The Truth Hurts

by Oxgirl

~~~

Chapter 1

“Help!  Hoss!  He’s dead, he’s dead!  Please, Joe’s dead!” 

In an instant, those words chilled me to the bone like iced water being poured down my back.  My heart pounding in my chest, I flung the axe I was holding aside and rushed over to the boy.  He’d collapsed into the dirt after throwing himself from his horse and was panting hard, tears streaking his face. 

“Jamie! Jamie!” I grabbed both his arms and shook him to try to get his attention, but he just hung limp as a rag doll and didn’t look up.  Pa, having heard my shouts, had run from the house to join us and he quickly crouched down beside me, placing a calming hand on my arm. 

Lifting the boy’s chin until he was facing us, Pa spoke urgently and firmly, a slight catch in his voice betraying his fear, “What’s happened, Jamie?  Calm down and tell me what’s happened.  Where’s Joe?”

“He’s sh-shot, Mr. Cartwright, I think he’s d-dead, I’m s-s-sor…” Jamie managed before dropping his head into his hands.

“Who?  Jamie, who shot him?”  I was shouting now and I shook him harder than I’d intended.  It seemed to snap him out of it and he stared directly at me, his eyes wide. 

“A m-man, a man shot him,” he blurted, before dropping his head once more.  I dragged him to his feet, “Come on Jamie, you need to take us to him.”

Candy wasted no time hitching the team for us, while one of the men sped off into town to fetch Doc Martin and Sheriff Coffee.  Grabbing blankets and pillows from inside, me and Pa worked fast, leaving Jamie cowering on his knees.  The boy was obviously in shock.  

I wouldn’t believe that Joe was dead.  I just couldn’t.  

White-faced, Pa climbed up silently into the back of the supply wagon and, shoving Jamie up into the seat ahead of me, I clambered up beside him and shucked the horses into action.

Jamie pointed the way and, wheels and hooves clattering noisily against the parched ground, we made our way as quickly as we could.  It had been a long, hot summer, hotter than anyone could remember, and the cooler air as summer finally turned to fall was welcome, but we still needed rain, and lots of it. 

Clinging on tightly, Jamie stared grimly ahead, the look of pure terror in his eyes chilling me to the bone.  We’d get more details out of him later, but right now I needed to find my brother.

*****

He was lying propped up against a broken fence, his head lolling to the side resting against the post, his arms lying limply at his sides.  His legs were stuck straight out in front of him and he looked to all the world as if he was taking a nap after a hard afternoon of fixing fence.  But he was far too still. 

I could see the brightness of the blood against his green jacket before I’d even jumped down, and me and Pa both sat frozen just for a moment, too afraid to run to him, before snapping out of it and scrambling down to his side.  Jamie remained where he was, his head hung low.

We could see straight off that he was breathing and exchanged quick glances, the relief on Pa’s face no doubt mirroring my own.  Joe’s breaths sounded labored though, too fast and shallow, and it was clear that he was hurt bad. 

Pa gently rolled his head towards us, but Joe’s eyes were tight closed, a slight frown on his brow.  Tearing open Joe’s shirt, Pa exposed the ugly rifle wound in his upper chest, grimacing at the amount of blood we could see still oozing. 

Passing some rags I’d packed along with the blankets to Pa, he quickly put them to use, pressing down hard against the wound.  There was no reaction from Joe at all. 

“Joe?  Can you hear me, Joe?” 

“He can’t hear you, Pa,” I said gently, as we exchanged frightened looks.

“Hoss, you and me will pick him up.”  “Yessir.”  “Jamie, you come around and support his head while we lift him.”  He’d raised his voice so that the boy would hear him, but there was no response from the wagon.  “Jamie!” Pa shouted more urgently, and the boy jumped as if woken from a trance. 

Crouching down on either side of him, we both slipped our arms behind each of Joe’s shoulders and knees and lifted him as steadily and as gently as we could.  Joe let out a tiny groan as we raised him off the ground and then fell silent again. 

Working as a team, we carried him carefully towards the wagon, Jamie trying his best to support his lolling head as we went.  Clambering up into the back, we maneuvered him onto the pillows and made him as comfortable as possible, tucking the blankets around him tightly before getting underway. 

