adam pointed off to his right.  Will hadn’t had time to look up; he was so busy working the team.

“Yeah, that’s it.  I’m tempted to stop and let the horses rest a while.”

“Might not be a bad idea, Will.”

“Let’s do it then.”

Will stopped at the end of the drive that led up to the house.  It was a small house, basically just a one-room cabin surrounded by tall pines that dwarfed its size even more, but they could see the smoke from the chimney and knew the young couple was home.

The two prisoners hadn’t said a word all morning.  They’d huddled under their quilts trying to stay as warm as they could.  But Miller’s mind was working overtime and he figured this might just be their last chance for escape.  He and Rex had waited all morning hoping the team would get bogged down in the snow, but so far, they had kept a steady pace.  Miller nodded to Rex and the younger man understood exactly what he meant.

Will tried to turn the team, but they hesitated and pranced in place, kicking the powdery snow everywhere.  Adam knew what he had to do and jumped down from the sleigh. He made his way to the front of the team, grabbed hold of the reins, and tried to guide them forward up the drive.

The frightened horses bucked and danced sideways in the snow.  Standing patiently waiting for them to settle down, he was finally able to move back in front of the team when one reared up kicking him square in the head, knocking him to the ground.  Rex jumped up from his seat and wrapped his handcuffed wrists around the sheriff’s neck.  Will struggled with all his power, but Rex was strong, and he didn’t plan on having his neck stretched for obeying Miller and hanging that old woman.  Miller moved forward and pulled the gun from Will’s holster.

“Just let me shoot him,” Miller said, trying to push Rex out of the way.

“No!  I got him.”

Miller was out of his head with rage and Rex was nothing but an interference.  He raised the gun and shot Rex from behind, ending the sheriff’s life when the handcuffs snapped his neck.  Blood splattered on Miller’s face and he wiped furiously to rid himself of the warm sticky matter.  It was a gruesome sight and Miller wasted no time shoving them both from the sleigh.  Cartwright was already dead on the ground so there was no need to waste another bullet on him.

Joe Cartwright.  Oh, how he hated Joe Cartwright.  He had a choice.  He could drive away, or he could go back to the ranch and kill the boy who’d mocked him and tricked him, the boy who’d taunted him and made a fool of him.  The boy who’d bated him and made him talk when he could have gotten away with everything, including that little incident with the fire twenty years ago.

He undid the bindings securing his legs and jumped down from the sleigh then turned his head away from the two men that were still attached to each other, as he searched the dead sheriff’s pockets until he found what he needed.  He undid the cuffs, careful to not drop the key in the deep snow, and then shoved the handcuffs along with the key inside his coat pocket.  There was only one thing he had left to do, and it became a mantra in his head.  Joe Cartwright was to blame, and Joe Cartwright had to die.

Chapter 15

The fire blazed in front of us and warmed the room.  I had never been this content, as I sat holding the woman I loved and knew that she also loved me.  I knew I should get up and check the stock, but I couldn’t talk myself into leaving her side.

Jenny and I sat and talked most of the morning.  It was a dream come true to be with someone I considered my best friend, someone I could tell anything to.  We could talk about everything, past or present.  I already knew a lot about Jenny and her life before she met me, and I vowed to her the bad times were over and only the good times were ahead.

I asked her if she thought she could be happy on the Ponderosa.  I told her we’d have to live in the house with my family until we could get a home of our own built, but that I would start on it this spring and we should be ready to move in by fall.  I explained to her that Adam had gone to college to become an architect and he could design anything she wanted.

Both of my brothers would help me build our dream home, if for no other reason than to get me out of the house.  She knew I was kidding and we laughed together as I knew we could do for the rest of our lives.  I loved listening to her laugh and I loved making her happy.

She curled up closer against me and we talked about our future together.  We would have to see about selling this ranch if Miller was convicted of murder and sentenced to hang, which I was sure we could prove to any judge and jury now.  I leaned in and kissed my soon-to-be wife.

“You have a wedding to plan, you know.”

Jenny chuckled.  “Well, let’s see.  The invitation list should include your father and your brothers and um—you and me.  I guess that’s about it, Joe.  All finished.”

I hugged her tightly.  “I want everyone in Virginia City to meet you.  I want to show you off to the world.  Maybe I should be the one to plan the guest list, and all you have to do is worry about being the most beautiful bride in all of Nevada.”

“I do love you, you know.”

“Hey!  I just remembered something.”  I pulled away from Jenny.  “I need to get something out of the barn.  I’ll be right back.”

I grabbed my coat and hat and followed the beaten-down tracks.  Ora Mae had said something about Jenny’s mother’s jewelry and something about the kitchen door.  I thought about Jenny all decked out for our wedding and it suddenly hit me.  I wondered if that’s where she meant she had buried the jewelry case.  I would see for myself before I said anything to Jenny.

The horses seemed content, but I pulled out some oats and fed them while I was out there.  They already had plenty of water and would be fine until I came back out to check on them later in the day.  I looked around for a shovel and found one hanging with the rest of the tools.  I grabbed it and headed to the side of the house.

The snow wasn’t as deep by the kitchen door compared to other places where it had drifted as high as two feet.  I had no clue where to start, but at least the snow was starting to melt from the warm ground below.  I scooped away enough of it and looked for any clue telling me where to dig, but there wasn’t one so I just started.  I figured Ora Mae couldn’t have dug too deep a hole, and maybe I’d get lucky.

I started my third hole and began losing steam when I felt something under my shovel and dug around it until I could finally pull it from the ground.  “This must be it.”  The case was enclosed in an old flour sack, something she would have had handy.  I brushed off the dirt and pulled it out of the sack.  I smiled to myself and rushed back into the kitchen.

I set the hand-engraved case down and headed into the parlor to find Jenny coming down from upstairs.  “Where’ve you been?  I was starting to worry.”

“I have a surprise for you.”

“I love surprises, Joe.  What is it?”

“Not so fast, my dear.”  I reached into the buffet drawer and pulled out a cloth napkin.  “Come here,” I said.  I made a blindfold, tied it around Jenny’s eyes, and led her into the kitchen.  I took her hands and placed them on the case. “Just a little something I found.”

I stood patiently letting her feel all around it.  “I don’t know what this is.”

I removed the blindfold and she saw it for the first time in years. “Oh, Joe.  Where in the world—” She turned and grabbed me around the neck so hard I practically fell into her.

“Look inside.”

She opened the case and stared.  “Everything’s here, just like my mother kept it.  I can’t believe you found it.”

She was so happy and I was happy for her.  She finally had some small token of revenge against her stepfather.  It’s the one thing he hadn’t taken from her.  She reached up and wrapped her arms around me again.  God, how I loved this woman.

Jenny picked up the case and I followed her back into the parlor in front of the warm fire.  She removed every piece, one by one, and set them out separately on the table in front of us.  She explained which were her grandmother’s and which were her mother’s.  I picked up a gold ring with three small sapphire stones set across it, and she told me that was her mother’s engagement ring when she was married to her father.

I thought for a minute then got back down on one knee and took hold of her hand.  I slipped the ring on her finger.  “Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

“I love you so much, Joe.  I’d marry you twenty times over.”

She put each piece of jewelry back in its case and for some reason, she felt the need to hide it away.  We were the only ones in the house, but I let her find a safe place anyway.  She walked towards the buffet and set her prized possession inside the second drawer.

She came back over and sat down across from me on the table in front of the sofa.  She ran her fingers down the side of my face.  “Thank you.”

I swooped her up from the table and held her in my arms.  Her long blonde hair swung back and forth as I carried her up the stairs and into her bedroom.  Society would never approve of what I had in mind for this beautiful woman, but the time was finally right.

Chapter 16

Miller parked the sleigh behind the barn, keeping it hidden from the main house.  The next test was to get into the house without being seen or heard.  Darting in and out of the trees surrounding the perimeter of the house, not knowing where the young couple would be, he pulled the gun from his waistband and slipped inside through the kitchen door.

He stopped and stared at the black dirt covering the snow and the hole close to the door, but he didn’t have time for that now.  There was only one thing on his mind.  Joe Cartwright.  The only man who could testify against him in court, but more than that, the boy had tricked him and made a fool of him.

Slipping out of the kitchen, Miller scanned the dining room, finding no one there.  Realizing now he should have checked the barn before coming into the house, he didn’t hesitate long before he made his way into the parlor.

He wasn’t about to let Cartwright get the jump on him this time, and he smiled to himself when he spotted Joe’s gun and holster sitting on a nearby table.  His jacket and hat were thrown over the arm of a chair, which meant the boy had to be inside the house, somewhere. He listened carefully; the only sound so far was the crackling fire.

Steadying his nerves, he climbed the stairs and then stopped in the hallway when he finally heard a sound.  Laughter.  He heard soft laughter.  It would be the last time either of them would find something to laugh about.  He moved down the hallway along the carpeted runner and then stopped at the first door on the right.

Miller stood in the open doorway.  He braced one hand on the doorframe and pointed the gun toward the bed.  They heard the blast before they saw the man.  Joe jerked halfway across the bed, crying out from the explosion to his shoulder where the bullet found its mark.

Chapter 17

I tried to clear my head and get my bearings. I blinked over and over trying to figure out what had happened.  Jenny was holding me and she was screaming, but I had trouble making out the words.  I reached for my shoulder and saw the blood flowing over my fingers. Pain shot through me and was almost more than I could stand.

She tried to hang on, but I was grabbed away from her, and I found myself thrown to the floor.  I looked up to find Miller standing over me with a gun pointed only inches from my face.  I couldn’t move even if I wanted to, and I was far from catching my breath.  Keeping his gun aimed at me, he turned his head and was facing Jenny.

“You whore!  You goddamned whore!”  Miller yelled.  I tried pushing myself up to a sitting position.  “You move again, boy, and you’re a dead man.”

I saw the blanket move as Jenny tried to cover herself from the menacing eyes of this madman.  I watched her sink as far as she could in the bed and I tried to ignore the fire burning in my shoulder.  I had to do something and quick, if there was any chance for us to stay alive.

Miller moved sporadically around the room.  A nervous man holding a gun was never a good thing.  I had to get to Jenny before this maniac did.  I knew he’d come back to kill us both.  I saw the look in his eyes and his frantic actions.  Revenge was all he was after.

Miller crossed the room and pulled the lace curtains down from the bedroom window.  With the curtain in one hand and the gun in the other, he came back over to me and flipped me to my stomach.  I cried out again and almost passed out when my shoulder hit the hard wooden floor.

But I couldn’t pass out.  I had to stay awake.  I had to get up.  I tried to raise my head when the tip of Miller’s boot slammed into my side.  I didn‘t have time to think.  I could barely catch my breath before he drove the tip into me once again.

“Oh God,” I cried.  My ears were ringing, my head was pounding, and Miller wouldn’t stop screaming.

“You ain’t felt nothin’ yet, boy,” he yelled.  “I’ve got something special in store for you.  A whole eye full.”

I didn’t know what he would do next.  I didn’t think things could get much worse.  My heart was racing and Jenny was screaming at Miller to stop, but two more hard kicks to my ribcage and I was flat on the floor and unable to move at all.

He’d overpowered me.  I was barely coherent and entirely useless.  I was close to the edge when he jerked my arms behind my back and tied my wrists together with the lace curtain.  If it weren’t for Jenny, I would have prayed for a quick death.

He grabbed my feet and did the same then rolled me over onto my back.  I lay naked in front of this maniac waiting for whatever was next.  He shoved the gun in his belt and grabbed hold of my wounded arm, pulling me across the floor and slamming me back against the bedroom wall.

Blood trickled down my arm and my head dropped to my chest. Miller knelt in front of me and grabbed my hair, jerking my head back and slamming it once more against the wall.

“Wake up, boy.  You got some watching to do.”  I felt my head roll to the side.  I tried to open my eyes, but it was just so hard.  He backhanded me across the face then grabbed hold of my chin, directing me back to face him.

“You’ll want to be awake for this, son.  You might learn yourself somethin’ new.”

What was he talking about?  I’d heard him say something about staying awake, and I would try for Jenny’s sake, but I was no good to her now.  I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t protect her like I’d promised.

I kept blinking my eyes trying to keep them open.  I was sucking in air as fast as I could, but my side was on fire with every breath I took.  Miller was standing at the foot of the bed.  He’d taken off his coat and unbuckled his belt. He stood in front of me and slowly undid the buttons on his trousers so I could see.

“I’m taking your advice, boy.  I’m taking her for free, just like you said I should.”

My head kept dipping to my chest, and I tried hard to get his meaning.  I blinked my eyes repeatedly, trying to clear the haze.  I thought I saw a pair of handcuffs and I watched him walk away.  Jenny screamed, and I jerked my head up to see.

He had one knee on the bed and was slapping her face.  Although she struggled with him, she was no match for this large, powerful man, and I heard the panic in her voice as she cried out my name.  She kicked out and tried to push him away.  I saw his fist come down hard on her chin, and the screaming turned to a soft whimper.  He grabbed her arm and attached her wrist to an upright on the large brass bed.

“No!” I screamed, “God no!”

I pulled at the bindings.  I pulled and I pulled.  The pain in my shoulder shot through me like a hundred arrows.  I tried to get my feet under me and roll to my side.

“Jenny!”

I was up on my knees.  The gun came up.  I heard the shot.  The bullet skimmed my ear and embedded itself in the wall behind me.

“Shut up and watch, boy.  Shut your damn mouth and watch!”

“God no!” I screamed at the monster who was lowering himself down on Jenny.

Another blast from his gun.  The bullet hit my arm and I bounced back against the wall.  Miller’s laughter was the last thing I heard before I slid down the wall and slumped to the floor.

Chapter 18

John Callahan trudged through the snow, following the path he’d made earlier in the day out to the barn to check and feed the stock.  He chopped into a new bale of hay for the horses and then headed to the well to draw them some fresh water.  With the amount of snow that had fallen, his wife, Mary, had sweet-talked him into staying with her all day and making much-needed repairs inside the house.  He hadn’t been out since early morning and was pleased with the amount of snow that had melted.

He was heading back to the house when he glanced down his drive toward the main road and saw something unfamiliar.  He stopped by the side of the house, picked up his rifle, and headed down the long drive toward the main road leading to town.  The closer he got, the faster he ran.  He saw three men’s bodies lying face down in the snow.  He slowly bent down over the first man but had to look away when he saw a bullet had blown the man’s skull half away.  He moved over to the next man and found he‘d been strangled.  He rolled him over to his back and gasped when he realized he knew this one.  It was the sheriff, Will Conner, from nearby Prescott.

A third man was lying some distance away and assumed he’d find the same thing had happened to him.  He rolled the man over and heard him groan.  This one was alive.  John ran back to the barn, bridled his calmest mare, and came running back, lifting the man and easing him belly down across the horse‘s back.

“Mary!” he hollered, as he neared the cabin.  “Mary, come quick!”

His wife unlatched the front door and was shocked to see her husband pushing his way into the house with this stranger in his arms. “Get some more wood on the fire.  He’s just about frozen to death.  Make him some hot tea too.  We need to warm him up.”

John unloaded his burden onto the bed.  He unbuttoned the man’s coat and slipped it off, and then reached down and removed his boots and soaking wet pants.  “Is he alive?” Mary called out from across the room.

“He’s alive, but there’s two others out there that aren‘t.”

“Dead?”  Mary’s hand flew up, covering her mouth.  “Who would do such a thing?”

“I don’t rightly know.  I‘ll take them into town tomorrow and see what this is all about.”

“What if this one’s the killer, John?”

John contemplated what Mary said and pulled the stranger’s gun from his holster.  “Put this away somewhere safe.”  He handed Mary the pistol, and she quickly hid it in the back of a kitchen cupboard.

John gathered all the quilts in the cabin and placed them over the man’s frozen body.  He saw the dark bruise on the man’s head and asked his wife for a cool cloth.  Mary was quick to do his bidding and John soaked the cloth and placed it on Adam’s forehead.

When he began to stir, Mary backed up a step.  John looked up at her and reached for her hand.  “He isn’t well enough to hurt a fly.”

When Adam’s eyes fluttered open, he reached up to feel the knot on his head, but John took hold of his hand and slipped it back under the blankets.  “You’re safe with us, mister.”

“Safe?”

“My name’s John Callahan and this is my wife, Mary.  We found you outside nearly froze to death.”

Adam reached up again, feeling the lump on his head.  “Horse,” he mumbled.

John looked up at his wife.  “Let’s try that tea now, Mary.”  John looked back at Adam.  “Think you can sit up some?”

“Yeah,” he groaned.  Adam closed his eyes to the pounding in his head and pushed himself up to lean against the pillows John propped up behind him. He shivered uncontrollably, and John reached down and pulled the quilts up around Adam‘s shoulders.

“My wife’s bringing you some hot tea.  Maybe that’ll warm your insides a mite.”

“Thanks.” Adam had become more coherent and realized he was inside Callahan’s cabin, the halfway point Will had mentioned.  The room felt warm, but he was freezing.  “I seem to be missing my pants.”

“Mary’s got them drying by the fire, along with your coat and boots.”

“Ah, thank you again.”

Mary set the cup and saucer on the table next to the bed.  John picked up the cup and handed it to his patient.  “Here you go.  This should help.”

“I’m indebted to the two of you for saving my hide.”

“It’s the least we could do Mr.—”

“Cartwright.  Adam Cartwright.”  He held his hand out to John and shook hands with the young man.  “I’m deeply indebted.”

“There were two dead men out there with you.”

Adam studied his cup and then looked back at John.  “Two you say.  Did you know them?”

“One of them.  Will Conner, the sheriff in—”

“Conner?”  Adam said, with surprise.  Then shook his head.

“He a friend of yours?”  

“A good friend.”

“Looks like he was strangled by a man who was shot in the back of the head.  I reckon they both died about the same time.  Couldn’t make out the one.  Not much left to—” John looked up at his wife.  “I’m sorry, Mary.  I shouldn’t have said—”

“Miller.”

“Lester Miller?”  

Adam nodded slowly and deliberately.  “Killed his wife.  Killed his housekeeper.  Killed another woman twenty years ago in Nevada and now these two.”

“You talking about the same Miller that lives up the road apiece?”

“One and the same.”  Adam looked up at Mary who looked shocked by his statement.  “I’m sorry, ma’am.”

“No need.”

“So what’s your part in this?”

Adam handed John his empty cup and told the young couple everything he knew about Miller and Rex.  He briefly, and as humane as he could in front of Mary, explained the deaths of Ora Mae and the other ranch hand.

“We left my brother and his fiancée back at Miller’s house, while Will and I tried to get Miller and Rex back to town.”  Adam stopped briefly, trying to sort things out and remember what had happened.

“Go on.”

“We stopped at your drive thinking we’d pull up to your place and rest the horses for a while.  They were struggling out there in the deep snow.  That‘s when I got out of the sleigh and let that dang horse get the best of me.”  Adam reached to his forehead again, thinking how stupid he’d been letting himself be kicked in the head by a frightened horse.

“So your brother and the young lady are still out to the Miller’s house?”  

“Yeah.  We couldn’t all fit in the sleigh, and I was coming back out this way for them tomorrow.  Why?”

“Well, those sleigh tracks only come to my drive then turn around and go back out towards Miller’s ranch.  Ain‘t nobody else been down the main road all day.  Only your sleigh.”

“`

Adam feared for his brother’s life.  He quickly pushed aside any thoughts of resting up at the Callahan’s as long as he should.  As soon as his clothes were dry enough to put back on, he and John were on the move.

It was after dark by the time John and Adam had hurriedly wrapped up the two dead bodies and drug them just inside the barn.  Adam knew the men had to be taken care of, at least pulled off the main road, but he was more than anxious to get out to Miller’s.  John understood his fear and they both moved as quickly as possible to accomplish what had to be done.

The ride was slow and each man carried a lantern to light the way.  Adam and John tied their mounts in front of Miller’s house.  It was dark and there was no smell of smoke in the air from any of the fireplaces inside. John pointed out the horses and sleigh left behind the barn, so they were certain now that Miller had returned.

“Are you good with a gun?”  Adam felt slow and awkward and dizzy.

“I’m pretty handy,” John answered.

Adam had explained Joe as best he could to his newfound friend; his size, his build, and his hair color, so there’d be no mistake after they’d entered the house.  John had met Les Miller before, even had dealings recently with him, and knew what he looked like but was still having trouble digesting the fact that the man had killed more than once.  After a man did that, he could easily kill again.  John wasn’t foolhardy, but he wouldn’t hesitate if he or Adam, or his brother and the lady were in danger.

The two men quietly climbed the porch steps and unlatched the front door.  They both stood still and listened for voices or any sound or movement at all, but the house was unnaturally quiet.  No one had banked the fire, and Joe knew better than to let the fire go out on a night as cold as this.  Adam blew out a long shaky breath before they continued through the house.  He felt less optimistic now and suspected the worst.

“Come on,” he whispered, to John.

He lifted his leg and struck a match across the back of it then held it out in front of him.  He crossed the room slowly with John close behind.  They made their way through the parlor and the dining room then into the kitchen.  Nothing seemed out of place.  The match burned down leaving them in total darkness.  Adam tossed it on the floor and lit a second.  He pointed to the staircase and they moved as one across the room.

Adam stopped suddenly when a board creaked on the stairs.   His heart pounded but continued up.  He stopped again at the end of the hallway and listened for anything, but there was nothing.

He struck a third match, and they moved forward.  Jenny’s room was the first one they came to.  Adam peeked his head through the doorway and stopped cold.  Miller‘s dead body was slumped in the chair.  He turned his head away and steadied himself against the outer wall.

“My God,” he said before John could see inside.

John brushed by Adam and hurried to the bedside table, still holding his gun in front of him.  He struck a match and lit the lamp.  A glance around the room revealed the devastating nightmare.  Blood spattered on more than one wall.  The woman lay unmoving; her wrist handcuffed to the bed.

He holstered his gun and feeling embarrassed, he pulled up the quilt to cover her naked and battered body.  The next thing he saw was what Adam had seen when he entered the room.  It was Miller; slumped in the chair with a large portion of his head missing.  Blood covered the entire length of the high-back chair and splattered the wall behind him.  The gun still dangled from his hand.

Adam came back inside the room when John was covering Jenny.  He moved in further and there was Joe, unmoving, tied up, and sprawled on the floor.  There was blood everywhere, on the wall, on the floor, on his brother.

“Joe!”

He rushed to his brother’s side and immediately spotted the two gunshot wounds.  He knelt and rested his head on his brother’s chest listening closely for a heartbeat.  He could barely hear the rhythmic thumping over his own heart pounding.

“Joe’s alive,” he said to John, trying to hide the panic he felt.

John had done the same with Jenny and was grateful to find she too was alive.  Adam pulled the knife from his jacket pocket and slit through his brother’s bindings.  Joe groaned when Adam eased him onto his back.  The entire side of his brother‘s body was dark and swollen.  Adam suspected broken ribs and tried to move him with as much care as possible.  He slipped his arms underneath and lifted him off the floor.

“We need to get them out of this room.”

“Follow me.” John hurried to find an empty bedroom and quickly lit the lamp.  He pulled back the covers on the bed and helped Adam lay Joe down.

“What about the girl?”

“We’ll put her here next to Joe.”  Adam headed back to get Jenny. He couldn’t help but stare at her beaten and bruised body.  He dared to think what all she’d been through.  John stood at the doorway in case Adam needed help.

“Keys, we need the keys,” Adam said, trying to stay as calm as he could.

“Damn–they could be anywhere.”  John prayed they’d be on the floor or on the bed and not in one of Miller’s pockets.  Adam backed away from Jenny and the two men started looking.

“There!” John said.  Adam grabbed them from the floor in the corner of the room and tried to steady his hands as he unlocked Jenny from the bed.

Adam slid his hands under her shoulder and knees and carried her out of the room.  He settled her on the bed next to his brother.  He could keep an eye on them both that way.  It was the only thing he could think to do for now.

“I’ve got to get some water on to boil so I can get Joe’s wounds cleaned up.”

“No!  You stay here.  I’ll get the water.”  John left the room, and on his way, he shut the door to the blood-soaked bedroom.  He’d deal with that later.

Adam sat on the edge of the bed and looked closer at the bullet wounds on his young brother.  The bullet had gone straight through the one in Joe’s arm, but the bullet in his shoulder was lodged somewhere deep inside.  The scar from Joe’s recent shoulder surgery stood out red and angry next to the new wound, but the smaller scar from nearly two years ago was the one Adam stared at.  He ran his finger slowly across that scar; now healed and barely visible.

