The Boy Toy

by jfclover

 Book 1

The room held little light.  Heavy burlap covered the only window, and the door had been closed tight.  How I came to be lying on some filthy bed in some stranger’s cabin was a mystery to me.

As I became more awake, I felt a tightness that didn’t make sense until I tried to move.  I’d been relieved of my boots.  My wrists and ankles had been pulled tight to the four corners of the bed and tied with thick strips of rawhide.  

Had I been kidnapped?  With my memory so fuzzy, I wondered if I’d been drugged and dragged to this small, wooden shack.  But why? Nothing I came up with made a lick of sense.  Everything was fine at home.  Pa and Adam had been working day and night on a timber contract while Hoss and I did all the daily ranch chores.  We worked things out by ourselves, and we were doing a good job so why was I here?  Where was Hoss?  Did anyone realize I’d been taken and strapped to a bed without any good reason at all?

My mind took on all kinds of thoughts and none of them were pleasant. My face flushed when I realized how exposed I felt.  If someone walked into the room, I’d have no way of defending myself.  I couldn’t fight back, and fear of the unknown caused every niggling sensation to come alive.  Droplets of perspiration slipped down the sides of my face and onto the filthy, straw mattress.

My family seemed a hundred miles away and maybe they were.  No one would ever think to look for me here, wherever here was.  Not even Hoss and he was the best tracker in all of Storey County.  Pa would tell me to do whatever was necessary to get home, but I didn’t see any options.  When the door creaked open, I turned my head and was shocked to see my captor.

“I see you’re awake.  I might have overdone the chloroform.  You’ve been here for nearly two days.”

“Who are you?  Why am I here?”

“In time, Joey.  All in good time.” 

“Joey?”

As I started to squirm, the woman—a wild-looking thing with unruly hair and filth dripping from every inch of her body—moved closer.  She sat on the edge of the bed and reached for the side of my face.  I didn’t want her to touch me, but I was in no position to knock her hand away.

“I’m sorry it has to be this way, but I have my orders.”

“Orders?”

“That’s enough for now.  I have chores to do before nightfall.”

“Wait.  You’re leaving?”  I sounded like a little kid and I wasn’t.  I was a grown man.  In three months, I would turn eighteen, and I shouldn’t be acting like a sniveling little baby.  Why should I care if she left the cabin?  Good riddance.  I wasn’t going anywhere, and haggling with a wild woman who didn’t come to release me was downright foolish.

“Don’t worry, Sweetheart.  I won’t be long.”

I wasn’t the woman’s sweetheart, and I nearly gagged when she used that endearment, but was it worth it to correct her?  God knows I didn’t want to make her mad.  If I could get on her good side, would she let me go?  Would she treat me like a human rather than a vicious animal? I couldn’t get word to Pa or anyone else in my family; I was on my own and had to think like Adam but focus on Hoss’ common sense.

When the woman returned, she left her good nature behind.  Something had upset her though I wasn’t about to ask.  I didn’t move a muscle as she scampered around the room.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t have my own problems.  I had to go.  If what she said was true, I’d lay on the bed for two days without relieving myself.

“Ma’am?”

She turned to face me.  “You say something?”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to untie me.  I need to go.”

“You’re not going anywhere, Joey.”

“I meant to say I need to relieve myself.”

“That can be arranged.”

She crossed the room, picked up a saucepan, and returned to the bed.  After sitting down next to me, she began unbuckling my belt.

“Hey!   What the heck are you doing?”

“I thought you had to go.”

“Yeah … but.”

She released my belt and slid my trousers lower down my hips.  When she reached for me, I turned my head.  Her hand was like ice, and I shivered not only from the cold but … who was this person who thought she had the right to … God, I couldn’t think straight.

“You sure are a peculiar one, Joey.  I had a playmate before I ever heard of you or any of the Cartwright clan.  His name was Davy.  Granted, he wasn’t quality like you, but Merle gave him to me just like he brought you up the mountain for me to enjoy while he was away.  The only rule he gave me was not to untie you.  So, if you need to go, this is how it’ll be done.”

Though I cringed at the thought, what choice did I have?

“Are we good to go?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Davy fought me tooth and nail when I showed him how things worked.  He never appreciated all I did for him.  He fought me all the way, and nothing good comes from bucking a woman like me.”

By the time she finished her speech, I’d finished my business.  Though the whole incident was humiliating, I didn’t fight her, and, thank God, I hadn’t become aroused.  Sometimes I can look at a pretty face and get as hard as a rock, but she’s not a woman many men would chase or want to catch.  Seems she might’ve had a hard life.  I didn’t know if Merle was her husband or brother or just a friend, but he was the boss.  He gave the orders and she followed.

After buttoning my trousers, she patted my leg and carried the metal pan away.  As I watched her go, I wondered if she’d been a woman of promise a long time ago.  But now, with missing teeth and a rat’s nest for hair, I couldn’t imagine she’d ever been a sweet, young thing. 

“I’ll fix you something to eat.  You must be starved.”

I didn’t answer.  I didn’t know what to say, but being strung up like a bear skin, I supposed she’d have to spoon-feed me like a baby.  How long did she think I’d lay here and comply with her antics?

Again, she sat on the edge of the bed.  On the plate, she’d sliced off a piece of cornbread and a healthy scoop of beans, but before she shoveled any of the meal into my mouth, she rested the palm of her hand on my cheek.

“You sure are a pretty one.  Davy didn’t have your good looks.  He was hardened some.  Had a scar on the right side of his face.  Of course, when he turned nasty, I was forced to show him who was boss.”

What kind of woman was she?  Lusting over young men was one thing, but did she manage to live out her fantasies with Davy?  Is that what she had planned for me?  Davy hadn’t fared so well, but I’d rather abide by her rules rather than face the consequences.  I turned my head away from her touch, but how far did she plan to go?  

“I’d never hurt you, Joey.   Be a damn shame to mark up a face like yours.”

Though I tried to smile, it was more of a grimace.  Shackled to the bedposts, I was at the woman’s mercy, and I didn’t want to think about what might happen if I tried to cross her.  As the evening progressed, I ate what little I could and watched her cross the room with my half-full plate.  I don’t think she was pleased with my behavior, but I couldn’t shovel food down like Brother Hoss.  Though I didn’t want her touching me again, I hoped she wouldn’t be upset that I didn’t clean my plate.

Dishes clanged in a washbasin, and then she returned to my bedside.  She looked deep into my eyes then reared back and slapped my face as hard as she could.  I wasn’t expecting … I wasn’t prepared and my cheek burned like fire, but she wasn’t finished.  From a leather sheath she wore on her hip, she pulled out a ten-inch Bowie knife and touched the blade to the tender skin under my chin.  I didn’t move an inch, but she wasn’t quite ready to take my life.  Within seconds, her rage calmed and no damage was done, but she scared the living crap out of me.

