Friendships, Failure, and Forgiveness

By Bakerj

Chapter One

The lamp hanging from the hook cast a shadow across the dirt floor.  Its dark outline spread over the ground.  When it crept towards my boots, I took a step back into the doorway of the barn.  The air hung still and heavy with the stink of sweat and fear, all that was left of the desperate struggle that had taken place.  No sounds disturbed the silence except the creak of the rope that moved with the swaying body shifting in the same breeze that stirred my hair.  I gazed at my friend through my one good eye before turning my head away from the twisted face in the noose and swallowing the bile that rose in my throat.

The man who followed behind stopped next to me.  “Aww, hell.”

“You’re the sheriff.  Why didn’t you stop it?”

“Cartwright, nothing was gonna save that boy.”

I tightened the fingers that clasped around my bruised chest, “You could’ve tried.”

“You did, and look what it got you.  If I hadn’t pulled you out, you’d be lying dead on the saloon floor or hanging there next to him.”

Shifting my position, I tried to stay upright.  I owed the man my life true enough, but that didn’t make his words any easier to accept.  The crushing burden of failure added to my bruises, making it hard to breathe.  I’d never felt so hollow and useless.   I glanced again at my friend’s swaying form.  “I’m sorry,” I murmured.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.”  Ignoring the scream of complaint from my battered ribs, I forced myself upright and turned to the Sheriff.  “We have to get him down.  I need to take him home.”

The sheriff sighed but pulled out his jackknife.

***

By the time I rode back onto the Bar H, dawn was breaking over the horizon.  Its glorious brilliance brought me no comfort and never would again, for my friend tied over the saddle of the horse I led. 

Bass Horgan stood on his porch.  His feet planted wide like he was on the deck of a ship.  He began yelling before I’d even reached the house.  “I told you not to come back.”

I didn’t stop until I looked him in the eye.  Clinging onto the saddle horn, I eased my leg over and dismounted to face the father before me.

“I’ve brought your son home.”

“What the hell for?”

Catching the lead rein of Davy’s horse, I wound it tighter and tighter around the hitching post while my gaze never left Horgan’s.  “A man should bury the son he left to die.”

“You think I care?” Bass’s voice trembled with fury, but his eyes were cold, dead.  There was no humanity or compassion for the boy he’d lost.  “That was his choice.”

My hands shook as I took a step closer.  “You think he had a choice?  He just wanted to be your son.  Make you proud and live up to being a Horgan.”

Bass’s fists clenched, knuckles white, and for a moment, something flickered in his eyes — regret?  But it vanished as fast as it appeared.  “He weren’t no son of mine the moment he betrayed his family.”

“Betrayed?  He loved her,” I shouted, feeling the weight of Davy’s life and death burning in my chest.  “What kind of father makes his son choose between love and family?”

This time, he took the step forward.  Rolling back his shoulders, he threw out his massive barrel of a chest to its widest expanse.  I didn’t care that I’d already taken one beating.  If he wanted a fight, I’d give it to him.  “You’ve said your piece.  Now get.”

So that was it.  He was done and wanted me gone, just like his son.  Well, I wasn’t done.  Not yet.  “I’ve over two month’s wages coming.  I’ll take the horse and saddle in kind.”

“Forty dollars won’t buy you squat from me, Cartwright, and especially not that animal.”

“Why don’t you sell him Lightning, Pa?” 

The glance Bass cut at his eldest shut the man’s mouth.  I looked at Jubal and the four brothers on either side of him.  Only hours earlier, we’d stood in this same place, in this same position.  Then I had begged Horgan to help Davy.  When he’d refused to help, I’d turned to them, five strong men, all older brothers. 

“What about you?  You going to stand by and not lift a finger to help?”  Not one of them moved a muscle.  My words shook from the anger that sparked through me.  “What kind of brothers are you?  I’m telling you, he’s gonna die without help.”

It was Horgan who spoke, and he cut me off.  “He brought this on himself, and he can get himself out.  If he can’t.  Too bad.  Now, shut your mouth and get back to the bunkhouse.”

I’d disobeyed him then, and it looked like he’d get his revenge by sending me packing the same way I’d arrived, without a horse.  But I was in luck.  Jubal’s suggestion seemed to take.

“Go get Lightning.  I’ll even throw in a saddle.  But you darken my door again, and so help me, I’ll put a bullet in you.  ”

***

Chapter Two

Hefting my bruised and aching body onto the battered saddle Bass ‘threw in’, I pointed the horse toward the Sierras and home.  We moved slow.  Lightning was the joke of the ranch.  A bag of bones that wasn’t worth five dollars, let alone forty.  But he had four legs that kept moving, and right then, that was worth a lot. 

I left the Horgan’s behind like scraping shit off my boots, but the guilt I carried trailed right along.  Each day might have taken me further from that family, but the memories stayed close, lingering in my thoughts day and night. 

I’d walked onto the Bar H, horseless and desperate, thanks to my temper and stupidity.  The two traits I’m ruled by, according to Adam.  I guess he was right.  Meeting Davy improved my glum outlook.  The friendliest person on the ranch, he came just when I needed a friend.  As it turned out, so did he.

We had an easy friendship and a lot in common.  Davy was also the youngest, and he too had been raised by his father and brothers after his ma died when he was eight.  Although, I had begun to realize that Bass Horgan’s ideas about family were a long way from Pa’s.  Everything about Horgan left a bad taste in my mouth.  A typical bully, he enjoyed throwing his power and weight around.  It wasn’t just the lousy pay that moved men on.

He kept cattle, but his business was mostly in horses.  Three weeks into my stay, we started breaking a new string.  Bronc busting required skill.  It was a combat between man and beast.  Either you won, or the horse did, which meant bruises and broken bones or, worse, a broken back or neck.  I loved it.   But at home, a wrangler could take a break, and when they’d had enough, we called it a day.  The safety of the men always came first.  Here, you climbed on your first horse at daybreak and off your last at dusk.  Exhausting and stupid, but choice wasn’t high on the options.

I made it a practice of coming down early to the corral and sorting the string into the order for breaking.  Putting the livelier ones first meant the wranglers rode those while still fresh.  The men knew their job, and we got on with it. 

On the third day, the boss came down to check on progress.  Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted him as I settled into the saddle on the big bay next in line.  My third ride for the day, and it was a good one.  Bringing the animal to a stand, I held her while the men moved in to let me dismount.  Horgan’s loud bark cut the air before I’d even climbed through the rail, “What’re you doing?  Finish the job.  That animal’s only half-broke.”

I glanced back, puzzled by what he was seeing.  “She’s green broke.  We’ll work the rest out later.”

“We ain’t got time to mess around here, boy.  I need those horses broken.  D’you understand?”

I understood all right, and I bit down my anger.  “I break horses, so they’ll work.  Not to break their spirits.”

“I ain’t interested in fancy ideals.  Get back on that horse and finish the job.”

Around the corral, men waited to see what play I’d make.  With no money and no horse, I needed this job.  The next town with a telegraph was too far on foot.  I looked back at the bay and made up my mind.

“No, Sir.  These horses are too good to be brought along too quick.  You wanna ruin them, get someone else.”

I threw the dice and took the gamble, but Horgan wasn’t stupid.   When you paid rock-bottom wages, it showed in your crew.  He was looking at his best wrangler walking away.  Besides, I was right.

He called after me, “All right!  No need to make a fuss.  Do it your way, but I need all those horses ready for sale in two weeks.  You hear me?”

“Yessir.”

I waited until he rode away before I moved and signaled for the next bronc.  Davy appeared at my side, eyes shining with excitement.

“I ain’t never seen no one stand up to Pa like that.”

“I was right.”

“Pa, don’t let no man tell him what’s right.”

“Every man can benefit from a new experience.  ‘Sides, your pa needs those horses ready on time.”

“Will you do it?

I did, but doing a good job didn’t amount to much in Bass Horgan’s eyes.  He didn’t have a word of praise for anyone, including his sons.  Life out here was tough enough.  Why make it even worse by squeezing every ounce of joy out of people’s lives?  I’d learned from Pa that a little kindness goes a long way, and family sticks together.  Every day in this miserable place deepened my homesickness, and I guess it showed.

After supper, Davy had taken to hanging out with me at the creek behind the bunkhouse.  Tossing stones into the water, he asked, “You ain’t planning on staying long, are you?”

“No.  Soon as I’ve earned enough to buy a horse, I’ll be leaving for home.”

“Thought so.” 

I shot a look at my friend, hearing the dejection in his voice.  Davy might be a year older than me, but in a lot of ways, he seemed younger.  He was like a newborn calf who wandered away from his mamma, got kicked by the bigger bulls, and was now afraid to have any fun.  I wondered how many friends he’d had.  Was I the first?

“Why don’t you come?  My Pa can always use a good hand.”

“Nah.  I can’t leave.”

“Why would you stay?”  My words came out harsh, which I regretted.  I might hate how his pa treated Davy, but this was his home, and he had a stake in it.  “Sorry.  Course you’d want to stay.”

Davy looked confused.  Then, understanding dawned.  “I don’t care about this place.  There’s another reason.”

“What’s that?”

My curiosity was a waste of time.  Davy shook his head and refused to tell me his secret.

***

When we weren’t breaking horses, we were rounding them up or fixing corrals and fences.  One job I hated.  The heat was exhausting, and a man couldn’t drink enough water to keep up with the sweat pouring off him.  Davy and I had soon stripped down to our hats, pants, and boots.

We made a good team.  Working alongside Davy, it was easy to forget how things had fallen apart with Todd and how I was here thanks to his betrayal.  But I’d kicked myself enough about that piece of stupidity.  I needed to focus on now and getting home. 

Tossing the tools back in the wagon, I tightened the harness on the team when Davy slapped a hand on his forehead.  “I’ve just remembered.  Pa asked me to check the marker stones while we’re out here.”

