The Meaning of Forgiveness

by littlejoefan

Chapter 1

Joe’s Lament

“It’s alright, Little Joe. I don’t believe it. No-one does.”

Roy leaned back in his chair. I did not know if it was his custom to allow his prisoners to sit in his office with him by the large stove, but I was not going to question it. It was cold in that cell, despite the extra blankets he had given me. I had seen the winter worsen over the last weeks through my window, the people passing by in fur coats and hats, leather galoshes tramping through the slush and snow. Men loaded huge trees onto their buckboards, women walked with bags and brightly colored parcels under their arms. Christmas was only a week away and I was going to spend it alone in that cold cell.

“Some people might.”

“Only them as don’t know you. Little Joe, I’ve known you since you were a baby. You’re wild, yes, but you have a true heart. You would never attack a young girl like that. I would stake my very life on it.”

I shook my head. “I can’t understand it. I just can’t. Why she’d say those things. I’d never do that, ever.”

“I know. Someone beat her so badly they could have killed her. I have my suspicions.”

“You do?”

“Vic Graves.”

“He’s been long gone.”

“I reckon he came back. ‘Course, I have no proof. But he’s a nasty one, he always has been. He made her life a living hell.”

“So why? Why me?”

“I can only think she was protecting him. You’d seen her earlier that night. Weren’t you involved once?”

“Just kid’s stuff.”

Elvira. Elvira Samuels. Yes, we had seen each other once but I’d only been seventeen. It had not led anywhere because she had turned against me. She fell out of my arms into Vic’s. I’d felt sorry for her, I’d even warned her against him. But a person believes what they want to believe.

“Was she bitter against you?”

“I didn’t think so. We parted on reasonable terms, it’s not as if I hated her. Not like now.”

“Hate’ll turn you sour, Joe.”

“I do hate her! She accuses me of the worst thing she could. And now they all think I’m a monster. I’ll spend Christmas in here – ”

“I have no choice. It’s the law and the magistrate insisted on it.”

“I don’t blame you.” I tightened my lips. “I blame her.”

It was good Ray was a friend for it made my detention much more bearable than it could have been. He kept me as warm and well-fed as possible, allowing me to come out of my cell and sit with him whenever possible. My family came every day to see me. My trial was set for the third day of January so I would spend the entire season in this grim little jailhouse. The magistrate had telegraphed there should be no bail for me.

But it could have been worse.

“It’s hard without you,” Pa said to me, shaking his head. “We won’t celebrate Christmas this year.”

“Pa, you have to.”

“Why? None of us want to. Not with you in here.” He was sitting next to me on my bed and he patted my shoulder kindly. “We’ll have our Christmas when you get out.”

“Oh, Pa. I’m so sorry about all this. I don’t know why Elvira said all those things. I sit here, racking my brains. What the hell did I do to make her hate me so much?”

“Maybe it’s not hate.”

“What else could it be?”

“I don’t know. I’ve tried several times to see her but the Stauntons won’t let me get anywhere near her. I caught sight of her once or twice. She still looks badly beaten. Whoever did it really took their time over it.”

“Roy thinks it was Vic.”

“He came back?”

“Roy doesn’t know. He has no proof. I don’t know who else would do it. Still doesn’t explain why she accused me, though.”

“It started going wrong when her father left. She took it so badly. You were still with her then, weren’t you?”

“I tried to help her. I knew she was unhappy but she made it perfectly clear that I could not give her what she needed. She wanted someone to take her to bars and…other things. Someone a bit more fun. That’s what she said.”

“Oh, really?” Pa said, with a sad smile. “Unfortunately she found him, didn’t she?”

“And then her Ma died and the Stauntons took her in. I tried to warn her, I told her he was no good. I even warned him off. That was a mistake.”

“I know, I was there, remember? I thought she was going to kill you.”

My anger flared yet again. I started to pace the cell. “I tried to help her, even when we’d drifted apart. This is how she repays me. Well, never again. Nobody’ll use me like that again.”

“Little Joe, son, don’t hate.”

“Why shouldn’t I? Don’t you hate her?!”

Pa hesitated. “No, I don’t hate her. I’m very angry with her, but I don’t hate her.”

“Well, I do.”

“Hate destroys the hater much more than the hated.”

“Oh, Pa, I’ve already had this lecture from Roy. She’s got me stuck in this cell. Everyone thinks I’m a monster – ”

“No-one thinks that.”

“The magistrate does.”

“The magistrate doesn’t know you. He’s just following the law.”

“And she’ll keep on lying. She’ll lie me straight into the pen. It wouldn’t be so bad if I just knew why she was doing it!”

Pa’s face twisted. “I intend to find out.”