“I’m sorry you have to be tied, Joey, but even bound, you’ve done a good job of annoying me, and that’s not what pretty boys should do.” 

She slid a bent leg onto the bed and unlaced a heavy man’s boot.  After repeating the task with her left, she kicked the footwear across the floor and whirled around to face me.  When she reached for the buttons of my shirt, I held my breath and wondered if she planned to carve up my chest and leave my “pretty”  face alone.  I tried to imagine how long the infection from an open wound would take to kill me.  But, after loosening all the buttons, she did the same with my trousers, and that fifteen-year-old boy with no control came back to haunt me.  I was as hard as a rock, and I could tell she was pleased.

“Why, Adam?”

 I remember asking my brother why my body would betray me in such a fashion.  He gave me the talk Pa thought I was too young to hear, and he satisfied my fifteen-year-old cluster of questions. 

“Oh, my.  You’re a big boy, aren’t you, Joey?  I had a feeling you wouldn’t disappoint.”

My God.  What the hell did she want from me?  She nearly beheads me with her knife, and then she covers my shaft with her rough, calloused hand.  Though I tried to be anything but accommodating, a fiery moan broke through.  As hard as I tried, I couldn’t change the fact that I was at the mercy of some crazy old woman.

And then it was over.

She just wanted a look-see, I guess.  She liked what she saw and touched me like we were husband and wife although she didn’t finish the job.  She left me hanging, wanting.

We slept all night in the same bed.  Her hand rested on my chest and the rest of her body skimmed my right side.  I hoped she was happy, and I hoped she didn’t know I lay awake all night long praying she wouldn’t touch me down there again.

By midday the following day, I was starving, but there’d been no sign of food or water.  I’d be damned if I asked, and I lay in silence as she skittered in and out of the cabin like I wasn’t even there.  That evening, she ate alone.  Cornbread baked in the oven and the aroma nearly killed me, but she didn’t see fit to feed me.  A tepid tin cup of water was brought to my lips and I drank like nobody’s business.  And then she touched me.

As she ran her finger across my moistened lips, I wanted to bite her damn finger off and let her know how it felt to be mistreated by the only other person in the room.  Of course, it was all fantasy.  Her Bowie knife was enough of a deterrent for me.

Her moods changed frequently but would touching me at night become routine?  I couldn’t keep silent for long.  It wasn’t in my nature to let things like that pass. 

Was it some kind of test?  Stretched out and tied, there wasn’t much I could do to ward off her unwanted advances.  She could have her way with me any time she wanted or she could slice the hide right off my chest.  Did she expect me to treat her like a lover or was I just being whored out to satisfy a lonely old woman?

My wrists had become raw from pulling on the ropes, and my stomach growled like never before.  How much longer would I have to put up with this nonsense?  My family would be frantic by now.  Three days gone.  Hell, I didn’t even know where I was being kept or why I’d been taken.  Was I being held for ransom or was I just the fantasy of a crazy woman?  

I watched every move she made inside the cabin.  When she started toward my bed, I cringed inside.  I didn’t want her to know how hungry I  was or that I didn’t want her to put her hands on me.  I didn’t make a face or indicate how repulsed I was by her presence.

“Joey?”

I looked up.  Was I supposed to speak?

After sitting down next to me, she played with every button and spread the material so my shirttail lay flat on the bed.  She went straight for my trousers, unfastened the buttons, and lowered them passed my hips.  Since she wasn’t allowed to untie me, this was all she could hope for, a naked young man who had no way of fighting back.  My thin, young frame seemed to displease her this time, and she pulled her knife from its sheath. 

Sweat tickled the back of my neck and my heart beat like a base drum.  As hard as I tried, I couldn’t disguise my feelings and she found humor in my discomfort.

“I’ve had this knife for a long time, Joey.  I’ve carved many things and I’ve gotten quite good.

But my life wouldn’t end tonight either.  It was my trousers that took the brunt of her anger.  She slashed them to shreds and tossed the pieces hither and yon.  She wouldn’t break her promise to Merle, and by the time she finished, she’d attacked my shirt with a vengeance too.   I lay naked and exposed to the frantic woman and anyone else who might walk into the cabin.

After sheathing her knife, she lay her hand on my chest.  “That went well don’t you think?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Olga.  My name is Olga.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

The slap came hard and fast.  “Don’t call me Ma’am.  I told you my name.  You’ll do right and call me Olga.”

“Yes, Olga.  Whatever you say, Olga.  I’m at your beck and call, Olga.”

Before I could think, the words shot out of my mouth.  If the old bat had a mind to, I could be punished by whatever method she chose.  No one likes a smartass;  I couldn’t blame her for being upset.  And there it was.  A  small, carriage whip she pulled from the back of her belt.

One, two, three quick lashes marred my chest before she refastened the whip back to her belt.  When she rushed from the bed and out the door, I figured I’d dodged a bullet.  She hadn’t killed me, but I felt the fire of her rage.

When she returned, she carried two kerchiefs.  The first one she wadded into a ball and forced it inside my open mouth.  The second, she wrapped around my neck to secure the first.

Being immobile and gagged nearly brought tears to my eyes, but I stayed strong.  She hadn’t broken me yet, and I prayed she never would.

Chapter 2

Strength failed me.  Any movement was slow and deliberate, and I lost track of the days.  I’d used up all my fingers and begun marking days with my toes.  I’d also lost a few pounds and felt that my muscles were dissolving like waves in the sand.  On occasion, the gag was removed and I was fed.  On occasion, I was given water to drink.  On occasion, she taunted and teased and when I became rock-hard, she’d turn and walk out the door.

She’d maximized my frustration.  Everyone thought Joe Cartwright was some kind of lady’s man, but that wasn’t the case at all.  Sweet little Amy and the one and only Julia had been my whole world, but they were the only women I’d ever been serious about.  I didn’t have a new girl every week.  I didn’t want a new girl every week.  I wanted a girl I could spend the rest of my life with,  but luck hadn’t been on my side.  Luck chose to throw Joe Cartwright to the wolves, gag him, tie him to the bedposts, and leave him to rot.  

My mind began wandering to places I didn’t want to go.  Though I tried to escape the nightmarish thoughts I had, death was all around me.  When a vision of my father laid out in a mahogany casket, stitches closing his lips, and his silver vest glinting in the bright moonlight of an October sky entered my mind, I fought off the tears.  A broken heart had sent him to his grave, and I had been the cause of his early demise, but returning home wasn’t in the cards.  My future was with Olga.  I’d remain with the woman and her evil ways forever.