Travelling in the back with Joe, Pa tried to steady him as best as he could whilst still maintaining pressure on the wound to try to quell the bleeding.  It was a long, slow ride.

Joe hadn’t made a sound the entire journey and I couldn’t help but glance back every now and then to check on him.  As rapid as his breathing was, I just needed to see his chest rising and falling to reassure myself that he was still with us.

We were all mighty relieved to get back to the yard, where several men rushed to help us lift him carefully down and carry him upstairs to his bed.

Chapter 2

I hated to leave, but I was of no use to Doc Martin, who had arrived along with the sheriff not long after we had.  Besides, I had work to do.  I needed to find the man who had done this to my little brother, and I needed to find him now. 

Leaving Pa upstairs helping the doc to tend to Joe’s wound, me and Candy set off with Roy back to the area where we’d found Joe.

*****

 “With the ground so dry and dusty, Hoss, it’s hard to make out any clear tracks at all,” said Roy as he walked carefully around the area examining the ground. 

“Yeah, I can see there have been several horses here, but I couldn’t swear how many or which way this man went.” 

We decided to split up, me and Candy heading off towards the rocks, while Roy set off to follow the trail back towards town.  We agreed to meet back at his office later that evening, and Roy would, in the meantime, try to gather more men willing to help pick up the search with us in the morning. 

*****

It had been a long and fruitless afternoon.  We were tired and dusty and any hopes of getting back in time for supper were long forgotten, as we slumped heavily into hard chairs in Roy’s office.  Apparently, no strangers had been reported in town, and the only thing me and Candy had seen during our search was signs of a campfire a few days old, but that had been several miles from where Joe had been found.

After agreeing to restart the search in the morning with the men he had recruited, we left Roy and headed for home; maybe some of Hop Sing’s ruined supper could be salvaged.

But feelings of dread began to eat into me, robbing me of my appetite, the nearer we got to home.  I was afraid of what I might find when we got there.

*****

As me and Candy trudged wearily through the front door, unbuckling our gun belts and hanging up our hats, all was quiet.  Too quiet.  The only sound was the ticking of the grandfather clock, a sound which usually filled me with a sense of reassurance but today only seemed to enhance the silence. 

Walking over to the settee, Candy picked up Joe’s rifle, which someone had propped up against it.  During all the confusion and chaos when we’d brought Joe home, somebody must have brought it into the house and left it there.  Joe loved that rifle.  I smiled at the memory of how pleased as punch he had been to win it from Adam after a horse race all those years ago.  How long ago was that?  Eight years? 

Admiring it as he carried it to the rack, Candy flipped it open.  “One round fired,” he said, bringing me back to the reality of today.  I opened my mouth to comment, when I heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see the doc rolling down his sleeves as he walked wearily down.

“He’s in a bad way, Hoss.  I’m sorry.” 

On hearing the doc’s grave tone, my legs seemed to fail me and I dropped heavily onto the settee.

“The bullet hit him high in the chest on the right side and he’s lost a lot of blood.  I won’t know if his lung has been damaged for a while yet, but at the moment he doesn’t appear to be having too much difficulty breathing.” 

“Has he said anything, doc?”

“No, he hasn’t given any signs of regaining consciousness at all yet, I’m afraid.  We’ll just have to wait.  I’ll come back in the morning.  Try and get some rest, all of you.”

Chapter 3

“I dunno, Pa, something just ain’t right about it.  It just don’t sit right with me.”

We were sitting side by side in Joe’s room, our chairs pulled up close to his bed.  The curtains were drawn against the morning sun, the lamp turned down low.  I lowered my voice so as not to disturb my brother, although he wasn’t hearing anything we were saying, that was for certain. 

“Sure wish he’d wake up.”  Pa didn’t respond.  He didn’t need to. 

It had been a long night.  Joe was holding his own, but he’d shown no signs of stirring yet, and we were getting more worried the longer it went on.  After picking at my own breakfast, I’d brought fresh coffee up to Pa, along with a sandwich which Hop Sing had made for him.  Our cook wouldn’t be pleased to see both sitting untouched.