The western boundary of the Bar H ran parallel to the road into town.  We repaired the markers where needed and rebuilt another.  Throwing the tools into the wagon, I turned my head to see a buggy sweep around the bend.  A young lady in a fetching straw bonnet barreled our way.  When she spotted Davy, she reined in.  The way they leaned into each other told me they were more than friends.  I stood back and admired her blue eyes and pretty face.  But, when she spotted me, she startled and gathered herself to move on. 

It was Davy’s words that stopped her.  “It’s okay.  Joe’s a friend.”

She didn’t look convinced.  “I can’t stop.”

“That’s okay.”  He took her hand, and their eyes met. 

I turned my back on the pretense of rearranging the tools.  The young lady moved along after whispering a few words I couldn’t catch. 

“She’s nice.”  I leaned against the tailgate and bit my bottom lip, trying to suppress my grin. 

Davy flicked me a nervous glance.   “Yeah.  She’s my gal.”

The grin slipped out.  “I figured.  What’s her name?”

“I can’t say.  Listen, you can’t tell no one you saw her.  Promise me.”

I scoffed at his nonsense.  “C’mon, Davy.  You can tell me.  It can’t be that bad.”  

It could. 

“Milly Lancaster.”

My eyebrows flew up my forehead.  Within two days of arriving here, I’d heard all about the Lancaster’s and Horgan’s. 

“Feud ain’t the word for it.  The hatred between them two families runs deeper than Hell.  Only two months back, we fought over a waterhole, and Pete there caught a bullet.”  Curious, I’d asked what it was all about.  “Nobody’s been around here long enough to know what started it all.  Some say it’s been going on for twenty years or more.  But Bass, he’d like to end it, and you know how.  I hear’d tell he once strung a Lancaster up just for stepping on his land.”

I knew about feuds and regarded this rumor as so much talk.  But Davy’s revelation was anything but.

“You mean Lancaster as in…?”

“Yeah.  So, you gotta promise not to tell anyone.”

“Is she the reason you won’t leave?”

“I mean it, Joe.  You can’t tell a soul.”

“I’m no tattletale.”  I hitched my butt onto the tailgate.  “How long have you two been seeing each other?”

“Over two years.”  The length of time startled me.  I was amazed they’d managed to keep their secret for so long.  Davy sat on the wagon next to me.  “Milly and me, we’re pledged.”

“What’re you two gonna do?”

“I ain’t got it figured out yet, but soon as I do, we’re gonna be married.  Then I’ll build her a cabin with a porch where she can sit in the evening and watch the sun go down.  It’ll be mighty fine.”

David’s expression made me smile, even as it brought back my own bitter-sweet memories.  I said no more, unwilling to raise questions I didn’t want to answer.  But I was stupid enough to think I understood Davy’s predicament. 

***

Chapter Three

My aches dogged me for days.  I didn’t care.  If they stayed to remind me of what I’d done, so what?  I deserved every last one.  But time did its work, and they’d faded along with the bruises when we reached the foothills.  

My camp was dismal, the air burdened with the regret I carried.  Trying to get comfortable, I shifted my position, but it wasn’t the hard ground that made for the lack of comfort.  The memories were persistent knives that dug into my flesh.  I stared into my campfire and watched the flames dance.  As the sparks rose into the night sky and drifted away into the dark, my mind drifted back again to my time with Davy.

Now I knew his secret, Milly was a topic he loved to expand on at every chance.  He told me how they’d liked each other right from school, where he’d hidden secret notes in her lunch pail.  He kept those of his older brothers who were still in the classroom away from her, even if it meant drawing their fire onto him.

“One time Andy bust open my lip ‘cause I tripped him into a puddle.  Accidental, of course,” he added with a wink.  “That was the day Milly kissed me for the first time.  Right next to my split lip.  I didn’t feel a thing riding home.”

“But I thought you’d only been together for two years.”

“When we left school, we kinda drifted apart.”

“So how did that change?”

“I was out one day looking for strays that had wandered too near to Lancaster land, and there she was sitting by the creek soaking her feet.”  The familiarity made my stomach lurch.  “We got to talking, and that was that.”

“How do you manage?   Y’know, seeing each other?”

“We got a special place where we meet.  But it ain’t easy.  It can’t be for long, and we hav’ta be careful no one sees us.”

What else could a friend do but offer his help? 

On the rise above the bend in the stream where anyone coming could be seen for miles, I played lookout.  Reaching into the long, dry grass, I pulled another stalk and sucked it between my teeth.  It was the same position I’d taken a few times now.  Alongside the stream below, Davy and Milly would meet.  I’d watch them walking, talking, holding hands, laughing, or just sitting side by side with the heads together, blond hair mingling.  The way she picked grass off his shirt and brushed his hat and how he fashioned a little daisy chain for her wrist showed me how in love they were.

Each time, Davy and I would have to work twice as hard and as fast to get our work done, but it was worth it to see my friend happy.  I’d been in Davy’s shoes, and I knew how important this time together was to them.  But as I chewed on the sweet grass, I pondered on his dilemma and formed the idea I thought could help. 

I pulled my mind back to now.  But the memories of what I’d done clung on, raking new wounds through my heart.  My appetite gone, I threw the remains of the rabbit on the fire, sending a rush of sparks in all directions.  I should’ve minded my own business.

***

Chapter Four

The air cooled as we climbed into the mountains, reminding me it was almost October and five months since I’d left home.  I’d lost two friends, my horse, and a rifle, but every day brought me closer to family. 

The house might be the same as always, but boy, it had never looked so good.  Even though the ride down from the pass took most of the day, I was still shaking. 

Pulling Lightning to a halt, I unwound stiff fingers that still clung to the reins and climbed down.  I hung on the saddle horn, waiting for my legs to firm up, and shook my head at my frustration.  After what I’d been through that morning, I should cut myself a break.  Even the toughest get shaken up sometimes.  But as soon as I felt able, I headed for the door.

There was no sign of anyone, which was strange.  The September drive was long over.  Business should be focused on the ranch and preparing for winter. 

“Who there?”  I turned to see Hop Sing, who stopped short and let his mouth drop open.  “Little Joe?  You back.”

“Hi, Hop Sing.  Where is everyone?”

“Sheriff Coffee bring telegram from other Sheriff, and they go.”

“Go where?”

“Not know.  But they go find out about you.”

“Me?”

“Yes.  Sheriff in telegram say he got your horse.”

“Cochise?”  I didn’t know how, but I was grateful.  After Todd ran off with him, I thought I’d never see my friend again.  “How long have they been gone?”

Hop Sing paused to think.  “Eight days.  How come you here and not with horse?”

“That’s a long story.”

Hop Sing stepped closer and fixed me with a hard look.  I tried to pull up straighter but gave it up.  The mess I was in, why bother?

“What happened to you?”  At the face I pulled, he added, “Long story?”  When I nodded, he waved toward the stairs.  “I get water.  You go clean up, and then I make coffee.  You hungry?”

“I could eat.”

“I make sandwich.”

“Thanks, but I’ve a horse to stable first.”

“I get hand do that.”

The ache in my bones went through to my very soul, but although truly tempted, I shook my head.  I owed that horse too much to palm him off. 

Lightning had been the embarrassment of the Horgan ranch.  Any hand who screwed up or didn’t pull his weight got given him to ride as punishment.  The other men laughed at and taunted anyone seen on him, and they often took that humiliation out on the horse.  I saw it in the years of dirt that thickened and coarsened his coat and felt it in how he quivered when I touched a sensitive spot.  Cruelty to any animal made me sick, but this one deserved nothing but kindness.

I left him comfortable, covered with a blanket, a pile of fresh hay, and munching on a quarter bucket of oats.  He’d not had rich food in a long while, if ever, so I’d need to build him up slow. 

Hop Sing must’ve been listening out for me.  He appeared when I closed the door.  “You long time.  Water in room.  Go wash up.”

The door to my room swung open, and I stopped.  Why was I surprised that everything looked the same?  The walnut desk scattered with books and paper, the oak wardrobe with the door that never fully closed and stuck if it did, and my bed, covered with the dark green quilt and soft white pillows that called to me. 

Peeling off my shirt revealed the bruises from the fight days before.  But their dark hues faded behind the vivid scratches from only hours ago.  Every inch of me seemed a different color.  I flinched and gasped through my wash, but clean clothes made me feel like a new man.

Solid and smooth under my hand, the wood from the banister rail drew me down.  The big room lay empty, but my family was here in Adam’s latest book, the bowl of apples Hop Sing kept filled to satisfy Hoss’ sweet tooth and the rich smell of Pa’s tobacco.

Polishing off the sandwich, I took the coffee out to the porch.  I was beat, but being too early for bed, I settled for the rocking chair and the chance to enjoy the late September sun.

For the first time in weeks, I could sit and do nothing.  My head dropped back to rest against the smooth, polished pine.  The soft, rhythmic creak of wood on wood acted like a lullaby.  I closed my eyes and breathed the mix of horses, muck, and hay that drifted from the barn.  The familiar sounds and smells soothed and reassured me.  Finally, I let my thoughts go and relaxed.

The hoofbeats brought me out of my doze and upright.  My heart rate picked up as nerves kicked in.  Intent on getting home, I hadn’t considered how my family would react – until now.  Would they even be happy to see me?  Through the gathering dusk, they came around the barn.  I stood, and my gaze swept them all but fixed on one.  I couldn’t keep the smile off my face at the look of surprise that slipped into joy.  Well, at least Pa wasn’t mad.

I stepped off the porch.  That was a mistake.  The way I hitched my chest and limped made the pain that still clung obvious.

My father gripped my arms, held me at a distance, and looked me over.  “Are you injured?”

“I took a tumble, is all.”

I met my father’s gaze as he returned my smile.  “When did you get back?”

“A few hours ago.”

“Good to see you, Son.” 