He shook the memories from his head and stood up. Moving around to the other side, he looked down at Jenny.  He pulled back the blanket.  There were no physical wounds that he could see, but it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together and know what Miller had done before he’d ended his own life.  He covered her back up.  She rolled on her side and curled tightly into herself.

He looked down at the two of them lying side by side.  After having just found happiness with each other after all this time of trying to deny how they felt, he wondered if either of them would live long enough to get past the events that took place at the hands of a madman.

He walked back around to Joe.  The bleeding had stopped, so it had been some time since he’d been shot.  He couldn’t wait for a doctor; he would have to dig the bullet out himself.  He cursed his situation as he struggled with the same issues as before, no doctor within miles in this godforsaken land.

John walked back into the room with a steaming basin of water and two of the best knives he could find from the kitchen.  “Bullet still in there?”

“One is.”

With John’s help, Adam had everything he’d need on the table next to him.  He took off his jacket, hat, and gun belt, throwing them angrily on a nearby chair.  He stood for a minute staring down at Joe then sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed.  He rolled up his sleeves and glanced at John before reaching for one of the knives.

He leaned over Joe and studied the two other scars so close to the newest wound.  He closed his eyes and ran his tongue nervously across his lips, trying to find the courage to plunge the kitchen knife into his brother once again.  Adam held the knife and tried to steady his hand, trying to keep his mind on the task and not what had happened before.

“You ok?”  

“Yeah.  Let‘s get it done.”

She heard men’s voices.  They were quiet and muffled.  Fear crept over her and she was afraid to move and see who they were.  She remained still and quiet, facing away, with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms tucked tightly against her body. The tears wouldn’t stop, and she feared they would hear her constant sobbing.  A jerking movement rocked the bed and she tightened into herself.

Joe woke suddenly and his body jerked away from the unexpected pain. Acting instinctively, John pushed him back down and held him firmly to the bed.  The knife twisted in Adam’s hand and he pulled it quickly from the wound, leaving him gasping for breath.

Joe’s piercing cry filled the room as blood ran freely down his arm. Adam grabbed a cloth and placed it over the wound.  Beads of sweat continuously formed on his forehead, while he sat frozen, feeling his brother’s agony and the heavy beating of his own heart.  He would have to go back in.  He needed to concentrate and get this done.  He couldn’t wait any longer.

“You okay?”  John asked.

“God no.”

To Adam’s relief, Joe had passed out after that one frantic jerk.  Adam finally heard metal touch metal and gently eased the bullet out.  He glanced at John and nodded his head in relief and then sat up straight for a quick moment of respite, tightened his lips, and rolled his shoulders.

It wasn’t over yet and the worst part may be ahead for Joe.  He looked up at John.  “Hold him down tight.”  Adam picked up the bottle of alcohol to rinse both wounds.

Joe’s head flew back; his neck stretched tight.  A barely audible cry brought tears to Adam‘s eyes.  Joe grabbed at the sheet beneath him with fisted hands.  His body was rigid and he looked straight at Adam, but his eyes were unfocused and wild with panic before his body fell limp and once again became still.

Stitching his brother up, as best he could, Adam reached for the clean strips of sheet John had ready and waiting.  After wrapping each wound, he took a clean cloth from the bowl and gently wiped the blood from Joe’s face and neck.  He continued down, removing the dry ugly spots that covered his brother’s arm and chest.  He would have to deal with Joe’s ribs later.  The boy’s had enough for now.

Adam moved away from the bed and stood staring out the window.  There wasn‘t much to see in the dead of night, but the moon cast eerie, forlorn shadows on the pristine snow-covered landscape. Adam turned back to his friend, John, who he knew was as tired as he was.

“You need to get back to your wife.  I can take care of them now.”

“I haven’t done anything with Miller yet.”  John pushed his hands deep inside his pants pockets.  “Thought I would ride into town in the morning and send a wire to the Territorial Marshal since the sheriff’s dead and his deputy’s just a twenty-year-old kid.”

Adam nodded.  “I appreciate all your help, John.  I’ll never be able to repay you for what you’ve already done for my brother and me.”

“Don’t be silly.  Maybe someday Mary and I will travel to Nevada and need a place to spend the night.”

“You don’t have to worry about a place to stay, you’re welcome anytime.”  Adam started away from the window.  He felt dizzy and reached up, feeling the lump on his head.  “Almost forgot about this.”

“You sure you’re going to be all right here by yourself?  Mary will understand if I stay the night.”

“I’m fine.  I think they’ll both sleep until morning, which isn‘t that far off.”

“I’m gonna dump out this mess and bring up some more firewood before I go.  You probably shouldn’t be doing stairs yet, Adam.”

Adam chuckled.  “You sound like my father, only he would have been a bit harsher with his comment.” What would he have done without John?  The man he’d only met hours ago had become a valued friend.

“I would appreciate that, John.  Oh, one more thing before you leave.  If you’re going into town tomorrow, I need one more favor. I’d appreciate it if you would send my father a telegram.  He needs to know what’s happened here.  I’ll get it written out for you.”

My mouth was like cotton and my eyes felt dry and gritty.  I tried to lift my head but it was too heavy.  My shoulder felt worse than it had since I fell off the stallion.  It felt heavy too and hurt something awful but needed something to drink.  I was hot and tried to kick the covers off, but I was as weak as a newborn kitten.

I ran my tongue over my lips, but my tongue was as thick and dry as my mouth.   My eyes were open, but the room was dark; just the glow from the fireplace that sent shadows flickering against the walls.  I didn’t recognize anything in the room and tried to slide my legs over the edge, but I was like a wooden statue, frozen in one spot.  I closed my eyes and gave up.

I heard footsteps.  It seemed to take more effort this time, but I opened my eyes again.  Adam stood at the side of the bed and rested his hand on my forehead. “How do you feel?”

“Thirsty.”  I could barely swallow and Adam had already started pouring me a glass of water before I even got the word out.  He reached behind me to sit me up.  “Oh God.”

“I’m sorry, Joe.”

What was this all about?  I felt sick to my stomach, but I needed a drink more than anything.  He eased me back down, and I let him hold my head up just enough to drink.  “More later.  Don’t want you to be sick.”  He eased my head back on the pillow.  The pain was still there; the horrible throbbing consumed my whole body.  I knew I was in trouble.  I didn’t remember ever feeling this bad before.

He pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down beside me.  “I think you have some busted ribs and I haven’t wrapped them yet, so try not to move around.”

“I don’t think … I have the energy … to do much of anything … right now.”  We sat together quietly for a minute while I tried to catch my breath.  I couldn’t believe how weak I felt and how much effort it took to breathe.

“Do you remember anything?

“I … I don‘t know.  I‘m … not sure what ….” I tried to think but things seemed so messed up in my mind.

“Miller.”  It all flashed before my eyes.  The gun—the shots—handcuffs—Miller on top of Jenny.

“JENNY!”  I leaned up, but landed hard back on the bed, breathing harder than before.

“Joe, easy.”  Adam gripped my good shoulder.  “Jenny’s right beside you.”

“What?”

“She’s right here, Joe.  Right here beside you.”

“Beside me?”

Adam picked up my right hand and placed it on Jenny‘s hip.  I felt her flinch when I touched her.  “She’s okay?”  I prayed he’d give me the answer I wanted to hear.

“She’s alive, Joe.”

“Alive?”

“It’s a long story that can wait until morning.  You need to rest now.”

“But Miller—Adam—he—oh God.”

“I know what he did.”

“But Jenny—he—oh God, it’s my fault!”

“Nothing is your fault, Joe.  The man was sick.”

“You don’t understand!”

“Joe stop.”

“He … he came back be … because of what I said.  That’s why he … Oh God!”

“Joe listen.  There’s nothing you could have done.  The man was sick in the head.  He would have done something like that anyway.”

“NO … no he wouldn’t.  He had to … had to prove he was a man.  He had to prove it … in front of me.  Me, Adam!  That’s why he came back.”

“Joe.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s dead.”

“Dead?”

“He killed himself.”

“I thought he—” I ran the scenario quickly through my mind.  I must have passed out.  I remembered hearing another shot, and I thought he’d killed Jenny.  “Miller’s dead?”  My head was fuzzy and I needed to hear it again.  I wanted to make sure I heard my brother right the first time.

“He’s dead, Joe.”

“I heard the shot, but—”

“He didn’t kill Jenny.  He killed himself.”

Chapter 19

Adam refilled the glass with cool water from the pitcher and walked around the bed.  He rested his hand on Jenny’s shoulder.  “It’s just water, Jenny. How about a drink?”  Her eyes were open and she stared straight ahead.   Traces of tears stained her face.  He tried again, pressing the glass to her lips.  But it was no use.  “Okay, you just rest.  Joe’s right beside you.  He loves you, Jenny.  Just remember he loves you.”

Adam didn’t have the heart to tell Joe how badly bruised and swollen Jenny‘s face was, or that her whole body had been beaten and bruised from the struggle she must have put up trying to fight that man off.  He didn’t tell him her wrist was raw and crusted with blood and one of her fingers was swollen twice its size, or that her long blonde hair had been butchered; cut up past her shoulders.  He didn’t tell Joe that she was in such a state of shock she may never recover.

Joe would know soon enough.  He prayed his brother could deal with the pain he would feel when he saw her for the first time; the pain of knowing Jenny might never come back from the abuse she’d survived at the hand of her stepfather.  It was a blessing Lester Miller was dead because Adam knew he’d never be able to stop his brother from putting a bullet straight through the man’s heart.

Adam woke suddenly and stood up from the chair he slept in and stretched like a cat waking from his afternoon nap.  His back was stiff and he moved from side to side trying to work out the kinks.  He’d thought of his father and how many nights he’d spent sleeping in a chair next to one of his son’s beds, waiting for a fever to break, or watching over a young son, especially this one, with a broken bone or a wound such as Joe had now.

He headed downstairs, but was cautious and held on to the handrail, in case he faltered again.  After starting a fire in the kitchen stove, he headed out to the barn.  Realizing that John had stabled the horses the night before and made sure they had fresh food and water, he thought how much they could use a man like John on the Ponderosa.  He lit a lantern and mucked out the barn, fed the horses, and then made his way back to the house.  He set the coffee pot on the stove and headed outside for more firewood.

He carried an armful of wood upstairs, setting it down carefully and quietly.  He added a couple of logs to the coals and then walked over to the bed.  The two were still sound asleep, so he left them alone and went back down the stairs.  He built a fire in the parlor and went back to the kitchen for a much-needed cup of coffee.  The kitchen had warmed up; the chill in the air was gone.  He poured himself a cup and looked through the pantry for any food that had been left in the house.  He wished his brother, Hoss, were around to cook his famous scrambled eggs.  Eggs.  He should have checked the hen house.  He should have fed the chickens while he was out there.

The chickens could wait.  He poured himself a second cup and headed back upstairs.  He noticed Jenny had stretched out in the bed and rolled over to face Joe.  She had her arm wrapped around Joe’s waist and they both looked so content lying there together.   His brother was alive and so was Jenny, and if he had anything to do with it, they would remain that way.

He didn’t know how long they would have to stay at the house.  Neither one of them could be moved, and it would be quite some time before they could sit a stage and return to the Ponderosa.  They would need supplies, but Adam wasn’t able to leave.  He’d have to ask John for another favor.  He was becoming more indebted to his newfound friend.

Chapter 20

I opened my eyes, and the room was filled with bright sunlight.  My brother was standing over me, holding a plain white mug and feeling my head. “Good morning.”

“Yeah.”

“I need to clean out your wounds, Joe.”

Plural.  I must have more than one.  I remembered Miller shooting me in the shoulder, but where else had he shot me?  “More than one?”

“Your arm and your shoulder.”

“Oh.  Just don’t use the alcohol, Adam.”

“Joe, I have no choice.  You want a cup of coffee first?  I don’t have any broth.”

“You bet I do.”  I smiled up at my brother.  I knew we couldn’t put it off for long and as much as I didn’t want him to pour that firewater on me, I knew it would hurt him almost as much as it would me.

“Just don’t tell Pa I gave you coffee first thing after you’d been shot.”

“Deal, brother.”

Adam left the room and I tried to prop myself up some.  I found out that wasn’t a possibility.   Jenny’s arm slipped down my chest.  I took hold of her hand and squeezed it, but she pulled it away.  It was so hard for me to move.  I tried to find her hand again, but she’d rolled away from me and was curled up in a ball with the covers over her head.

“Jenny.  Talk to me, sweetheart?”

I couldn’t lift myself enough to even see her right next to me.  I would have to wait for Adam.  I needed to see her.  I needed to talk to her.  I needed to tell her that everything would be all right and that I loved her.

Adam walked back into the bedroom, loaded down with a bucket of water in one hand, clean towels draped over his arm, and a cup of coffee.  He handed me the coffee and propped my head up so I could drink.

“Ah, hit’s the spot, brother.”

He let me drink in peace as he readied himself for what would come next. After I handed him my cup, he lifted my shoulder and put a towel underneath it on the bed.  I winced at the movement, but I was okay.  He started to unwind the bandage around my shoulder, and then the second one around my arm.  I could see the wound on my arm and it made me half sick.  I had to look away.

“This is gonna hurt.”

He picked up the bottle of alcohol, and I knew what was coming.  He poured it generously on my shoulder and my body jerked involuntarily.  I tried not to cry out for Adam’s sake, but I couldn’t help myself.

Jenny’s body became rigid beside me then I heard her begin to cry.  Adam eased my arm back on the bed and went around to the other side.  My brother’s words were soothing, but her cries became louder and more frantic.  Her shoulders were shaking and Adam kept talking, trying to calm her.

“LET ME GO!  LET ME GO!”  I listened to her fear-filled screams, as she fought to get away.

“Jenny, It’s Adam.  Joe’s right here.  Jenny, do you hear me?  Joe’s right here with you.  No one will hurt you.  Miller’s dead.  Can you hear me?”

‘NO!” she cried. “No—”

I reached for her, but it didn’t stop her panic.  “Jenny, it’s Joe.  Look at me.  Jenny, look at me.”

Adam turned her so she could see me.  “Look at me,” I said again.  Finally, the screaming stopped, but the hysterical sobs didn‘t.  I could feel her next to me and I reached out for her.

“Joe?”  As much as I tried to hold back the tears for her sake, they immediately streamed down my face.

“Come here.”  Adam let go of her and she rolled onto her side, beside me.

“Joe?”  I wrapped my good arm around her, pulling her close.  “I’ve got you.  You rest now.  You’re safe here with me.”

I couldn‘t see her face. I looked up at Adam and back down at Jenny.  I pulled her tighter against me.  I couldn’t stop the tears.  I couldn’t control the rapid beating of my heart.  My beautiful lady had been beaten half to death.  One eye was nearly closed shut and her chin was misshapen and bruised.  Her long blonde hair had been butchered by that son-of-a-bitch.

I thought of the scissors Jenny picked up off the dresser.  After I’d carried her upstairs, she threatened me that if I didn’t get my clothes off fast enough, she’d do it for me.  She started towards me snapping the scissors with each step she took.

“Yes ma’am,” I said laughing, and gave her my best army salute.  But that was before—

She didn’t move at all after she laid her head on my shoulder and her hand on my chest, but the tears still came.  Her left hand wrapped around her right shoulder.  That‘s when I saw her wrist and finger.  The ring was gone.  Her mother’s ring that just yesterday I’d slipped on her finger.  Her finger was swollen and bruised.  I saw her wrist where he’d cuffed her to the bed.  It was swollen and crusted with blood.  I rubbed my thumb over the tender area.  I turned away and looked back at Adam.

“Why?”

I couldn’t hold back the tears as I rubbed my hand in gentle circles on Jenny’s back until her sobbing eventually stopped, and she lay quietly against me.  Adam hadn’t finished playing doctor, but I couldn’t risk another bout with the alcohol.

“Later, okay?”  I whispered.  My brother’s eyes glistened with tears. He nodded at me in agreement and rewrapped both wounds.

“`

I was afraid to fall back asleep.  I needed to stay awake in case Jenny woke up again.  Adam had gone back downstairs mumbling something about eggs and chickens.  I’m sure he was feeling the stress of caring for the two of us and everything else that had to be done.

I didn’t know if Jenny was aware she was still naked.  I thought we needed to get something on her before she realized I wasn’t the only one in the room.   I’d feel better just having on a pair of long johns.  I would have Adam find something for both of us the next time he came back.

Jenny slept soundly.  I was so tired; my eyes were starting to close when Adam walked back into the room telling me we had company.  “John Callahan, the man that helped me last night, and the deputy from Prescott are here, Joe.”

“Hey, we need some clothes here, Adam.”

“Not right now.”  He walked to my side of the bed and spoke quietly so as not to wake Jenny.  “They’re going to take Miller to town to the undertaker’s.  They’re also going to take the two dead bodies we had to leave in the barn.”

“Ora Mae.”

“Do you know the other one’s name?”

“No.”

“All right.  I’ll get that taken care of and then I’ll fix you something to eat and find you something to wear.”

“Thanks.”

“`

Jenny began to stir.  I was a mess.  My left arm was useless and now my right had fallen asleep underneath her.  She ran her hand gently across my chest.  I wanted to hug her tightly, to pull her closer to me, but I wasn’t able to move at all.  Her hand felt good against my skin, and I thought about yesterday.

I remembered how her hands, so soft and gentle, had touched every part of me.  We had no other cares in the world.  The only thing that mattered was the two of us.  We were starting our life together. We would be married soon and she would become my wife and a part of my family.

We’d been lying side by side, with Jenny‘s head lying on my shoulder, like it was now, making plans for the rest of our lives, when Miller fired the gun from the bedroom door.  Our world changed in that instant.  Jenny’s more than mine.  My shoulder would heal.  I’d been shot there before.  It healed that time and it would heal again.

I thought about my brother having to dig out a bullet from that same spot twice.  I’m sure the thought had crossed his mind too.  We both struggled with each other after the incident at Montpelier.  It took weeks before we were right with each other again.  There was blame and fault and snide remarks.  If it hadn’t been for Hoss, we might never have found what we’d once shared as brothers, having no idea how to find our way back.

I remember all of us sitting around the dinner table.  Adam and I were at odds with each other again.  My biggest brother slammed his hands down hard on the dining room table.  Dishes rattled and food leaped off the plates.  He stood up and glared at the two of us.  “I’ve just about had it with the two of you.  If you can’t be civil to one another then why don’t you both just leave?  This house ain’t a home no more.”

Hoss stormed out of the room and slammed the front door behind him.  Pa and Adam and I sat stunned at his sudden outburst.  But that night, Adam and I, and a bottle of Pa’s good brandy, stayed up till nearly sunrise trying our best to sort things out and make the best of a bad situation; an accident that happened between brothers.

Things we’d said to each other over the past weeks couldn’t be taken back, but we vowed we would try.  We were brothers; we were family and that’s all that mattered to us now.

Even though Adam had closed our bedroom door so we could have a little bit of privacy from people we didn’t know, I heard the men talking in the hallway.  Montpelier was a thing of the past, and I was brought back to the present.

I heard a bedroom door shut and figured they were getting Miller out of there.  I hoped I’d never have to see that room or that man again. I’m thankful we wouldn’t have to sit through a trial.  I didn’t know if that was something Jenny could handle or not.

I wondered why Miller had turned the gun on himself.  I guess we’ll never really know.  He’d ripped the ring from Jenny’s finger so he had to know she’d found her mother’s jewelry, and I found it strange he didn’t take it and run.  It could have gotten him out of the country, to Mexico, or even further south, if he’d had a mind to go.

I suppose I would get the story from Adam.  I still didn’t know where Will and Rex were.  I assumed Rex was behind bars and figured Will was out in the hallway.  But I didn’t know how Miller had gotten away.  Jenny was still sleeping, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer and they slowly shut.  Adam would fill me in later.

Chapter 21

Adam helped the young deputy, and the friend he’d brought with him, load the three dead bodies into the back of the wagon.  This was the young man’s first time handling a corpse.  After saying he’d only been at this job for two months, Adam felt sorry for the kid; he looked a bit green around the gills.

He reminded him a little of Joe a few years back, trying to be a man about the whole thing, but wishing someone else would do the job.  He assured Adam he and his friend, Henry, could manage to get the bodies back to town, and as soon as the marshal showed up, he’d send him on out to investigate.  He was holding up pretty well so far, but he still had to stop by John’s place and collect the two bodies there.

“Undertaker’s gonna be real surprised when I bring in five dead bodies ain‘t he,” he said to Adam.

“I‘m sure he will.”

“Buy you a cup of coffee,” Adam said, turning to John.

“I sure could use one.”  They both had a good laugh at the expense of the young deputy and his young friend, Henry, as they headed back into the house.

They carried their coffee cups into the dining room and sat down across from each other.  “That bedroom’s one hell of a mess,” John said.

“It sure is.”

“How’s your head?”

“Oh, it’s fine.”

“How are your brother and the young lady?”

“They’ll live.”  Adam looked up at John with remorse at his off-handed remark.  “I’m sorry, John.  Guess I’m just tired of this whole ordeal.”

“That girl sure looked like she’d had a rough time of it.”

“Jenny.  Jenny Simmons is her name.”

“Jenny Simmons?  The attorney’s wife?”

“Ex-wife.  You know her?”

“My wife and I met her and her husband a couple of years ago when we first moved here.  Boy, I didn’t even recognize her.  He did a job on her, didn’t he? I dread telling Mary it‘s Jenny Simmons.  She and my wife had become real good friends.”

“Did you know her husband very well?”

“Not really.  We had some dealings with him when we first moved here, some legal matters he took care of for us, but Jenny and Mary hit it off.  They both had some womanly things in common, and I think they were a comfort to each other.”

“Womanly things? Adam questioned then realized he’d spoken out of turn.  “Or maybe I’m being too personal.”

“You probably already know about Jenny.  Neither Jenny nor my Mary can have more children.  I think it helped them both to know each other and talk about those kinds of things together.”  John took a sip of coffee and shook his head.  “You know Adam, Mary might be able to help Jenny.  You know, help her through this. Sometimes women are better with other women than us men are.”

“That’s for sure. Would she be willing to come out here and stay for a while?  In fact, both of you could stay here if that would be better.”

“I’d have to go back and forth.  I have stock to care for at home, but Mary would be upset with me if I didn’t bring her here to help.  She’s a very independent woman.  It wouldn’t bother her in the least if she had to stay here by herself, especially now that she knows you’re not an outlaw,” he said grinning.

Adam smiled back at John.  “Can she cook?”

“You bet she can cook.  Why do you think I married that girl?”

Adam smiled and then continued.  “We don’t have much here as far as supplies go.”

“Let me head home and tell Mary about Jenny.  I will bring her out early tomorrow morning.  She can stay here, and then you and I can go into town and pick up supplies.” Adam nodded at John.  “Oh I sent that wire for you this morning so maybe there will be an answer by tomorrow.”

“Good.  Thanks again, John.  I’m beholding.”

“`

Ben Cartwright, Ponderosa, Virginia City, NV (stop)

Joe wounded but alive. (stop)

Will stay in Arizona

For undetermined time. (stop)

Staying at Miller’s ranch. (stop)

Adam Cartwright (stop)

“`

Ben read and reread the wire that the young boy had brought out to the ranch.  Hoss had been out all day checking the stock, while Ben was making plans to leave for the Arizona Territory.  There was a stage leaving in two days and he and Hoss would be on it.  Charlie, his foreman, was more than capable of taking care of things while they were away, especially this time of year when the workload was next to nothing.

“What you do about Christmas?  You bring Little Joe home for Christmas?” Hop Sing asked.

“No, Hop Sing.  No one will be here for Christmas this year, so it’s a good time for you to go and visit your relatives.  I don’t suppose we’ll be back anytime soon.”

“Not right, not home for holiday.  Little Joe never should go away.  Hop Sing feel nothing right anymore.  Hop Sing miss family at Christmas time.”

“I know, and we’ll be home as soon as Joseph can travel.”  Hop Sing returned to the kitchen still ranting on and on, but in Chinese. Ben shook his head and walked back to his desk.  “Nothing ever changes.”

When Hoss rode in that afternoon, Ben headed out the front door to meet him.  “We have trouble, son.”