Pa grunted and leaned forward to dip the washcloth he was holding into the bowl of cool water on the bedside table.  Squeezing it out, he placed it gently onto Joe’s forehead.  Resting my elbows on my knees, I frowned at my little brother’s stillness.  With his face turned slightly towards us, the fine sheen of sweat and the slight flush to his cheeks was clear to see in the lamplight.  Pa removed the cloth and cooled it in the bowl once more.  He’d been doing this all night.

“Well, you don’t think the boy is lying, surely?” he asked suddenly, his weary voice snapping me out of my dark thoughts.  Sighing, I rubbed at my stiff neck and shook my head.

“I don’t know Pa, it’s just … well, why would someone just up and shoot Joe for no reason and then ride off like that?  Surely he wouldn’t just leave Jamie as a witness.  It don’t make no sense.”

Wringing out the cloth once more, Pa dabbed Joe’s cheeks gently before laying it back on his brow.  Leaning back heavily in his chair he let out a long breath, shaking his head slowly.  He looked plumb wore out.  Patting his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, I got up and left him to his vigil.

*****

“Jamie, tell me again what happened, so I can get it clear in my mind.”

The boy flinched at my words, spinning around to face me, his eyes huge.  He had been sitting by the woodpile staring at the ground when I’d gone out to find him and he looked like he hadn’t slept much, if at all.  I hadn’t seen him eat any breakfast either.  Turning away again quickly, he lowered his eyes back to the ground. 

“I told you what happened, Hoss, why do you want me to keep saying it over and over?” 

His face was red and screwed up in distress and I could see that he’d been crying.  Wiping his nose with the back of his hand, a habit which reminded me of Joe, he sighed heavily, fighting to get control.

“Some stranger shot Joe and-and then he just rode off.  That’s all,” he finished with a shrug. 

Crouching down opposite him, I leaned forward so I could look the boy in the face.  “But Jamie, we can’t find no trace of him.  Is there anything else you can tell us about him, are you sure you didn’t recognize him?” 

His suddenness surprising me, he jumped up and stormed away, shouting as he went, “NO Hoss, I said I didn’t recognize him, I said so, didn’t I?” before breaking into a run.

Chapter 4

“Joe wasn’t shot from above, Hoss.”

Me and the doc were sat downstairs drinking coffee after he had checked on Joe.  Pa was still sitting with him, waiting for any sign that he was coming back to us.  I’d take him up some coffee in a moment. 

“Are you sure, doc?”  Frowning over the rim of his coffee cup at me, he shook his head slowly.

“It’s just … you didn’t mention that before.  From what Jamie said, it seemed as if the shooter had shot Joe from his saddle not from the ground.”

“That’s not what I saw, Hoss.  The angle the bullet entered his chest suggests the man couldn’t have shot downwards.  Unfortunately, I’ve seen enough bullet wounds to know the difference.” 

Placing my cup on the table, I stood up and shoved my hands into my pockets and stared down blindly at the embers in the fire.  It just didn’t make sense.  Frowning, I turned back to the doc, “How can that be, doc?”  Shrugging, he picked up his coat, getting ready to leave. 

As I paced up and down, Joe’s beloved rifle caught my eye.  I picked it out of the rack and held it in my hands, appreciating the weight of it.  I recalled then how I’d found it lying on the ground about 15 or 20 feet from where Joe was lying, not far from where him and Jamie would have hitched their horses.  I’d forgotten about that.  I’d scooped it up and thrown it into the back of the wagon. 

But why was it lying on the ground?  I hadn’t wondered about that until now.  And what had Candy said about Joe’s rifle earlier?  Yes, that was it, he’d said it had been fired once!  Who had Joe been shooting at and why was the rifle so far away from him?  Had he dropped it and ran?  According to Jamie, the man had come out of nowhere, shot Joe and then rode away. 

Maybe seeing Jamie had scared the man away?  Maybe he was planning to rob Joe, but panicked?

But Jamie hadn’t said that he or Joe had shot at the man.  So why was there one bullet fired? 

“Paul! Paul!”  Pa’s frantic voice startled us both and we looked up to see him standing at the top of the stairs, a fearful look on his face.  Grabbing his bag from the table, the doc headed as fast as he could up the stairs.  I let him go on ahead, he was needed more than I was.