A lot more was meant in those few words.  I replied with my own.  “And you, Pa.” 

Pulled into a hug, I flinched and was released.  “Just a tumble?”

“I might’ve picked up a few bruises.”  I looked past him to my big brother, who grinned right back at me.  “Hi, Hoss.”

Pulled into another hug, this time, I bit down the complaint from my bruised ribs and slapped him on the back.

“Dadburn you, Little Joe.  Don’t you go and run off like that again, y’hear?”

“I won’t,” I squeaked.

Let go and able to breathe again, I took Adam’s extended hand and shook it.  “If we’d known you’d make it back under your own steam, we would’ve saved ourselves a trip.”

“But you brought Cochise back.” My fingers ran over his soft velvet muzzle.  “Hi, there, boy.  Glad to see you again.”

Adam handed me the rein.  “Good, then you won’t mind putting him up.”

Chuckling, I waved aside Pa’s protest and walked with them to the barn where Adam spotted Lightning.  “Where’d this crowbait come from?”

“Watch it, Older Brother.  That crowbait is something special.  He saved my life.”  I walked Cooch into his stall before reaching across and giving Lightning a scratch behind the ears.  “He’s getting the royal treatment from now on.”

I smiled at the shocked faces of my silent family before turning to unsaddle Cochise.  Without a word, they saw to their horses.  They held back asking questions, and I was grateful.  I had a story to tell, and I would tell it, but not yet.  Some things needed to be said first.  Once we’d settled around the fireplace, mugs of fresh steaming coffee before us, I decided it was time to begin.

“I’m sorry for the way I ran off.”

Hoss chuckled.  “You don’t think you surprised us, do you?  Seemed like the natural thing for you to do.  Running off half-cocked after Todd.”

I smiled.  His reaction let me know it wasn’t convincing.  “You were right about him.”

Pa nodded.  “We know what happened.  That’s how we got Cochise back.  Todd got himself arrested.  He told us everything.”

“You saw him?”

Pa nodded.  “Yes.  That’s where we were, Gold Springs, where he was being held.  He told us about how you’d found the watches he’d stolen and asked him to go back and return them.  How he’d knocked you out and ran off.”

I reached into my pocket and placed Pa’s gold pocket watch on the table.  “I took it from the bag of watches he’d stolen.  I wanted to return it myself. 

Picking it up, Pa smiled and flipped open the front to read the inscription.  The watch had been a gift from Adam’s ma, and it meant a lot.  “Thank you.”

“He couldn’t help it, y’know, taking those things.  He never sold them, just kept them.  He’s not bad, really.”

They found that hard to swallow, but it was true.  Todd wasn’t through and through mean.  They hadn’t seen that, but I had.  From the first day we’d met, I’d liked him.  But everything that had happened.  All the choices and decisions I’d made began that day when Pa announced he was dismissing Todd for stealing. 

I knew Todd best, but my word that he wasn’t the type of man to steal didn’t mean a damn thing.  Arguing like the best lawyer in Virginia City, the knot in my stomach formed when everything I said made no difference to the three men before me.  Pa’s disappointment and the way Hoss stared at the floor rankled, and as for Adam.  How come Older Brother always tightened that knot ‘til I couldn’t undo it?  My hands had clenched when he’d rolled his eyes and interrupted to tell me it was too late.

“You mean you fired him already without even talking to me?”

“Pa doesn’t need your permission.”

Instead of smashing my fist into Adam’s jaw, I faced my father.  He placed one foot on the low table and leaned into the knee with his elbow.  Rubbing his palms together, he looked at me with that steady gaze he used when he saw I was riled.  “Maybe I should’ve, but it wouldn’t have made a difference.”

I took a step back as if the distance that opened between us needed physical form.  “So why bother?  I get it.”

I’d walked out the door, ignoring Pa’s calls.

It had happened again, just as it had done all my life.  They couldn’t take my opinion seriously.  Rubicon was supposed to have made a difference.  But my brothers’ promises had melted like the snows once roundup began.  I had thought at least Pa respected my opinions.  Now I knew the truth. 

I was the youngest, and nothing would ever change that.  Except, I had changed.  I wasn’t a stupid kid anymore who could be the butt of all their jokes.  I took responsibility for my actions and knew how to ask for help.  I’d learned those lessons, but how long would I have to wait for my family to catch up? 

But, when I slammed out the door, it was Todd’s words that returned to change a vague idea into reality.  “I’m telling you, Joe.  You won’t know real freedom until you break out on your own.”  

He was right.  The time had come to prove that Joe Cartwright wasn’t a joke, and then maybe my family could accept I’d grown up at last.  

That decision to leave led me here, carrying a pile of regrets.  But right now, I had a question.

“One thing I don’t get.  How did you know Todd was in jail?”

“We received a wire from a Sheriff Pike.  I believe you know the man.”

“Yeah.  I was sure grateful to him.  He arrived just in time to save me a beating from a bad loser in a card game. He sent Todd and me to the Wheeler ranch when I asked if anyone was hiring. ”  When I’d told Sheriff Pike my name, he asked if I was one of Ponderosa Cartwrights.  I’d lied to his face, but I guess I hadn’t been too convincing.  He hadn’t believed my lie, and now I had reason to be grateful to him again.  Although, I was also curious. “Sheriff Pike wasn’t from Gold Springs.  How did he come across Todd?”

“Pike had taken a prisoner back there for trial.  When he heard a Joseph Cartwright sat in one of the cells, he took a look.”

“Todd used my name?” 

“He did.  The sheriff got the truth out of Todd and wired Roy.”

“And you rode down there?”

“We were worried.  We’d have done the same for any of us, Son.”

I recognized the damage I’d done when I heard the soft apology in Pa’s tone.  He had no reason to beg my pardon for caring. 

“I’m glad you did.  I just wish Todd had been arrested sooner, then maybe ….”  Unable to touch on Davy yet, I let the words die. 

Crossing one knee over the other, Adam continued.  “Not that it did us much good.  Todd couldn’t tell us more than that he’d knocked you out and where.  We rode down that way but couldn’t pick up your trail.”

“I had to walk to the next town.”

“We figured that much.  What we don’t understand is why didn’t you wire us from there?”

Adam wasn’t one for dumb questions, so this one surprised me.  “’Cause they didn’t have a telegraph in Dry Flats.”

“Dry Flats?  Dadburnit, Little Brother, why’d you head south?  We went north to Forke’s Crossing.”

Now, it was my turn to look dumb.  “I dunno.  We were heading south, so I just kept going that way.”

All three shifted in their seats.  I changed the subject.  “Where’s Todd now?”

“In jail still,” Pa said.  “He’s to stand trial when the circuit judge arrives next month.  The sheriff there arrested him for stealing.  Another watch.  And then there’s the matter of giving a false name, assaulting you, and stealing your horse.”

“I don’t wanna press charges for that.”

“But, Joe, he done left you in the middle of nowhere with no horse and no money.”

I understood how Hoss felt, how all of them felt.  But they hadn’t seen Todd.  A mess of gangly arms and legs, the bag of watches sitting between us, sobbing at the shame of what he’d done and how he couldn’t stop himself.  I’d never turned away from a crying man because nobody had ever turned away from me.  I wanted to understand why he’d stolen them.  Why did he only steal watches?  I still didn’t know.  But I’d never forget the fear in those wide eyes as he pleaded with me not to make him go back and return what he’d taken.

“He was just scared.”

“Fear doesn’t excuse what he did.  Or that he stole.”

Pa was correct, but still, it didn’t sit right.  It was something I needed to think about.  Hop Sing announcing supper gave me the distraction I needed to let the subject drop.

Over the meal, I pumped my family for all the news since I’d been away.  They obliged me by filling me in and even telling some funny stories.  Towards the end, I got quieter, and my questions dried up.  The last few days were catching up with me.  I was dead on my feet and ready to drop. 

“I know you’ve got questions, but can they wait?”

“Sure.  Sleep well, Son.  See you in the morning.”

I hadn’t tackled the note and my stupidity.  That would have to wait.  Fatigue kept me from dealing with it.  Or was it plain old cowardice?  I didn’t know.  But I had only seconds to enjoy the comfort of being back in my bed before sleep claimed me.

***

Chapter Five

Flipping onto my back, I opened my eyes and snapped them shut again at the sunlight pouring in through my window.  Reaching the dining table, Hop Sing appeared with a plate of food he must’ve been keeping warm.

“Is everyone gone?”

“Yes.  Adam and Hoss go clear dam built by pesky beavers.  Mr. Cartwright, go Virginia City.  He say to let you sleep.  Say you need it.”

“Thanks, but I didn’t need that much.”

“Hop Sing agree with father.  Eat breakfast.”

I did as I was told.  After eating, I found out where Adam and Hoss were working, talked Hop Sing into making me sandwiches, saddled Cochise, and headed out. 

The day sang of approaching autumn.  I breathed in the air and soaked in the Ponderosa pines, standing like massive sentinels over our land.  Above them, the sky soared on forever, bluer than any ocean.  My time away had made me realize that the Ponderosa was the only place I wanted to be.  I’d never leave again.  Chuckling, I leaned forward and gave Cooch a pat.  “I’m turning into a sentimental old woman, boy.”

No, I didn’t want to leave, at least not until spring.  By then, I’d be ready to enjoy the fun Virginia City had to offer.

Drawing Cochise to a stand, I leaned against my saddle horn and resettled my hat.  After a few minutes, I asked, “Need a hand?”

“Hey, Little Brother, where’d you spring from?”

“More importantly.  How long have you been sitting there?”

“Long enough to see you could do with some help, Older Brother.”

My muscles put up a protest as I dismounted, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed.

“Not sure what use you’ll be, banged up like you are?”

Hoss nodded.  “Maybe you should sit this one out, ‘till you’re feeling better?”