“What kind of trouble?”

“Joe’s been injured somehow and we need to head down to Prescott.”

“What are we waiting for?  Let’s go.”

“We’ll take the stage to Salt Lake in a couple of days.”

“We could get there faster on horseback, Pa.”

Ben let out a deep sigh.  “I know we could, son, but I hate to risk it this time of year, especially after I made your brothers take the stage.”

“Yeah,” Hoss laughed.  “I guess you did, didn’t you?  How bad off is Little Joe?”

“I don’t know.  You stable Chubb and come on into the house.  You look worn out.  I’ll have Hop Sing fix us some fresh coffee and maybe some of last night‘s pie.”

Hoss‘ face brightened at the prospect.  “That sounds good, Pa.  Be right in.”

Hoss sat in a chair next to Ben’s desk and read the telegram.  “Sure doesn’t tell us much does it.”

“No, it doesn’t.”  He was trying to finish the last of his paperwork so they’d be ready to leave.  “I assume it has something to do with Miller, and I guess I can assume your brother was shot, but I’m just assuming.”

“I see that, Pa.  I’ll ride into town in the morning and send Adam a wire telling him we’re on our way.  I’m sure he figures we will be, but I should let him know anyway.”

“Thank you, son.”

Chapter 22

Jenny woke and needed to relieve herself.  She sat up in the bed and started to slip her legs over the side when Adam cleared his throat.  Quickly, she turned and looked across the room to see him sitting in a chair.  “Do you need some help?” Jenny felt confused. Realizing she was not wearing any clothes, she pulled the sheet up around the front of her.

Adam stood up and walked across the room to the dresser.  “Wait just a minute.”  He searched drawer after drawer until he found her a nightgown.  “Let me help you,” he said, in his calmest voice.  Tears seeped from her eyes when she saw her bare arms and the bruises that covered them.  She rubbed her fingers over her swollen wrist while he stood patiently.  She finally looked up at Adam and nodded.  He slipped the nightgown over her head and helped her stand up.  He hoped he knew what she needed.  He pulled the chamber pot out from under the bed.  “You need to use this?”  She nodded.  “Can you do it by yourself?”  Again, she nodded.  “I’ll step outside.”

Her movements were slow and calculated.  He wasn’t sure whether to leave her or not.  “You okay?”  He started across the room, then turned back just in time to watch her fall to the floor in a heap.

“Jenny!” He knelt and gently picked her up off the floor.  “Let’s get you back in bed.”

“What happened?” Joe said in a frightened voice.  He’d been asleep and woke up confused when he heard Adam yell.

“She fell.  We need to get some water and food into her.”  Adam poured a glass of water.  He would force her to drink this time if he had to.  He raised her head and she drank from the glass.  He had her take small sips and she eventually drank enough to satisfy him.  “Here, you need to finish this off, Joe.  Neither of you has had enough to drink.

“I’ve got a dozen or so eggs down there, so I’m going to fix you both some?”

Adam realized how much he needed a woman like Mary to help with Jenny’s care.  He’d returned to the kitchen, gotten the skillet hot, and was stirring up enough eggs for an army when he heard someone holler from the parlor.  “Adam, you down here?”

He wiped his hands on his apron and walked out to greet his guests. “John, Mary, am I ever glad to see you two.  I thought you said tomorrow.”

“I did, but Mary had different ideas, and by the look of your pretty little pink apron there, we got here just in time.”

Adam felt his face flush and quickly reached back and untied the apron from around his waist.  He handed it to Mary.  “It’s all yours.  I was just making some eggs.  I’m sure my brother would rather have you do the honors than me.”

“I’d be glad to,” she said, as she removed her coat and bonnet and took the apron from Adam.

“They’re both upstairs in the same room.  It‘s the only way I could keep an eye on both of them.  I‘m not sure what all John‘s told you.”

“Mary knows everything I know, Adam.”

“Good.  I think you’ll still be surprised when you see Jenny though.  She’s in pretty bad shape.”

“We’ll get her through it.  She’s a tough lady,” Mary said.

“All right then, I’ll let you take over.  First bedroom on your left—a plate for Joe and one for Jenny.  Neither of them has had anything to eat since before this whole thing happened.  I’ll go tell Joe the good news.  I’m sure he’ll recover a lot faster knowing he doesn’t have to eat my cooking.”  Adam started to leave then stopped and turned back to his guests.  “Mary?  I can‘t thank you enough.”

Chapter 23

I thought I heard voices again, and I wondered who was here.  I still didn’t have any clothes on.  Jenny had fallen back to sleep, but she faced away from me.

Adam walked into the room and moved to my side of the bed.  “John and his wife Mary are here, and I thought you’d—”

“Why don’t you at least get me some long johns before some woman I don‘t even know walks through that door?”

“Right,” Adam said and walked back out of the room. He looked disheveled and tired, like he hadn‘t slept for a week, but within a couple of minutes, he was back with what I’d asked for.  He helped me out of bed and standing, which wasn‘t an easy feat.  He pulled the long johns on and then proceeded to bind my ribs while he had me upright.

“Sorry, Joe.  There was just no way I could do it while you were lying down.”  He settled me back in the bed and straightened the covers over the two of us.

“Adam?”

“What,” he said, sounding tired and annoyed.

“I just wanted to say thank you.  Thank you for saving our lives.”

He looked me in the eye and started to speak.  Whatever he started to say he held back and kept it to himself.  He tightened his lips and nodded then turned to leave the room.

“`

Mary was a godsend.  She was a good cook and there was someone to relieve Adam.  I couldn’t help but see the look on her face though when she first set eyes on Jenny.  It was almost too much, but she kept a straight face and she didn’t let on.  Jenny tried to smile for her friend, but tears came instead.  Mary sat on the edge of the bed. She held her in her arms and let her cry.  I wished it had been me, but she was more comfortable with a girlfriend.

Adam said something about the Callahans staying with us for a few days.  I was glad they‘d agreed to do that.  My brother was exhausted and maybe he could get some rest now.  The doctor was out on a call, and John left a message for him to come out as soon as he got back, and when I heard voices again, I figured that must be him.

Adam brought the doctor up to our room as Mary fed soft eggs to Jenny.  I was able to feed myself, but using my right hand had Mary glancing my way every time I missed my mouth and the forkful fell back on the plate.  She started to smile but looked the other way.

“We meet again,” the doctor said, as he walked into the room.

“Did my brother tell you it was the same shoulder you fixed a few weeks ago?”

“He did.”

“I probably messed up all your handiwork, Doc.”

“Let’s take a look, shall we?”

The doctor checked me over and said Adam had done a fine job, even with the stitching.  “He’s had a lot of practice,” I said before looking at Adam and winking.  He half smiled and gave a quick nod.  We didn’t need words.

Then it was time for him to check Jenny.  Mary sent Adam out of the room, but she had stayed in case there were any instructions from the doctor.  Dr. James walked around the bed, and Jenny grabbed my arm trying to get away.  I saw the fear in her eyes, and I tried to explain it was the doctor and he just wanted to check her.  But she was so frightened, he decided the time wasn’t right.

“I’m scaring her.  If she doesn’t have any physical wounds I need to tend, let’s leave her alone for now.  I will stop back in a couple of days if that’s all right, Mr. Cartwright.”

After wrapping my arm around Jenny, I held her close.  I nodded at the doctor and wondered how Jenny would ever get passed all of this.  She was frightened of everything, and I didn’t know how I could help her.

Mary agreed.  The doctor closed his bag and asked Mary to follow him downstairs.  She stopped and pulled the heavy drapes closed and the room fell into darkness.  “You two get some rest.  I’ll be back later.”  She pulled the door closed on her way out.

“There was no sense trying to examine Mrs. Simmons at this time,” Doctor James said to Adam and Mary.  “She’s a very distraught young lady.  I would have to sedate her to do an examination, and that’s not necessary without any physical wounds.”

“I understand,” Adam said, agreeing with the doctor.

“But that’s not to say this young woman is well by any means.  None of us know what this kind of trauma can do to a person.  Right now, she’s in a semi-state of shock and only seems to feel safe with your brother and Mary.  She didn’t even recognize me, and I’ve known Jenny for years since she was a little girl.”

“What can we do for her then, doctor?” Mary asked.

“I’d keep there with your brother where she feels safe.  I wouldn’t talk to her about anything yet.  There will be plenty of time for that later.  Just let Joe hold her and talk to her.  She may open up to him more than anyone else.  Then again, she might talk to you, Mary.  She may not talk about it at all for a while.  But she may want to get it all out.”

Adam remembered his manners.  “I’m sorry, Dr. James.  Can I offer you a drink?  Coffee?”

“I think we could all use a drink.”

“I got it.  Sit still,” John said, as he walked into the room.

“Is there anything else we can do for her?” Mary asked.

“No, nothing that you haven’t already done.  Jenny seems to know you and recognize you, so if you can stay here a few days, I think that would help her greatly.  She needs to have people around she can trust, and I think you and Joe are the only ones she feels that way about right now.”

“But Jenny’s known you for years, Doctor?”

“I’m a man.  She‘s afraid to be touched.  She must love that young man upstairs to trust him like she does.”

John pulled out a bottle of Miller’s fine brandy and served everyone, including his wife.  Then the doctor excused himself, saying it was getting late and he needed to get back to town.

“Thanks for everything, Doc.  We’ll see you in a few days,” Adam said, extending his hand.

Mary turned to her husband. “If you’ll help me, John, we need to get that bedroom cleaned up if we want a place to sleep tonight.”

“Maybe you should let John and I do that, Mary.   I don’t think you should go in there, it’s pretty overwhelming and—”

Mary held her hand up to Adam.  “John and I can get that done.  Why don’t you rest down here for a while?  You look exhausted.”

Adam nodded his head.  “I hate to admit it, but I am.  One more glass of brandy, and I‘d be out for the rest of the day.”

“Good.  You get in a nap, and John and I will get started.”

Jenny stroked her finger where the engagement ring had been.  It looked even more swollen than before.  I needed Adam to find the ring if it was still in the house and bring it to me.  Maybe if she saw it again that would help.  I just didn’t know.  I didn’t know anything.

She had seen the bruises on her arms, which were now covered with a long-sleeved gown, but I didn’t know if she realized her long, thick blonde hair was gone.  Most women pride themselves in the glory of their hair.  I knew this was going to set her back even more.

I talked steadily to Jenny until she finally rolled over and wrapped her arm around me.  I reminded her repeatedly how much I loved her.  I talked to her about the Ponderosa, the mountains and the tall pines, the thin air, and the blue sky.  I reminded her how we would build our house, just the way she wanted, and live there together till we were old and gray.

The one thing I had promised her was the one thing I had failed to do.  I promised I would always protect her.  I told her the bad times were over and only the good times were ahead.  I  let her down in the biggest way possible, but I would spend the rest of my life trying to make things right again.  I would never leave her side if that’s what it took to make her feel safe.

I prayed she felt safe next to me and could get some much-needed rest.  I lifted my head off the pillow and kissed the top of her head.  She raised her head from my chest and looked up at me.  I kissed her forehead, and I saw the look in her eyes.  She looked so sad.  She started to reach for my face but stopped before she made it that far, then eased her head back down.  Soon I heard even breathing and she’d fallen asleep.

We both managed to sleep through the night till the next morning.  I was surprised to open my eyes and see the thin strip of light streaming in through the drapes and the smell of coffee close by.  Adam stood by the side of the bed smiling down at me.

“Coffee?”

“Yep, as soon as you help me sit up.”

Jenny had curled back into a ball away from me, and I was able to sit up without waking her.  Adam propped the pillows up behind me. This was the first time I’d sat up.  I closed my eyes to the pain that shot all through my shoulder and across my ribs, but I didn‘t utter a sound.  I needed to steady my breathing before I tried to hold a steaming cup of coffee.

“Geez, guess I was tired.”

“I think we all were.  How’s Jenny?” He pulled the chair up next to the bed and sat down with his white mug.

“She slept through the night.”

“That’s probably for the best, Joe.  The more she sleeps the better.  That goes for you, too, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“We’re gonna have to change those bandages this morning.”

“Yeah.  Is Mary coming back today?”

“She and John spent the night.  She’ll be staying on for a while; until Jenny’s up and around.”

I wondered how long that would be.  “That’s good.  She’s a nice lady.”

“They both are, Joe.  I couldn’t have done all this without either of them. John has been a big help around here.  The deputy was here yesterday and he took all the bodies back to town.  I’m sure it looked like some kind of Indian massacre when he rode in with five bodies in the back of his wagon.”

“Five? What do you mean five?”  Adam went on to explain what had happened in front of John and Mary’s house, and how John had been the one to rescue him and keep him from dying out there with the others.

“What a waste.  Never should’ve happened.”

“I know, but I’m sure glad you and Jenny didn’t join the lot of them in the back of that wagon.”

“Me too.”  I looked at Jenny sleeping peacefully.  “Guess we weren’t far from it.”

“No, you weren’t.  Oh, I had John send Pa and Hoss a wire.  We should get an answer back sometime today.”

“We sure messed up the holidays for Pa didn’t we.”

Adam chuckled.  “I think that’s the least of our worries right now, little brother.”

“I guess you’re right.”

Jenny started to stir.  She rolled over and reached for me then opened her eyes.  She pulled the covers up higher around her neck.  “Good morning sleepyhead.”

She looked at me, but she didn’t say anything.  Then she looked at Adam, and I felt her body tense against mine.  “Adam brought me some coffee.  You wanna cup?”  Jenny looked up at me and nodded.

“One more for me and one for the lady,” I said to Adam, handing him my empty cup.”

Adam left the room to fill our orders, and I felt Jenny relax after he’d gone.  I wished she would talk to me, but that might take time.  I had nothing but time on my hands so I wouldn’t push.  I would wait till she was ready.

Mary was quick to come back with another cup of coffee for me, and a cup of hot tea for Jenny.  “Tea might be better.”.  She scurried around the room and opened the drapes wide, letting in more of the morning light.  She lifted the window slightly so we could breathe in some fresh air.

“My husband and your brother are heading over to our place to feed the stock, and then going on into town to see if there’s a message from your father.  They said they had plenty to do today and probably wouldn’t have time to visit with the two of you for the rest of the day.”

I understood the hidden message, and I hoped Jenny did too.  Mary and I would be the only ones in this room all day, and maybe that way Jenny would feel more comfortable.  I wanted to know what the doctor said to Mary after he left our room, but I didn‘t want to ask in front of Jenny.

“I’ll be back up, Joe.  I’ve got water heating on the stove, and I’m going to help Jenny with a bath this morning.”

When Mary left the room, I reached over and brushed Jenny’s hair out of her eyes with my fingers.  The bruises were still there.  They hadn’t started to fade at all; in fact, they looked worse in the morning light.  I was thankful she couldn’t see her reflection; the black eye and the large bruise across her cheekbone that looked like a fist print.  She must have put up one hell of a fight, but in the end, Miller was stronger and she lost the battle.

She sat forward and turned herself around in the bed so she was almost facing me.  She saw the bandages that covered most of my left arm and shoulder and a single tear left her eye.  “You’re hurt.”  I was so glad to hear her voice, but I barely registered what she said.

“I’m all patched up now.  I’ll be fine.”

She traced her finger lightly over my bandages.  Then she started to shake and pulled back, resting her hand in her lap. “It’s over.  You’re safe here with me.  No one can ever hurt you again.”  She looked up at me.  “I love you so much, Jenny.”  I took a chance and slipped my good arm around her, pulling her closer.  She cuddled up against me, and for a moment, things almost felt normal again.

Mary walked in with two buckets of water and pulled out the tub, stopping in front of the fireplace.  She emptied those two buckets and headed back down the stairs.  Jenny watched her every move, from the time she came in until she walked back out the door.  Mary came back a second time carrying two more buckets and now the tub was ready.

She crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed.  “I’ve got a bath ready for you, Jenny.  I’m gonna help you now.  Is it ok if Joe stays in the room?”  She looked at me and gave me a weak smile. She turned back at Mary and nodded again.  “Okay.  Let’s give it a try.”

Jenny turned to the side of the bed.  Mary helped her stand up and led her over to the tub.  She slipped the nightgown off and held on to Jenny as she stepped slowly into the large copper tub.

“I’m going to let you lay back and soak for a minute, and then I’ll help you wash up.”  Mary left again.  When she came back into the room, she was carrying a bar of soap and a couple of towels.  She looked across the room at me and rolled her eyes.  “Forgot the essentials,” she said, laughingly.

Jenny looked so content, so at ease, resting her head on the back of the copper tub.  Mary handed her the bar of soap and she slowly rubbed the soap up and down her arms.  She held her breath and slid down slowly, submerging her head under the water. She came back up sputtering and wiping her hands over her face.

Her hands automatically reached back to wring out her hair.  Panic set in immediately, and she pulled and pulled at the jagged ends that stopped above her shoulders.  “No!” She cried.  “Joe?”  She kept pulling at the ends of her hair. She slid down lower until her shoulders were under the water.  “Bring me the mirror, Mary.”

Mary looked across the room at me.  I saw the anxious look on her face, and I‘m sure that same look was on mine.  Neither of us wanted her to see herself, at least not yet.  Even though she already knew, seeing would make it more real.

I got my legs over the side of the bed and pushed myself up to my feet.  I started toward Jenny but had to grab the foot of the bed till the dizziness passed.  Mary saw me hesitate and came to give me a hand.  She walked me over to Jenny and I knelt beside her.  She turned her head away from me.  I reached out to touch her, but she pushed my hand away.

“I want the mirror,” Jenny repeated, without looking up.  I nodded at Mary to go ahead.  What else could we do?  Jenny wasn’t going to be satisfied until she saw herself in that damn mirror.

Mary carried the ivory-looking glass across the room.  She hesitated and checked with me once more before handing it to her.  Jenny sat staring at every inch of her face.  She ran her fingers through the ends of her hair, pulling it forward so she could see it and dropping it back.  She ran her fingers slowly across her chin; over the discolored swelling which remained then felt high on her cheekbone under her half-closed eye.

I wanted to grab the damn mirror out of her hand and throw it out the window.  She seemed mesmerized and just stared. She’d touch her hair then touch her reflection in the mirror, back and forth, back, and forth, like she was in some kind of a trance.  Mary finally took it away from her and set it back on the dresser.

“The water’s cold.  Let’s get you out of there.”  She took the largest towel and wrapped it around Jenny, then helped her back across the room to sit down on the bed. I stood up, but I stayed where I was.  She rooted through the dresser drawers and found another nightgown.  Slipping it over her head with no help at all from Jenny, she carefully buttoned the top three buttons.

Jenny crawled back under the covers and pulled them up tight under her chin.  I walked over to her side of the bed and laid my hand on her shoulder.  Again, she shrugged me away.  I glanced at Mary and she gave me a sympathetic look.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” she mouthed and backed her way out of the room.

Her shoulders shook, and I knew she was crying.  I tried once more. I rested my hand on her shoulder, and she didn’t push me away.  Maybe she didn’t have the strength, or maybe she just didn’t care but at least she knew I was there.

Chapter 24

I crawled back into bed and we both fell asleep.  I woke in a quiet room.  I reached for Jenny, but she was gone.  The room was filled with bright sunlight, but I slept on and off so much, I didn’t know what time it was.  I crawled out of bed, holding tightly to my ribs, and walked out of the room.  I started down the hall when I thought I heard a noise coming from Jenny’s old bedroom.  I knew she would never go back in there, but I heard the noise a second time.

I opened the door and there was Jenny, sitting on the bed rocking back and forth.  She had her arms wrapped tightly around her.  I walked in slowly, not wanting to scare her, and I stood at the foot of the bed until she looked up at me.  Her eyes were swollen and her face was streaked with tears.

I wanted to take her out of a room that was filled with nothing but sadness.  I searched for words that would help her, but I didn’t know quite what to say.  I had to get her out of here, away from the memories of that God-awful day.  I started to open my mouth and she shook her head.

“Everything’s changed, Joe.”

“Nothing’s changed.  I love you and you agreed to be my wife.”

“Look at me!”  She grabbed at her hair, pulling it straight out to the side.

“Okay.”

“Take a good look!”

“Okay.”

She looked away and started to get off the bed.  I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward me.  “Don’t you love me anymore?”

“What?”

“If you don’t love me, I will leave.  I will never bother you again.”

“Joe—”

“Just say you don’t love me and I’m gone.”

“But I do love you.”

“Then what‘s the problem?”

Chapter 25

Things changed after that.  Jenny started to come alive.  Since the day it all happened and we had managed to stay alive, I’d told her time and again that I loved her, but somehow it didn’t matter.  It struck a chord this time.  I don’t know why, but I was very pleased with the outcome.

She asked Mary to trim her hair the best she could.  “It’s only hair,” I told her.  “It will grow back.”   I was vain about my hair, and if I thought it would help, I would have Mary cut all mine off too, but I didn‘t want to make it a big deal.

We had yet to talk about that day and maybe we would in time.  I wanted her to feel safe and bringing all that up wasn‘t going to help matters.  She had paid dearly just to stay alive.  Miller was dead, and I hoped the memory of him and the abuse she suffered would eventually fade and we could go on with the rest of our lives.

Doctor James came back as he said he would.  He checked me out first. “You’re healing nicely.  Just take it easy and don’t try to do too much.”  I think that was every doctor’s response.  I’d heard it so many times in my life.  He asked me to leave so he could visit with Jenny.  He didn’t share with me what they’d talked about and neither did she.

The deputy brought the marshal out and they declared Miller’s death a suicide.  There was no evidence left after Mary and John had cleaned the room and taken the chair Miller died in outside to burn it.  I didn’t let the marshal talk to Jenny, but between John and Adam and me telling him what we knew or what we saw, he left it at that.

The doctor told my older brother I was allowed to get up and sit in the chair in our room for a couple of hours every day.  I didn’t think I needed permission, but Adam thought differently.

“I bought you something when I was in town.”  I tried to think about what in the world I needed.  He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a dime novel; one of my favorites, ”Dastardly Dan Meets Doomsday Jack”.

I laughed out loud when he handed it to me.  “This is my favorite, Adam. How’d you know?”

“I took a wild guess.  Figured you were starting to get bored, and this might keep you still for a while longer.”

“Thanks,” I said, then opened to page one.

“By the way, Pa and Hoss are on their way.”

“Will they make it by Christmas?”

“Good possibility.”

“Sorry, I can’t help you with a tree this year.”

“What?”  Adam’s voice came out higher than normal, and I was going to play this for all it was worth.

“You are going to get a tree aren’t you?”

“You’re kidding, I hope.”  I looked at him like he’d broken my heart.  I was a good actor when I had to be.

“Christmas without a tree?” I said in my ten-year-old voice.

He rolled his eyes and blew out a long, heavy breath.  “We’ll see.”

He left and closed the door behind him.  I heard giggling from across the room.  Jenny propped herself up in the bed and looked my way.  “You’re terrible.”

“You don’t know me very well then Jenny Simmons.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I stood up and walked over to the bed.  She sat up and leaned back against the headboard.  “Don’t you know I always get everything I want?”

“Everything?”

“Everything.”  I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“Everything?”

I walked around the bed and crawled in next to her.  I pulled the blanket up over our legs.  “This is what’s gonna happen now, my lovely lady.”  She sat quietly with her hands resting in her lap.

“I only have one good arm at the moment, and it’s hard for me to do all the things I’d like to do, so there’s something I’d like you to do for me because I promise you, I always get everything I want.”

I saw her questioning look.

“I’m not a poetry reader like my older brother.  And my middle brother only reads about farm animals and such.  Now I have my type of book, and Adam bought me my favorite of all time.”

She reached over to take it from me. “It’s time for my bedtime story.”  After handing her the book, I leaned back against the pillows propped up behind me.

“What in the world?  Dastardly Dan Meets Doomsday Jack?”

“Read on, my love—”

Chapter 26

The twelve-foot Ponderosa pine crashed to the ground with a thud, scattering snow mixed with a spattering of mud in its wake.  John and Adam stood back, admiring their handiwork.  “Let’s get her loaded up,” John said, clapping Adam on the back.

Adam would have skipped this whole tree business this year if it hadn’t been for his youngest brother goading him into it.  Joe had never grown up when it came to Christmas.  Even though he was now in his early twenties, he couldn’t wait for Christmas morning.  He would search the house for weeks, for gifts that might be hidden in various places throughout the house and barn.  Adam and Hoss, and even their father had become very clever when it came to hiding presents from Joe.