Maybe I’d grow used to her.  She’d been leaving the gag off for longer periods.  She’d even released both ankles and massaged the cramps in my legs.  At times, she treated me like a son, a brother, or a husband, but fits of rage were also part of her makeup.  She was never one hundred percent happy with my behavior, and it seemed the longer Merle stayed away, the more irritable she became.

When it came to her sexual appetite, I’d never understand.  She hadn’t used me to satisfy her needs only teased and left me in limbo.  That was until one fateful night when darkness fell, and she crawled into bed beside me.

Olga was done playing games, but she seemed to have no idea what a man/woman relationship was all about.  Taking what she wanted was all she knew.  After grabbing my chin, she pressed her mouth hard against mine, but there was no passion, no caring, no feeling.  It felt mechanical though that was just the beginning.

With my hands still tied to the bed, I was at her mercy.  And as her hand slid down my chest and belly and onto my shaft, it wasn’t long until I was rock hard.  That’s when she climbed on top and guided me inside her.  Having sex while trussed up was challenging at best.  If that’s what she wanted, she’d have to do all the work.  I didn’t move a damn muscle.

I had it all wrong.  I was no longer a son or a brother.  I was nothing but a plaything and since she did all of the work, I’d become the puppet she used to satisfy her cravings.  The way I understood things, Merle had brought me to her.  A husband wouldn’t do that, would he?  Would a brother?

More often than not, she left me hanging.  She found it amusing to pull her hand away before the job was done.  The pain she saw on my face struck a chord of delight, and she seemed quite amused by my frustration.  Sometimes, she patted my cheek.  Sometimes, she leaned down and pressed her lips against mine.  Sometimes, she toyed with my limp shaft and wiggled it about like a child’s toy.  Every day that passed was more humiliating than the day before.

My hair was out of control as was the hair on my face.  If the woman had been bothered by my appearance, she wouldn’t hesitate to do something about it.  Maybe she liked the caveman look.  Pa would’ve dragged me to the barbershop weeks ago.  Thank God there wasn’t a looking glass in sight.

I missed my family, but I tried not to dwell.  They were part of my past, a way of life that was joyful and fulfilling.  Olga was my new life.  She fed me and cleaned me.  She kept me alive only to play games with her prized sex toy.

That night, she carried a plate of beans and two hot biscuits to our bed.  I’d learned to eat everything on the plate or face Olga’s wrath, but my energy for living began to wane.  My muscles were stiff and unused and good for nothing but pulling on the ropes and irritating the raw, red skin on my wrists.  I’d become useless and began to fear everything around me, a nasty combination.

Some nights, I felt the walls closing in.  I could feel the bed sinking into the ground and all the while, Olga stood next to me laughing.  I’d become disoriented, and my mind raced with devilish thoughts. 

Olga relished in my discomfort.  She seemed to know something I didn’t.

Chapter 3

I became a free man.  The bindings had been released, and I was told to get up off the bed.  When I turned my legs to the side and let my feet drop to the floor, I realized how weak and helpless I’d become.  I looked up at Olga for help.  I couldn’t stand on my own.

“You poor thing.  What on earth has become of you?”

I didn’t know how to answer.  How many days, weeks, or months had I been immobile?  I couldn’t begin to guess what time of year it was or why she set me free, but before she let me stand, I had to drink another cup of tepid water.  I wanted to tell her how bad it tasted, but I didn’t dare.  I’d learned to leave well enough alone.

“You sweet, sweet boy.”

I learned not to balk at anything Olga said or did.  She was the boss but found enough patience to help me to my feet and take my first steps forward.  When she thought I was able, she let go of my arm, and I crashed to the floor before finding my balance.  But she’d had enough of my foolishness and left me to fend for myself.  While fighting hard to catch my breath, I crawled until I could pull myself up on a wooden chair. 

I’d turned from an able-bodied ranch hand to an invalid who couldn’t do a worthwhile thing.  It’s not that I felt sorry for myself, it’s that I was incapable of doing a day’s work.  I wasn’t worth my weight in salt.  Olga knew how useless I’d become, and she was willing to put up with me anyway. 

By the end of the week, I was able to do simple chores.  A man prides himself in the work he completes, but I was afraid to boast about my accomplishments.  I tethered my pride under my hat and worked till it was time for supper and a good night’s sleep.  

Cooking on a regular basis wasn’t Olga’s strong suit.  Rarely was there meat on the table, and rarely was there more than one meal a day.  Maybe Merle had been a good provider, but Merle chose not to return.  Olga was alone, and I was the only man in her life.

Standing made my head spin.  I was forced to latch onto furniture to keep myself upright, but Olga had much more planned for my first day out of bed.

“You may go outside, Joey, but don’t try anything fancy.”

“Yes, Olga.  I won’t consider anything fancy.”

“You sassing me, Boy?”

“No, Olga.  Not at all.”

When she stood from her chair, I raised my hands over my head and waited for her to punish me.  Instead, she laughed and then closed in. 

“Where’d all that spunk go, Joey?  Where’s that fast-mouthed boy you used to be?”

She grabbed the front of my neck and squeezed so tight that I nearly passed out, but just as my legs began to give way, she let go.  That was the end of my first day out of bed, and the bindings were reattached to my wrists.

*

By the time autumn rolled around, Olga needed a different type of entertainment.  Humiliating me was her number one joy in life.  After releasing my left hand from the rawhide, she’d sit back in her chair and nod for me to begin.  At first, I drew back at her request, but she brought out her crop and reminded me who was boss.  Jerking off in front of a woman—or anyone—was close to impossible, and the mortification was overwhelming.  I learned to pretend I was alone in my room and not on show for a deviant’s sick idea of fun.

I’d been buck-naked forever, but that was her plan.  See how low she could take me before I turned into a raving lunatic or found a way to end my life.  Either way, she could have Merle bring her a new plaything, that’s if he ever returned.

Some days were better than others.  Most mornings, my head was clear, but there were times my mind was so fuzzy, I couldn’t focus on anything.  Perhaps it was the lack of food and water.  I was used to a regular schedule a Olga had no concept of when it was time to feed or water her prisoner.

Without wearing a stitch of clothes, she thought I’d never consider running away, but those times my mind was clear, it’s all I could think about.  I didn’t have the strength to mount my horse, much less ride fast enough that she couldn’t catch me, but the day would come, and I’d be so far away from evil that I could try to get my life back, but today wasn’t the day.