Dropping to the ground, I yanked off my boots.  “I can still move a few darn logs.”

When Adam shrugged and turned back to the mound of clustered branches, Hoss added, “All right, but you speak up when you’ve had enough.”

Breaking up a beaver dam was a hard slog.  Knee deep in water and mud, you didn’t come out of it looking pretty.  But I didn’t care.  I reveled in working side by side with my brothers again.  When we stopped for lunch, we sat on the bank while the sun caked the mud to our feet, ate our sandwiches, and talked about the things we couldn’t in front of Pa.  Hoss told me about the new saloon in Virginia City and Adam described in tantalizing detail all the gals working there.  I was beginning to feel like I’d never been away.

Pa stood on the porch watching out for us when we rode in.  The image of Bass Horgan returned.  How could two fathers be so far apart?

***

Chapter Six

The brush, supposed to be getting more years of neglect out of Lightning’s hide, moved slow.  Todd occupied my mind.  I wasn’t ready to let him rot in prison.  Sure, he’d panicked when I tried to talk him into taking the watches back, but I couldn’t hold that against him, not after our time together.  My hand continued to move, and with every downward stroke of the brush, the days, weeks, and months slipped away, and I was back to the moment when Todd found out I was a Cartwright.

Throwing back his head, he laughed, “You’re a Cartwright?  The way Adam barks orders at you, l never would’ve guessed.”

Although I brushed the observation off, it struck me that Older Brother never gave orders to Hoss in the same way.  Of course, that could be because Hoss might knock him into next week, but most likely, it had to do with Hoss being older.  Hell, it didn’t matter that I’d talked disgruntled miners into not flooding our mine, caught thieves, and dealt with the hired killers in Rubicon.  I was still ‘the kid’ to Adam.  But Todd didn’t see me as either a kid or the son of the boss.  To him, I was just a friend, and that friendship solidified even further during roundup.

Riding back to the herd with the strays we’d found, Adam saw us and galloped up.  Yanked to a standstill, Sport tossed his head and sidled in protest.  How many times had Hoss and I told him to go easy on the bit?  That he’d get more out of the animal that way.  But Big Brother always knew best.  The furious glare he pinned on me told me Sport wasn’t the only one in for rough treatment.

“I told you to check the west section.  Now, someone else will have to pick up your slack.”

Stiffening in my saddle, I opened my mouth to put him straight, but Todd spoke up first, “Hold your horses, Adam.  Joe and me we checked that section.  On the way back, he spotted these steers over on that hill, so we swung around to pick them up.”

It was fun to see Adam eat crow for once, and when he rode away, I thanked my friend.

“I know what it’s like to have an older brother on your back every minute of the day.”

“You got one, too?”

“Yeah.  He liked to kick me around anytime it suited him.”

“What about your Pa?”

“He was worse.  That’s why, soon as I turned fourteen, I left.  Ain’t never looked back.”

Fueled by Adam and Pa’s words, I’d arrived at Todd’s camp the night I left, grim-faced and boiling mad.  His enthusiastic welcome went a long way to cheering me.  By the time I was sharing his meal and laughing about his lousy coffee, I knew I’d made the right decision.

We agreed to drift down into California and look for work.  There was always the chance, despite what I said in my note, that Pa would still send Adam and Hoss to find me, so we got odd jobs and moved on fast at first.  Night after night, Todd listened to my bitching about the unfairness of my family until finally, throwing the dregs of his coffee into the fire, he looked me in the eye.

“Your pa’s the boss, Joe.  Boss men don’t hav’ta be right.  They tell you to move on.  You move on.  That’s just the way it is.”

Watching Todd roll into his bedroll, I bit my lip and kicked myself.  How many times had this happened to him?  What choice did he have except to take it and move on?  Sometimes, life stank, and here I was, reminding him daily with my complaining.  Once I’d proved to myself that I was someone to take seriously, I would return home.  Leaving for good was never on the cards.  But, from then on, I put my family out of my mind, shut my mouth, and decided to enjoy my freedom.

***

Chapter Seven

There was nothing like a saloon on a Saturday night.  Flickering lanterns hung from stained beams that threw shifting shadows over the tables and the men around them.  Raucous laughter rose over the hubbub of chatter.  Everything would be discussed here, from a man’s aches and pains to what Adam called ‘his philosophy of life.’  After weeks on the range playing nursemaid to a bunch of cows, a man could remind himself he was human.  Who needed fancy fixings when the goal was to enjoy a drink, a game of cards, or maybe even a girl?  Elbows on the bar, I glanced again toward the table where Todd sat engrossed in a poker game.  I wasn’t in the mood for cards.  Tonight, I wanted to relax in a different way. 

From across the room, she caught my eye.  I had no idea how I hadn’t noticed her sooner since she was the kind that stood out in a crowd.  I smiled in response to her wink, more than happy to encourage the pretty brunette.  After sliding away from the fella next to her, she sauntered over.  She took her time, letting me appreciate her figure and the low cut of her dress that showed off a pair of plump round breasts — my kinda girl.

“Hello, cowboy.”

I tipped my hat.  The ladies always loved that.  “Can I buy you a drink, ma’am?”

A delicious sound bubbled out when she giggled.  “Ain’t you sweet?  Name’s Fannie.”

“Joe.”

When I signaled the bartender, he reached for the whiskey.  I guess beer wasn’t a choice when drinking with the girls in this place.  Without hesitation, I slapped down one of my last dollars and raised my glass.  It was worth going broke to look into Fannie’s eyes and maybe get to enjoy more later.  The hand on my arm spun me around.

“Back off, kid.  This one’s mine.”

He was the man from the table.  I shook him off and stepped back to give me space to move.  “The lady’s free to choose who she drinks with.”

“Go home to your mamma, sonny.  She’s drinking with a man.”

My teeth clenched.  I rolled my shoulders back.  Taking this guy apart would be a pleasure. 

Todd’s hand gripped my arm.  “Let’s you and me grab a beer.”

My glare faded when I followed the cant of his head.  Three men from around the same table stood and made to move across the room.  I bit my lip.  The odds had changed.

“Sorry, mister.  Didn’t mean to muscle in.”  I tipped my hat again to pretty Fannie.  She shrugged and turned away.  I was already forgotten.

Moving to the end of the bar, Todd ordered two beers.  I slipped back my hat.  “Whew!  That was close.  Thanks.”

“What’re friends for?”

“How’d you make out?”

Todd’s smile spread into a grin, and he shook a pocket that jangled with his winnings.  Laughing, I slugged back my beer while he ordered two more.

I pulled my drinking partner’s arm tighter around my shoulder when he staggered and almost fell again.  Only three steps from the top of the stairs, I was determined to get him there.

Lit by a tiny lamp at the other end of the hall, the stairwell was almost pitch black.  Tripped by the last step, we sprawled into the narrow hallway.  Todd’s laughter cut through the dark.  I shushed him.  I had no idea what time it was and didn’t want to disturb other guests.

Using the wall to scramble upright, I took the time to straighten my hat and gun belt.  Todd lay on the ground, giggling.  Although I couldn’t figure out why he was rolling from side to side.

“C’mon, let’s get you up.”  Reaching down, I grabbed and missed.  “Will you stay still?”

“I ain’t moving!”

I set a straight path for our room door.  Bouncing off the wall, we crashed into another.  I shushed him again when Todd thought it was hilarious.  I pushed his hat back on and turned my head from his whiskey-laden breath when he giggled in my face.  Moving off, we finally reached our door.  I held one hand on Todd’s chest to keep him propped against the wall while I tried to find our key with the other. 

A man wearing a nightshirt appeared out of the room we’d collided with.  “What’s going on out here?”

I gave him a sheepish wave.  “Sorry, mister.”

A sound like a growl came our way.  “Darned drunken cowboys.  Disturbing the peace.”

What was this guy talking about?  I wasn’t drunk, but before I could tell him that, his door snapped shut.  Frowning, I flapped my hand in his direction and went back to fitting the key in the lock that didn’t seem to want to fit.  After a brief struggle, the door flew open, and I almost toppled again.

My boots didn’t want to come off, but I kept at it.  Flinging the last one down, I collapsed back on the bed.  Todd was already snoring next to me.  I gave him a shove to turn him over and closed my eyes.  It had been a fun night, even without Fannie.

***

Lifting my spoon out of the cup of coffee, I watched the dark liquid circle swirling around and around and around.  I snapped my eyes shut. 

“You okay?  You’re looking kinda green there.”

“How much did we drink last night?”

Todd sniggered.  “More’n you can handle.”

I squinted at my friend, amazed he could sit upright.  “You’re not wrong.  My head’s fit to explode.”

“We’ll take it easy today.”

“Uh, ah.  Let’s move on.”

“What’s the rush?”

I shook my head and regretted it.  Taking a moment before I replied, I explained I needed to get to a town where there was a Wells Fargo.  I had a letter to post.

“Still thinking about your folks.”

“Unfinished business is all.”  I took another sip of coffee.  I didn’t regret leaving home, but I did regret how I’d done it.  The note I’d left had been bothering me for weeks.  I’d demanded my family treat me as a man.  But that stupid note, where I’d poured out all my petty complaints, proved the opposite.  It was time to set that right.  But thinking of my family made me wonder.  “D’you never miss home?”

“Me?  Hell, no.  That place was pure misery.  I don’t miss a thing.”

“Not even your ma?”

 “Heck, no.  If I was slow bringing in the water or chopping wood, she lay into me with that switch quicker than I could blink.”  I’d got him thinking, though, and his face softened as he turned the cup in his hand.  “I guess it weren’t all bad.  Each Sunday, she’d bake a pie.  On my birthday, too.  Then she’d bake my favorite.  Peach pie.  She made the best peach pie.  An’ when I was sick, she swaddled me up in a blanket, fed me broth, and read stories from the bible.  I guess, sometimes, I miss her.”