Adam sighed; thinking of all his young brother had been through these past few weeks and how much longer the healing process would take.  Doctor James had taken Adam aside, and far enough away that Joe couldn’t overhear, and explained the situation with the young man’s shoulder, and the ultimate recovery of that shoulder.

“I set your brother’s shoulder only weeks ago, and I thought it was possible that in time, he would have total use again.  But I’m hesitant now,” the doctor had said.

“I don’t understand.  The bone wasn’t re-broken.”

He tried to explain to me about muscle and sinew, tissue, and nerves, and how this constant damage to the same area took its toll.  I had mentioned the previous bullet wound from two years ago, and how long it had taken him to recover that time.  I told him that Joe wasn’t one to complain, but we’d all noticed how he’d favored that arm for months.  

I also mentioned the fact that my father had been ill and bedridden when Joe returned home only a couple of weeks after the surgery. The only reason the shoulder had healed as well as it had was that Joe sat still for two solid weeks with my father, and the results of the doctor’s work had the time needed to heal properly.

“I’m just saying I’m not sure this time.  There’s been a great deal of trauma in the same area, but we can always think positively now, can’t we.”

“You’re quiet,” John said.

“I’m sorry.  Just thinking about Joe.”

“He means a lot to you, doesn’t he?”

Adam smiled, “Yeah, I guess he does.”

John pulled the wagon up as close to the front porch as possible.  He had two boards already cut and nailed together in the shape of a cross.  After attaching the boards to the bottom of the tree, the two of them carried the enormous tree into the house, setting it down in the corner of the parlor.  The branches fell back in place and they both stood back and admired their day’s work.

Adam held his hand out to John.  “Thanks for your help.  I couldn’t have done it without you, friend.”

“I think this calls for a drink.”

John had handed Adam a brandy.  “Cheers.”

Adam held his drink and eased his free hand into his pants pocket.  He leaned back on his heels and admired the tall, stately tree.  He fiddled with the stones on the ring he’d forgotten he’d slipped in his pocket earlier this morning for safekeeping.  Mary had found it on the floor of Jenny’s bedroom when they’d spent the day cleaning.

She wasn’t sure if it had been Jenny’s or not as she’d never seen her wear it before.  She had slipped it out of her apron pocket to show Adam.  He looked at it closely and shrugged his shoulders but said he would ask Joe if he had any idea.  The two of them had seen Jenny’s finger after the attack, and they were both fairly sure what had happened.