When I got to Joe’s doorway, they were both leaning over his bed.  I could hear Joe mumbling and groaning from where I stood and his legs beneath the bed covers were jerking restlessly.  As I moved cautiously to the foot of his bed, I saw that he was tossing his head from side to side on the pillow. 

Holding onto Joe’s shoulders, trying to prevent his writhing from opening up the doc’s work, Pa was trying his best to quiet Joe, speaking softly to him.  I don’t think Joe could hear him though and, although his eyes were half open, I don’t think he could see him either.

Feeling more helpless than I’d ever felt in my life, I turned and walked out of the room.  I couldn’t bear to see my brother suffering like this.

Chapter 5

“Jamie, is this the man who shot Joe?” 

I’d taken Jamie into Virginia City to take a look at the man Roy had picked up.  It had been two days since Joe was shot and, after many hours spent searching the area, we had come up with nothing.  No leads, nothing. 

But yesterday evening, Roy had spoken to a neighbor of ours who’d come into town.  He’d told him about a drifter he had seen passing close to our land.  The man had been seen shooting rabbits and evidence of another campfire had been found nearby.  Riding out to take a look early this morning, Roy had found the man and brought him in.  Apparently, he hadn’t put up much of a fight.  His rifle was old and hadn’t been cleaned in a long time, but it had been fired recently and Roy had held him until Jamie could come in to identify him. 

Standing near the bars with his head down, Jamie fiddled with the brim of his hat, refusing to look up.  I took a step closer to him, my fists clenched at my sides.  “Jamie, go on and take a look at the feller,” I urged.  I was keyed up and anxious.  If this was the man, I was ready to tear those bars apart so I could get ahold of him. 

Raising his head slowly, Jamie took a fleeting glance at the man and then quickly turned away.  Obviously down on his luck, the feller was skin and bone, his hair and long beard were dirty and bedraggled and his clothes near rags.  He’d been shoveling food into his mouth as we’d walked in, but his hand had frozen with the fork halfway to his lips, and he stared at us, his eyes full of fear. 

“I-I don’t know, Hoss.  I don’t think so.”  Grabbing the boy roughly by the arm I shook him and dragged him outside. 

“You don’t THINK so?!  I’m asking you if this is the man you saw shoot and nearly kill Joe and you say you don’t THINK so?  You barely even looked at the feller!” I was mad, and I just couldn’t understand the boy.  Either it was the man or it wasn’t. 

*****

After a silent lunch, where much of the food had gone to waste, I tried to spell out my confusion and frustration to Pa.  He was slumped in the blue chair taking a short break while Hop Sing sat with Joe and he looked exhausted.  Jamie was nowhere to be seen.

Joe had had a better night, but he still wasn’t showing any signs of waking and we were all tetchy with exhaustion and worry.  We’d tried to get some liquid into him, but he hadn’t been able to swallow, so Pa had had to content himself with holding damp washcloths to his lips in the hope that he might come to enough to suck some of the moisture from them.  It hadn’t happened yet though.

“The boy’s scared, Hoss,” sighed Pa, leaning his head back against the chair and closing his eyes.  “Maybe he panicked and didn’t get a proper look at the man.  Or maybe he hid when the man shot Joe and he didn’t actually see him like he said he did.  Maybe he’s too embarrassed to tell us in case we think he let Joe down, or that he’s a coward.”

“Maybe, Pa, but I don’t think that’s it.” 

Looking at me, I could see the sadness in his eyes.  “Go easy on him, Hoss, he’s been through a lot.  He could have been shot too you know.” 

It was no good, I couldn’t get Pa to see why I doubted Jamie’s word.  Heck, I couldn’t even really put my finger on the reason myself and it wasn’t fair on Pa, he had enough to worry about. 

It was just a feeling I had, something wasn’t adding up.  Maybe it was me, maybe I WAS being too hard on the kid?  No!  I knew in my heart that he was hiding something.  I knew he was lying and I had had enough.

*****

“You KNOW who shot Joe, don’t you Jamie?” 

I wasn’t going to let him go until I had the truth.  I’d marched straight up to his room after speaking to Pa and had found him lying on his bed, one arm bent up covering his eyes. 