For the past two weeks, I’d been allowed out of bed to do basic chores.  Olga would bring a chair from inside the shack and sun herself just outside the front door.  From barn chores to feeding chickens to tending stock in the corral, she’d watch everything I did and make sure my work was up to par.  So far, I hadn’t let her down.

I didn’t know what Olga had in mind, but at the end of the second week, she told me to wash up and she handed me a clean shirt.  I did as she asked, all the while smelling something delightful cooking in the cast iron pot that hung over the fire.  I pictured a big, fat rabbit or even a juicy squirrel with all the fixings.  I’d been hungry for so long, I would’ve settled for polecat.

“Sit down, Joey.”

I did as she asked.  My stomach growled in anticipation.

“I want you to watch and learn.”

“It smells delicious, Olga.”

She pulled the pot from the fire and dished up a large plate of stew.  We hadn’t eaten meat for weeks, and I couldn’t wait to dig in.  After serving herself, the tin plate in front of me held nothing more than a piece of cold bread.  I didn’t understand, but I knew better than to complain.  Nothing was worth twenty lashes.

My eyes grew larger as I watched her shovel the watery stew from the plate to her mouth.  I doubt she even chewed … just swallowed the chunks of meat and roots whole.  I’d never seen a lady swallow food as fast and as heartily as Olga, not even Hoss.  My brother had a healthy appetite, but he had manners.  He never forced a meal down like a banshee.

“You disappoint me, Joey.”

I dropped my head.  What had I done this time?

“I’ve given you every opportunity to please me and you choose to ignore the fact that I’m a woman and you’re a man.  From now on, your rations will be cut in half.  We will start back at the beginning until you learn the proper way to behave.”

“All this because I haven’t pleasured you?  Are you serious?”

“I’m very serious, Joey.”

My blood boiled and I shouted, “My name isn’t Joey!  It’s Joe!  Just Joe!”

Olga stood, picked up her plate, and threw it against the stone fireplace.  The miracle of fresh meat and whatever else she’d cooked slipped down the rocks like a coating of whitewash.  I wanted to cry.  My belly had been empty for so long, I could barely imagine a real meal.

Sleeping in the same bed with Olga was one thing, but carrying on like man and wife was another.  Maybe it shouldn’t have bothered me.  I’d carried on with Julia, and even though Olga was the same general age, there was a world of difference between the two.  Julia was refined and elegant, and Olga was a dirty, flea-bitten hag who exhibited the charm of a rock.

I thought we’d come to an understanding.  I thought we were fine, but I was way off the mark.  I worked my butt off for her, and nothing I’d done had impressed her.  The last thing I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and pretend I wanted more.  If she thought we were going back to day one, I was prepared to fight her all the way. 

“I dare you talk to me like we’re some kind of society equals.  You’ll do as I say and you’ll answer to any name I call you.”

“Not anymore, Lady.  I’m tired of trying to please you, and there’s no way I plan to satisfy any vile cravings you might have.”

Olga’s eyes bulged like flaming beads of fire.  I’d gone too far, but there were times a man had to stand up for himself and fight back.  I didn’t much care if she liked it or not.  When she swung her small carriage whip from behind her back, I raised my arms to protect myself. 

It took me the better part of the day to do simple ranch chores.  I was too weak and in no condition to charge her and knock her flat, and until I grew stronger, she could treat me like trash and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop her.

Slicing through both shirt and flesh, her whip came down hard against my shoulder and back.  Fine streaks of blood would mark the raised tracks on my skin before she would be satisfied and bring a halt to her vicious tirade.  Never in my life had I known such inner torment, and as the beating continued, I let my mind drift to a better time.

In my head, I traveled to a different time and place where my horse ran wild through meadows of tall green grasses and striking wildflowers. Where life was good and people were friendly and kind.   A place that only existed in my mind would help me through Olga’s caustic, despicable sessions.

“A lesson for you, Joey.  Don’t ever disobey me again.”

I turned my back to the woman and fell to my knees, but she moved even closer and let her cat-o-nine-tails do the job she intended.  Tears stung my eyes as the whip shredded the skin of my upper torso.  Just as I was beginning to get my strength back, she took it all away.  She managed to attain her goal and take me back to the beginning.

As much as she enjoyed ripping the hide from my scrawny frame, she cared for my wounds as I gulped for air.  I tried to lie still and keep the burning sensation at bay but as I began to breathe more evenly, I heard her weeping.  Had she marked me so bad that I was hideous to look at?

Cool, wet rags eased the pain in my back and shoulders, but I tried not to imagine the crisscross marks that would brand me Olga’s slave forever.  As my tormentor spread a creamy salve on the open wounds, she mumbled words I couldn’t make out.  If I had to guess, I would say she was speaking Paiute.

She sat next to me throughout the night.   She wiped my tears and held my hand when the pain was too much to bear.  When she tried to cover my back with a soft, linen sheet, I nearly flew off the bed.  Clothing was a long time down the road as was everything else in my life.  My muscles were shattered and my skin was raw.  My will to live faded with every hour that passed.

When I lost control of my bladder, I didn’t have the nerve to tell Olga. She’d realize soon enough, and the pain she could inflict was more than I could handle.  I was just this side of death, and another round of   punishment would signal the end was near.

Chapter 4

“It’s time to stand up, Joey.”

“I don’t think I …”

“Now, Joey!”

I was afraid to say no, but when I tried to push up from the bed, I fell back down with a thud.  Olga wouldn’t be pleased, and I tried again and again until I made it to a seated position.  With labored breaths, I pushed to my feet and reached for the woman who tolerated me one minute and hated me the next.

Every nerve clambered against the next as Olga helped me cross the room.  When she pulled out her whip early on, she only hit me three or four times.  It was nothing compared to the extent of her anger when I lost my temper.  My little tirade set her off something fierce, and there was no way I’d ever pull a stunt like that again.  I’d be the best Joey possible.  I was put on this earth to serve and satisfy the woman who’d taken me under her wing and would teach me everything she thought was worthwhile.

“That’s enough for now, Joey.”

I fell into the nearest chair and blew out a long, deep breath.  I’d walked five feet and was exhausted.  I hadn’t eaten much during my recovery, and the weight loss was becoming more apparent as weeks passed.  I’d built muscle since leaving school, but most of my efforts were lost since I’d been with Olga.  I wasn’t the man I used to be.

She handed me a cup of water.  I was afraid to drink but had no choice except to please my captor.

“Come with me, Joey.”  Olga opened the cabin door and expected me to follow her outside. 

“Now?”  I’d barely caught my breath.

“What do I have to do to make you understand?  Why do I have to explain everything like I was speaking to a five-year-old child?”  