“You ever think about going back?  Visiting?”

Todd shook his head.  The loneliness in his eyes made him suddenly older.  I dropped the subject.  “Let’s ride on.  There’s no work ‘round here anyway, and my aching head tells me we spent all your winnings last night.”

Todd rolled his eyes.  “You’re so practical it makes my teeth hurt.”

“We can’t get far without money.”

“If you say so … Adam.”

“Hey!”

Todd cackled at his joke, and I laughed.  What would Big Brother think of me being the sensible one?

***

Hotter than hell, the landscape hazed in the shimmering heat.  Squinting, I spotted what I was hoping for.  We reached the pond and dismounted to fill our canteens. 

Dropping my hat next to me, I wiped my brow.  “Boy, it’s hot.  I think everything’s sticking to me.”

Todd stood and capped his canteen.  “You need a swim to cool off.”

A hand plowed into my back and sent me flying.  My face hit a hard wall of water.  Finding my footing, I spluttered and spat the liquid from my lungs.  The roar of Todd’s laughter cut through the air.  Slapping his knees, he asked, “How’s the water?”

“Very funny.  You might’ve let me take off my clothes.”

“Believe me, they needed washing.”  He sniffed his armpit.  “Reckon mine do too.”

Todd leaped.  No amount of effort could help me avoid the wave that struck me when he landed.  I rolled my eyes as he stood.  “Now we’ve got two wet guns.”

Todd pulled a face.  “Guess taking that off would’ve been smart.”

I sloshed to the bank.  The water billowed my shirt, resisting my efforts to move forward.  Grabbing handfuls of dried grass, we climbed out and pulled off our clothes and boots.  Holding up soggy drawers, a grin spread over Todd’s face.  The look in his eyes made me jittery.

“Now, wait a minute!”

Whirled into a rope, the underwear whipped across to smack me on the butt.  Squealing like a kid and laughing hard, I retreated into the water.  Flinging the clothes over a shrub, Todd jumped back in. 

We splashed and swam until exhausted, then lay on our backs and drifted.  Cool eddies swirled over my body, tempering the heat.  When we’d had enough, we crawled onto the bank and let the sun dry our skin.

Todd yanked up a grass stem and stuck it in his mouth.  “Ain’t this the life?”

Doing what I liked and going where I wanted?  It sure was.  I’d written that letter to my family.  But would they be satisfied?  My apology would please Pa, but I’d made no mention of returning home, and he wouldn’t likely be happy about that.  But right now, I wasn’t ready.  I had freedom, and I was gonna enjoy every dang minute.  “It sure is.  But I won’t say no to a bed and beer in the next town.

“Beers good.  But there’s nothing better than the open road and open skies.  Me, I can’t stand small spaces.”

I chuckled.  “The bunkhouses we’ve been staying in weren’t exactly palaces.”

“Yeah, but the door is always open.”

“Open?”

I turned my head and, gazing at Todd, waited.  Something in the way he spoke told me there was more to his comment.  Ejecting the grass stalk, he sat up.  “My Pa used to lock me in the root cellar when I’d messed up or not done a good enough job.  There weren’t no windows, so it was pitch black.  I couldn’t see nothing.  But I could hear.  Things digging, gnawing, and scurrying across the floor, and sometimes, something would run over my feet.  The first time that happened, I screamed and hollered and begged to be let out.  Pa opened the door all right, but only so he could give me a licking for making a ruckus.  After that, I sat there for hours, terrified, but I never made a sound.  Guess that made me pretty dumb.”

“No.  You were a kid, that’s all.  Any kid would’ve been scared.”

“Would you?”

“You bet.”

Laying back down, Todd looked up at the sky and smiled.  I ran his words around in my head and thanked my good fortune that Pa had been a different kind of man. 

***

Going wherever the road took us, we worked when needed and made the most of it when we didn’t.  We joked, drank, played, fought, and enjoyed our share of pretty girls.  Weeks passed, and amongst all the fun, I forgot my family.

“Think we can scare up some meat?”

I looked up from the fire I was building.  “Take my rifle.”

By the time Todd returned, I’d lit the fire, put the coffee on, and taken care of the horses.  I grimaced at the rabbit that hung from his hand.

“What happened?  You shoot it, or did it keel over from starvation?”

“Haw!  Haw!  Haw!  Best I could do.”

I took the rifle from Todd and hitched it over my shoulder.  “If we don’t wanna starve, I better go have a try.”

Todd rolled his eyes when I waggled the two fat rabbits I bagged in his face.  “Luck.”

Tearing a piece of juicy meat from its bone with my teeth, I began to chew.  “Y’know, I think yours had more flavor.”

I ducked and giggled when Todd threw a rabbit bone at me.  “Funny guy.”

Plates washed, we settled for the night.  The dark sky gave way to the stars.  Linking my fingers behind my head, I crossed my ankles and contemplated the heavens.

“North Star sure is bright tonight.”

“Huh?”

“The North Star.  Pa sometimes called it Polaris.  He used to say it was the most important star for sailors.  Pa used to be a sailor back in Boston.”  Unlinking my fingers, I pointed up.  “D’you see those five stars there, zigzagging across?  That’s the constellation Cassiopeia.  Adam says she was a queen in some Greek myth.  She was stupid and vain and upset the Gods who flooded her city to punish her.”

“He sure had his head stuffed full of book learning.”

I smiled.  “Yeah.  He loved to read.  Wonder what he’s reading now?  Some old poet, I bet.  I can see him.  Nose deep in a book, and Hoss on the sofa whittling.  Then Pa would be smoking his pipe.  Y’know, I remember when—”

Breaking off, I sat up.  Memories of all the times my family supported, advised, stood up for, and showed how much they cared hit home so hard my stomach rolled.  I was one giant fool!  My whole life, my family had had my back.  Heck, I could only become the man I was because of them.  And how long had it taken me to wake up to that fact?  Too damn long.  But I had become a man, and wasn’t that all that mattered?  If my family needed a little more time to catch up to that idea, then shouldn’t I be man enough to give it to them?  Darn right, I should.  But I could only do that at home.

“You getting homesick on me?”

“What?  No.”  I dismissed the question and laid back down.

I’d heard the edge of worry in Todd’s voice and replied the only way I could – with the answer he wanted.  Turning to look at my friend, I thought on what I’d done.  He’d been alone for a long time.  I’d changed that.  We’d become a team, and I’d given myself an obligation.  I couldn’t up and abandon him.  I had a responsibility to see him settled before setting my sights on the Ponderosa.

***

Chapter Eight

Once we had gotten far enough away from the ranch and the chance of any pursuit from the two bloodhounds, I wanted to settle into one job.  That was when we started to run into problems.  Instead of us moving on, we got moved on.  I never questioned Todd’s reasons. 

“When he heard I was from Kansas, he said his brother-in-law came from there, and he hated the man.  He wouldn’t have nobody from Kansas on his property.”

“What did you expect, Joe?  That top hand took one look at you and decided he needed you gone.”

But when Sheriff Pike sent us to Wheeler’s place, I thought we’d struck gold.  It was a fine ranch, and the Wheeler’s were good people.  Todd fit in well and got on with everyone.  Confident he could be happy and settled here, I relaxed and made plans to head home.  The day I walked into the bunkhouse and found Todd packing was a punch to the gut. 

“What’s going on?”

“I’m out.”

“Why?”

“Does it matter?  When you’re out, you’re out.”

“C’mon, Todd.  Wheeler’s not the kind of man to sack you for no reason.”

“He said I stole something.”  Doubt shook me, and seeing the look on my face, Todd rushed on.  “It ain’t true.  It’s just an excuse.  Old man’s Wheeler’s son-in-law told him I was making up to his wife.”

“Were you?”

“I was just being friendly.”

I groaned.  There was no coming back from that.  My dreams of going home crumbled, but they didn’t matter.  I packed.

With money in our pockets, Todd wanted to push on down to Baker’s Field.  I agreed, but this time, my heart wasn’t in it.  Home beckoned as sure as our mounts put one foot in front of the other in the wrong direction.  But I still had an obligation to Todd.  Then, a new idea formed.  What if we both go back?  After all, if I’d proved nothing else, it was I’d been right about my friend, and that’s when it happened.  I’d seen Todd stuff the bag of coffee into his saddlebag the night before.  Searching for it, I discovered the hidden sack of watches and got slammed in the head for my troubles.  I still winced at the memory of the headache that took a day to wear off.  

Shifting the weight of the brush in my hand, I picked at the bristles, the sharp edges scraping my fingertips.  The sensation sent me back to that moment with Todd when I realized I had been blind to his desperation.  It ate away at me that I’d pushed him into attacking me.  I’d seen the panic building at the possibility of his being locked away.  If I’d eased off, calmed things down, given him space to think, I could’ve talked him around.  But, although I listened, I was mad.   Mad at being lied to.  Mad, he’d made a fool of me.  In the end, I’d given him no choice.  Now, things had gone from bad to worse for my friend.  I understood why my family was angry at him for leaving me.  Heck, I’d feel the same if it’d been Hoss or Adam.  But one stupid mistake shouldn’t destroy a man’s life.  There had to be another way.  This time, I’d find it.

***

Chapter Nine

It was good to be back, but before I could settle, there were some things still to do.  Tackle that note I sent and tell my story.

After supper, we settled around the fire.  The days might still be hot, but the cooler evenings made us glad of the warmth.  Pa lit his pipe, Adam settled into his blue chair, and Hoss eased down beside me.  The familiarity washed over me like a comfortable quilt.  I took a beat to enjoy the peace.  It was a moment too long.  Before I could begin, Pa sat forward.

“Joe, we wanted to talk to you about that note you left.  You mentioned Rubicon and the promises we didn’t keep.”