He had meant to speak to Joe about it earlier, but time had gotten away from him.  Christmas was just a few days away, and he and his new friends, John, and Mary Callahan, had busied themselves trying to get things ready.  Hoss and his father should be getting close now, and weather permitting; they would arrive by Christmas morning.

~~~

Prescott was still just a rough little mining town.  Will Conner had been its first and only sheriff.  It reminded Adam of Virginia City not that many years ago when a man didn’t go to town alone for fear he’d never get home alive.  There was the mercantile and the small hotel, but it seemed every other establishment in town was a bordello or a saloon.  The mercantile wasn’t much more than a trading post, with feed and grain and a small amount of dry goods.  He didn’t know if it would be worthwhile heading back to town to find gifts for his family or not.

He did have gifts for Joe and Jenny, and there was no way he thought he could top this one.  He’d been back and forth with John, helping him with the stock and anything else that needed doing on his ranch, while Mary had stayed at Miller’s with the two patients.

Adam was beside himself when he discovered John had been the one that had bought Cochise and the palomino last month from Les Miller.  John was more than happy to let Adam have them back, but Adam insisted on paying him whatever he’d paid.  The deal was done and the secret would remain until Christmas morning.

“If I’d had any idea the pinto was stolen, Adam, I never would’ve—”

Adam cut John off with a wave of his hand.  “How could you have known? Miller was quick to alter the brand, and you’d never seen the horse before, so there was no way you could have possibly known.”

“I just can’t believe I was taken in by him like that.  I thought he was a neighbor, a friend.”

“Listen,” Adam said. “I’m the one who feels bad, and I’ve thought of how I can repay you for everything, including the two mounts I just bought back. I know you wanted the mare for breeding and the pinto for yourself, so here‘s what I‘ve got in mind.”

John leaned forward in his chair, anxious to hear what his new friend had to say.  “Okay, I’m all ears.  I think maybe a gold or silver mine, or maybe just a million dollars in cash would do just fine.”

Adam chuckled and sat forward in his chair.  “I’m afraid I can‘t go that far, but I will tell you what I was thinking.  As soon as Joe’s healed up enough to make the trip, we could drive a string of our best Nevada mustangs down here from the ranch.  It would give you enough stock to get you started in the horse business.”

John had mentioned to Adam a few days ago, his ultimate goal was to build up the ranch by seeing horses to the army.  Now that Miller was out of commission, he thought his plan had more of a chance.  So this was Adam’s way of saying thank you for all John and his wife, Mary, had done.

“Are you serious, Adam?”  The look on the young man’s face was the same look Adam saw on Christmas mornings, and he was pleased.  “This is incredible!  I can’t believe you would be willing to do that.  I can’t thank you enough.”

“It’s a deal then?”

“It’s a deal.”

Chapter 27

The room was dark, the heavy velvet drapes were pulled across the window, and still, I never knew if it was day or night.  The last time the doc was here, he said I was allowed out of bed, but suggested I lie down and take a nap in the afternoons. Adam played taskmaster over me and made sure I followed doctor’s orders.  Sometimes I think he was worse than Pa.  I could talk Pa into almost anything, but Adam was having none of my fooling around.

I knew he was right, although I would never let him know, but laying up here with Jenny wasn’t so bad.  She napped with me every afternoon.  I thought of Pa and how different things would be if he were here.  I knew we were going to have problems when he and Hoss arrived.  He wasn’t going to go for this situation at all.  It would be tough to try to get through to him, and I wasn’t about to leave Jenny’s side for any amount of time.  But this was Ben Cartwright we were talking about, and there would be words.

Jenny was still sleeping, and I slipped quietly out of bed without waking her.  I cracked the drapes open and saw there was a little bit of daylight left.  I sat down in the chair to pull my boots on.  It was a bit of a test one-handed, but I was getting better at it.

I’ve had bullet wounds before and some heal quicker than others.  I remember my shoulder taking a long time to heal two years ago, so I was in for a long haul again.  Back then, I tried to hide the pain from my family, especially Adam and Pa.  It was a difficult time.  Hoss used to slip out to the barn at just the right time and help me saddle my horse or anything else I couldn’t do with one hand, and he’d never say a word.  He knew I was struggling with things I couldn’t do, and it was hard for Adam to watch. Hoss just smoothed things out with no one getting hurt or upset.

I’d heard some commotion downstairs earlier and thought I would go down and see what everyone was up to.  From the top of the stairs, I saw John and Adam sitting and talking at the dining room table.  Mary must have been in the kitchen because whatever she was cooking smelled awful good.

I got halfway down the stairs and there it stood.  The most magnificent Christmas tree I’d ever seen.  It was as beautiful as anything we’d ever had on the Ponderosa.  “Hey!  You got one,” I called out.  “Why isn’t it decorated?”  I knew that would get him.

“Excuse me?” he said, laughingly.  “I’m leaving that up to you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah.  John and I did all the hard work.  I’d think you could do something to help out around here.”

I had made it to the bottom of the stairs and was looking up at the tree. “She’s a beauty, Adam.”

“We thought so too, little brother.”

“But it’ll sure look better after you get it decorated.”  Slowly and stiffly, I sat on the sofa.  Even though my arm was wrapped to my chest, I held it tenderly as I sat down; going for all the sympathy I could muster.  “I better rest a bit.”  I couldn’t see Adam, but I knew he was rolling his eyes at John.  “I’ll be glad to supervise, though.  This here’s a pretty good spot.”  I lifted my feet and propped my boots on the table.  “Yep, I can supervise real well from right here.”

John couldn’t hold it in anymore and I heard him start to laugh.  “I think he means business, Adam.”

“Yeah, I’ll show him business.  Just watch.”

It’s a dang good thing I was injured or Adam would have strangled me, and I couldn’t call out for Pa or Hoss to save me.

The stagecoach pulled to a stop in front of the small hotel in Prescott.  The streets were nothing but mud from the melting snow.  Hoss reached up as the driver handed down two small carpetbags.  “Thanks,” Hoss said then looked around for his father, who was already asking directions to the livery and to the Miller place.

“It’s a two-hour ride out to Miller’s, Hoss.  I think we’re better off staying here in town tonight.”

Hoss was disappointed they weren’t going to see Joe and Adam right off, but it was already suppertime and nearly dark.  “I guess you’re right, Pa.”

“Besides I’m beat.  I’m ready for a good meal and a warm, soft bed,” Ben said.

“I’m tired too, Pa.  That stage weren’t exactly to my liking with all them ruts in the road.”

“That’s the trouble with winter travel, son.”  The hotel was directly ahead, and Ben pointed in that direction.  “Let’s get checked in and see if we can find somewhere to eat, then we can get an early start in the morning.”

“Fine by me, Pa.”

Chapter 28

“Turn it just a little more to the left,” I said to Adam and John.  I looked up to see Jenny coming down the stairs.  I got up, pulled her over by the sofa, and had her look at the tree with me.  “What do you think?  Is that good?”

Jenny raised her hands and covered her mouth.  “It’s beautiful!”

“But do you think it’s turned just right?”  I furrowed my brow, and I tapped my finger on my bottom lip like Pa does when he’s in deep thought.

“Joe Cartwright!  Are you causing trouble?”

“I just want it to be perfect.”

“I know what you’re up to, and it’s already perfect.”  She looked at Adam and John.  “It’s perfect.   Thank you for setting it up.”

“Adam’s gonna decorate it tomorrow.”

Jenny’s hands flew to her hips.  “No, he’s not.  You and I are going to do that tomorrow.”

“What?  But Adam—”

“Your brother has done enough.  You and I will decorate the tree.”

Adam threw his hands in the air and walked quickly over to Jenny.  “I love you,” he said, kissing her on the cheek.  “You’re just the right woman for my ornery little brother.”

“But I—”

“Time for dinner,” Mary called out from the kitchen doorway.

Adam smiled at me and clapped me on the back.  “Can’t win ‘em all, Little Joe.”

I realized how thrilled Jenny was with the tree.  I never quite knew if she’d be happy or sad.  Her moods changed constantly, but I was glad Adam had done this for us, and I tried not to worry.

Jenny helped Mary serve dinner, and after excusing herself and heading upstairs, she came right back down to help Mary clean up.  Things were getting back to normal for her, at least on the physical side.  The bruises were fading, and even her wrist and finger were healing right on schedule according to the doc.

I tried twice to talk to her about that day, but twice, she put her finger to my lips and wouldn’t let me continue.  I knew we had to talk about it sometime, but she wasn’t ready yet.  I wondered if she ever would be.  Mary had helped her with her hair and had gotten it straightened out some, but I knew she was self-conscious about it as any woman would be.

We’d been outside a few times during the day.  We bundled ourselves up and took short walks, just to get some fresh air and get out of that bedroom for a while.  We had kept the door closed to Jenny’s old bedroom, and she’d always hurry by and look the other way when we passed.

John and Mary were getting ready to move back home.  I thought I would miss Mary’s cooking, but Jenny said she was ready to take on that role. Hop Sing and Mary had taught her well. John and Adam had become good friends, and Adam would be lost without him.

John handed us all a brandy. “Thanks.  I hate to see you two head back home, but I expect you to be here for Christmas.

“I think that can be arranged, Joe.  I’m anxious to see that tree decorated.”

“`

I heard Adam and Jenny talking downstairs.  She had sent Adam to the attic to bring down all the boxes of ornaments.  She told us last night that they hadn’t put up a Christmas tree since her father had died.  She assumed the decorations were still up there.

I heard the front door close and listened to hear if Jenny was coming up.  I was cleaning my teeth and washing my face when she walked into the room.  “Adam gone?”

“He just left.”

“What did he need from town?”

“Supplies.  You need some help?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid I’ll kill myself if I try to shave.  You wanna give it a try?”

“How about a bath and a shave?”

“Is that a hint?”

“Let’s just say, it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Let’s get the water heated then.”  I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and we headed downstairs to heat the water.

The stove in the kitchen was still warm, and I only had to add some small kindling to get the flames going again.  We each carried a bucket of water up from the pump at the sink while we waited for the water to heat.

“Be easier if the tub was in the kitchen,” I said, as Jenny pulled the tub in the bedroom out, placing it in front of the fireplace.  We emptied buckets and were ready to head back down.

“When you have your own home, you can bathe in the kitchen whenever you want, Joe.”

“Sure makes more sense to me.”

We each brought a bucket of hot water up the stairs and were ready to go.  Jenny got my boots off and unstrapped my arm.  I was able to do the rest.  “You gonna join me?”

“Not this time.”

I stood in my drawers and pulled her close to me.  We hadn’t been alone together since that afternoon before everything happened.  I cupped her face with both hands, and I kissed her on the lips.  I noticed her hesitation, and I leaned back away from her.

“You okay?” She nodded, but I could tell she felt uncomfortable. “Are you sure?”  She nodded again, but I saw the look in her eyes; I wasn’t getting the truth.

My body had already started to react to her being close.  I kissed her cheek, and then I kissed her other cheek.  I looked back at her and she looked away.

“I’m sorry, Joe.”

I let go of her arms.  The last thing I wanted to do was frighten her.  “Don’t ever be sorry.  It’s not your fault.  It’s just too soon.”

“What if I never—”

I tilted her chin up and made her look at me.  The tears had already started down her cheeks.  I felt horrible.  “It’s my fault.  I love you, Jenny.  I would never hurt you.”

She turned away from me.  “You let me know when you’re ready.  I won’t ever make you do anything you‘re not ready for?”  She nodded her head, but I wasn’t sure if she believed me or not.

I turned her back around to face me.  “Why don’t I take that bath.  You don’t want me to walk around all smelly and dirty for Christmas, and then you and I can decorate the tree.”  She was having a hard time, but she finally looked up.  I pushed little slips of hair away from her face.  “I love you.”

“I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

I handled things all wrong.  I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t know what I should do.  It wasn’t like I could talk to Pa, or even Hoss about this, but maybe Adam.  Maybe he knew about these things.  I didn’t mean to react to her like that, but it just happened and it scared her.  I understand all of that, but it doesn’t mean I know what I’m supposed to do.

I would have loved to sit all day in the steaming hot water, but I washed quickly and skipped the shave.  I wanted to make sure Jenny was all right.  I dressed in a hurry and went downstairs.  I found her sitting in the kitchen, blowing on a cup of steaming hot coffee she held between both hands.

“There’s more on the stove.”  

I poured myself a cup and sat down with her at the small kitchen table.  The kitchen was warmer than the rest of the house, and it felt good.  “You hungry?”

“No, not really.  Maybe later.”

“Okay.”

“Joe, we need to talk.”

I didn’t know what was coming.  I knew we had to talk about that day, but I was afraid of what she might say.  I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear any of it.

Jenny looked up at me and tears glistened in her eyes.  “I’m scared, Joe.  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t even know how I feel.  I know he’s dead and he can’t hurt me again, but I’m scared to leave this house.  I’m scared to see your Pa.  What’s he going to think of me?  What’s Hoss gonna say?”

“Jenny, I—”

“Let me finish.”  I nodded and tried to be strong for her and not let her know I was as scared as she was.

“You don’t know how I feel because I don’t even know myself.  I don’t want people looking at me.  They’ll know what happened.  Ladies will shy away and men will stare.  I don’t think I can take that.  I’m ashamed, Joe. I’m not the same person anymore.  I never will be.”

I listened carefully to every word she said.  I wanted to reassure her that nothing had changed between us, and that’s all that mattered.  I would be by her side and we would deal with outsiders together.   I didn’t think any less of her.  Did she feel it was her fault when it was all my fault that Miller came back?  That I’m the one he was mad at but took it out on her just to prove to me he could.  I’m the one to blame for this whole thing.

“I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to be—well, to be a wife to you.”

“You don’t mean that, Jenny.  Nothing has changed.  I want you to be my wife, now more than ever.”

She looked away, and I could tell she was holding back tears that threatened to fall.  “Maybe I said that wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“A lover, Joe.  I may never be able to—”

I wanted to reach out to her; to hold her in my arms, but I was afraid of what she would think I wanted, and that wasn’t it at all.  I just wanted to hold her and tell her it didn’t matter; none of it mattered.  I rested my hand on the table, palm up, and she laid her hand in mine.  I squeezed gently, and she didn’t pull away.

We had shared the same bed since it all happened, and she’d rested her head on my shoulder and her hand on my chest, but I couldn’t touch her, bandaged up like I was.  That had made her feel safe, but now my touch scared her, and I was just now realizing the difference.

“As long as it takes.  I’m willing to wait.  Someday, when you’re ready, you’ll let me know.  I give you my word; I won’t touch you in that way until then.”

I’d listened to her and she’d listened to me.  How long it would last, I didn’t know.  But for now, we were all right.  Things may change tomorrow, but I would be by her side, and I prayed it would be enough.  I prayed that in time she would want to be with me again.

Chapter 29

Before I headed outside to feed the chickens, which was the one thing I could do, Jenny took off my shirt and strapped my arm back to my chest. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to sneak out of here without having this done.”

Since I was allowed out of bed, the doctor kept my arm immobile, said it would heal better, and would be a reminder not to use it.  There wasn’t a moment it didn’t ache, but it was a dull pain, just enough to be annoying.  I hadn’t said anything to anyone, especially to Jenny.  She had enough to think about without worrying about me.

She had gone upstairs to dress while I was out, and then she planned to make another pot of coffee and some breakfast for us.  We hadn’t made it up early enough to eat with the others, but there were leftover biscuits.  I reminded her we had been lucky Hoss wasn’t here yet, or she‘d be stuck baking another batch.

I was as anxious to see my family, as Jenny was apprehensive about their arrival.  I hoped they’d be here soon.  It wasn’t long until Christmas and I had never spent this time of year without Pa and my brothers.  I wanted Jenny to feel the true meaning of Christmas again like I think she’d had when her father was still alive.

I helped her clean up the breakfast dishes, and we stared at the gigantic tree so I headed out to the barn to see if there was a ladder.  The snow had melted and the ground was soggy and muddy, but the sun felt good on my face.  I wasn’t one who liked to be cooped up in the house for too long.  Jenny said it was a fluke we got that huge amount of snow, and it may not snow again for weeks.

I found a wooden ladder, but I couldn’t get it down from its pegs by myself.  I would have to go back in and get Jenny to help me.  I heard a noise outside so I walked to the barn doors and looked out into the bright sunshine.  I squinted and wished I had my hat, but what I saw in front of me was a most beautiful sight.  Pa and both my brothers were dismounting and walking toward me.

Hoss saw my shirtsleeve dangling at my side and hesitated until he saw me smile at him.  He grinned from ear to ear but skipped the bear hug this time.  He clapped me on the back then reached out and shook my hand.

“It’s sure good to see you, little brother.”

“It’s good to see you too, Hoss.”  Adam stayed back with the horses and Pa stepped forward.  “How are you, son?”

“I’m fine, Pa.”  He cupped my face and we both had tears in our eyes but blinked them away.  “I just came out to get a ladder, but I’m kind of worthless.  Come on in.  I’ll send Hoss out later.”  I turned and winked at my big brother.  “On the other hand, maybe we won’t need a ladder after all.”

I stopped at the front door, turned, and faced Pa and Hoss.  “Um—Jenny’s a little nervous about you coming.”

“I told them what happened, Joe,” Adam piped in.

I looked at Pa, and he gripped my shoulder.  “I’m sorry, son.  We’ll be careful what we say.”

“Okay.  She’s—I don’t know, still upset about stuff.”

Pa nodded.  I looked up at Hoss and saw that his eyes glistened with tears.

I knew my family inside and out, but I was still nervous for Jenny.  It’s not that I thought they would say or do the wrong thing; I just didn’t know what the right thing was.

I opened the front door and hollered for Jenny.  She wasn’t in the parlor like I thought she would be.  “Come on in.  I’ll have to find her.  She must be in the kitchen.”  I headed off around the corner.  “Jenny?”  I came back out not finding her there.  “She must have gone upstairs.  I’ll be right back.”

I knocked gently before opening our bedroom door and found her closing the nightstand drawer then sitting back on the edge of the bed and straightening the front of her dress.  She didn’t look up when I walked in, so I crossed the room and sat down next to her.  

“You okay?”

“No.”

“My Pa and my brother are here.”

“I heard them ride in.”

So that was it.  I wasn’t going to force her to come down, but she couldn’t stay up here forever.  “I’m gonna get them settled in and I’ll be back up.  You take as long as you need.”

“I just need a few minutes, Joe.  I need to—”

I smiled at her and ran my hand across her back.  “Don’t worry about it.  I’ll be back up in a little bit.”

She nodded and I turned to leave.  I headed back downstairs.  Someone had made a pot of coffee and everyone was sitting around the dining room table waiting for us.  Adam poured me a cup and slid it across the table.  

“Jenny’s getting cleaned up some.  She’ll be down shortly.”

“We met up with Adam on the road to town.  He told us some of what’s been happening here.  How’s your shoulder, son?”

“It’s mending.  Doc said it would be fine.  Adam’s been doing everything around here. I’m sure he’s glad to have big brother here,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.  “How was your trip?”

Hoss let out a long breath and rolled his eyes.  “How would you like sitting for two weeks with a grumpy father?”

I started to laugh, but I saw the look on Pa’s face.  I knew exactly how Pa got when one of his own was injured.  The stage ride was enough to do you in if you were in a good mood, but if you were worried and unsure about things, it was a long two weeks for Hoss.  Pa tended to get quiet and reflective when he was upset, and nothing upset him more than the unknown and not being in control.

“Did Adam tell you about John and Mary, our new best friends?”  Pa shook his head no and looked a little confused.  “That Mary is the best cook in all of Arizona.”  I looked up at Hoss.  “She’s promised to cook Christmas dinner for all of us.”

I saw my big brother’s eyes brighten and he rubbed the palms of his hands together in anticipation.  “That sounds good to me.  Don’t it to you, Pa. Nothing worse than way-station food for two weeks.  I must’ve lost ten pounds just getting here.”

Hoss was happy now, and if I could just get Pa to loosen up some we‘d all be more comfortable.  I know he worries, but things are fine, or at least they will be soon.  Adam hadn’t said anything since we’d come into the house, and I wondered how much he’d told them about Jenny.  I guess Pa and Hoss had to be told, but it didn’t need to leave the family.  It didn’t need to be mentioned ever again after we left this place.

Pa set his cup down and leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. “How’s Jenny doing, son?  Adam explained some of what happened and how he found the two of you that night.”

“I don’t know, Pa.  Sometimes she seems almost back to normal, and then there are times she’s like a frightened animal that’s been drawn into a trap and can‘t get free.  I watch her sit and stare at nothing, and then she seems to snap out of it.  I never quite know what she‘s thinking.”

“Adam says you’re talking marriage.”

“We sure are.  As soon as she’s up to it.”

“Which reminds me, Joe, I have something here,” Adam said. He leaned back in his chair and dug deep in his pants pocket.  “Mary found this ring and we thought maybe you would know—”

I grabbed the ring so fast from my brother that I almost fell on top of the table. “I can’t believe she found it!”  I looked at Adam, and Hoss, then Pa.  “I gave Jenny this as an engagement ring.  It was the one her father had given her mother.”  I looked back at the ring and then shook my head.  “I thought it was gone.  I didn’t think we’d ever.  I didn’t think …”  My mind flashed back to that afternoon when I’d put the ring on Jenny’s finger.  We were both so happy.  “Excuse me.”  

I held the ring tightly in my hand and left to go outside for some much-needed air.  I leaned heavily on the top rail of the corral.  So much had changed.  So much was wrong.  I didn’t know how to help Jenny through this.  I wished Miller were here so I could kill him a hundred times over.

I didn’t hear his footsteps and didn’t know Pa came outside until he wrapped his arm around me.  He squeezed my shoulder, and I leaned into him.  I felt protected from the world with my father’s arms around me.  If I could only do that for Jenny.  If she’d only let me help her.

“Would it help to talk?”  I looked up.  He was such a big, powerful man with a deep, powerful voice that I felt small and useless.

“It was all so perfect.  We had everything, until—” I couldn’t even say the word.  I realized no one had said the word out loud.  Were we embarrassed by Jenny? Were we ashamed?  If we couldn’t even say the word, how did Jenny feel?

It was time to say it.  Time to say the word out loud.  What were we all hiding?  I started to say it then looked away from Pa.  Why was this so hard?  Tears ran down my face.  I took a shuddering breath and finally spoke aloud for the first time.

“He raped her, Pa!  He handcuffed her to the bed!  He hit her again and again!  She fought him with everything she had!”  I held the ring out in front of him.  “He tore this off her finger!”

I didn’t realize until I was finished, I’d been shouting.  If anyone else had been around, they would have thought I’d gone mad.  Maybe I had.  I was mad.  I was mad at everything.  I knew in my heart that Jenny would never be the same.  I didn’t even know if she loved me anymore.  Had Miller killed that too?

Pa held me tight in the safety of his arms, and I cried.  I cried for what should have been.  I cried for what might never be right again.

Chapter 30

Jenny sat alone in the bedroom.  She pulled the bottle back out of the nightstand after Joe had left the room.  “One more and I can do this,” she told herself.  She thought Joe might have seen her putting away the opened bottle, so she hid it behind some clothes in the bottom drawer of the dresser.  It wouldn’t do anybody any good to find out what had been keeping her sane.

It was time for her to go downstairs and see Joe’s family.  They had come all this way, and it was the least she could do.  After making sure the bottle was hidden, she stood up too quickly and grabbed hold of the dresser.  A drinker she was not.  She’d had just a little too much today, and she couldn’t dare let it show, especially in front of his family.  She knew what they were all thinking anyway; that this was all her fault, but to enter the room and fall flat on her face in front of all of them would never do.

She steadied herself and stood tall, brushing her sweaty palms down the front of her skirt.  Her breath was a concern, but if she watched herself, she’d be okay.  She took in a deep breath and headed down the hallway and then stopped at the top of the staircase when she heard Ben’s deep, baritone voice.  Her heart beat faster and she leaned back against the wall and out of sight.

He was yelling at Joe to get off his brother‘s shoulders then directed his statement to Hoss.

“I realize you’re a big, tall man, son, but we’re still going to need that ladder.  Would you mind?”

“On my way, Pa,” the big man replied.

It wasn’t that Joe’s father was yelling, his voice was just loud, and it carried through the house like a herd of stampeding buffalo.  She rested her hand on her chest.  Her heart was calming as was her breathing.  It was time.  She put a smile on her face and cheerfully headed down the stairs.

All eyes were on her, and she tried to dismiss the stares.  She walked across the room to stand next to Joe, and she faced his father.  “I’m so glad you could come.  How was the trip?”

“The trip was awful, as you can imagine, but now that we’re here, I’m so glad to see that you and Joseph are alive and well,” Ben said.

Jenny stood on her tiptoes and kissed Ben on the cheek.  “I’m so glad you made it here for the holidays. It means the world to both of us.”  She looked at Joe and smiled.

Joe wrapped his arm around her waist and smiled down at her.

Adam stood off to the side.  He’d watched Jenny as she entered the room and greeted his father.  Something was amiss, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.  She looked perfectly normal.  He was glad to see her happy and confident.  But he couldn’t help but wonder.

“It’s perfect,” I said, and my consensus was right.  Everyone agreed.  The tree was magnificent.  “You picked out a winner, Adam.”

“Thank you, thank you,” Adam said, bowing from the waist and exaggeratedly swinging his arm.

There weren’t half enough decorations for a tree this size, but it didn’t matter.  Jenny and I had spent the entire afternoon placing and replacing each ornament, while Pa cooked dinner and Adam and Hoss thought they knew where every ornament and candle should go.  Jenny and I both laughed and joked with each other and tried to ignore my brothers.

“Dinner,” Pa called out, as he removed the little pink apron from around his waist.  Pa wasn’t that bad of a cook, and since Mary was coming here to help cook for the next two days, we didn’t want to impose.  I know she and John would have been here in a heartbeat if they thought they were needed, but it was nice just being with family tonight.

“Smells awful good, Pa,” Hoss said, bullying his way to the table.

“Don’t mind my big brother,” Adam said to Jenny.  He’s a beast if he isn’t fed every couple of hours.

Jenny laughed and took Adam’s arm.  He led her to the table, pulling out her chair and then moving himself around to sit next to Hoss.  I sat down next to Jenny with Pa at the head, carving his roast.  It wasn’t quite Hop Sing’s cuisine, but it looked mighty tasty.

Pa and Hoss told us everything that had been going on at home.  Nothing out of the ordinary, but good to hear anyway.  We told them how we’d gotten a foot of snow, and Jenny had said that wasn’t normal at all this early in the year.  We were all chatting and laughing, but I noticed Jenny had eventually become quiet and sat back just listening.  I leaned into her and whispered not wanting to embarrass her.  “Everything okay?”

“I’m really tired, Joe.  Do you mind if I head upstairs?”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No,” she said.  “You stay here and enjoy your family.”

Jenny stood. “If you will all excuse me.”

We all stood.  I kissed her on the cheek.  “I’ll be up soon.”  She nodded at me and turned to leave.

We all sat quietly, watching her go up the stairs.  Pa turned to me.  “Is everything alright, son?”

“Yeah, Pa, she was just tired.  I told her I wouldn’t be too long.”

We talked a while longer until the coffee pot was dry, and then Pa cleared his throat.  That meant something was coming, and I had a good idea what it was.  “Adam told me something on the way in, and it’s been bothering me, Joe.”  Here it comes like I knew it would.

“I may be old-fashioned son, but I can’t condone these sleeping arrangements.”

I knew this was coming, and I didn’t want to fight with my father, but I would on this one.  “Pa, I—”

“There’s no room for discussion on this, Joseph.  It’s immoral, and I won’t have it.  Hoss will sleep with your brother, and you can sleep in my room.”

“NO!”  I stood up from the table.  “I’m sorry, Pa.  I knew this would be a problem for you, but I have to be in the same room with Jenny.  It’s the only way she feels safe.  I won’t leave her, and I’m sorry if it upsets you.”

“Joseph.  It’s not right.  You know it’s not right.”

I felt the heat rise through my body and my face had probably turned red.  “I don’t want to argue with you, Pa, but this is the way it’s gonna be.  I’m not your baby boy anymore.  I‘m going to sleep in the same room as Jenny, and I‘m sorry if you don‘t approve.  I’ll see you in the morning.”  I left the room and headed for the stairs.

“Joseph!”

“Pa stop,” I heard Adam say.  “Let him be.”

I stopped and looked back over my shoulder at Pa and Adam.  Did I hear right?  Was Adam sticking up for me?  Adam’s hand was on Pa’s arm, holding him in his chair.  I silently thanked my brother.  I didn’t feel so alone.

Jenny was already undressed and in bed when I got up to the bedroom.  The lamp on the dresser was turned low.  I undressed down to my long johns and crawled into bed next to her.  I had to sleep on my back with my arm still strapped to my chest.  I wasn’t sure if Jenny was asleep yet or not.

“You asleep?”

She didn’t stir.  It had been a long day.  I think everyone was tired.  I knew if I could put Pa’s words and his anger out of my mind, I would sleep like a baby.  I listened to Jenny’s soft breathing and found myself joining in the same rhythm, and I was soon sound asleep.

Chapter 31

“He knows what he’s doing this time, Pa,” Adam said.  He glanced at Hoss, knowing his brother was embarrassed by this whole discussion.

“This isn’t right, Adam.  I don’t care what either of you says.”

“You have to let Joe make his own decisions, and I, for one, think he’s made the right one this time,” Adam said.

“Sleeping with this young woman is the right decision?”  Ben’s voice was rising.

“Let me explain.”  He knew his father had his own set of Christian values and principles but under these circumstances, things were different and he would do his best to ease his father’s discomfort. “Please, Pa, let me explain.”

“What could make me change my mind?” Ben said, glaring at his oldest son.

Adam’s voice was calm as he put in plain, simple words why he thought he was right.  “When this first happened, I carried each one of them out of that hell hole and into the same room and the same bed.  It was the only way I could care for both of them at the same time.

“I had to dig the bullet out of Joe’s shoulder.  I couldn’t do that and be running off somewhere else checking on Jenny.  I had to make sure they both stayed alive.  Do you understand what I’m saying?”

There was no answer and Adam continued.

“Jenny was barely alive.  I didn‘t know if Joe would make it or not.  There were two of them and one of me.  Jenny had been stripped naked, beaten half to death, and I‘m sure Miller forced himself on her, maybe once, maybe ten times, I don‘t know.  I had to keep them together in the same room.  I had no other choice.”

Ben hadn’t spoken or moved an inch while Adam spoke.  Hoss had squirmed somewhat nervously in his chair, but Ben had kept an expressionless poker face.  Adam continued.

“Joe’s shoulder may not heal properly this time.  Jenny may never recover mentally.  They need each other.  They need to be together.  I’ve watched her curl into Joe from the very beginning.  She’s found some measure of comfort there.

“Joe is her lifeline right now.  She needs him by her side to feel safe.  Her mental state is fragile, to say the least.  I will fight you on this.  I won’t let you separate her from Joe.”

Ben didn’t respond to his son‘s explanation.  He got up from the table and walked into the parlor and then stood in front of the fireplace with his back to his sons, staring down at the glowing embers.  He started to reach for the poker then took a step back, changing his mind.  He turned his head and looked back at his sons.

“Goodnight.”

Neither brother spoke but watched their father slowly climb the stairs.  Adam turned to Hoss.  “I could use a drink.”

“Sit tight, I got it.”

Hoss brought over the decanter of brandy and two glasses.  He poured them each a drink and handed one to his brother.  “I’m proud of you, Adam.  That was a good thing you done for Joe.”

Adam shook his head.  “I just hope Pa understands.”

“It don’t sit well with Pa, you know that.  But it’s the right thing.”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me more about Little Joe’s shoulder. What did the doc say?”  The two brothers moved in front of the fire and sat comfortably together talking long into the night.

Ben undressed and crawled into bed, but sleep wouldn’t come.  He knew what Adam was saying, and he understood his youngest son wanting to do everything he could for the woman he loved, but it wasn’t right.  All of his sons had been taught right from wrong.  As much as he tried to accept it, in his world, this would never be right.

I woke up and finally knew my days from nights.  I got dressed and headed downstairs.  I was the first one up, which didn’t happen too often in my family.  I got the fire started in the parlor and then the kitchen stove.  Coffee was the first order of business.  I put the pot on to boil and headed outside to gather the eggs.  I would let Hoss or Adam tend to the barn chores, but I’d become the egg-gathering expert.

I set the basket on the counter and reached for the boiling coffee.   I’d stay in the kitchen, which was already starting to warm.  I had just sat down at the little table when Pa walked in.

“Smelled the coffee.  Mind if I join you?”

“No, don’t mind at all.”

My back was to Pa, but I heard him pour his coffee.  I didn’t know what he would say to me this morning.  I sure didn’t want to start the day arguing about sleeping arrangements.  He sat down across from me.  We were quiet for a while, just the sound of two men sipping coffee.

“We have a problem, son.”

Here it comes.  I closed my eyes and wondered what I could say that would put an end to this.  He wasn’t going to get his way this time.  “A problem?”  I said.

“Yes, a problem.”  Pa likes to repeat.

“Your brother and I left the Ponderosa in rather a rush after we got the wire from Adam, and I’m afraid all the Christmas presents are back at the house.”

I saw a hint of a smile on my father’s face.  “That’s the problem?”

“I’m not sure what the mercantile in Prescott has to offer,” he said.

I started laughing.  “Not much.  I can tell you that.”

“I guess that will give us another reason to celebrate when we get back home then.”

“We’re all together.  That’s all that matters, Pa.”

“You’re quite right, son.”  Pa picked up his coffee.  I tried to decide if I wanted to bring up last night’s discussion or not.  We were back to normal, whatever normal was anymore.  I hated to ruin the moment.

“How soon do you think you and Jenny will be ready to travel?”

Pa was leaving this decision up to me?  That was unheard of.  “I’m not sure.  The doc said he’d be back out after the holidays to check my shoulder so I should know by then I guess.”

Pa nodded.  “I prayed last night for the both of you, but I don’t know how to help Jenny.  Did the doctor have any suggestions, anything we should be doing for her?”

“Time.”  All he said was, “These things take time.”  Pa reached out and squeezed my arm.  Was I forgiven?  Did Pa understand?  I wondered what would happen after we got back home.  Po didn’t say any more about last night, and I knew it was killing him to think of us together in that way, but he’d let it go for now.

What he might not have realized was that we weren’t sleeping together in the way I‘m sure he thought we were.  Yes, we had once, but that was before this whole mess with Miller.  I didn’t want to discuss it with Pa, but I didn’t know at this point if we’d ever make love to each other ever again

I was so unsure about so many things that it scared me.  I didn’t want to let on.  I didn’t think anyone knew how nervous I felt about everything.  So much had changed.  I loved Jenny as much or more than before.  I just wasn’t sure how she felt about me.

I poured Pa and me another cup of coffee and started a new pot.   My brothers would be down soon.  Jenny, I wasn’t sure.  It looked like it was going to be a nice day.  I had felt a warmer breeze blowing when I was outside earlier.  Maybe Jenny and I would take a long walk.  Mary and John would be by later to bring dinner.  They were good people, and I was anxious for Pa and Hoss to meet them both.

Jenny woke and reached out for Joe, but the bed was empty.  Just days ago, he wouldn’t have left her side for any reason at all.  Now he was seldom there.  He was trying to tell her without words that it was over. She knew that would happen once he‘d had time to think things through in his mind.  Who wouldn’t feel that way after what had happened?

She climbed out of bed and opened the bottom drawer.  There was her source of strength hiding in the back behind a stack of neatly folded clothes.  She drank straight from the bottle not wanting to leave any traces behind and cringed at the taste first thing in the morning as it burned every inch going down.  She took a steadying breath and tilted the bottle up again then quickly hid it back in the drawer.

If she got caught even once, how could she ever explain? She was a used-up shell of a woman, and on top of that, she was becoming a no-good drunk.  She picked up the small hand mirror and studied her face.  The swelling and bruises were practically gone, but her eyes were puffy and red.  She ran her fingers through her hair and tried to hold back the tears.  “Why didn’t he just kill me?”

It took so much effort to get dressed and put on a happy face.  Her eyes burned with unshed tears and after squeezing them shut, they came anyway, just like they did every morning when she thought of facing another day.  She slipped back into bed and pulled the covers up evenly over her shoulders.  She wasn’t ready to see anyone and would sleep a while longer before having to go downstairs and pretend to be the girl they all expected her to be.

I leaned against the wall while Hoss mucked out the barn.  There were still two of Miller’s horses left.  Jenny and I hadn’t talked yet about selling the ranch.  If it was left up to me, I would sell everything; lock stock, and barrel, to the first buyer that came down the pike.  It was her decision though, and we would need to make those plans soon after the holidays.

Winter was a hard time to sell anything, and I dreaded making another trip down here in the spring.  I thought of John and Mary and wondered if they’d be interested in buying, or maybe even managing the place until it was sold.  I would run that past Adam and Jenny and see what we could come up with.

I watched Hoss.  He was working up a sweat, running his rake through the barn.  “You’re doing a mighty fine job there, big brother.”

“Ain’t nothin’ new, Little Joe.  I been doin’ your chores since the day you was born,” he said, laughing at his comment.  “I’m ‘bout done here.  You wanna bring them horses back in or leave them out in the corral?”

“Doesn’t matter, I guess.  Might as well leave them out for a while.  Don’t know when they were rode last.”

Hoss leaned his rake against the wall and we walked outside together.  We leaned on the corral railing and watched the two stable mates, along with the rented horses; nibble at some hay Hoss had thrown in earlier.

“I sure miss Cooch.  I don’t think I’ll ever see him again, Hoss.”

“Yeah,” Hoss said.  “You don’t have no clue who Miller sold him to, do ya?”

I shook my head.  “I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“Maybe someone in town bought him.  We could check at the mercantile or one of them saloons, ya know, ask around some.  Not many around look like Cochise.  He stands out like a sore thumb.  If he’s still around these parts, someone has seen him.  You can bet on that.”

Hoss always knew what to say.  He was the most positive, optimistic person I knew, and that’s why he was my hero.  He never saw the bad in anything or anyone.  He always saw the bright side, and he never gave up hope.

“You and I’ll ride into town together after Christmas.  It can’t hurt can it?”

“Nope, little brother.  It can’t hurt.”

Chapter 32

Hoss and I came back inside the house.  I needed to check on Jenny.  It wasn’t like her to sleep this late.  Adam and Pa were just getting ready to leave. Adam wanted to introduce Pa to his new friends.

“Jenny come down yet?” I asked as they were buckling on their gun belts.

“Haven’t seen her, son.  There’s some coffee left on the stove, but I’m afraid she‘s missed breakfast.”

“I’ll make her something if she’s hungry.”

Adam rolled his eyes.

“I can cook eggs, ya know.”

“We’ll be back later,” he said, avoiding making any snide remark.

I headed upstairs carrying a cup of coffee.  I knocked on the door and then went in.  Jenny was buried under the blankets, so I sat down on the edge of the bed and put the cup of steaming coffee up close to her nose thinking that would wake her, but it didn’t.  I sat the cup down on the table then leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.  Her hand flicked the air like she was swatting a fly.  I tried it again and she opened her eyes.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

“Mmmm—”

“Ready for coffee?”

“Mmmm—”

She stretched out her legs and rolled over on her back.  I would never say anything to her, but she looked awful this morning.  “Let me help you.”  I pulled at the pillows and propped them up behind her.  “Here’s your coffee.”  I picked up the cup and handed it to her.  Her hands were shaking, and I had to make sure she was able to hold it by herself.

“Where is everybody?” she said, groggily.

“Well, Hoss just cleaned out the barn, and Pa and Adam left to visit the Callahans.  Are you hungry?  I can make you some eggs.”

She shook her head and sipped her coffee.  “I started to get up earlier, but—”

I waited for her to finish, but she didn’t.  “No problem.  Nothing much going on this morning.  You probably needed the sleep.”

She yawned and rubbed her eyes.  

“Sure you don’t want something to eat?”

I don’t know why I said that.  I sounded like Pa.  She already said no.  But the conversation seemed strained, and I wasn’t used to that.  Talking to each other had never been a problem before.  She looked up from her coffee like she was confused as to whom I was.

“Are you all right?” I asked.  It was an odd feeling I had.  She looked dazed and her eyes weren’t clear.  “Should I call the doctor?”

She shook her head.  “I’m fine now.  I was just tired, Joe.  Nothing’s wrong.”  She finished off her coffee and handed me the cup.  “Could I have another?”

“It will be a minute.  I need to make another pot.”

“That’s fine.  I need to use the—” she dipped her eyes to the chamber pot.

I gave her a quick kiss and headed back downstairs.  She seemed fine now, and I guess I was worrying over nothing.  She was just tired, that’s all.

Jenny slowly climbed out of bed and opened the bottom drawer.  This bottle was almost empty.  She would have to get rid of it and get another one upstairs without being seen.  She’d done her job well so far, and no one had suspected a thing.

She raised the bottle to her lips and held it there till it was empty.  She was so tired.  She remembered that she had gotten back up after everyone had gone to bed and sat alone in the kitchen with a bottle of brandy.

She could have predicted her behavior when Joe’s father arrived.  She hated it when he looked at her, pretending nothing was wrong.  He was quite the gentleman and never said a word to her face, but she knew exactly what he was thinking.  Not only was she a divorced, older woman marrying his youngest son, but now he knew she’d been spoiled a second time by her stepfather.

She wondered what Ben had already said to Joe.  Had he tried to get his other two sons in on it too? She could picture him begging his youngest son not to go through with the marriage, to come back home and forget about her.  Joe could do so much better and be much happier if he wasn’t stuck in a marriage with someone like her.

Joe was probably already convinced, and if he weren’t, he soon would be. That’s why he was never around anymore.  As much as he pretended he still loved her, she knew it was over.

If they would just all go away and leave her alone.  Leave her to sleep away the day if that’s what she wanted to do.  She didn’t want to go downstairs and pretend that everything was fine; that she was all right.  If Joe asked her that question one more time, she thought she might lose her mind.

“I’m not okay.  I’m not fine.  I never will be.  Why doesn’t he know that?”

But as she’d done since his family had arrived, she would get herself dressed and run a brush through her hair.  She would slap on a smile and be the kind of woman everyone expected her to be.  She didn’t know if Joe was man enough to break off the engagement, now that he knew he should.  Maybe she could help him along.

She’d heard stories of how Indians would often capture young white women, taking them from their families when they raided newly formed settlements on the frontier.  All the men in the tribe would use their young captives to service them and then cast them away when they were of no use anymore.  The young women would sometimes return to their families, shamed and sometimes burdened with child.  Their husbands may have searched for them in the beginning, but after time, they’d moved on and even remarried, no longer wanting their wives, sisters, or daughters back.  They were used and disgraced; no longer fit for the Indian world or the white world.

That’s what Miller had done to her.  He’d made her unfit.  Who’d want a woman who’d be used by another man?  She was no better now than some red man’s cast off.  Joe was a respectable young man from a decent family. Cartwright was an important name in Nevada.  There was no way the family would want her to tarnish their name, even if Joe still pretended he did.

She would dress and ready herself to go downstairs.  If they would all just go away and leave me alone, life would be so simple.  I wouldn’t have to get out of bed.  I wouldn’t have to be pleasant.  I could pull the drapes closed and shut out the light of day.  Life was just so hard.

She hid the empty bottle and pulled out a dress from the wardrobe.  If this was the game she had to play, she would.  Her head ached.  Her body felt limp.  She focused on what needed to be done to endure the rest of the day, and she would do it.  She would put on a happy face.  She would be pleasant and answer their constant questions.  No one understood how she felt.  No one possibly could.

~~~

Ben was enjoying his visit with the young man and woman who had helped Adam so much these last few weeks.  Mary had kept herself busy baking pies and bread for the next couple of days.  John and Adam excused themselves and escorted Ben out to the barn.  John opened the doors and let Ben go in first.

“How in the world?”  Ben all but shouted, when he saw the black and white paint standing calmly in the stall.

“John’s the one that bought him from Miller,” Adam said, to his father.

Ben stood in a state of shock.  “Does Joe know?”

“No,” Adam said. “John is planning to sneak Cochise and Jenny’s palomino back over tonight and we’ll settle them both in the barn until tomorrow morning.  I figure Joe needed to have some kind of present this year, and what’s better than this.”

The sight of Joe’s pinto brought tears to Ben’s eyes, which he quickly blinked away.  He pictured in his mind how surprised and grateful his youngest son would be.  This was turning out to be a decent Christmas after all.

Mary was gathering everything she would need for the dinners and packing it all into baskets.  She was counting on Jenny for some much-needed help in the kitchen to have everything prepared and ready on time.  She sat her baskets by the door and slipped on her coat.  “You boys about ready to go?  If we plan to eat tonight, we’d better get a move on.”

John helped Mary load all the baskets, while Ben and Adam bridled the two horses and tied them to the back of John‘s buggy.  “I think we’re all set,” Ben said.  He took one more glance at Cochise and shook his head.  How happy his young son would be.  Then the downside struck him.  Joe was still injured; strapped up like a mummy, and Ben knew for sure his son would fight him tooth and nail to ride that dang horse back home.

Jenny finished dressing and headed downstairs.  Joe and Hoss sat in the parlor, playing a game of checkers.  Joe got up and led her over to sit next to him on the sofa.

“Mornin’ ma’am,” Hoss called out.  “Did you have a good rest?”

“I did Hoss, thanks, but I wish you would call me Jenny.”

“Yes’m, I mean, Jenny.”

Though Jenny didn’t have the time or the patience for small talk, she needed to get the two of them out of the room.  After sitting next to Joe, she tried to keep calm and not let her anxiety show.  “Is it nice out?”

“It’s beautiful.  I thought maybe we could take a walk down by the stream before lunch.  I expect Pa and Adam should be back by then.”

She couldn’t go that far with Joe and keep herself under control. She was already becoming uneasy just sitting there while they finished their game. “That sounds great, Joe, but I want to straighten up in here before everyone gets back.  If you boys could find something to do outside, I’ll be done in no time.”