“Olga …”

“Why do you fight me so?”

I stood, but my balance was off and I grabbed the back of the chair.  Olga grew impatient.  I could see hate in her eyes, and I did my best to hurry out the door.  After grabbing my hand, she led me toward the corral.

“We have a lot to do before winter sets in.  I feel it’ll come early this year, and we must be prepared.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“What did you say?”

“Yes, Olga.”

“Do you need another lesson?”

I nearly cowered in reply.  Hadn’t she hurt me enough?

“Joey?”

“No, Olga.”

I never knew what to say.  She had me flustered most of the time.  So much so that I hardly knew my own mind.  All I could do was follow her lead and hope that was enough to keep her happy and calm.

Did she realize my back was still on fire and that another whipping might do me in?  If she wanted a second pair of hands to help her with routine chores then she needed to think twice before pulling the whip from the loop on her belt and whacking me again.

“I want you up early tomorrow morning to finish the chores you should’ve done days ago.  There’s work to be done, Joey, and I won’t tolerate a belligerent attitude.  If you remember me speaking of Davy, you’ll remember that he’s no longer with us.  I don’t want that to be your fate too.”

“Yes, Olga.”

If she thought I was able to put in a full day’s work, she was crazier than I thought.  If she thought I could stand alone for more than five minutes, she was double crazy.  If she hadn’t realized how weak I was … oh, what’s the use?  I won’t get the work done and she’ll beat me again. Should I resign my fate and let her butcher the hell out of me, or did I have other choices?  I saw none.

*

Kicking the frame of the bed was her idea of a wake-up call.  I didn’t much care for her approach, but this was akin to barbaric.  I let my feet drop to the ground and rose slowly.  Every muscle screamed, but I didn’t grimace or grunt.  The less she understood about my condition, the better.  I refused to let her know how much she’d hurt me.

Her mule and Cochise stood side by side, and I fed and watered them both.  At least my horse was available when I was well enough to travel.  Another day or two and I might be good to go.  The shirt she’d found for me to wear had been shredded, but she hauled out a pair of black trousers.  They must’ve been Davy’s or Merle’s, but my belt helped keep them in place.

As the sun dipped behind the mountain peak, Olga called it a day.  My first day back to work had been long and hard, and I was exhausted.  And starving.  The blasted woman didn’t believe in more than one meal a day.

“Stop and wash up before you come inside.”

“Yes, Olga.”

“I don’t fancy you tracking manure and whatever else from God’s green earth inside my cabin.”

“Yes, Olga.”  

Cornbread and beans.  Her food preparation was far from star quality, but I gulped down my meal faster than Hoss ever could.  When I started to rise from the table, Olga had other plans.

“Not yet, Joey.”

I stared at my tormentor, and she stared back.  “I have something special planned for this evening.”

My stomach turned upside down.  I feared the worst.

“Remove those filthy clothes and climb into bed.  Mondays are wash days, and breaking routine is one of God’s deadly sins.  I won’t be accused of sloth.  I’d like to get a head-start on the day’s events, so get a move on.”

I turned my back, and a flash of Amy came to mind.  My sweet, sweet girl.  “Turn your back,” she said before slipping her dress over her shoulders.  If only she could see me now.  The desire for Joe Cartwright would vanish in a flash.

Once I stripped down to nothing, I handed Olga my clothes and hauled my ass toward the bed.  After pulling the quilt over my lower half, I turned to face the wall but …

Olga had other plans and after shedding her own filthy clothes, she pulled back the cover and crawled in behind me.  When her hand skimmed across my broken skin, I tried not to flinch.  And when that same hand slid down my belly and had no intention of stopping, I held my breath in anticipation.  It didn’t matter that I hated the woman or that she was ragged and worn.   My body reacted, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to control it.

“My goodness.  You’re quite a full-grown man, aren’t you?  Davy didn’t compare to what lies between your legs.”

Was that a compliment?  Did she expect me to respond? 

“I envy you, Joey.  You’ve had everything given to you your whole life.  And, with your good looks, I bet you’ve had any girl you ever wanted.  I wasn’t that lucky.  Life’s been hard and Merle figured I deserved  some fun before …”

“You don’t know anything about my life, Olga.  It’s not as pretty a picture as you paint.”

“I know enough to take what I want and let the world be damned.”

“That’s called greed, Olga.  Self-indulgence.  A proper lady wouldn’t act the way you do.”

Bile rose in my throat.  After everything she’d put me through, she didn’t expect me to perform like a trained monkey, did she?  Not only had Olga found what she was looking for, she took me in her hand and had me wishing I’d never been born.

She was quite adept at arousing a man, but just as I was about to come, she pulled her hand away.  She’d played the game before but somehow, I thought tonight might be different.  Nothing but a horrible, bitter woman would keep pushing a man to the brink.

“See what you’re missing, Joey?  If you could lose your prideful ways and see the world from my perspective, we could be such good friends.  Don’t you agree?”

As much as I wanted to wrap my hands around her scrawny neck and squeeze the life out of her, I replied, “Yes, Olga.”

Leaving her arm draped over my waist and hovering too close for comfort, Olga never left the bed.  Perhaps I needed a sadistic reminder about who was in charge.

Chapter 5 

When I woke, she was gone.  A new day had begun, and Olga was nowhere in sight.  Was this my chance?  Though I felt good enough to ride, I didn’t know what might happen if she caught me trying to escape.

That’s when realization hit.  Today was wash day and I didn’t even have Merle’s black pants.  If they were hanging on a line, I didn’t much care if they were wet or dry.  I just wanted to get away.

Chapter 6

The cage behind the cabin served as my new home.  When Olga caught me stepping into wet trousers, she knew what I had planned and brought her whip down hard across unhealed wounds.  Her wrath was uncontrollable, and within seconds, I surrendered to her rage.  The cuts were deep and from the sensation I felt before, it wasn’t hard to realize every gash was long and jagged and would need constant tending if I were to live to the ripe old age of eighteen.

Over the next two days, my only friend was the canteen of tepid water she slipped through the wooden slats.  The nights were cold and my stomach growled something fierce.  Olga kept as far away from me as she could.  She’d never been so mad, and she never came around to nurse my wounds. 

How long could a man go without food?  The woman was barbaric.  I’d thought that once before, and nothing had changed.  She’d come right out of one of Adam’s storybooks.  A witch pretending to be human.  The lowest form of low.

My life had become a living hell and being caged like a wild beast wasn’t why I’d been put on this earth.  My body was tired and broken.  I was as thin as a rail and had the strength of a newborn kitten.  I hated Olga.  I wanted her dead.