My gaze flicked to my brothers, and I shifted further forward.  “Pa—”

His hand came up to stop me.  I caught the looks they exchanged.  The way they readied themselves to tackle the subject.  This wasn’t right.  They’d no reason to feel bad.  I’d been nothing more than a fool whose family cared about him more than he deserved, and the notion they didn’t respect me were leaves to be swept away under a broom. 

“What you said was true,” Pa began.

“No!”  I’d startled them, but I kept going.  “I had no right to say any of those things.  I was wrong, dead wrong.  I was an angry, dumb kid when I wrote that stuff.”  When I looked at my family and understood what I owed them and what they’d given me, an apology didn’t seem nearly enough.  My voice shook, and I dropped my head, unable to look them in the eye.  “I’m sorry.  I never meant that stuff, and I didn’t mean to hurt any of you.”

Pa patted my knee.  “It’s all right.  We all get angry and do things we regret.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, forcing the words out.  “But it wasn’t just anger.  I was selfish and stupid.  I ran off to prove something — that I was a man.  But instead, all I did was get someone killed.”

“What do you mean?”

My chest tightened, and I shook my head.  “Davy.  He was the son of the man who owned the ranch where I got work.  He’s dead, and it’s my fault.  I thought I was helping him.  I thought things would change.  But I was wrong.”

Pa’s hand covered mine.  “Can you tell us?”

I forced down the emotion rising inside of me.  If I was going to tell my tale, I would tell it straight and right from the beginning.

“You know I went to Dry Flats.  Well, the sheriff there wasn’t about to lend me any money …”

Sweat dripped down my face, sticking the shirt to my chest and back as I stood before the lawman.  I wiped the moisture from my lips, which only rubbed more salt into them.  My head and shoulders drooped.  Stranded in a sheriff’s office in the middle of nowhere town with no money, what could I do?   “Anyone around here hiring?”

“Only two ranches around here, boy.  The Lancaster’s and Horgan’s.  Lancaster’s got his quota, but Horgan’s always hiring.”

I knew what that meant.  Any outfit that is ‘always hiring’ either paid below the rate or was hell to work for.  Horgan’s was both, but a beggar without choices is stuck. 

“You worked at the Bar H the whole time after Todd ran out?” Pa asked.

“Yeah.  Bass Horgan was everything you’re not, especially when it came to his sons.  One time, they were all together, breaking horses.  Davy was riding, doing a fine job.  His brothers were cheering him on, just the way we would.  Everyone was having a good time and then Jubal, he’s the eldest, cracked a joke at Davy’s expense.”

I couldn’t even remember what the joke was, but Bass Horgan’s words were as clear as if he was standing in the room.

“You gonna take that, boy?”  We’d all missed him walking up, and Davy jumped hearing his father.  The bemusement on his face was clear for all to see.  “He just insulted you.  You gonna let him get away with that?”

“It’s just Jubal, Pa.  He didn’t mean anything by it.”

“An insult’s an insult, boy.  Doesn’t matter who it comes from.  Now, what’re you gonna do about it?”

Davy glanced at his brother.  If he was looking for support, he got none.  Jubal pulled himself to his full height, stuck his thumbs in his belt, and waited.  I stared at Horgan, a father goading his sons into a fight.  I took a step forward. 

“It was just friendly banter, Sir.  My brothers and I joke like that all the time.”

“You ain’t a Horgan.  Mind your business.”

The air had grown thick with tension.  Nobody moved, nobody spoke.  When Davy took a step, I grabbed his arm.

“You don’t hav’ta do this.  Let it go.  Walk away.”

Resignation hung on him like a second skin.  “You heard Pa.  I’m a Horgan.”  He turned from me to his brother.  “Take that back.”

I stared at the older man.  Willing him to back down, find a way out.  Instead, he sneered.  “I don’t apologize to no one.  You wanna make something of it, come ahead.”

“Jubal had a hundred pounds on Davy, and his pa stood there and watched as his brother beat him.  And when he lay there in the dirt bleeding, he held out a hand and helped him up.  It was the first time I’d seen that man look happy with Davy.  He patted him on the back and told him he might’ve got whupped, but he’d shown he was a man.  Davy was a nice kid.  All he wanted …”  I dropped my head, unable to continue.  My hands tightened, whitening the knuckles.  The memory of what I’d done burned through my chest.  “I should’ve stayed out of it.”

“Out of what?” Pa asked.

“It’s my fault.”

“Joe, you’re not making any sense.”

“The Horgan’s neighbors were the Lancasters.  They’d hated each other since before Davy was born.  Davy was in love with Milly Lancaster.  Sound familiar?” Of course, they remembered.  They weren’t likely to forget any more than I would. “He didn’t know what to do.  He loved the daughter of their enemy, and she loved him.  I thought I had the answer.”

Pa’s fingers closed over my knee.  His voice was soft with understanding.  “You told him to speak to his father?”

“I talked him into it.  Told him that if he stood up to his father.  Told him the truth.  He’d respect him for it.  I convinced him that they could find a way through the hate.  You raised a fool, Pa, ‘cause I was stupid enough to think every father was like you.”

I closed my eyes, seeing again that shabby excuse for a ranch house and Horgan dragging a beaten and bloody Davy out by his collar before tossing him in the dirt.  He called upon everyone there, his sons and men, to witness his shame – a son who betrayed him.  I’d knelt beside my friend, and tried to explain how it was, but Bass Horgan wasn’t listening.  The words he’d spewed still sickened my soul.

“I’d have given him my prize stallion for bedding the Lancaster filly.  But this stupid sack of shit wants to marry her.  I’ll see you six feet under before I let that happen.  You hear me, boy?  You go anywhere near her again, I’ll know it, and it won’t just be you I’ll bury.  But at least I’ll enjoy telling that high and mighty son of a bitch that his girl’s been had by a Horgan.”

“I should’ve stayed out of it.  Let Davy keep his secret.  He could’ve found a way.  I took any hope from him.  Pushed him to the edge.  What happened was my fault.” 

“What did happen?” Pa asked. 

I breathed to steady myself before letting in the memory of the day I’d tried so hard to forget.

Dust flew when I pulled my horse up outside the saloon.  I’d returned without the backup from the father and brothers I’d hoped could talk my friend around or drag him home if all else failed.  Now, it was down to me.

I checked the street when I reached the saloon doors.  The town resembled a painting, silent and still.  But the back of my neck tingled from the eyes of the hidden townsfolk, watching, waiting for trouble to happen.  Turning away, I pushed inside.  Davy sat in the same place I’d left him, nursing the same bottle of whiskey.  Like the streets, the saloon was empty, except for the barkeep, who kept one eye on the door and hovered by the back exit.  We’d get no help from him. 

I planted my palms on the table, the wood tacky from spilled liquor, and leaned in.  “Time to leave!  I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Then you’re a man destined for disappointment.”

I yanked out a chair and sat down, grasping Davy’s arm.  “They want your blood.  If this stupid feud wasn’t reason enough, they’re brothers, and you’ve been with their sis—”

A fist closed around my shirt.  Todd yanked me close enough to see the red rimming his eyes.  “Don’t you say nuthin ‘bout her!”  Released, I fell back in my chair.  Davy picked up his glass and stared down into it.  “I’ve never touched her.  I love her.  We ain’t never done more than kiss.”

“What?  Then tell them that!”

“After what Pa told them?  They’d never believe me.”

“You can put that right.”

His hand reached across, pinning mine to the table.  “You don’t understand!  I waited outside the church.  I saw the way people looked at her.  I saw her face.  The shame eating through her.  And then she looked right at me.  My God, Joe.  She thought I’d said those things.  Betrayed her to my Pa.”  He dropped his head and brushed away the tears.  “It’s over.  With Milly … this town, my life. 

“No, it’s not, dammit!  You still gotta chance.  At least you’ll be alive.” 

When he raised his eyes, the look in them chilled me to the bone.  “Alive?  What would be the point?  To spend it under Pa’s thumb?  Watch her marry someone else?  It’s all gone to hell for me.  I’ve nothing left except my name, and Horgan’s don’t run away from a fight.”

“This isn’t a fight.  This is suicide.”

My God.  What would it take to get through to him?  If Davy wouldn’t move, I’d move him.  My fingers curled into fists.  The click of the hammer kept me in my seat.

“No, you don’t!”  His chuckle scared me to death.  “I can read you like a book.”

“For God’s sake.  Don’t do this.  You don’t wanna die.”

“What’s left for me, Joe?”

My voice dropped to a whisper, “You’ve got a friend right here, and you can have a future on the Ponderosa.”  My voice cracked as I begged, “Don’t throw your life away.”

The crash of the saloon door snapped my head around.  Four men crammed through and fanned out to move towards our table.  The Lancaster’s took after Brother Hoss in breadth and stature.  We weren’t stopping them in a fair fight.  Davy slid his gun back into his holster.  Cursing, I stood and moved in front of the table. 

“Listen, fellas, this is a mistake.  Bass Horgan got it wrong.  Davy never touched your sister.  I know how you all feel about each other, but Davy loves her.  He’d never hurt her.”

The biggest one in the middle spat.  “No Horgan’s about to take up with a Lancaster, and if that bastard disrespected our little sister, he’s gonna pay.”

He moved his hand, and I saw the coiled rope for the first time.  Sweat beaded my top lip.  I had to talk these men down.  But they were brothers, fired up and angry because they believed their sister had been violated.  I got that.  Anyone would feel the same.  But I’d heard about the Lancasters.  Unlike Bass Horgan, they had a sense of decency.  Maybe there was a chance.

“That’s not true.  He’d never do that.  Look, if you’re not happy he likes your sister, teach him a lesson.  He can take a beating.  But there’s no need for a killing.  You don’t want that on your conscience.”  I caught the flick of eyes from one brother to the next and the twitch of a muscle on another’s face.  Was I getting through?  “He’ll stay away from her if that’s what you want.  Ain’t that right, Davy?”