“You recognized the man, didn’t you?  Who was it?” I barked, stepping nearer to the bed, “Who are you trying to protect, Jamie?  If it wasn’t that drifter, who was it?  JAMIE?!” 

I was bombarding him with questions and he was refusing to answer any of them.  He just lay there grimacing, and I was getting madder.  My heart was racing and I could feel the heat color my cheeks.  After still no response, I leaned over and grabbed his arm, pulling it away from his eyes.

“Look at me Jamie!!  And answer me.  NOW!” 

Suddenly, Jamie leapt up from his bed and lurched towards me.  Flinging both hands out wildly towards me, he shoved me as hard as he could in the chest and screamed in my face. 

“It was ME Hoss, I shot him!  It was ME!” 

And then he was gone. 

Chapter 6

I caught up with him by the stream, he’d fallen or thrown himself down and was lying on his front sobbing into the dust.  Slowing to a walk, I approached and, after kicking at the dirt with my boot for a moment, I sat down next to him and waited for him to quiet. 

“Tell me, Jamie.”

Sitting up slowly, he met my eyes for the first time since this had happened and took a long, ragged breath. 

“Joe was kneeling down looking at the base of a post which had rotted through.” 

“Go on,” I prompted when he paused.  “I-I…,“ but he’d petered out, his words drying up.  Taking a slow breath of my own, I lowered my voice.

“Jamie, it’s okay.  Tell me what happened.”

“There was a rattlesnake,” he blurted.  “It came out of nowhere.  There wasn’t time … I tried to shout out a warning.  Joe stood up and spun around and looked at me … it happened so fast!” 

He looked away and continued, his voice so soft that I had to lean forward to hear him.  I could see that he was reliving what had happened in his mind. 

“I was standing near the horses, I’d gone to get the canteen.  I grabbed Joe’s rifle and I turned back to run and shoot the snake, but-but I tripped and-and the gun went off.  It went off.”  He was crying again now, gasping for breath between sobs, his chest heaving. 

“Joe’s going to die, isn’t he?  He’s going to die and it’s all my fault!” 

I could think of nothing to say.  I let him sob until he was all cried out and then, pulling him to his feet, we walked back to the house in silence.  The kid was wrung out and he hung his head to his chest all the way.

As we stepped silently into the house, Pa was there waiting for us.  Looking up, I caught the slight smile on his lips, something I hadn’t seen in days. 

“Joe woke up!  He took some water and has gone back to sleep.”  He looked like he’d been holding his breath for days and could finally let it out.

Relief washed over me in an instant and, grabbing Pa’s shoulders, I squeezed and we grinned at each other, our eyes glistening with tears.  Jamie had dropped heavily onto the settee and lowered his head into his hands.  Our smiles evaporating, me and Pa exchanged glances. 

“Jamie has something to tell you, Pa.”

I went up to see my brother.

*****

“I thought you’d hate me, I thought that if I told you the truth you’d send me away.  I saw the hatred in your eyes for the man you thought had shot Joe and I couldn’t bear the thought that you would look at me like that.  I’m sorry, Hoss, I’m so sorry.” 

It would take me some time, but I would forgive Jamie.  Not for shooting Joe, no, I’d already forgiven him for that.  That was an accident, heck, even brothers can have accidents like that!  No, it was the lie that was harder for me to forgive.  In our family we just don’t do that and, if he’s going to be a part of this family, Jamie needed to understand that. 

Looking down at him slumped on the settee from where I stood with one foot on the table, I could see the fear in his eyes, the fear that I might hate him, or that Joe or Pa might.  I tried to smile to reassure him, but I don’t think I was very convincing. 

Pa had found it easier to forgive Jamie, after he had gotten over the shock of finding out the truth, and I knew that Joe would too.  It would take me a little longer though.  But I would try.

He was frozen, staring at me, anxiety and pain etched across his young face.  Something inside me melted and, this time, a more genuine smile spread across my face.

“Why don’t you go on up and sit with Joe.” 

The End.

[June 2022]

Episodes referenced: The Hayburner and My Brother’s Keeper.