By the end of day four, my body began giving out.  I lay on the rocky ground and tried to conserve what little strength I had.  There were no more fantasies about riding Cochise or seeing my family again.  

My life was slipping away.  I knew that now.  Olga’s plan to have all of me or none of me at all was working.  When I didn’t treat her like a proper lady, she wanted me dead, but she’s not the kind of woman any man in his right mind could love.  Just like Davy, she would toss me in the garbage pile and have Merle bring her a new, fresh boy to tend to any way she saw fit.

Book 2

Voices clouded my mind.  There was talk of death and funerals and graveyards.  Were they talking about me?  Had Merle returned?  Though I didn’t know him, I heard a man’s voice and figured it had to be the mystery man who ruled Olga’s life.

Could he be as rotten as Olga?  Could anyone?  I could only wait and see what Merle had in mind   Now that he’d returned, Olga wouldn’t need me around to play with or brutalize with her damn whip.  Maybe Merle would have a calming effect.  Maybe he would turn me loose.  What use was I now?

“You know what to do when he wakes.  Plenty of food and rest.”

“Thanks for coming out.”

The voice was so familiar that I smiled at the dream inside my head.  My father’s deep baritone always made me feel like everything in my world was as it should be, but this time, I knew it wasn’t.  Death had already come.

My family meant the world to me, and I’d miss them.  Hoss and I had been so close that I wondered what he’d do without me.  Adam was a difficult sort and even though he and Hoss shared things, it wouldn’t be the same for my middle brother.  All the inside jokes about older brother would have to be shelved and closed behind a set of double doors.  And then there was Pa.  I hated to think how my disappearance had affected my father.  I hoped he’d mourn my passing then get on with life and not let it change the way he viewed the world.

“Joseph?”

I miss you too, Pa.

“Can you hear me, Son?”

I’m right here, Pa.

“Time to wake up.”

I hear you, Pa.  Loud and clear.

“Please, Son?”

I skimmed my fingertips along the linen sheeting of the casket.  Pa had done a fine job of making eternity pleasant for his youngest son.  I could lay here forever and be happy, but that deep, familiar voice sounded so close and so real.

“Joe.  Little Joe.”

Though my eyelids felt like lead, I managed to push past the annoyance and open my eyes to see everyone in my family staring down at me.  Were we all dead or was this just another dream?

“Hey, Little Joe.”

“Hoss?”

With smiles all around, I started to grin myself.  “What’s going on?”

“You’ve been out for a long time, Joseph.”

“You mean I’m not dead?”

“No, you’re not dead.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, I’m sure.”

“It’s good to have you back, Joe.”

“It’s good to be back, Adam, but I thought I died and now I’m home?  I don’t understand.”

“It’s a long story, Son, but right now you need to sleep.”

My father’s hand rested on my forearm.  With Pa by my side, there’d be no more whips or cages, and no more unwanted fondling.  For the first time in months, I felt safe.  His touch was warm and inviting, not cold and cruel like Olga’s.  Even though I knew it was Pa, something didn’t feel right, and I pulled my arm away.  I tucked it under the covers where I felt safe. 

I hated her for ruining everything I held dear.  She tarnished every memory I had of Amy and Julia and the love we felt for each other.  Could I ever make love to a woman again without picturing that crazy witch in my head?  

My life might be ruined, but my family would never know the extent of abuse Olga put me through.  Between her dry, cracked lips and calloused hands and the way she went after me between the legs were no more than vicious games she found entertaining.  Only her feelings counted.  I was nothing more than a boy toy.  I had been brought up the mountain for her amusement and nothing more.

After sipping a bowl of Hop Sing’s broth, I was back asleep.  I’m not sure how many times that happened before I could sit up in bed and carry on a decent conversation with my father, but I felt the worst was over.

“How do you feel this morning, Son?”

“Better than ever, Pa.”

When I swung my legs over the side of the bed, Pa put an abrupt stop to my going downstairs and being a part of the family.

“Not today, Joseph.”

“But, Pa …”  Not once had I ever fooled my father.

“Maybe tomorrow.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“I thought you might be ready to talk.”

I squirmed before I spoke.  “There’s not much to tell, Pa.  Hey, how’d you find me anyway?”

“You never fail to change the subject, do you, Son?”

I didn’t need to say a word.  Pa knew I was hiding something but he could just sit and wonder.  The truth about Olga and me was closed forever.

“You were taken for ransom by a man named Merle Smith. He demanded five thousand dollars in gold coins but, before I could collect what he wanted, he was gunned down at the Silver Dollar in a dispute over a hand of poker.  We didn’t know where he’d taken you, but the sheriff pulled a posse together and we searched the entire countryside for over two weeks. 

“Roy had to let our friends and neighbors get back to their families, so your brothers and I were on our own for the duration.  There were a few times during the heavy spring rains that we had to stop looking altogether.  You can’t imagine how miserable it was to sit inside the house doing nothing but as soon as the sky cleared, we were able to head out  again.”

“How did you find the cabin?”

“A stroke of luck, Son.”

“Go on.”

“After months of combing miles of terrain, your brothers and I were exhausted and talked about starting for home.  One more night on the trail and that would be the end of our search.  Though I never wanted to give you up for dead, the time had come to turn back.

We followed a narrow trail until Hoss heard the sound of water bubbling down below.  We turned our mounts and about halfway down the mountain, we came upon a cabin and a woman standing outside the door pointing a shotgun straight at us. 

“What you doing on my land, Mister?”

“We don’t mean no harm, Ma’am.  Just passing through.”

It never occurred to me that you might be holed up with someone like her, but Hoss had other ideas.  After riding some distance away, your brother stopped Adam and me and glanced back over his shoulder.

“I’m gonna circle around back, “he said.  I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I’ve learned over the years never to doubt his instincts.”

“Are you saying Hoss is the reason I’m home?”

“That’s right, Son.  Without your brother, Adam and I would have ridden on down the mountain and never known you were caged behind that cabin.”

I should’ve known Hoss would never let me down, but I was afraid to ask about Olga.  I figured they had to kill her to get me out of there, but I didn’t need to hear the gruesome details.  She was part of my past, and I needed to bury the memories as deep as possible.  

Pa wasn’t one to push, and he left any talk of rescue and Olga behind.  “How about some lunch, Joseph?”

“Sounds good, Pa.”

Chapter 2

Doc said I could do light chores and try to gain back my strength.  I was all for moving forward, but my old maid aunts chose to hang around me all day long.  It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy their company, but I wasn’t a kid who had to be watched day and night.

“Let me help you with that, Little Joe.  Let me get that for you, Buddy.” 