I looked over my shoulder, and for the first time, Davy lifted his head to look at the frozen mountains in front.  The smile that crossed his face I didn’t like one bit, but he said the right thing.  “Sure, why not?”  I hitched a sigh of relief and turned back to the brothers.  Numbing horror rushed up my spine at Davy’s next words.  “I got all I wanted, anyways.”

The shock that settled on the men before me turned to fury.  The wall of energy that surged was unstoppable, but goddamn I tried. 

My gun skittered across the floor when it was knocked from my hand.  Desperate, I grabbed the biggest Lancaster.  “Listen to me!  He’s lying!  Don’t you see?  He’s lying!”

The blow sent me crashing to the floor.  My head swam, but I dragged myself upright.  A heaving mass struggled around the table.  I flung myself onto it.

It was a leap into hell.  Davy’s screams rose above my cries and the grunts of the Lancasters.  Kicking and punching, he tried to force them off.  My heart pumped harder seeing him fighting back at last.  With two of us, we could fight free.  I’d beaten larger odds before.  That certainty fired my determination and gave weight to my fists. 

My face hit the floor, bouncing as bone struck wood.  Boots slammed into my side, legs, and back, driving the air from my chest.  No better than a rag doll who couldn’t think, breathe, or move for itself, darkness was already closing in when hands clamped around my legs to drag me away.

I fought to stay conscious when another boot struck my head, rattling my brain.  My face plowed a trail through the sawdust that ground into my cut cheek and mixed with the blood from my split lip.  With my back tossed against the wall, I tried to focus as my savior’s face blurred in and out.  There wasn’t time to think, only look past him.  Strung out between the four Lancasters, one limb in each pair of hands, they carried Davy through the saloon doors.  Hands pinned me back when I lurched forward, and blackness closed in.

The slaps brought me around, flinching and moving my head away.  I pushed away the sheriff’s hand and scrambled to my feet.  Bursting into the street, I looked about me.  People were starting to reappear, going about their business as if it was an evening like any other.  The kicked-over dirt in the street left a trail straight toward the livery.  I clenched my teeth and followed.

“I guess his father buried him.  I’ll never know.”

Hoss gripped my shoulder.  “Sounds to me like you did all you could to save him.”

“Did I?  I tried to help him, but instead, I let him die.”

Adam sat forward.  “You didn’t let him die.  It was Davy’s choice to do what he did.  You can’t hold yourself responsible.”

I could, but I wasn’t about to say so.  Drained and weary, I had less energy than a ninety-year-old who hadn’t slept for weeks.  I swallowed to moisten my dry throat and croaked, “I’m beat.  Think I’ll turn in.”

Pa’s hand settled around my wrist.  “Your brothers are right.  Sometimes, we can’t save the people we care about.  No matter how hard we try.  You tried, Joe.  That’s what counts.”

“Sure, Pa.  Thanks.”

Satisfied, he let me go.  I dragged myself to bed, but exhaustion didn’t mean that sleep came easy.  I lay awake watching the shadows dancing on my ceiling while I ran through what happened again. 

This time, my family was wrong.  I argued with Davy for days, talking him around to my way of thinking because I was so sure I was right.  Pa taught us to respect and care about others.  Of course, I knew not everyone felt the same.  I wasn’t a total fool.  Most men don’t give a damn about strangers, and there were folks who helped their neighbors only because someday they might need help themselves.  But family was different, and I was prideful enough to believe I understood Bass Horgan.  I couldn’t have been more wrong and condemned my friend because of it.

My fingers raked through my hair as all the accusations of what I should’ve done differently flooded my mind.  What was the point?  It was too late for ‘if only’.  I carried the burden of what I’d done, and it was down to me to learn to live with it.  I may have helped waste one life, but I’d be damned if I sit by and let another go the same way.

***

Chapter Ten

They all rode with me.  When I told them what I’d planned, it surprised me how little they’d argued.  Maybe they could see my mind wasn’t for changing, or maybe they just wanted to indulge me.  Either way, I was glad of the company.

The sheriff’s attentive gaze shifted to a stunned glare once I’d explained what I was doing there. 

“What d’you mean you don’t want to press charges?”

“Just what I said.”

“Let me get this straight.  He did assault you and steal your horse, right?”

My fingers tightened on the rim of my hat.  I drew a breath.  “Yes.  But there were other circumstances.  And he’s my friend.”

“Your friend?”  The sheriff sat back in his chair and looked me over.  “You sure got a strange taste in friends.”

“I’m not going to press charges.”

“There’s still the matter of the watch he got caught trying to steal.  He’ll hav’ta stand trial for that.  Then there’s all these.  T’ain’t likely he came by them honest now, is it?”

I gazed at the familiar bag the sheriff dumped on the desk.  “Maybe not, but can you prove that?”  He straightened up, and I felt Pa shift behind me, but he said nothing.  “How about if I promise to get them back to their rightful owners?”

“You can do that?”

“I stand a good chance.”

Leaning back again, the lawman linked his hands.  “Figures.  All right, Cartwright, I can’t make you press charges.”

“I’d like to see him.”

After a long moment, he reached for his keys and eased out of his chair. 

“Hey, Todd.”

Launching himself off his cot, Todd stared through the bars at me.  His face lit for a moment before the memories came crashing in.  Hanging his head, he turned his back.

“What’re you doing here?”

“I came to talk.”

“You don’t hav’ta say nothing.  I know how you feel.  I don’t know what to say except, I’m sorry.”  Spinning around, he came toward me.  “I ain’t got no excuses.  I panicked, Joe, pure and simple.”

“I know.”

“Guess you’re here to testify.”

“I’m not pressing charges.”

“What?”

“I can’t send a friend to prison.”

“Aww, don’t.  I don’t deserve it.”  Todd gripped the bars, his knuckles white.  I stayed silent, watching the way his hands trembled and the shame that etched deeper into his face.  “When you said I should go back and return them watches, all I could think was that I might go to prison.  Be locked up in some dark, tiny room.  I got scared, and I hit you.  I never should’ve done it.  There ain’t nothing I can do to make it right.”  His voice cracked, and he turned his back.

I stepped closer so he could hear my soft words.  “Todd.  I don’t care how badly you messed up.  You’re still my friend.”

He looked at me then, and I could see the tears in his eyes.  “After what I did?”

“We’re a team, aren’t we?  You had my back when I needed it.  ’Sides, I messed up too.”

He sniffed and swiped a hand over his nose.  “Thanks.  That means a lot.  But I guess I’m going to prison anyway.”

“Yeah.  But I’m here, and I ain’t going nowhere, and maybe we can help.  We can start by getting you a lawyer.”

***

The four of us walked out of the saloon that doubled as a courthouse and watched Todd being led back to jail. 

Adam slipped his hat back on.  “Two months.  He got lucky.”

“No.  It wasn’t luck.  It was a good friend who fought for him.”

Older Brother raised an eyebrow.  “Let’s hope it won’t be a waste, and he can stay out of trouble once he gets out.”

I had an idea about that.  “He could, with some help.”

Stopping dead on the boardwalk, Adam closed his eyes.  “Not again.”

Ignoring his agonized look, I turned to Pa.  “I’d like Todd to come back and work for us.  It worked out with Danny.  I know this is different, but Todd needs a second chance, too.  Can’t we give it to him?”

“I don’t know, Son.”  I drew a breath, surprised by Pa’s indecision.  He was a smart man, and I figured he would’ve seen my request coming.  Whether I had a right to expect him to say yes, I didn’t know, but I had expected an answer.  I glanced at Hoss for support.  Head down, Big Brother fought to hold back a smirk.  With a gasp, I cut back to Pa, who smiled.  “I think we can manage that.”

Hoss and Pa’s guffaws cracked the air, and they slapped me on the back.  Side by side and laughing together, we headed for the livery. 

***

Chapter Eleven

My hard work with Lightning was paying off.  After weeks of brushing, I’d finally removed the last of the dirt from his coat.  Instead of resembling a rusty nail, it shone like a copper kettle.  My fingers no longer bumped over ridges of ribs, and Hoss’ salve took care of all the sore spots.  He’d never win any beauty contests, but I thought he looked mighty fine.

“Ain’t that right, boy?” I told him with a pat. 

The snort from the other stall had me grinning.  “Jealous?  Here you go.”  Cochise lipped up the handful of oats I offered, and I gave him a scratch behind the ear, too.  “But you have to admit, Cooch.  Ole Lightning here’s looking pretty good.”

“He should, considering the work you’ve put into him.”

Pa walked over to join me. 

“He deserves it.”

“Y’know.  You still haven’t told us that story.”  There was good reason, but my efforts to brush it off fell flat under Pa’s determination.  “You can tell us all about it.  C’mon inside.  It’s too cold out here.”

The chill October air had no problem making itself felt.  We were glad to move into the warmth.  Hoss and Adam joined us around the fire.  Pa handed out the brandy, and I began my tale.

“After I got kicked off Horgan’s place, I headed home.  Neither Lightning nor me were in great shape, so it took us a while before we hit the high country.”

I took a sip of brandy and let the warmth slip down my throat and take me back to that view.

Towering high into the distance, the tallest white caps of those familiar mountains reminded me how near the big snows were, and the sharp tang of pine and cedar set my skin tingling.  Excited and eager to get home, I took the shortcut through Bighorn Pass. 

The path stretched before me, narrow and covered with rocks and shale loosened by the snows and spring rain.  On one side was a sheer cliff, and on the other, a heart-stopping drop toward the tree line and the gorge below.  Riding was out of the question.  I dismounted and led Lightning, who picked his way with dainty precision.  Above me, eagles climbed in lazy circles in the crystal-clear sky, so close I could see their feathers fluttering in the air. 