*

Chapter 2

Ben’s Resolution

It had hurt me to see my son in that cell. I knew Roy was treating him well, I had no concerns for his physical welfare. But Joe was only nineteen. He was still a kid and I did not like what this was doing to his mind. He had always been the pluckiest, most rascally youngster I had ever known, but his heart was pure gold. To see him pacing that tiny room, his face contorted with anger and hatred was like a knife in my chest.

It would be his first Christmas away from home. We had not decorated this year – would not. For what was the point if our youngest was not with us? As much as Hoss would mumble and blush, and Adam snipe in his most sardonic way, I knew they felt the same. There was an aching emptiness hanging over the Ponderosa. Even Hop Sing had stopped threatening to go back to China. He neither scolded nor lost his temper any more. In fact he had become very pleasant and dutiful. It was getting too hard to bear.

I would see Miss Elvira Samuels. Whether she wanted to or not, she owed us at least an explanation. An explanation as to why she was ripping my family apart in this holy season. As to why she could accuse my warm-hearted son of the worst crime she could think of.

I did not know how I could get to talk to her. I had tried twice but been stopped by Grace Staunton. The Stauntons were cousins of her late mother and lived on a dirt-poor farm just beyond the boundary to the Ponderosa on the way to Virginia City. They were not good folks and I suspected they treated Elvira badly. But they were proud and did not take well to outside interference.

Five days before Christmas I got my chance. I was told by Roy Coffee first the previous day. It was as he had suspected, Vic Graves was back in town.

“Like a bad penny,” the old lawman growled. “I thought we had seen the back of him.”

Joe did not take well to the news. “It’ll mean more trouble. He’ll encourage her.”

“Not if I have anything to do with it,” I replied grimly.

“Pa, what can you do? Face it, I’ll be stuck here over Christmas. I’ve accepted it.”

I stayed as long as I could with my son and it was late in the afternoon as I made to leave for home. Adam and Hoss were to see him the following day. As I rode I saw the two figures by the stream, dismounted and approached them. I stood just within the treeline, watching, within earshot. She was in tears, moaning, and almost pleading with her man.

“I can’t stay there any longer, I can’t. I won’t. You don’t know what it’s like. Staunton has an interest in me, the old lady blames me. I thought my own Ma was bad. Pa was my only comfort, but when he left…” She sobbed as if her heart would break.

“Anyway, how do I know it’s mine? Who knows how many men you’ve been with?”

She tried to strike him and he shook her like a terrier shakes a rat.

“You know it’s yours! I stuck up for you, didn’t I? I never told, I even blamed poor Joe Cartwright, who’s a better man than you’ll ever be! When she finds out she’ll throw me out! Don’t you care?”

He pushed her away. “It’s your problem. You ain’t gonna tie me down.”

“Vic, I’m begging you!”

“Take your hands off me. I’m warning you – ”

“Oh, yes! You warn me, you warn me all the time! Here – ” She pointed to the bruises which still decorated her face. “I’ve still got the marks of your warnings!”

“You keep on. You forget I’m the boss – ”

“Oh, no, I never forget! You don’t let me! You’d even batter a pregnant woman – ”

“Listen, girl, you knew the score. It was good while it lasted then you try to trap me. I’m not gonna be tied down to this blasted place for the rest of my life!”

“And what about me!” she shrieked. “I’m carrying your child! What shall I do? Where shall I go?”

“Forget it, Elvira. You’re on your own.”

He turned his back and went to go back to his horse. In a frenzy of passion she beat his shoulders and back and he knocked her to the ground. It was too much. I was angry with the girl but I could not let this pass. I bellowed and ran towards them. He had already mounted and she was sobbing on the grass, listening to the thundering hooves as he rode away.

I raised her to her feet. “Come on, let me help you.”

“Mr Cartwright!” Her lip was bleeding.

“You have some explaining to do. But first we have to get you cleaned up. Where’s your horse?”

“Over there. Oh, please leave me alone. Please!”

“I heard.”

“What?”

“All of it. Or enough. How you blamed my son. How you’re…you’re going to have a baby.”

She stared at me, reddening with shame beneath her bruises. “Leave me, Mr Cartwright. You have less reason to care than anyone.”

“Why did you accuse Little Joe?” I watched her lower her head. “Don’t you realize the harm you’ve done?”

“I couldn’t…Mr Cartwright, I’m having Vic’s child. The Stauntons will throw me from the door. Who else would look after me? I…I couldn’t think what else to do.”

“So you blame an innocent boy? So you could be with a brute?” She was shaking so hard I took off my coat and covered her shoulders. “It’s freezing, come on.”

“I have nowhere to go, Mr Cartwright.”

“First you will come with me. You’re going to retract your charge against my son.”

“But I can’t – !”

“What good will it do now? By tomorrow Vic will be long gone. You know he’s not staying. What good will it do to keep up your lie? What has Joe ever done to you? You said yourself he’s twice the man Vic is.”