I wanted to scream but they were right.  I couldn’t even lift my own saddle. By mid-morning that first day, Pa suggested I come inside and rest.  There was no good reason to fight my father and I followed him back to the house.  I’d become a worthless human being, and most ranch work was out of the question.

Rather than crawling into bed as Pa wanted, I stretched out on the settee and napped all afternoon.  By the time my brothers were done with their day’s work, I felt my father’s hand on my shoulder.

“It’s time for supper, Son.”

I slept for hours, and I was still tired.  Though I’m not sure what normal was anymore, I wondered how long it would take before I could pull my weight on the ranch.  Neither brother had said anything, but I felt sure there’d been talk between them.  After moving my feet to the floor, I struggled past the urge to skip dinner altogether and fall back to sleep.  Though I don’t remember ever being this tired at Olga’s, I sure was exhausted now. 

My brothers beat me to the table.  No surprise there but working up an appetite wasn’t easy.  Pa would expect me to clean my plate, and that was more than I could do.  Disappointing my family was the last thing on my mind, but I could see the look in their eyes.  My movements were slow and deliberate, and they watched every move I made.  The only comfort I could manage was lying in bed with the door closed.

“Ain’t you gonna eat none of your supper?”

“I’m not very hungry tonight, Hoss.”

Although everyone could see I’d only swirled Hop Sing’s meal around on my plate, Hoss was the only one to comment.  Pa and Adam chose to keep their thoughts to themselves and for that, I was grateful.  I was in no mood to be treated like a child.

“May I be excused?”

“Are you sure, Son?”

“Yes, Sir.  Good night.”

I doubt they waited to discuss my behavior.  They’d fret and carry on like I had some dreadful disease with no cure in sight, but they were way off the mark.  I just needed time alone.  I needed time to think.  I wanted to forget, and my family was nothing more than a reminder of the last eight months of my life.  I should’ve been home with them, not with a crazy witch who had no regard for anyone’s feelings but her own.

Life with Olga changed me.  Little Joe was gone, and someone I didn’t much care for had taken his place.  It wasn’t just the malicious way her hands roamed my body.  I craved my father’s touch.  I always had, but I couldn’t let him put his hand on my arm or rest his palm on my shoulder and drive the pain away.  It felt so wrong, but I missed those days.

Not that I was innocent before I was taken.  Julia and I didn’t sit and play checkers all night, but things were different with Olga.  She initiated a sick form of sex that was to her liking only.  My job was to ignore the fact that every time she took hold and brought me to the brink, I lost a bit more of myself that I’d never get back.

I curled on my side.  No longer were my wrists and ankles strapped to the bed, but comfort didn’t come easy.  The clean, linen sheets and soft feather pillow should’ve been enough to ease me to sleep, but always behind my eyelids was Olga.  I waited for her to crawl in behind me.  I clenched my teeth when I thought her hand would slide across my hip and take hold.  Praying I wouldn’t shout out from one of the many nightmares that plagued me after my return home, I feared closing my eyes and lay awake most of the night. 

I felt so alone.  My time with Olga was over but I kept reliving each day I spent with her.  Nothing about that time was normal and when I look back, I felt embarrassed that I didn’t do more to keep her hands off me.

It didn’t take long before my father knocked on my bedroom door.  “May I come in?”

“Yeah, come in.” 

I threw my pillow behind me and sat up in bed.  After turning my desk chair toward the bed, Pa sat down and folded his hands in his lap.  He planned to stay for a while.

“Thought you might want to talk.”

I shrugged my shoulders.  “There’s not much to talk about.  I was kidnapped then I was rescued.  End of story.”

“It’s not the end, Joseph.  It’s only the beginning.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  When I was lying or not telling the entire truth, Pa was a master at making me feel uncomfortable.

“I think you know.”

Making the decision to keep quiet about my time away was a plan I vowed not to break.  Olga was my business and no one else’s.

“There’s not much to say except she wasn’t generous with food and if I upset her, she pulled out her whip or put me in the cage.”

“That’s all that happened?”

“Yep.  Pretty much.”

Pa uncrossed his legs and leaned forward.  “I doubt you remember much about Merle, but he’s a talker, and he mentioned something about Olga when he demanded your ransom.”

“I never met Merle.”

“He’s the one who hit the back of your head and knocked you out.  He’s the one who dragged you up the mountain to Olga for safekeeping.”

“Fine.”

“He said something else, Joseph.”

“He’s a kidnapper, Pa.  He’s probably a liar too.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I swear.  There’s nothing more to tell.”

“All right, Son.”  Pa stood from the chair.  “Get a good night’s sleep.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

On Saturdays, we always put in a half day.  That gave us time to clean up and go to town.  If Adam had a steady gal, that left Hoss and me and sometimes Pa to belly up to the bar or find a table for three.  This was one of those nights.  Adam had a date with Marianne, and Pa was hankering for a beer.  Though I would’ve been happy to stay home, that wasn’t the plan.  The three of us tied our mounts outside the Silver Dollar and headed inside.

“Make it three,” Hoss called down to Sam the barkeep.

Three glasses of beer slid down the varnished, wooden bar and came to rest right in front of us.  The three of us gulped the first one down in unison.

“Three more, Sam.  Let’s see if we can find a table, Boys.”

What with me coming home, and all the regular chores that had to be put off while my family searched, it had been a long week and my father was ready to relax.

Though I kept my head down, trying not to be seen and put up with well-wishers, there were those who sought me out and welcomed me home.  Because I had no other choice, I thanked everyone who came by our table.

“It’s good to be home.”

I must have repeated that line at least ten times.  Though I slid down in my seat, Sally Ann caught my eye and headed our way.  She was the last person I wanted to see.

“Little Joe Cartwright!”

I had no choice.  I had to do the gentlemanly thing and stand up, but every nerve was on fire.  “Hi, Sally Ann.  It’s good to see you.”

And then it happened.  She locked her fingers behind my neck and pressed herself against me.  But before I could calm her down, her lips were on mine, and that’s when panic set in. 

“NO!”  I shouted.  “Don’t touch me!”

I hurried out of the saloon and buried my face in Cooch’s neck.  My fingers clutched his silky mane like a lifeline to my old self, a man who no longer existed.  If my father didn’t know before, he knew now, and humiliation soared through me.

Pa knew better than to put his hand on my shoulder.  He knew I’d squirm or run away.  “Let’s go home, Joe.”

Nothing was said that night, but I knew it was coming and sleep evaded me.  I curled into a fetal position and wrapped my arms around my legs.  I wasn’t prepared for the tremors that wracked my body.  Even as a kid, I’d never let my nerves take hold like a sadistic bully.  By sunrise, I was exhausted.