The cry of a big cat cut through the silence.  Halting, I searched the rocky outcrops above me ‘till my eyes watered.  Nothing moved except the small blue pilots and yellow sunflowers that clung to the barren rock face for life and tilted in the breeze.  There was no going back.  The path was too narrow for turning.  I had no choice but to push on.  I didn’t have a rifle.  That went with Cochise, but I adjusted my colt. 

The sound made me jumpy, but I needed to stay focused.  I pulled my hat down tighter to shield my eyes against the blinding sun.  We maneuvered around curves and tighter bends, watching every step.  I took it slow, but sweat trickled down my back and beaded my face.  I stopped halfway to rest Lightning.  Pouring water into my hat, I let him drink his fill. 

“Almost there, boy,” I encouraged.  He didn’t seem impressed. 

We moved around another curve, and my heart sank at what lay ahead.  The stretch of path had begun to collapse.  It could be crossed, but we’d have to be careful.  I rubbed Lightning on the nose and let him know what I wanted.  “Nice and easy now.”

Placing my feet with care, I stepped forward.  The uneven ground tilted, dropping away on a slope that crumbled at the edge like Hop Sing’s cookies.  Leaning against the angle, my free hand on the rock face, I kept moving.  I didn’t breathe easy until my boots touched the solid ground.  Following behind, Lightning took the whole thing in his stride.  The horse must’ve been part mountain goat. 

“Nice job.”

The cry sent my hand to my gun, and my eyes scanned the ledges above.  Was that damn cat stalking me?  We stayed quiet and still, looking and listening for a long moment.  I heard and saw nothing, and when I was satisfied, we moved on. 

Rounding another of the never-ending bends, the sweet sight of the pass exit made me smile.  “What did I tell you?  We made it!”

I pictured my family’s faces when I rode in and licked my lips at the thought of Hop Sing’s roast pork or chicken and dumplings.  Picking up speed, I jerked to a halt when my arm snapped taut.  Behind me, Lightning stopped.  Shaking his head, he shied back a few steps. 

“Whoa, boy, whoa.  It’s okay.  We’re almost there.” 

Jibbing at the bit, he pulled away.  What was wrong with this stupid animal?  I was done with the pass and wanted to get clear.  Stepping back to the full extent of the rein, I clicked my tongue and pulled to encourage him forward. 

“C’mon, let’s go.”  Still, he wouldn’t budge.  “D’you want me to leave you here?”

The skitter of shale bouncing against my boots had me looking down and then up.  A cascade of debris tumbled toward me.  With a gasp, I slammed against the cliff wall and ducked.  Clouds of dust filled my mouth with grit that choked my breathing.  The cascade became a torrent.  I staggered under the weight of rocks and dirt.  Unable to resist, my footing shifted.  Slipping over shale that moved and rolled like a river, the world tilted before I skidded over the edge.

The blood thrumming in my ears shut out all other sounds.  Clogged with dirt, I couldn’t open my eyes.  Under my fingers, hard, cold rock let me know I wasn’t falling.  I clung to it with everything my life was worth.  Hold on!  My legs spiraled and thrashed, trying to find a footing.  Fear coiled its clammy hands around my spine when nothing but emptiness met my efforts, and my heart became a stamp mill pounding inside my chest.  Hold on!  Blinking, I fought to clear the dirt that clung to my lashes.  I needed to see.  I needed to hold on!  I’d be damned if I was going to die here. 

My sight cleared.  Breath came hard, screaming through dust-caked lungs.  ‘Don’t panic.  You can get out of this,’ I told myself. 

But how?  Strung out like a fish on a pole, the only solid thing I touched was under my fingertips.  Cold air whipped at my jacket and pulled my hair.  Images of falling assaulted my mind.  Pushing them away, I buried them deep.  But what could I do?  Hang here until my strength runs out, then drop to smash on the rocks below?  My eyes closed, shutting out the reality of my predicament.  Why did I take that damn shortcut?  My father’s voice reverberated loud and clear, ‘Stay away from Bighorn Pass.  It’s too dangerous.’  Why couldn’t I listen to simple advice?

The slap on the side of my face popped my eyes wide.  Next to me, a rein flapped in the wind.  I looked up, and joy bubbled up my throat at the sight of Lightning looking down.

I had to grab that rein.  All it took was to move my hand and reach out.  But if I missed….  I couldn’t think about failure.  Clenching my eyes shut, I pounded those thoughts down.

Air hissed through my teeth, and I anchored my right hand.  Now or never.  Throwing out my left caused my weight to drop.  There was nothing I could do as gravity swung me away from the rein and my rescue.  Tensed fingers swiped through the air to close around that thin strip of life-saving leather.  The reins snapped taught, and Lightning jerked his head upright as he took on the strain. 

“Whoa, boy.  Steady boy.” 

Keeping my right hand on the rock to help take my weight, I asked him to back up.  It wasn’t something that came natural to a horse, and he was hauling me, but that darn, scraggy bag of bones put one foot behind the other and pulled.  The mountain fought back, its face clawing and scraping away at the flesh beneath my shirt.  I bit down on the pain and concentrated on gasping out encouragement to Lightning.  Inch by painful inch, I was dragged from oblivion.  I didn’t let go of the reins until my torso crested the path.  Flipping my legs over, I rolled until I hit the solid rock of the mountainside and grasped it like a pretty girl.   

Once able to suck in a normal breath, I pushed up onto legs that didn’t feel like mine and took a long look at Lightning before wrapping my arms around his neck and nestling my cheek into his matted mane.

“I take back every word I ever said.  You are a magnificent animal.”

My story was finished, and now they knew what I owed that horse. 

“I promised right there I’d give him the best life from now on.” 

Pa loosened lips that were pressed tight.  “Well, I won’t say anything about your choice to take the pass.  Let’s just be thankful you made it out in one piece.”

Grinning, I slapped Pa on the knee.  “No one’s more thankful than me.”

“Very funny.  But I guess we’ll have to give that old nag a home now.”

Two days later, I stopped short walking into the barn.  There stood my father, feeding an apple to that ‘old nag’ and scratching him behind the ear.  Before he could spot me, I backed out again and laughed all the way to the house.

Over dinner, I resisted the urge to tease Pa over what I’d witnessed.  Instead, the talk stayed on business.

“It’s time to restock the line shacks.  Joe, how about you take care of that?”

Hoss jumped in.  “But, Pa, that’s a big job for one man—”  Seeing the glare Pa gave him, he broke off and then shot me a guilty look.  “I ain’t saying you can’t handle it, mind.”

Silence fell as they waited for my reaction, two anxious men and one who leaned back and watched as if waiting for the comedy to begin at the theatre.  I smiled.  “Y’know, I wouldn’t mind the company.  How ‘bout it, Pa?”

I’m not perfect.  I’d still get mad when the coddling got too much, but I reminded myself to give my family the time needed and never let my temper last.  After all, I was too damn grateful they cared.

***

Epilogue

The campfire popped and cracked, and I waved away a cloud of acrid smoke.

“Got some green wood on there?” I joked.

Our camp cook looked around and grumbled, “Why don’t you ask the wood collector?”

I grinned at the youngest member of our crew.  Fifteen years old, it was Mark’s first full-time job.  He was trying just a bit too hard.  I gave him a wink, “Better to take longer and get old wood.  You’ll know next time.”

He gave me a shy smile, then went back to stirring the stew.  Mark was a good kid, and he fit in well.

Pa, Hoss, and Candy rode up, and I walked over to give my father the final count.  Round up complete.  Branding would begin in the morning.

“Hey!  Where’s my watch?”

Everyone stared at the man who’d jumped up before they turned in unison and chorused, “Todd!”

Todd pulled a face and, reaching into his jacket pocket, tossed back the watch.

“That’s the third time this week!”

“You keep leaving it lying around.”

Everyone laughed and got back to eating.  I smiled at the jovial group of weathered cowpokes.  I was proud of them for taking Todd’s unfortunate habit in their strides. 

Pa kept his promise.  Todd came back to work on the ranch.  He worked hard, and everyone liked him despite his addiction to other men’s pocket watches.  Todd didn’t hide his bad habit and always returned the watch when asked, sometimes even when he wasn’t.  But I still had hopes of ending his obsession, and my father backed me up on my plan.

Lunch over, the men set off back to work.  Taking my opportunity, I called Todd over.

“You need something, Joe?”

“D’you know how long it’s been since you joined us?”

“A few years, I reckon.”

“Seven years.  Pa and I have been talking, and we wanted to give you this.”  I handed my friend the little box.  Puzzled, he took it.  “It’s to say thanks for all the hard work.”

His mouth dropped when he lifted the lid, and his fingers shook as they held the gold watch.  “It’s really mine?”

“Your very own.”

“What will Clara say when she sees I got my very own gold watch?”

“Who d’you think helped pick it out?”

“She did?  How d’you like that?  She never said a word.”

I chuckled.  “Keeping surprises secret is what wives are for.”

“Thanks, Joe.  For this and, well, everything.  If it weren’t for you and your pa—”

“Everyone deserves a second chance.  Besides, Pa was hoping, now you’ve got your own, you could stop taking his?”

Todd laughed as he turned the timepiece in his hands like a lover.  “I can’t promise, but,” he looked me right in the eye, tears glistening in his, “I reckon I might.”

I slapped him on the back and cleared my throat.  “Back to work.  Don’t want them steers wandering.”

Pa joined me, and we both watched Todd ride away.  Without turning my head his way, I said.  “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“Hiring him.”

“It was the right decision.  I’m proud of the friend you’ve been.”

“He wasn’t as lucky as me.”  At Pa’s curious look, I continued, “To have a family who always had my back.”

Pa’s hand gripped my shoulder.  “Son, we have each other’s backs.” 

We turned together when Hoss called, “You two gonna leave me to do all the work while you stand around all day jawing?”

“No, Big Brother, we sure aren’t.”

*** The End ***

October 2024

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Episodes referenced:
The Tin Badge: Written by Don Ingalls
The Friendship:  Frank Chase