“I think she’s trying to get rid of us, little brother.”

“Sure seems that way.”  He kissed Jenny on the cheek and he and Hoss stood to leave.  “I’m sure we can find something to do and keep out of your way.”

“I won’t be too long.”

The brothers left through the front door, and Jenny all but ran to the sideboard.  There weren’t many bottles left and some would be needed for tonight and tomorrow.  After grabbing two, she ran back up the stairs and sat down on the bed and with shaking hands; she released the cork.  The burning liquid was just what she needed.

She was breathing hard and could feel her heart pounding heavily inside her chest.  She closed her eyes and ran her tongue across her lips.  She got down on her knees and opened the bottom drawer shoving the full bottle clear to the back.  She held the other in her hand, caressing her only means of escape.

“One more.  Just one more,” she whispered to herself.  She raised the bottle and let it drain down her throat and then pushed the cork back on and set it next to the other bottle.

She needed to get back downstairs, and when her stomach cramped it nearly bent her in half.  She swallowed repeatedly until the feeling passed.  Her face flushed and she sat back down on the bed.  Her heart was still racing and her head felt like it would explode.  All she wanted to do was curl up like a baby, but she had to get back before Joe found her gone.

Closing the door behind her, she grabbed hold of the handrail and hurried back down the stairs.  She found a dust cloth in the kitchen and hurried back to the parlor and then moved it over tabletops, wiping one after another then suddenly, she bumped a lamp and sent it crashing to the floor into a hundred little pieces.  She quickly bent down.  “Damn it!” she cursed, cutting her hand on a sharp piece of glass then stood up and stared directly at the decanter of brandy sitting on a table across the room.

“No!  No more.”

She wrapped the rag around her hand and took off toward the kitchen.  She was shaking so badly that she had trouble holding the handle.  With both hands, she pumped up and down, until water finally came pouring into the sink. She held her blood-soaked hand under the cold water and the tears came again.  This had to stop.  Tears had become such a part of life.  She didn’t need a reason; they just came.

Jenny pulled herself together and vowed to get through Christmas in one piece.  Then she would tell Joe she didn’t love him and couldn‘t consider marrying him.  She’d have to stay strong for just one more day.  Carrying out this charade for much longer than that was a losing battle, and she wasn’t up for the fight.

After wrapping her hand with the cloth, she walked back to the parlor and looked at the broken lamp smashed all over the floor, then up at the bottle of brandy.  She could barely and with one more drink, she would probably pass out.

Jenny sat down on the sofa facing away from the bottle and leaned her head back against its wooded edge, trying to calm herself.  Joe would be waiting for her to come out.  A little drink during the day usually put a smile on her face and helped her make it through the rough spots but today was different.  Tears came again and she cursed herself for acting this way.  Her face was a mess and it would be obvious to anyone she’d been crying.

“Hey, sweetheart, you about ready,” Joe hollered, from the front door.  She felt paralyzed.  He walked across the room, sitting down on the table in front of her. “You about ready to—what happened?”  Joe’s voice changed from excited to questioning when he saw the blood on the cloth.

“I cut my hand.”

“Bad?”

“I don’t know.”  Her head was spinning.  She couldn’t even feel her hand.  Joe picked her hand up and unwrapped the cloth she’d used as a bandage.  It was filthy and he wondered why she hadn’t grabbed a clean one.  It was just a small cut and had already stopped bleeding.  “I’m going to get you a clean bandage.  You sit still.”

Joe came back with alcohol and a clean cloth.  “You’ll have to help me here, Jenny,” he laughed.  “I’m not a very good one-handed doctor.”  She didn’t flinch when he poured the alcohol over the cut and held the cloth steady while Joe wrapped it around her hand.  “Should be good by lunchtime.”  Jenny ran her finger over the bandage and blinked her eyes, trying to focus.  “Something else is wrong,” he said.

She tried to control her breathing, but it came harder and harder.  She could feel her heart pounding against her chest and glared at him as if he were the enemy.

“Wrong?  What could be wrong, Joe?  Nothing’s wrong!  Is that what you want to hear?  I’m fine!  Everything’s fine!”

She pushed her way passed him and raced up the stairs and after hearing the door slam, he ran up after her, but she‘d locked the door.  He jiggled the handle.  “Jenny!  Let me in!  Jenny, please.”

“Go away!  Just go away, all of you, and leave me alone!”

I stood with my ear pressed against the door.  I heard movement but I couldn’t make out what it was.  “Jenny, please let me in,” I tried again. “Jenny, I’ll help you if you just let me.”  I tried the handle again.  It was no use.  She wasn’t herself and she scared me.  I didn‘t want to leave her alone.

I heard the front door open downstairs.  Hoss must have gotten tired of hanging around outside.  But then I heard voices.  Pa and Adam were back.  “Jenny?” I said quietly.  I stood still, listening, but she wasn’t going to let me in.  I didn’t want everyone coming up here, so I headed back down.  I saw Mary and Adam carrying baskets into the kitchen, and Pa was watching me come down the stairs.

“Hello, son.” I tried to hide the look of worry on my face, but he saw it right away.  “What’s the matter, Joe?  Where’s Jenny?”

“Oh, she’s just tired today.  She went up to lie down for a while.”  I tried to sound convincing, but I wasn’t sure I’d pulled it off.  Hoss looked at me funny-like.  He knew I was lying, but I didn’t want the whole world to know what she’d said, and how she felt.  It would pass.  She was just having a bad day.

“Are you sure, son?  You look worried.”

“Naw, it’s nothing.  Some days are better than others, Pa.  She’ll be fine when she wakes up.”  I looked at Hoss.  I don’t think he believed a word I said.  He’d seen her earlier and now this change of events had him thinking something was wrong.  “I need to get this glass cleaned up.”

“What happened?”

“I’m not sure.  Jenny was straightening up some before you got back, and she must have knocked this lamp off the table.  She cut her hand trying to clean it up, but we got that all fixed up.”

“You’re sure she’s okay?”

“Yeah, Pa, she’s fine.”

Hoss offered to clean up the broken lamp, and I needed to get away from everyone.  “I’m going outside.”

“No.  I want you to sit down and rest that arm.  You don’t need to be running outside,” Pa said.

I looked at him funny.  It wasn’t like Pa to tell me I couldn’t go outside. “Fine,” I said and headed for the kitchen.  Might as well get a cup of coffee, if I had to sit in the house all day.

“Good to see you,” I said to Mary.  “Where’s John?”

“He’s still outside, I guess.  He should be here in a minute.  He’s probably getting the rest of the things out of the buggy.”  She quickly turned away from me and began unloading her baskets.  “You scoot now.  I have things to do.  Tell Jenny I could use her help, will you Joe.”

“I thought I could get—”

“Scoot!”  She started shooing me out of the kitchen just like Hop Sing would have done.  It must have something to do with all cooks.  All I wanted was a dang cup of coffee.

Mary had asked for Jenny.  I didn’t know if I could coax her out of our bedroom or not after she’d pretty much told me to get lost and leave her alone.  I had to give it a try.  If I could get her to come down, maybe she and Mary could talk things out.  That could be what she needs right now, another woman rather than a house full of men trying to help.  She and Mary were friends, best friends in fact, and it would be good for Jenny to just sit down and talk.

I walked passed Pa and Hoss and headed back upstairs.  Quietly, I knocked again.  I tried the latch and it was still locked.  “Jenny?” No answer.  “Jenny, Mary’s here.  She’s asking for you.”  Still nothing.  I waited outside the door for a few minutes hoping she’d change her mind, but that didn’t happen.

I headed back down passed Pa and Hoss, who stood there like statues.  Only their eyes were following my every move.  I slapped on a silly grin as I walked between them and stuck my head in the kitchen, half afraid to go all the way in.  “Jenny’s asleep right now, but I’m sure she’ll be down in a little while,” I said to Mary.  I was trying to keep my voice and everything else about me calm in front of all of these people.

“Thanks, Joe.  I’m sure she needs the rest.”

I came back out to the parlor and plopped down on the sofa.  “Ok, Pa, I’m resting my arm now.”  I heard Pa coming towards me.  He sat down on the table in front of me.

“Something’s wrong, son.  Why won’t you tell me what‘s going on?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”  What else could I say?  Jenny told us to all get out; me and everyone else. What would Pa think if I told him that?  I was going to protect her, even if I had to protect her from my own family.

“Is Jenny all right?  Does she need the doctor?”

“A doctor?  I told you, Pa, she’s just tired.  She doesn’t need a doctor.”  Where did he get that idea?

“Why did she lock the door?  Why won’t she let you in to see her?”

How the heck did he know that?  Could he hear me from down here?  “I don’t know.  She wants to be alone, I guess.”

“Son—”

“Pa, just leave it alone.”  I couldn’t answer his questions and I didn’t want to talk about it.  He stood up and walked away, but he wouldn‘t let it go for long.

Something was wrong today, but how could I tell my family until I figured it out myself?  Jenny had never acted this way before, and I tried to figure out why today was different.  She didn‘t want to be with me like she had before; seemed to me she was happier hidden away from everybody including me.

I stared into the fire.  I wished Jenny would just come down and then everything might get back to normal.  I know Pa was waiting for her just like I was, we all were.  You could cut the tension in the room with a knife Hoss headed out the front door with Adam.  I guess they were allowed to go outside, while I had to sit here and be miserable.

The afternoon passed slowly.  Adam carried in firewood, placing it in all the different rooms, except Jenny’s.  I’d heard wood being chopped and figured Hoss had busied himself with that chore.  I could have at least sat out there and kept him company, but I didn’t want to get into it again with Pa.

Another hour passed and Jenny still hadn’t come down.  I was starting to worry now.  I still sat in front of the fire picking at the little strings of the torn sheet that served as a bandage holding my arm against my chest.  I had a good-sized pile of white threads on my lap and wouldn’t have much of a bandage left if I sat here much longer.

I knew everyone was wondering the same thing.  I was tempted to crawl out on the roof and see if I could get in through her window. I’d just have to get passed Pa.  He’d kill me if he knew what I had in mind.  But I couldn’t sit here much longer and wait.

It had been days since she’d slept like this.  Right after it happened, and we slept off and on, never knowing if it was day or night.  But she’d been up and around and smiling and I thought she was feeling a lot better.  I didn’t know why today was any different.  Was it because my family was here and it was just too much for her?

I’d seen a darkness come over her, and at times tears would come for no reason.   There were times she sat and stared straight ahead at nothing at all.  I wondered if she was up there crying right now.  Was today one of those dark days that seemed to take hold of her and not let go?  It never lasted this long before.  She would always seem to snap out of it and join in whatever was going on.  I thought things were starting to get better, but maybe I was only fooling myself.  I didn’t know what to think.  I was scared, and I was nervous about her being up there by herself for so long.

I’d given up sitting on the sofa and began pacing the room.  Besides, Mary was working in the kitchen, and I was alone. Even Pa had gone outside.  The room was closing in on me and I had to do something.  I threw another log on the fire when Pa walked back into the house.

“Joseph,” Pa said, interrupting my thoughts.

“Hmmm?”

“We need to get into that room.  Is there another way in?”

I almost laughed out loud.  Pa had overheard my faraway whispers and now he could read my mind.  “The window.”

Pa ran his finger across his bottom lip like he sometimes did.  I guess it helped him think.  “Go check the door one more time.”

“Pa, I’ve checked it a hundred—”

“Go check the door,” he repeated, with his arm stretched out, pointing his long index finger at the stairs.

I jiggled the handle, and just as I knew all along it would be, it was still locked.  I stood at the top of the stairs and shook my head at Pa.

“Adam, come with me,” he said.

Chapter 33

Pa and I stood at the bedroom door waiting for Adam to unlock it.  We’d watched out the other bedroom window until he’d made it across the roof and through Jenny’s.  The latch clicked open, and I rushed in with Pa on my heels.

I stood next to the bed staring down.  I wanted to grab her and shake her, but Adam already had his fingers on her neck, feeling for a pulse.  He nodded at Pa and me.  She was as pale as the sheets on the bed, and I knew I couldn’t panic.  I had to stay strong.

“What do we do?”  I yelled at anyone for an answer.

At first glance, I thought she had left me for good.  Adam turned to the bedside table and picked up an empty container.  “Any idea what was in here, Joe?”

I shook my head.  He squatted down, picked up an empty whiskey bottle, and felt the wet rug beneath it.  “It must have fallen from the table,” he said.

“What?” I asked, trying to keep my mind on the conversation.  Why had I left her alone for so long?  Why didn‘t I realize it had gone this far?

Pa was behind me, and I felt his hand on my shoulder, but it was no comfort to me this time.  I ran my hand down Jenny’s face.  “I didn’t know—” I looked up at Pa.  “Why didn‘t I know?”

He shook his head.  I saw the pained look in his eyes.  “I’ll send Hoss for the doctor.”

I didn’t hear him leave the room, but I couldn’t miss his deep voice, calling for my brother from the top of the stairs.  I wiped my hand across my eyes.  This was no time to lose control.  I needed to be strong, and I was falling apart.

“Let’s sit her up, Joe,” Adam said.  I was glad he was here.  I was numb, and I couldn’t think.

“Okay.”  I moved around Adam and let him hold her up while I piled pillows.  I sat down on the bed facing her.  “Jenny? Jenny, can you hear me?”  I patted her cheek, which was still wet from tears.  I looked up at Adam and then back at Jenny.  She wasn‘t coming around like we‘d hoped.

“Coffee?” I said to Adam.  “Would that help?”

“I don’t know, Joe.  Let’s try water first.  Hang on.”  His hand quickly ran across my shoulders, and then he too, ran out of the room.

I was alone now.  I kept talking and pushing the tiny strands of hair back off her face.  With her cheeks still wet, maybe she hadn’t been out long.  We couldn’t wait for the doctor.  We had to act now, but what?

Adam handed me the glass of water, and I put it to her lips.  She was as limp as a rag doll.  Adam tried to hold her head up for me.  He pushed on her cheeks until she opened her mouth.  I tried to pour some water in, but it only dribbled back down her chin.  I looked at Adam and he shook his head.

“Let’s get her standing up and get her moving.”

“Will that help?”

“I don’t know,” Adam replied, “but it can’t hurt.”

My mind was racing with morbid thoughts.  Graveyards and people all dressed in black.  What should we do?  What would work?  She’d made a mistake.  She didn’t mean to do this.  It wasn’t her time.

Pa rushed back into the room, saying something about John instead of Hoss.  I could barely hear his voice over the pounding in my head.  Where was Hoss?  Maybe he knew what to do.  Pa was shoving me aside and grabbing hold of Jenny, while Adam still held her up.

“This isn’t working!”  I cried loudly.  I walked backward in front of her, holding her head up and praying she would open her eyes.

“She needs to throw up!”  I blurted.  “Get rid of what’s in there!”

Adam and Pa looked at me and then at each other.  “But how?” Pa said.

“Hold her still.”  They stopped walking but continued to hold her in a standing position.  I opened her mouth like I’d seen Adam do and I stuck my finger down her throat.

“Joseph!”  Pa yelled.

“Wait, Pa,” Adam said.  “It just might work.”

“I don’t know.”  I heard Pa say, but it was just background noise to me.  I jabbed my finger as far down her throat as I could.  I did it again and again.  Her head jerked up, but nothing happened.

“Hold on tight!”  I yelled to Pa and Adam.  When I saw the two of them grip her arms harder, I punched her right in the gut.

It worked!  She started to retch.  I should have had a bowl, but I didn’t. Everything came up. She heaved, coughed, and sputtered, and then she was limp again.  I couldn’t think of the last time she’d eaten.  All that was in her was whiskey and whatever pills she’d found to take.

“Think that’s all of it?”  I looked at Pa and Adam for confirmation, but they didn’t know any more than I did.  She was starting to come around, and that’s all that mattered.

“Let’s get her back in bed,” Pa said.

I ran back to the bed and straightened the pillow and covers.  Adam and Pa eased her down and lifted her legs onto the bed.  She was shivering something awful so I pulled the blanket back over her.  Pa grabbed the extra quilt from the foot of the bed and helped me spread it too.

“Jenny?” Her eyes were closed, but I knew she was awake. “Jenny?” I repeated. I cupped her chin and held her head so she could see me. “Jenny!”

Her eyes fluttered open.  She looked at each one of us and then back to me.  “Jenny why?  Why?”

Pa gripped my shoulder. “Not now, son.”

He was right but I didn’t understand.  Why didn’t I know things had gotten this bad?  How bad does it have to get to want to end your own life?  I didn’t have answers.  I loved her and I didn’t want to lose her; not like this.

I didn’t realize Adam had left the room until he came back with a basin of water and a cloth.  He sat the bowl on the table then rinsed the cloth and handed it to me.

“Come on, Pa,” he said.  “Come on.”  I turned to them for one last look before they left, and I saw Hoss standing in the doorway.

“It’s okay, Pa.”  

I nodded to my brothers, letting them know we’d be all right now, and they all left the room, closing the door quietly behind them.  My father wanted to stay, but I was glad Adam got everyone out of the room.  I’m sure Jenny didn’t want an audience.

I sat down on the edge of the bed.  She looked like a ghost.  Her lips were dry and she was still breathing hard.  I smoothed the hair once again from her face, as she made every effort to look away from me.  I wiped the cloth gently across her lips, then over her cheeks and her forehead.  Her eyes moved to meet mine, but she didn‘t speak.  She had to be scared and confused.

I continued the process.  She closed her eyes and mumbled something I couldn’t understand.  I rinsed my cloth and was ready to start again when her eyes met mine.  I wondered what she thought when she looked at me.  Was I the enemy?  Did she want to leave me?

“Why didn’t you let me die?”  Her voice was soft and unsteady then she turned her head away.  She wouldn’t look at me now.  I took hold of her chin and turned her back to face me.

“Why?  I’ll tell you why.  Because you promised to marry me.  You took the ring and promised to be my wife.”

She tried to turn her head away, but I tightened my grip.  I don’t know if I was mad at her or mad at myself for not knowing, but I was mad.

“Look at me!  Look at me and tell me you don’t want to marry me. Tell me you don’t love me anymore.  Tell me!”

Tears pooled in her eyes, and I felt her chin tremble underneath my grip.  “But your family,” she said.

“My family loves you, Jenny.  Why won’t you believe me?  They were as scared as I was when we found you.  Adam had to drag my father out of here, so we could be alone.”  How could I convince her? Where were the words I needed to say to make her believe me?

“The Indians,” she said.

I wasn’t sure I heard her right.  “Indians?”

She tried to shake her head away from me and roll to the side but I wouldn‘t let her.  “I don’t know what you want from me!  I don’t know what to say!”

“It’s just like the Indians,” she said.

I didn’t say anything.  I didn’t understand what the Indians had to do with this conversation.

“They raid.  They steal white women.  The men use them and then throw them away.  They’re the trash they leave behind.  Their husbands won’t take them back, because they—” Jenny started breathing heavily, and tears rolled down her cheeks.

“No!  You’re wrong!  Miller is trash, not you.  He’s a monster, Jenny, but he’s dead.  Gone.  Never coming back.  Don’t you understand? This whole thing is my fault.  It’s what I’d said to him.  He came back to get at me.  He came back because I made him feel worthless as a man.  He did this to you to get back at me.  I’m the one you should blame!

“You don’t know how I feel,” I continued.  “You don’t know the guilt I feel every time I look at you.  If I’d tried to get at him some other way, this would never have happened to you.  I don’t know how I will ever make up for all the hurt I’ve caused.  I wish I had a magic wand, and I could make all the pain go away, but I don‘t, and I don‘t know what to do.  I love you, and I’ve hurt you more than anyone ever could.”

The room went deathly silent.  I didn‘t know what else to say.

“You don’t hate me?”

“Hate you!  God no!  Why Jenny?  Why would you ever say that? What have I ever done to make you think that?”

She hesitated before she spoke.  “I thought—are you sure?  Are you sure?”

I reached out, pulled her up from the bed, and held her to my chest.  I cursed the fact that my left arm was still tied to me, and I couldn’t be closer to her.  She wrapped her arms around me, and she cried.  “I never blamed you, Joe.  I never—  “I never stopped loving you.”

Those are the words I so desperately wanted to hear, and I felt a small sense of relief.  I held her as tight as I could.  It felt so good to have her close, to hold her again.  She ran her fingers down my face and then across my lips.

“I love you so much,” she said.  “I should have told you how bad it had gotten, but I couldn’t.  I tried to hide up here in the dark.  I cried myself to sleep thinking you didn‘t love me anymore.” She hesitated a minute.  “I didn’t know what else to do.”

I looked straight at her.  “Together we can make it, Jenny.  You have to trust me.  We can do this.”

She nodded and wiped the tears from her face.  The first smile in a long time crossed her lips, and I followed her lead.  “My family’s waiting, probably right outside the door.  I need to tell them you’re all right.  I’ll only be a minute.”

I slipped off the bed and walked to the door.  “Don’t go anywhere.  I’ll be right back.”

Chapter 34

The doctor had come and gone.  He was not at all pleased to be dragged away from his family and all the way out here on Christmas Eve.  But John was persistent and did not take no for an answer.  He’d said he wasn’t sure about my tactics and the way I had gotten Jenny to vomit, but it had done the trick and had probably saved her life. I looked at Pa sheepishly and smiled a tight-lipped smile.  He knew how scared I was, and I’d done the only thing I could think of to save her.

Mary had made a fine dinner, and it would have been a shame if no one sat down and enjoyed it.  I excused Jenny and me and knew everyone would understand.  I carried a tray up to our room so we could eat together.  She balked at first, but I reminded her how long it had been since she’d eaten and to just take it slow and put something in her stomach.

I told her Pa would do his reading later, and I wanted her to come downstairs and be a part of the family.  We wouldn’t have to stay long, just for the reading.  If it ended up being too much, I would bring her right back upstairs.

She was embarrassed and fought me on joining the family, but I told her she‘d have to do it sometime, so why not get it over with tonight?  It would make it easier tomorrow, and the next day and the next.  I reassured her no one thought any less of her, that she was part of the family, and families stuck together through thick and thin.

We’d both eaten a little bit of food, and she agreed she would come downstairs.  She was still weak and a little shaky, so I helped her out of her nightgown.  I noticed the bruise on her stomach, and I ran my fingers over the dark area.

“I’m sorry about this,” I said.

She looked down and saw the mark.  “How‘d this happen?  My stomach was sore, but I thought it was—”

My remark had just registered with her.  “You’re sorry?”

“I—I sort of punched you, to get you to throw up.”

“You punched me?”

She looked at me in disbelief.  This was worse than the stares I got from my father, and I thought maybe she was going to rear back and show me what it felt to be punched when you weren‘t ready. Instead, she started laughing.  “You punched me?” she said again. “You punched me?”

I stood there like a little kid not knowing how to defend myself. “The doc said I probably saved your life, and I’d do it all over again if I had to.”

She looked away, and I knew what she was thinking.  I had to lighten the mood and fast.  “What do you want to wear?  Green? Blue?”

“The blue one, I guess.”

“Good choice,” I said.  “It matches your eyes perfectly.”  It was just a simple dress, nothing elegant tonight.

Before we headed downstairs, I stopped her and rested my hand on her shoulder.  “You look beautiful.”

“I’m scared, Joe.”

“I know, and I won’t leave your side.  No one is judging you.  It‘s only friends and family and they all love you as much as I do.”

She took a deep breath and smoothed her hands down her dress.  “Let’s go.”

With dinner finished and the table cleared, everyone was already seated in the parlor and enjoying the warm fire.   Hoss shoved the rest of a cookie in his mouth, and then all the men stood up and smiled at Jenny as we came slowly down the stairs.  Pa walked toward us and held his hand out to her.  “Come and join us,” he said, taking her hand and leading her to the sofa close to him.

“We didn’t want to miss the reading, Pa.”

We sat together.  I was glad I’d talked her into joining the family, even if it was just for a while.  We were content to sit and watch, while Hoss and Adam lit the candles on the tree.  The decorations next to them lit up and sparkled as my brothers circled the tree, making sure every candle was lit.  When they were finished, they each stood beside the tree holding their arms out, as if the tree could now take its bow. We all clapped and sang out our oohs and aahs.