I waited for Hoss to wake me.  Somehow, that had become his job, but the longer I waited, the more it came to me.  If I was ever to become a man, I had to face what Olga had done to me.   I needed to initiate the conversation and tell the family what had happened up on that mountain.

“It won’t take long,” I said after we all gathered around the fireplace.  “I need to tell you about Olga …”

The truth never takes long to tell, and when all was said and done, the weight I carried had been lifted.  My shame was out in the open and in time, I might feel normal again.

Book 3  One year later.

I drew the short stick.  Though I couldn’t be sure, I thought my brothers had something to do with the selection of matches.  In a way, I was anxious to be out on my own. 

My recovery took time, and my father took every opportunity to hover close by.  Even my brothers had been given orders to keep a watchful eye, but having no time to myself grew tiresome, and I hovered on a short fuse most of the time.

After loading the packhorse with supplies, I was off to replenish our line shacks.  The look in my father’s eyes was worrisome, but that was the case when any of his sons left the ranch for an extended period.  Pa was a worrier, but there was no need for worry.  My brothers had done the job for years without incident.  I needed to prove I could too.

The shacks were ten miles apart, and I had quite a few to fill.  Most were in the mountains and only one or two were built in the flatlands.  It would take a day to ride from one to the next so I would spend the night in each one.  Even though Hop Sing packed some of my favorites, my stomach was still overwhelmed by three meals a day.

The first three nights went as smoothly as could be.  I told Pa not to worry, but as I rode down the mountain to the fourth, Cochise slipped on loose shale.  We didn’t fall, but with a sore front leg, I could no longer ride.  I was forced to lead Cooch and the pack horse down side by side.

With both hands occupied, I was at the mercy of a man who came out of the woods holding a shotgun aimed straight at me.

“I don’t have much, Mister, but you’re welcome to take whatever you need.”

He was an odd sort.  With his well-worn hat pulled low on his forehead, he didn’t say a word but motioned me down the steep hill with his gun.  I wasn’t a fool and did as he asked.  I’d overpower him later.  I didn’t want to cause Cooch unnecessary harm.  The fourth line shack was in sight, and I led both mounts until I could tie them to the hitch rail.

“What now?”

The gun was his voice, and he motioned toward the only door.

“All right.”

I flopped down on the edge of the cot.  Walking in riding boots had to be one of the worst things in the world.  My feet were sore and I was thirsty.

“Mind if I get my canteen?”

The shotgun stayed pointed and with his free hand, he removed his hat.  I hoped my eyes were deceiving me, but I knew they weren’t.

“It’s been a long time, Joey.”

“I thought you were dead.”

Olga smiled.  Her missing and blackened teeth brought back memories of my time spent in hell. 

“I’m alive and well, Joey.”

I froze like a child who feared goblins lived under his bed, and whose family was too far away to save him from the terrors he’d experienced before.  Nothing had changed.  She still had her knife and cat-o-nine-tails attached to her belt, and she was still as crazy as ever.

“Remove the gun belt, Joey, and do it carefully.  You don’t want me to slip up and pull the trigger, do you?”

The woman was out of her mind and killing me wouldn’t phase her at all.  She put an end to Davy’s life and if she did the same thing to me, she’d just move on to number three and not think a thing about it.

This time, I knew the ropes, and I’d be damned if I’d let her hold me prisoner again.  I was older and smarter, and I knew what she had in store.  This time, I’d fight to the death, and this time, I’d win.

“Keep going, Joey.  You know what I like, and what I want to see.”

“Not this time, Lady.  I’m done playing games.”

Olga stepped closer and leveled her shotgun just inches from my face.  I knew what a scattergun could do at close range, and a chill ran down my spine, but I refused to take off my clothes or let her grab at me.

“You disappoint me, Joey.  Maybe a little rock salt will change your mind.”

If she shot at my face, my life would be ruined.  When she steadied her finger on the trigger, I knocked the barrel down and the blast nearly shattered my eardrum.  My leg was on fire.  The pellets had caught part of my left shin before digging a hole in the floor.

Some kind of craziness came over me, and I nailed the woman with the butt of the shotgun.  Some might call it self-defense.  Some might say it was downright murder. 

It was never my intention to kill her though I’m not sure what the alternative would have been.  If I’d taken her into Roy Coffee, could I have explained everything he needed to know for a conviction?  Even if I went with kidnapping only, Olga might’ve run her mouth and told the jury everything that happened.  The bitch was wicked enough to put a curse on the rest of my life.

I buried her behind the cabin in an unmarked grave.  It’s the best I could do.  My thoughts were unkind, and no words were said.

Before returning home, I had a decision to make.  Should I keep my mouth shut, or should I lay it all out on the line?  My father lived by the law.  He never strayed, and his sons were expected to do the same.

Would my family find me unbearable to look at—a murderer standing alongside upright citizens?  I wasn’t even halfway done filling the shacks, so I had plenty of time to think.

Chapter 2

Sleep didn’t come easy.  My leg throbbed making the next few nights rough, but the daylight hours seemed worse.  Nothing but Olga’s demise crossed my mind.  I never saw the beauty of the pines or heard the sweet, melodic sound of birdsong.

Cooch had healed enough to carry me from place to place without favoring his front leg.  I didn’t push; we took it slower than usual.  I’d return home a few days later than planned, but it couldn’t be helped.

By the time I’d finished the final cabin, the sacks on my packhorse were empty, and a feeling of relief washed over me.  I’d completed the task with only one minor incident and decision time was near.  What in God’s name should I tell my father?

I rode late into the night, slipped into the barn, and took care of both mounts.  I could’ve made camp and returned in daylight hours, but I was dog-tired, and riding on home seemed a better option.  When I finished tending the horses, I sat down on an upturned barrel.

I didn’t see the light come on in the house or the man standing in the doorway of the barn pointing a revolver.  “Joseph?”

I raised my hands in surrender.  “Don’t shoot me, Pa.”

“Why in blazes are you sitting out here in the middle of the night?”

“Thinking.”

Pa had carried his gun belt out with him and slid his gun back inside the holster.

“May I suggest you come inside to do your thinking?”

I could’ve stood, walked into the house with Pa, and said nothing but after looking into my father’s eyes, I’d be telling him the whole miserable truth before sun-up.

“Joe?  Is something on your mind?”

“Yeah.  I’ll tell you everything once we’re inside.”  

I slid my hand across Pa’s shoulder and his hand came around my waist.  I didn’t flinch or pull away.  I was home, and I was safe, and the chapter of my life with Olga was over.

The End

8 – 2023