It was cold, the light was turning, but I was determined my boy would not stay a moment longer in jail than necessary. I did not know if Roy would be able to release him immediately, he would have to file a report and take a deposition from Elvira. She would be lucky if she was not charged herself. I could not help but feel sorry for her as she wept and shook against my shoulder. Joe had loved her once.

*

Chapter 3

Forgiveness

My head reeled. Finally! I was free! On Christmas Eve I was following my father and my brothers home. Home. To the Ponderosa. I felt the vastness of the open space after the confinement of the jailhouse like a godsend. A Christmas miracle. The wind whipped my hair as we cantered and I laughed when it started to snow.

Hoss and Adam told me of the frantic preparations at the ranch. The rush to decorate, Hop Sing’s return to his normal cheerful self as he cooked, swore and banged about in the kitchen. There was only one thing to darken my soul.

Her. That damn girl. I could not believe she was staying at the house after what she had done. Pa had explained that her fears had been right, the Stauntons had thrown her out on her ear, and he could think of nowhere else she could go so soon before Christmas.

“Let her look to herself.”

“Joe! She’s going to have a baby!”

I was stunned. “What?”

“Vic’s baby.”

“And where is he?”

“He left as soon as he found out.”

I was silent. “But, Pa, after what she did…”

“What would you have me do, Joe? What would you do? It’s winter, she has no home. No parents. Would you leave her out in the snow? In her condition?”

I eventually shook my head. “No.”

He put his arms around me. “You wouldn’t do it to a dog. Or any animal.”

A dog would not have accused me of the worst thing he could think of.

“Alright. I’ll be civil to her, but that’s all.”

“That’s all I ask. Although…” He trailed off.

“Although what?” I asked sharply. I had a notion of what he was going to say next.

“Joe, it’s Christmas. Perhaps you could find it in your heart to forgive her. If only a little.”

“Do you forgive her?”

“I don’t know,” he answered, shaking his head. “I don’t know if I can. I shall try.” He laughed. “Or at least I shall try to try. All I know is I could not leave a pregnant, homeless girl out in the cold over Christmas.”

And so I was going home.

The place was bright and cheerful as we went in. The fire was roaring and the room was festooned with holly, ivy and mistletoe. I could smell warm and wonderful aromas from the kitchen as Hop Sing prepared for the morrow. My brothers were putting up the horses and Pa and I took off our coats and roasted in front of the fire for a while.

“Where is she?”

“In her room. She’s spent most of her time up there although I’ve tried to encourage her to come down. I think she’s ashamed. I know she weeps.”

“It must be cold up there,” I said grudgingly.

“Yes. It must be.”

I sighed. I knew what he wanted. My heart was split. I had cared for her once, but my anger had been so great over the last few weeks. Later that afternoon I felt their eyes as they watched me, Pa, Adam and Hoss. Damn them.

I volunteered to fetch her for supper. I heard her sobbing on the landing. I knocked and entered and she quickly rose as I entered.

“Little Joe!”

My nickname did not usually bother me but it irked me when she used it. I no longer considered her my friend.

“Elvira.”

She was broken. Her face was pale and gaunt and still bearing signs of Vic’s ill use. Her eyes were red and puffy from her tears. She stood against the wall, her hands at her throat and I saw fear in her eyes. That annoyed me too.

“I’m sorry, Joe. I know you can’t forgive me. I didn’t know what to do. You see, I’m…I’m going to have a baby.”

“I know,” I said softly.

“I’m sorry to be here. Your father insisted. I’ll keep out of your way, I promise. Even tomorrow. It’s Christmas Day, I know, but…but I don’t deserve anything else. I’ll keep to myself.”

“There’s no need for that. You shouldn’t be shivering up here on your own.”

“That’s good of you, Little Joe. But then you always were good.” She paused, staring at me in entreaty. “You’re worth ten of him.”

“He beat you when he knew you were expecting?”

“I loved him. I thought he loved me. Maybe I can’t be loved. After what I did…Vic didn’t love me. Ma didn’t. The Stauntons…Even Pa left. And you…you loved me once.”

“Yes. Once.”

“And you hate me now. I don’t blame you. I’d feel the same way.”

I sighed, feeling the stirring of pity for her. “I don’t hate you, Elvira.”

“Don’t you? I would. In fact I do. Hate myself, that is.”

“Maybe one day you’ll be able to forgive yourself.”

*

Christmas Day was quiet, but it was a happy one. As we celebrated the auspicious birth I tried – I really tried. I was still angry, but I knew I would forgive her. I was a long way short, but I would try to follow the example of someone who forgave far worse nearly nineteen hundred years ago…

The End

Author’s Notes:
The story was inspired by The Wormwood Cup, which showed Joe’s capacity to forgive, even those who had tried to kill him.