As soon as they were both seated, Pa picked up the bible he’d brought down here from home, and we all sat back and listened as he read the story of the Christ child‘s birth.  Jenny reached for my hand, and I saw tears in her eyes.  Whether it was the reading or the day she’d had, I wasn’t sure.  More than likely both.  Maybe this would distract her, if only for a little while.

I had planned to ask her to marry me again tonight, ever since Adam had given me back the ring, but the time didn’t seem right.  I didn’t have another Christmas gift for her and time had run out.

John and Mary said their goodbyes when Pa had finished the story and set his bible down.  We all shook hands, thanked Mary repeatedly for a wonderful dinner, and wished them a Merry Christmas.

I’m sure everyone wanted to say something to Jenny but didn’t know where to start or what to say, so nothing was said.  Maybe that was for the best, at least, for tonight.  There would be plenty of time to talk later.  I was just thankful she was still here to join us.

Pa blew out a deep breath.  “I’m beat, boys,” he said, then corrected himself, “and young lady.”  He walked over and stood in front of  my girl and then reached down and took hold of her hands.  His smile was warm and genuine.  He leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Merry Christmas, Jenny.  Welcome to our family.”

Pa headed up the stairs and I heard his door close.  Most times, he was the last one to bed.  My brothers had sat back down in front of the fire.  Jenny was exhausted, and I was too. “You ready for bed?”  

“We’re heading up too, brothers.”

“Night, Joe, Jenny,” they replied in unison.

“Goodnight.”

We were all tired.  I’d banked the fire, and we both dressed for bed and crawled under the covers.  It had been a long day, but Jenny wasn’t as tired as I’d thought she might be.  She was ready to talk.

She spoke non-stop until everything was said.  She told me all the whys I‘d been asking myself for so long.  She started with that day and told me everything she could.  I listened closely without saying a word.

“I’m only going to talk about this one time and then it’s over and done.  I won’t ever bring it up again, but I need to tell you what I remember.”

I reached for her hand, but she shook her head.  “Let me get it all out first, Joe.”

“All right.”  I sat and listened.

“I’d heard you cry out when he shot you the second time.  He quickly tired of me after that and he laughed, and he kept on laughing even as he pulled his disgusting body off me and climbed off the bed.  I turned my head away so I didn’t have to look at him.  I could still hear you yelling at him to stop, but everything was kind of a blur until I heard another shot and I knew for sure you were dead.

“When Adam kept telling me you were in the bed right beside me, I knew he was lying and I was so scared and so confused, it was hard for me to understand you were alive.  But he kept saying Miller was dead and you were alive until it finally registered what had happened in that room.

“After your brother had you all fixed up, the bullets were out and now you would live, I began to think things would be alright.  We were both alive and we could go on with the life we had planned.” She stopped for a minute, took a deep breath, and went on.

“I tried, Joe, I tried, but I couldn’t get him out of my mind. He was always there.  When I looked in the mirror, when I would see a bruise, it didn’t take much for me to see his ugly face staring back. I thought it would go away, but every day got worse. I took my first drink and I felt better.  It got rid of him and all he had done, but the memories were soon back and I needed another drink.”

She hesitated again.  “I cried every time I had to sneak another bottle passed you and up to this room.  I cried every time I had to leave you and come up here for a drink.  I cried because I didn’t think you loved me anymore.  I cried because I thought your family would hate me after what had happened.”

I could tell she was becoming uneasy and she‘d probably really love a drink right about now, but she kept herself in control and continued. “It became an obsession, Joe.  Get the next drink.  Get the next bottle.  I couldn’t get him out of my mind.  I was more worried about how I was going to get away from you and up here for a drink than anything else.”

It all made sense to me now.  The quick trips upstairs.  The sudden mood swings.  I understood now why she wanted to spend more time away from me and away from my family.  I look back now, and I should have known something was wrong, but I didn’t know.  Maybe I didn’t want to know.  I had tried to convince myself that time was all we needed.  With time, everything would work out right.  I had been stupid and naive to let myself think that way.

“It’s a beginning, Jenny.  A beginning for you and a beginning for me.”  She had done well to hold back the tears, but when she finished talking, and I had time to realize how much pain she’d been in, I was unable to hold back mine.  When I let loose so did she and we sat there and cried together.

It’s strange how people and things slip away from you and you don’t know exactly when it happened and how it got so far out of hand.  As we sat together in silence, just holding each other close, I blamed myself repeatedly for not knowing, for not seeing the signs along the way.

Maybe I wasn’t to blame.  Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be.  I felt closer to her now than I had before.  We can never erase what happened and we’ll never know why we had to endure the pain from a sick, demented man, but we had endured.  We were both alive and we would be stronger because of it.

I meant what I said.  It was a beginning for Jenny and a beginning for me.  I wiped the tears from her face and she wiped them from mine.  I knew we had a ways to go, but there would be no more secrets and we would work things out together next time.

I remembered the ring and tonight was the night I’d planned to see if she’d accept it again.  I was a little nervous that maybe it was too soon, and I didn’t want to mess things up now.  But maybe it was the right time.  Maybe it would show her I still loved her more than anything else in this world. Maybe I was a fool to try, but maybe the risk would pay off.

“I have something for you,” I said.  I slipped out of bed and fumbled around in the dark for my pants.  The lamp was turned low and I could barely see what I was doing, but I found what I needed and I crawled back under the covers.  It wouldn’t be formal this time.  I reached her hand and slipped the ring back on her finger.

“Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

She looked down at the ring and ran her fingers over the setting.  She didn’t ask questions, and I didn’t offer any explanation.

She looked at me and smiled.  “Is tomorrow soon enough?”

Under normal circumstances, I would have been the first one down the stairs on Christmas morning and waking everyone else up, but this morning we all were moving a little slower than normal.  Jenny had woken up before me.  She pulled back the drapes and then handed me a freshly brewed cup of coffee.

“I could get real used to this,” I said after I sat up in the bed.

She smiled and brought her cut to her lips.  “I have something for you,” she said, setting the cup on the table.

“You do?”  I sat up taller and watched as she opened the bottom drawer of her mother’s dresser.  She pulled out her hidden bottle and handed it to me.

“That’s the last of it,” she said.

I swallowed the lump in my throat.  I knew how hard this was for her.  I set my cup down and took away the bottle.  She sat down on the edge of the bed facing me.

“Joe, I promise.”

I shook my head.  “No promises.

She ran her fingers down the side of my face.  “If you’ll still have me?”

“Last night you said you’d marry me today.  You still mean it?”

“It’s Christmas, Joe.  I don’t think we . . .”

I thought for a minute.  “If John could get the doctor out here on Christmas Eve, I bet he could persuade a preacher to come out here on Christmas Day.”

“Joe—are you sure?”  A change came across her face; she was caught up in the excitement of it all.  “Do you think?”

“I think.”  I leaned forward and kissed my bride-to-be.  “Get dressed woman!  We’ve got to plan a wedding!”  I threw on my clothes and ran downstairs to tell everyone and to ask Adam for a favor.

“You want to do what?  Today?”

My father wasn’t always good with surprises.  I glanced at my brothers and they both had smiles on their faces.  Adam stood there shaking his head but smiling just the same.  Hoss was grinning ear to ear.  I knew the two of them were happy for us.  I just had to deal with Pa.

“No better time than the present.  Isn‘t that what you always say, Pa?”  I hoped he would understand how much I loved her.  I had from the first day I saw her.  I looked at Adam.  “If you’ll ride over and ask John to find a preacher, we can get married today and have something to celebrate.”  My brothers were caught up in my excitement, but Pa hadn’t quite gotten there yet.

He walked over to me and in a quiet voice, he asked if we could talk.  “Sure,” I said.

Adam knew Pa wanted a few minutes alone with me, and he grabbed hold of Hoss’ arm.  “You can keep me company in the barn while I saddle up.”

“Huh,” Hoss said.  “Oh yeah.”  He passed me on the way to the door and clapped me on the shoulder.  “Congratulations, little brother. She’s one fine little filly.”

Pa gave him a look and he hurried to leave with Adam.

Pa took my arm and led me to sit down in front of the fire.  He sat down on the table in front of me.  I was hoping for his blessing, but that’s not what was on his mind.  “Are you sure, son?  Are you sure?”

“What are you saying, Pa?”

“I’m worried, Joseph.  After yesterday, I’m worried, and marriage is a—”

“We talked all night, Pa,” I interrupted.  “She told me everything. She’s gonna be fine.  You have to believe that.”

“I just think maybe you should wait and see how things go.”

“Why, Pa?  I thought that’s what you wanted.  I thought you wanted me to make an honest woman out of her.”  I was losing my temper and that’s not what I wanted to do with my father on my wedding day.  I stood up and walked to the back of the sofa.

“Son, I think you should wait—”

“For what?  How long?  How long will it be till she’s perfect in your eyes?  None of us are perfect, Pa.”

Pa walked around the sofa and stood next to me.  “It has nothing to do with being perfect, Joseph.  I’m just afraid this whole thing with Jenny isn’t over.”

“You’re probably right, but that’s not what matters, Pa!  Don’t you understand that I love her and she loves me, and that’s all that matters! We’ll work together.  I’ll help her any way I can.”

“I know that, Joe.  I just—“

“I’m sorry you don’t approve, but I’m marrying that girl, and I’m doing it today!”

I started to walk away.  “Joseph!  Joseph!” he yelled, quietly but firmly.  I was halfway out the front door, but I stopped and waited for Pa to come to me.  I kept my head turned away.  I couldn‘t look at him right now.

“Please look at me, son,” he said.  I didn’t want to argue.  My mind was made up and my father wasn’t going to have his way this time.  I was a grown man and I knew what I was doing, but he wasn’t going to leave it at that.  Why didn’t he understand?

He wasn’t going away.  I slowly turned around at looked up at him, but I didn’t speak.  I prayed Jenny was still in her room and didn’t hear any of this conversation.  It would devastate her as concerned as she was about my family’s feelings about her.

“I’m an old man, Joseph.  Maybe I’m too old to remember what it’s like to be with the woman you love.  I know how I felt about your mother.  There were problems there too, and we solved them together, just like you and Jenny will, I’m sure.”  He put his hand on my shoulder and then said the words I wanted to hear.

“You have my blessing, son.  Jenny’s a fine woman.  And if she makes you half as happy as your mother made me—” His voice began to falter.

I looked up and met his eyes.  “That‘s all I wanted to hear, Pa.”

My father cleared his throat and he was in control again.  “Well young man, we have a lot to do if we’re hosting a wedding here today.”

I smiled at my father.  I had tears in my eyes, but I kept them from falling.  “Thanks, Pa.”

Chapter 35

By late morning, Adam showed back up at the house with Mary and had sent John on his errand to find a preacher.  Mary walked in, carrying a large carpetbag and after a brief hello; she flew straight upstairs to see Jenny.

While Adam was gone, Hoss and I and even Pa had cleaned the place as best as we could and rearranged the furniture.  Every time I looked at Pa, flitting about in that little pink apron, I had to look away.  It was a bit too much for me.

It didn’t seem much like Christmas at all.  There were no presents under the tree and no smell of turkey cooking in the oven.  Adam had carried more baskets in for Mary and set them in the kitchen.  It wasn’t long before she came back downstairs and was giving Adam directions on what was expected of him.

“I will be much too busy with the bride, Adam, so you will need to get the little pink apron from your father because you will be doing most of the cooking.”

Pa and Hoss and I stood there with our mouths hanging open, listening to Mary and watching Adam nod his head up and down trying to absorb all she was saying.  She looked over at us and we scattered in different directions.  Hoss and I were trying to look busy dusting the tree until we realized what we were doing.  Pa untied the silly pink apron and handed it to Adam then he also made a quick getaway.

I was the first one to get a bath then Pa and my brothers followed after me.  We didn’t have our finest clothes, but at least we had clean ones to wear.  When the three of us were finished upstairs, Mary didn’t hesitate to tell us we were not allowed back up. “Especially you, Joseph,” she said.  So, now all we needed was John and a preacher.

All we had left to do was wait.  Adam was busy in the kitchen, and every few minutes we’d hear a bit of commotion and we’d all look up, but none of us were about to venture in to help.  Pa and Hoss seemed happy just sitting around doing nothing.  Pa found a book and was reading it, and Hoss was trying to shine his boots.  I didn’t want to read, and I didn’t have boots that needed a shine, so, needless to say, I was bored out of my mind.  “I’m heading outside.”

“No!” Pa said.  “You stay in here.”

This was the second time Pa hadn’t let me go outside.  What was with him?  First, it was my arm, which was a ridiculous reason then, but why now?  I had unwrapped my arm from my chest to take my bath, and I hadn’t strapped it back up.  I wasn’t about to get married looking like half a man.

“Why?”  I said to Pa.

“You–you’ll get yourself dirty.  This is your wedding day.  Just stay in the house.”

“Dirty?  I’m not five years old,” I said.  “I’ll go check on Jenny then.”

“No, you don‘t, young man.  You can’t see the bride before the wedding.”

I looked up when I heard Mary coming down the stairs.  She smiled at the three of us but marched right through the room and into the kitchen without saying a word.  I shrugged my shoulders at Pa and he did the same to me.  Before we knew it, she was heading straight across the room and back up the stairs.

Pa and I both looked up when Hoss crossed the room and opened the front door.  “Looks like John found you a preacher, Joseph,” he said.  My heart pounded in my chest.  This was it.  No turning back now.

“I’ll see if the bride’s ready,” Pa said and turned towards the stairs.

I nodded at him, and then realized I should have a best man, but whom?  I ran to the kitchen and told Adam to get rid of that stupid apron and come and stand up with me.  I hurried back into the parlor and asked Hoss the same thing.

Hoss stayed by the door. He let John and the preacher inside. “Here’s the groom,” he said, grabbing my arm and standing me in front of the two men.

“Nice to meet you, sir.  Thank you for coming on such short notice.” I pumped the man‘s hand up and down and realized how nervous I was.  I looked up to see Mary coming back down the stairs.

“Is this the bride?” the preacher asked.

“Um—no, sir.”  I could barely speak.  My heart was pounding and at this moment, I didn’t know what the heck I was doing.

“Well, can we get on with it,” he said.  “There’s a turkey in the oven and an irate wife waiting at home for me.”

“Yes, sir.”  I looked at Mary.  “Is Jenny ready?”

“Your father’s having a word.”  She turned to the preacher.  “She’ll be down in just a moment.”

John cut in and pulled me across the room.  “I brought my only suit coat, Joe.  I thought maybe you wouldn’t have one with you.”

He helped me put it on, and it was almost perfect.  He pulled a string tie from the coat pocket and tied it around my neck, then clapped my arms, forgetting about my shoulder.  I made a face and momentarily squeezed my eyes shut.  I saw the pained look in his eye.  “It’s fine now.”

“Joe, I’m sorry.  I wasn‘t thinkin‘.”

I stood tall and ran my hands down the front of the jacket.  “How do I look?”  I asked him.

“You’re one handsome devil if I do say so myself.”

I smiled at him and shook his hand.  “Thanks for everything, John.”

The preacher stood in front of my brothers and me when we heard the door close at the top of the stairs.  Jenny stood next to Pa on the landing, her hand resting easily on his arm.  She looked so beautiful.

Mary brought her wedding gown from home, and a long lace veil that fell just above Jenny’s shoulders and had her carry pine boughs tied with red and white ribbons.  I’d never seen a more beautiful bride, and this one was mine.  I felt like a kid again getting the best Christmas gift ever.

We were without music, but Pa and Jenny floated down the stairs like there was a string quartet playing in the background.  I could hardly contain myself and I turned and glanced at my brothers.  They stood right behind me. They offered the support I needed.

I watched Jenny as she and Pa crossed the room and he brought her to stand next to me.  Pa placed her hand in mine and smiled at us both then went to stand next to John and my brothers.  The preacher cleared his throat and we all snapped to attention.

“Dearly beloved.  We are gathered together here in the sight of God—” I don’t remember what he said after that.  All I could think of was that he would soon pronounce us man and wife.

“This is a beginning,” he said.  “—embrace your dreams—in sadness and joy—”

“Do you Joseph, take Jennifer to be your—”

“I do.”  The preacher stopped and glared at me.  “I’m sorry.”

“—forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, as long as you both shall live?”

Adam elbowed me from behind.

“Yes, sir.  I do, sir.”

Then he turned to Jenny

“Do you Jennifer; take Joseph,” he paused to look at me, “to be your lawfully wedded husband—” another quick look “as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

“Do you have a ring?”

“No—no I don’t”

“By the power vested in me in the Territory of Arizona and Almighty God, I pronounce you man and wife.”  He looked at me again but smiled this time.  “You may kiss the bride.”

Time stood still.  We stood facing each other.  We held each other‘s hands forgetting there was anyone else in the room.  I leaned forward and kissed my bride until Hoss’ big beefy hand clapped me on the shoulder.  “That’s enough for now, Joseph.”  And the room erupted with clapping and laughter.

“Congratulations to you both,” the preacher said.  “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get home and see if that turkey’s as good as my wife claims it will be.”

“I’ll see the preacher out,” John said.

“I’ll come with you.  Be right back, Joe.”  Adam followed John outside and Hoss stood there with a silly grin on his face.

It wasn’t long before Adam came back inside the house.  He stood between Jenny and me and walked us to the front door.  “What the heck is going on?”  I asked.

“Just come outside for a minute.”

I turned to Pa.  “Am I allowed this time?”

He chuckled softly.  “Yes, Joseph.  You may go outside.”

I took hold of Jenny’s hand and followed Adam out the door.  There in the bright sunlight stood Cochise and the palomino.  I looked at Jenny and back at Adam.  “Where in the heck?” I didn’t wait for an answer.  I dragged Jenny with me and straight to where Cochise was standing.  I reached up and touched his velvety nose.  “I can’t believe it.”

Cooch butted his head against my chest.  “I know, big boy.  I’m glad to see you too.”

~~~

Adam stood back and watched his youngest brother, along with his new bride, as they moved back and forth, side by side, between the two mounts.  Maybe now, the palomino would finally get a name.

A chance meeting and an unfortunate series of circumstances had brought the two of them together and made them one.  Maybe with Joe by her side, Jenny could find her way back and enjoy a good life and the happiness she long deserved.

He knew they faced an uphill battle.  Jenny might falter, but Joe would be right by her side and not let her fall.  He loved her so much.  His father worried about the new young couple, but that’s what fathers do.

Adam was proud of his youngest brother.  Joe had grown from a carefree boy to a capable young man, during these past few months.  He knew what he wanted and he went after it.  He knew what needed to be done and he did it.  Nothing could stop him now. Love had won out after all.  Nothing in this world could stand in the way of a strong-minded, determined Joe Cartwright.

Epilogue

I have more than my share of memories of time gone by, although some I treasure more than others.  No different than anyone else I suppose.  I am trapped in the body of an old man now and can’t do all the things I would choose to do, but I am happy just to sit here on the front porch of my little white house, not far from the main house, and remember the good times; so many good times.

Some days I visit the people I’ve loved and lost, like I’ve always done with mama since I was just a little boy.  She’s been gone the longest, and I have to admit, I don’t remember much about her now, but I’ve always visited her often.  I’ve told her my troubles and some of my triumphs.  Now she’s surrounded by all the people I’ve shared memories with along the way.

I lost my wife, Jenny, just last year.  I loved her so much.  We never had the traditional courting that most people do, and we often laughed and wondered what it would have been like, or if it ever would have happened at all.  “Probably not,” she would say, and I guess I’d have to agree.

I remember seeing her for the first time, standing at the window of the two-story house, and falling in love with her before I even met her.  After we were married, she would shake her head and tell me how ridiculous it sounded to fall in love with someone you‘d never even met, but it was true.  That was a lifetime ago, but I can still remember her silhouette, with the lace curtain pulled to the side, as I sat on Cochise and wondered if she was looking back down at me.

She’d had a son with her first husband, but he died at birth.  She was told at the time she could never have more children.  We showed them.  Two years into our marriage, we had a daughter.  She was magnificent.  We fought over names the whole time Jenny carried her and we were still undecided when she was born.  Three days after her birth Pa came to visit and was so put out that his granddaughter didn’t have a name yet, he threatened to name her himself.

Jenny and I were up till dawn when we finally agreed on a name.  The old woman who had brought us together at the very beginning held a special place in both our hearts, and we finally named our daughter after her.  We called her Ora Lee.

She was a beauty; everyone said so.  Pa and my brothers couldn’t get enough of her.  Adam and Hoss helped me build Jenny’s dream home not far from the main ranch house, and I don’t think a day went by that Pa or one of my brothers didn’t stop by to visit after the baby was born.  They had big plans for this little girl.  It didn’t seem to matter what her mother or I said, they always thought they knew what was best.

We never had any more children, and it wasn’t from lack of trying. The doctor said Lee had been a miracle, but not to expect it to happen again.  So, we doted on our young daughter, as did the rest of our family.

Hoss had tracked a palomino stallion for months and finally brought him home to breed with Jenny’s mare, which she’d finally named Princess, you know, the whole knight-in-shining-armor thing. I mentioned one night when we were alone that Princess was much more suitable than a name like Rapunzel. Even though she gave me an odd look, I didn’t finish the story, thinking she might not understand how I’d gazed at her for weeks and thought of her as my Rapunzel, who was only a silhouette in a curtained-off bedroom window.

Jenny never cut her hair again after we left Arizona.  We had a race to see whose would grow the fastest and the longest.  I thought Pa would die an early death when mine hit my shoulders.  I figured that was enough, so I got it trimmed up and conceded to Jenny before my father disowned me.  But I’m getting off track here.

Back to my daughter, Ora Lee, the second love of my life.  By the time she was five, we had long ago dropped the Ora, and she just became Lee.  That little girl could run farther and jump higher than anyone in the territory.  Hoss presented her with the young palomino filly on her fifth birthday, and against all my protests, she named her Rapunzel.

The two of them went everywhere with me.  Lee and I headed out together every week to check the stock Pa had given us as a wedding gift.  It was only a few head of cattle to start, but over the years, it grew substantially.  Along with my brothers, we would combine the two herds before heading to market.

Lee and I would ride fence and fill line shacks together.  Sometimes she would even let her mama come along with us, but mostly it was just the two of us.  I loved my little girl, who by the way was the spitin’ image of her mother, a blue-eyed blonde.  When she was six years old, she told me when she got bigger she was going to marry me.  We’d live in a castle and live happily ever after.

“Oh yeah?  And where would we live?”

“By Grandpa.”

“Why by Grandpa?”

“‘Cuz he’d miss me too much if I lived far away.”

She was so serious and so right.  Pa couldn’t take his eyes off her from the day she was born.  She was the light in his eyes and the love of his life.  “She keeps me young,” he’d say.  “And she’s the daughter I never had.”  He was also the one who filled her head with fairy tales of kings and castles and faraway places.

She’d sit on his lap and he’d feed her head full of stories and dreams.  He’d tell her I was her mama’s knight in shining armor, a long, long time ago before she was born.  And how Mama lived in a castle and Papa rescued her from the mighty dragon and brought her here to the Ponderosa where they built a home, had a beautiful baby girl, and lived happily ever after.

I told Pa it was probably time for him to tell her a new story.  She was getting older now, and I didn’t want to explain the dragon to a six-year-old.  She was a bright child and it wouldn’t be long before she would ask questions that her mother and I weren’t prepared to explain.

Jenny would never forget everything that had happened to her and neither would I, but we tried to leave it in the past where it belonged and move forward.  The memories faded, but as the doctor had said, it took time. She struggled for a long time after we’d returned to the Ponderosa that spring.

Pa and my brothers left to come home after the holidays.  Pa said they needed to get back.  The ranch wouldn’t run itself.  Jenny and I stayed in Arizona for the next three months alone.  Call it an extended honeymoon if you want, but it was far from that.  We’d kept in touch with John and Mary and tried to pretend everything was fine.  We had dinners together with our friends and played games in the evenings.  Mary and Jenny would sit and talk for hours, while John and I helped each other with chores that were a two-man job.

Jenny had good days and bad, but to my knowledge, she never took another drink.  I hadn’t thrown the liquor away.  Maybe I left it there as a test to see if she could pass, and she passed with flying colors.  None of us drank around her and I always wondered if she’d have trouble in a different social situation.  But she wasn’t exactly a drinker.  It was just a painkiller for her that got out of hand.  If I did my part, made her happy, and protected her like I’d promised, I thought she would be all right.

We probably should have left that house sooner than we did.  Every inch of it was a reminder of what we tried so hard to forget.  That’s easy to say now that I look back.  We tried our best to play house and stick to a routine, but we weren‘t the ideal newlyweds.

She wouldn’t go to town with me.  She thought everyone would take one look at her and know exactly what happened.  It was a small town and she figured the young deputy had already spread the word of his first big assignment.  She was ashamed of her hair and told me over and over she looked like one of the sisters from the nearby convent. “People will ask questions,” she’d say.  “I won’t go with you.”

It was our alone time after my family headed back to the Ponderosa, which was uncomfortable.  In the beginning, Jenny would sit with me and we’d talk long into the night.  We talked about how we’d go home this time and the different route we could take.  We planned our new home down to the smallest detail.  I told her when she started decorating; I wouldn’t be caught dead sleeping under a blanket with flowers all over it.  No flowers on the curtains or flowers on the walls.

“We’ll see,” she said.

“What if someone else sees it?” I whined.

“What if they do?”

“I’m a man, that‘s why.  I can’t sleep with flowers all over the place.”

That’s when she’d kiss my cheek, resting her hand on my chest, and tell me if I loved her, flowers wouldn’t matter.  She ended up with part of what she wanted when we finally moved into our new home. There were flowers on our bedroom rug but nowhere else, so we were both satisfied with the outcome.

I had promised to protect her and keep her safe.  I had also promised her I wouldn’t push.  I wouldn’t touch her until she was ready.  That was a hard promise to keep.  We slept in the same bed, but like brother and sister.  I was afraid to roll over during the night; afraid I might touch her.  It was a living hell for me, and she later confessed it also was for her.

We were married, and I couldn’t make love to my wife.  I couldn’t touch my wife.  I knew this going in, but when it lasted week after week, I was becoming discouraged and wondering if I had made the right decision after all.  It was just so hard.

We received a letter from Pa saying the snow was melting, the passes were clearing and he hoped to see us soon.  Jenny and I set a date to start and head back home to the Ponderosa.  I wrote back to Pa not knowing if he’d even get the letter before we arrived.

We’d been able to sell the two extra horses to the livery in town, and we bought a sturdy pack mule to carry what we wanted to take with us.  John and Mary took the chickens and some of the furniture.  Jenny told Mary to take anything she wanted.  It was of no use to us.  The ranch was for sale, but no buyers so far, so John said he would gladly show the place to anyone interested.

We set out early one morning.  The trip wouldn’t take as long this time.  We could stick to the main road and not have to wander in and out of the mountains.  We packed enough food for a week, our clothes, and Jenny’s mother’s jewelry.  Everything else we left behind.

The weather was good, and we headed north.  I hoped the change of scenery would help Jenny’s mood.  Before we left, she seemed to be getting more depressed every day.  I didn’t know if it was being in that house or just the winter months.  My brothers and I would get on each other’s nerves if we were stuck in the house too long, and I hoped that was the case with Jenny.

The first day went well and we set up camp for the night.  By morning, we were ready to take off and ride again.  By day three, we had a good routine going but were becoming saddle sore and ready for the day to end.

We made camp that night in a secluded little area by a fast-running stream.  I went looking for firewood while Jenny pulled out something for us to eat.  I still didn’t have any strength in my left arm, and hunting game was about the last thing I could do.  We’d eaten almost all of our fresh food the first two days and were down to beans and apples and stale cornbread.

I had pulled off our saddles, and they would serve as our pillows like I did every night.  I put a blanket down on the ground and we had much more this time to put over us.  We each leaned back against our saddles finishing our coffee.  There was a slight chill in the air, but we were both comfortable up next to the fire.

Jenny set her cup down, and she leaned into me, resting her head on my shoulder.  This was the closest we’d been in months, and I felt somewhat uneasy.  She toyed with the top button of my shirt then reached up and ran her hand down the side of my face.  I looked into those lovely blue eyes, and I could feel my heart beating fast.  “I want you to make love to me, Joe.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and hot tears burned my eyes.  I was nervous and scared, and I felt like a kid.  “Are you sure?”

“I’m very sure.”

I took things slow and easy, but we made love twice before falling asleep wrapped in each other‘s arms.  I didn’t know what made the difference and I didn’t have the heart to ask.  But our lives together changed that night and we finally became husband and wife.

We didn’t move into our new home as early as I’d promised, but we were in by that first Christmas.  It wasn’t a big house like I was raised in, but that’s not what we wanted or needed.  Jenny was happy setting everything up and getting it just right.

I’d introduced her to the neighbor ladies who were close enough in age that she would have women friends to visit if I had to be gone all day.  Most of them had children and that was hard on my wife in the beginning knowing we would never have children of our own.

There were times she would ride out with me if I had to check fences or look for strays.  It was still hard on her having too much time on her hands and being alone.  It was winter again, so I was home most of the time, and except for the stock, there wasn’t much reason to jump out of a warm bed too early in the morning.  It didn’t take long for us to find a reason to enjoy our mornings together.

By mid-summer, we’d settled into a routine and Jenny seemed more content at home.  She told me one morning that we needed supplies and would I drive her into town.  I pulled up in front of the mercantile, and she handed me the list.  “I’ve got a few errands to run, Joe.  Will you get this filled?”

I helped her down from the wagon, and she took off down the boardwalk while I went in with my list.  By the time I was loading the last of the supplies, she came walking back.  “Got everything?” she said.

“Yep, sure do.  And you?”

“I’m ready.”

She never told me where she’d been.  I assumed she went to see the widow Barnes, the seamstress, about a new dress or something.  But she had a different look to her.  I couldn’t quite place it, but I let it go at the time.

It was two more months before she told me the news.  She’d been to see Paul Martin that day, but she made him promise not to say anything to anyone, especially my father or me.  She was so afraid she’d lose this baby too; she kept her pregnancy a secret as long as she could.

“How did this happen?” I’d asked her.

“Well, it should be obvious, Joseph.  You‘re always on top of me.”

“You know what I mean,” I said, but my thoughts suddenly ran in a different direction.  “You say that like you don’t want me there.”

She smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek.  “I always want you there.”

“Okay, that’s better.  But how?”  I have to admit she’d had me worried for a minute.

Doc Martin said everything was fine, and so far, I had nothing to worry about.”

“Did you tell him everything, I mean, what the other doctor told you?”

“I did, and he said doctors make mistakes.”

I grabbed my beautiful wife in my arms and swung her around the room.  It truly was a miracle.  I finally set her down.  “When?”

“Before the end of the year.”

I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer.  I was so happy.  A baby. We were having a baby.

“Joe?”

She sounded too serious for such a happy occasion. “What?”

“Let’s not tell anyone else just yet.”

“It’s not something you can hide forever, you know.”

“I know, but just in case.”

“If that’s what you want, but it’s not going to be easy.”  I knew how scared she was about losing this one too, and maybe I should have been, too.  But I was too happy to think such things.

We lay in bed together that night, and I let my hand rest on Jenny’s stomach.  Our baby was in there. I wasn’t sure how long I could hold out without telling everyone I knew I was going to be a father.  I could just see Pa’s face now, thinking as we all did that this wasn’t possible.  God was surely looking down on the two of us, and I prayed from that day on, until I heard that first cry, that this baby would be alive and well, and we would never ask him for anything ever again.

I guess everyone makes those promises to God.  I have many times in my life.  I’ve asked him many times for things to be different, for the strength to go on another day.  Sometimes I believe only a cruel God would leave me here alone with my memories of the past, but I try to just think of the good things now, and not the painful memories.  Of course, you know that can’t be done, so my mind wanders and it all comes rushing back; the good and the bad.

Our daughter was born on Christmas Day.  Paul Martin was planning to be out at the Ponderosa like he and Roy Coffee had been for many years.  I had to leave Jenny and get one of my brothers to go fetch him out to our house instead.  She begged me not to leave her, but I wasn’t about to let her have this baby without the doctor here, just in case.  The minute I walked in the door, my family knew what I needed.  Hoss was racing out the door and on Chubb before I could get a word out.

I ran back home and sat with Jenny until he and Paul got there. He quickly kicked me out and told me to wait in the other room with everyone else.  I paced the room like a caged animal.  Pa and my brothers weren’t much better.  Adam and Pa came to the house soon after I‘d returned.  Our house was small, and with the four of us pacing back and forth, we’d nearly crash into each other if we weren’t careful.

I could hear Jenny’s cries coming from the bedroom.  At one point, I had my ear pressed to the door and called out to Paul.  “Is everything all right?”  He opened the door and reassured me all was well, but no baby yet.  I couldn’t breathe any longer and I finally had to go outside.  Hoss followed me out and rested his big, comforting hand on my shoulder.

“Just calm down, little brother.  It ain’t gonna be that much longer.”

I knew he was probably right but I was scared for Jenny and scared for our baby.  “What if something goes wrong?”

“Ya cain’t think that way, Joe.  Ya gotta think positive thoughts.”

Jenny had told Pa early on how sorry she was that she couldn‘t give him the grandchild he’d hoped for when she‘d married me.  He’d reassured her that her presence in the family was enough for him.  But when the time came, and she couldn’t hide her pregnancy any longer, she told him the incredible news.  She later told me she thought he was even more excited than I was.  I didn’t think that was possible, but Pa was one happy man.

Hoss was still trying to direct me to his way of thinking.  That was Hoss; the positive one in the family.  I sometimes let myself be pulled too far to the dark side.  I don’t know if Hoss ever did.  “I’ll try, brother.”  That’s the best I could give him.

“Come on, Joe, let’s go in.  It’s freezin’ out here.”  I hadn’t even realized until Hoss said something.

Just then, Adam stuck his head out the door.  “Someone wants to meet you,” he said.

A healthy, beautiful baby girl.  Our lives had changed that day.  Life would never be the same again.  I thought back to another day our lives had changed.  The day Miller almost destroyed us both.  That seemed like a lifetime ago now that Jenny and Lee and I were a family.

My left arm never got back to full strength.  Before that day, I thought I was the fastest gun in the West.  It made my father and my brothers nervous when I twirled my gun into my holster or practiced my fast draw.  I was too fast for my own good they’d said.  Well, they didn’t have to worry anymore.  I lost that ability the day Miller put the bullet in my shoulder.

Being the fastest gun didn’t seem important to me anymore.  My family was, and that’s what Pa had tried to teach me all along.  Jenny had always struggled with that day in her life, but things changed when Lee was born. The birth of our daughter may have changed Jenny more than it changed me.  She cherished her like only a mother could.  “A gift from God,” she’d said.

Christmas seemed to be our lucky day.  First, we dragged the preacher out to marry us, and then the doctor to deliver our baby. Pa always said holidays were never boring when I was around, and I think he was probably right.

The baby grew fast, and by that summer, she sat with me on Cochise as we rode around the front yard.  That’s as far as her mother would let me take her and at a snail’s pace, I might add.  Although by the time she was five and Hoss gave her Rapunzel, she was quite the little horsewoman.

My baby girl was nine years old when she fell from the tree in front of our house.  She was gone before I got to her.  I cursed God—a child—my child.  I asked why for a very long time.  Why did he need her more than we did?  We buried her by Mama so she wouldn’t be alone.

I couldn’t begin to console Jenny that day.  She clung to the small wooden casket and wept long after everyone else had gone.  I finally took her home, and I prayed to God to help her, and not let her fall to the depths of utter despair where she’d been once before.  I’d lost my daughter and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my wife.

I was either praying to God or cursing God, and I figured he’d said adios to me a long time ago.  I cursed him again as I swung my axe nonstop until the tree was down.  Neither of us would ever be able to walk out the front door again if that was the first thing we saw.  I couldn’t even use it for firewood.  I didn’t want it in my home.  I loaded it in the back of the wagon and dumped it down a ravine, miles from the house.

Just like I’d blamed myself when Miller came back for revenge, I blamed myself for Lee‘s death.  I’m the one who bought her the kite and taught her how to fly it.  That same kite lodged itself in the top of the tree.  She climbed up the tree like she’d done a hundred times before, but this time she lost her footing.  I was coming out of the barn when I heard her scream and saw her fall.  It was too late.  I wasn’t able to save her. Just like Jenny.  No one blamed me of course, but I couldn’t help but blame myself.

Without the sound of our daughter running through the house, our lives had changed.  We both managed to get through it without totally falling apart, but every day was hard.  We dragged ourselves out of bed in the mornings and did what had to be done that day.  No one knew I kept a bottle in my saddlebag, and when I was alone it gave me some measure of comfort.

I took long rides by myself.  I went to places where the only child I would ever have, my precious Lee, and I had laughed and played.  Our swimming hole with the rope swing I’d made her last summer, or the small clearing where she and I would play hide and seek.  That same meadow, where she’d looked up at me that day with her beautiful blue eyes and said, “Right here, Papa.  This is where we’ll build our castle.”

I didn’t know if Pa was going to get through this either.  The light went out in his eyes.  He worshiped that little girl.  She was his little princess and could do no wrong.  Anything she wanted she got. Anything she had ever said to him stayed in his memory forever.

There was a time so long ago when I’d left home wanting to make it on my own without the help from my family or the Cartwright name.  I didn’t realize how badly I’d hurt my father back then, but I was realizing it now.  Pa had a confession to make not long after we lost Lee.  It didn’t have to be told.  It could have remained a secret forever, but he needed to tell me the truth.  Maybe he’d carried it inside for too long.

The night he’d left the house and the sheriff had found him beat up and bruised by Mama’s grave, he had told Roy that two men had attacked him and robbed him of the sixteen dollars he was carrying at the time.

“It was all a lie,” he said.  Tears filled his eyes and he gripped tightly to my hand and finished his story.

He was never robbed and beaten up like he‘d told everyone at the time.  He’d long ago accepted the loss of his three wives, but now that I had left, he knew deep down I was gone from his life forever.  He made me promise to never tell my brothers or anyone else what he was about to confess to me.

“I couldn’t go on after you‘d left.  I thought I was ready to die.  I sat for a long time on top of Gunsight Ridge contemplating my death.  I’d fallen into a deep depression, much like Jenny had after the attack, and I didn’t know how to get myself out.

“I missed you so much, Joseph. Every day was a battle, a struggle to keep on going.  I planned to end my life that night, but something held me back.  Maybe it was the love I felt for your brothers.  I couldn’t do that to you or them.  Just a foolish old man,” he’d said, shaking his head.

“It had started to rain, so I stood up and was going to head home.  I knew your brothers would worry and eventually come looking for me.  I was thinking of them and not paying attention when I slipped on some loose shale and fell down the side of that ridge.

“How could I ever explain what I was doing there?  I managed to get on Buck and I rode him to your mother’s grave.  I was hurt bad.  My ribs were on fire and I didn’t know if I’d make it, but it was the closest place to go, and I knew your brothers would eventually find me there.”  He stopped for a minute and took a deep breath as if he was reliving that whole night on the mountain.  I started to speak, but he shook his head no.

“It’s over and done with, son.  I made a mistake and I caught myself in time.”  Tears welled up in his eyes again.  “I don’t want you to make the same mistake I almost did.  Do you understand what I‘m saying?”

I nodded.  I understood, but I couldn‘t trust my voice to speak.  If we hadn’t lost Lee, I don’t think he ever would have told me the truth about that night.  But he was afraid for me now, and he was afraid for Jenny, and the thought of one of us having to go on without the other scared him.

“Promise me, son.”

The tears slipped from my eyes as I looked at my father’s tear-streaked face.

“Promise me.”

The next day I rode out to Gunsight Ridge.  I sat there for a long time like my father had done years before.  I’d taken the bottle out of my saddlebag and brought it with me.  I prayed to God again that day, to give me the strength to go on.  I prayed for the strength I needed to help my wife.  I threw the full bottle at the large boulder across from me and watched it shatter into a hundred little pieces. I was ready to live again, and it was my job to make sure Jenny did the same.

My brother, Adam, left years ago to travel the world.  Before that happened, he’d made a promise to his friend John that we would bring a string of mustangs to his ranch in payment for the kindness he had shown to strangers.  It was a year later than he‘d first agreed to, but a promise was a promise.

We had another gift for our friends John and Mary.  John had written to us about six months after Jenny and I had returned to the Ponderosa and told us that Miller’s house had burned to the ground; a lightning strike being the suspected cause.  Jenny, Adam, and I had talked it over and wanted to give the Callahans the land since their ranch was adjacent to the Miller property. My wife was more than happy to get rid of any reminder of her stepfather or a shell of a house full of unwanted memories.

Jenny didn’t want me to leave her and go with my brother, and she would soon tell me why.  I talked to Adam about the drive and asked if he could take Hoss with him instead.  “Don’t get me wrong.  John meant the world to me too, but I loved my wife more, and when she’d pleaded with me to stay and not make the trip, I had to stay.

Hoss was more than willing to take my place, or at least he said he was.  It was hard to tell with Hoss.  He was a pleaser, a kind and gentle man who would do anything for anybody.  By the time they left, he had everyone convinced it was his idea to go all along.  I had helped them round up the mustangs and they were off to Arizona. Pa was willing to send two of our wranglers along, but they said they could manage by themselves, and they did.

Pa said Adam had been restless when he and Hoss had returned home. He’d seen the same thing in me before the year I’d left.  I had promised Pa I would return but Adam did not.  We got letters from him on occasion, but we’d all given up hope of him ever returning here to live.

Pa and Hoss kept the Ponderosa running strong.  I helped when I could, but I had my little spread to take care of.  We still combined our cattle for the drives, and Hoss and I rode together when we could, stocking line shacks and repairing fences, which was a never-ending job.  I tried not to think about Lee and all the times she and I had done this together.  She’d always felt so grown-up helping Papa with such important jobs.

Not long after we lost Lee, we started hearing about this world’s fair; The Centennial Exposition they called it, and was to be held in Philadelphia.  It took me a long time to convince Jenny it would be good for us to get away.  I reminded her of another time when getting away was the best thing we had done.  She finally agreed and we were off, just the two of us, to the World’s Fair.

I told her we wouldn’t take much with us, just a change of clothes. We could buy anything we wanted or needed on the way.  She finally got excited about the trip and it turned out to be one of the best times of our lives.

I’d never seen so many people in one place.  Jenny had been there before when she‘d traveled back to New York to school, but I’d never been east of Denver, and I acted like a kid in a candy store. Everything was new and exciting.

The huge modern buildings were a sight to see; nothing quite like that in Virginia City.  We tasted root beer for the first time, and although it was close to sarsaparilla, we wished we could’ve brought some home for Hoss.  He would have loved to be here with us.  There were more kinds of food and drink than we had time to try.

I couldn’t wait to tell Pa we had the chance to try out a real telephone. Jenny and I talked to each other from different rooms through wires like a telegraph that you talked into rather than having to tap out your message. We stayed in a fancy suite, in a hotel that was within walking distance from the fair, and I made Jenny shop for dresses she could never buy back home.

“When am I ever going to wear these, Joe?”

“We’ll have parties, and you’ll be the belle of the ball,” I told her.  She looked at me and rolled her eyes.

“How ‘bout we play dress up and we’ll see how long it takes you to rid me of my fancy attire,” she said, laughing when she saw my eyes light up at the prospect.

We had the best time.  We’d never had the chance for courting properly, and we were like young kids again; doing all the things we hadn’t been able to do before and probably would never do again. We laughed and played; we joked and loved.  We’d lived through the rough patches and we’d managed to come through them together. We were happy to be alive and happy to be together.

We were nearing the end of our vacation when we got an unexpected wire from Pa.  I’m not sure how he managed at home all by himself, and I was so frustrated knowing how long it would take us to get home.  My brother was dead.  Hoss was gone.  A simple surgery and an infection, the doctor couldn’t fix this time.

I cursed God again.  Why did he feel the need to take everyone I loved away from me?  Hoss was my best friend; the best man I’d ever known.  He’d already taken my daughter.  Why did he have to take my brother, too?

Pa asked if he could bury Hoss next to Lee.  They’d loved each other so much and we knew they’d be happy there together.  I quickly sent off a wire and we caught the next train home.

Jenny and I talked it over and thought it would be best if we moved back to the main house with Pa.  He was getting older and the ranch was too much for him to handle by himself.  But the more obvious reason was that we didn’t want him to be alone.  Jenny had talked it over with Pa and by the time she was done, there was no resistance on his part at all.  He couldn’t wait till the day we moved in.

“A woman like Jenny in the house makes life worth living,” he‘d said, and I had to agree.  She’d grown to love my father as much as she‘d loved her own.  It was usually two against one and I was the odd man out.  I think there were times the two of them sat around and did nothing but think of ways to conspire against me.

Pa and I combined our cattle and sold twice as many the following year, trying to reduce the size of our herd.  We’d brought our chickens with us and added them in with Hop Sing‘s, but I don’t think they produced a single egg for a year.

Hop Sing had left my room as it had been when I lived there years ago, and Jenny was quick to redecorate.  “I’m not living in a boy’s room, especially with that silly Indian staring at me,” she’d said.  This time, she managed to get flowers on the rug and the curtains, and I managed to live through that.  She promised no flowers on the blankets, and I thanked her in more ways than one.

We all worked well together under the same roof.  Pa and I could hear Jenny and Hop Sing’s laughter every afternoon as they prepared the evening meal.  I don’t know what they found to laugh about since Pa and I were never allowed to join in, but they sure enjoyed each other’s company.

We were nearing the holidays again, but nothing special was planned that year.  It had been a tough year, and heading out to parties or having people in just didn’t sit well with any of us.  Hop Sing and Jenny fixed a fine meal, and we were all content to sit by the fire and enjoy the small Christmas tree I‘d brought home.

We all reminisced about the humongous tree that Adam and John had set up on our first Christmas together.  This was no match.  It was barely half the size of that monster they’d cut down, but we enjoyed it just the same.  I almost laughed out loud when I thought of how Pa had yelled at Hoss and me when he caught me on my brother’s shoulders, trying to put the angel on top.   But my laughter quickly turned to sadness.  My brother was gone.

As much as we tried, we all couldn’t help but think of the ones we’d lost this past year.  It was difficult for us to think we should be celebrating Lee’s tenth birthday.  Jenny and I and even Pa had made it through one way or another, but her precious face and her constant giggle still left an ache in our hearts.

~~~

The wind was kicking up, and yellow leaves were falling from the trees and blew in swirls across the yard.  I should go get my jacket, but I couldn’t seem to move from my chair or my memories.  So many to remember.

I didn’t cry when Jenny died.  I was numb, I guess.  I lay next to her and held her until the end.  An incurable cancer, the doctor had said.  The same thing that took my father from me a few years back.  I had given up cursing God. Maybe my father’s beliefs had finally made their way into my thick skull. Instead, I remembered the time we had together, good or bad, and how love always won out over the injustices in this world.

Jenny and I had moved back to our little house after Pa died.  The memories of our daughter were there, and they were memories we cherished. We had sent Rapunzel out to run with the wild herd when we had returned from our trip to Philadelphia.  Cochise and Princess had passed, along with the rest of their stablemates years ago.

Despite everything that‘s happened, I’ve had a good life.  I’m sure Pa and my brothers thought I would be the first to go, shot down in the streets of Virginia City or falling from Cochise as I rode him as fast as the wind.

I was a reckless kid with more energy than I knew what to do with. Pa was on me all the time to slow down or give it time.  I hated those words.  I wanted to live, not sit and watch life pass me by.  I was desperate to be a man, not a boy; desperate to constantly prove myself.  I can look back and laugh at myself now.  I can remember someone once saying, “If we could only be born old and live our lives backward, we’d have all the wisdom and experience behind us and we would never fail.”

But failure makes you a stronger person.  I’ve failed at many things in my life, but I’ve known love like no one else.  First, my family, then my lovely wife and precious daughter.  I’ve had it all, a good and happy life.  I’m glad I took the risks I felt were necessary at the time, even those times when I failed.

Pa used to tell Lee about knights in shining armor and slaying dragons. Maybe that’s what life is all about.  Good versus evil, whether it’s in human form or a fatal disease.  The things you can do something about and those you can’t.  Maybe God has a set plan for each one of us before we come into this world.  A predestination of sorts.

When my time comes, I will feel honored to join those I have loved and lost.  I’ve sat here long enough today.  It’s time to get my jacket and saddle my horse, Dixie the Third.  I’m going to ride up to the knoll by the lake and visit my family. I can hear them calling my name.

The End

1 – 2011